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    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

Yoy21

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lifeless said:
:rofl: does geico cover for tanks who have been wrecked by AT guns? :p
Not only that, but it also creates a good cover story, and awards the tanker money that is equal to the AT guns price + the tank's damage. It's a good buy, really. :)

Very nice and funny so far. Looking forward to see Rommel travel across the sea to Africa
Thanks! I hope he makes it too, don't want to be back in Frogland Prison.

Very funny Yoy21. How will Rommel cross the sea to africa?? Rubber Dinghy?
It will seem like a dinghy, but...well, you'll see soon enough.
 

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Heading over to Africa on a rubber ducky boat, Rommel eyed the coastline of Africa. It was...sandy. And over to the left was...more sand. This was boring.

Upon landing on the coast, some Italian soldiers greeted him.

Italian soldier 1: Hello-a sir! You-a must-a-be Rommel?

Rommel: Yes-a. I mean, yes, I am.

IS 1: Welcome-a to-a Africa-a. It is-a very hot-a place-a.

Rommel: I noticed. Where is the HQ?

IS 1: Um-a....we-a don't-a have an HQ-a. We don't-a even have-a a General-a.

Rommel: What? Well, how have you been surviving for so long?

IS 1: Our-a mustachios have-a solar power-a. It-a keeps us going-a, and going-a, and-

Rommel: Very well. Now, bring everyone over here, on the double.

IS 1: Yes-a sir.

The soldier aimed away from Rommel, and yelled "HEY EVERYONE!!!! OVER HERE!!!!!", and thousands of billions of Mustaches and Soldiers appeared.

ROmmel: JEEZ!! I mean, hello. I've heard that you need a general, and fight like crap. Well, here I am. Do you have any tanks?

soldier: What's a tank-a?

Rommel:...Ookay. Anyone have a radio?

soldier: Yes! Here you go.

the soldier handed rommel what appeared to be an elongated rock. He spoke into it.

Rommel: Uh, hello?

rock: WHO IS IT!?

Rommel: *jumps* Uh, this is rommel. We need armoured divisions over here.

Rock: Yessir!

Instantly, a boat full of tanks appeared on the water.

*to be continued*
 

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ooo a magic rock....
Yoy21 said:
thousands of billions of Mustaches and Soldiers appeared.
with that many people you cant lose!
 

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Instantly, a boat full of tanks appeared on the water.

Rommel: Can I get some planes, too?

rock: Sure.

And an aircraft carrier appeared on the horizon, which was promptly sunk by the RN.

Rommel: Argh! Okay...*to the troops* Can any of you drive?

soldiers: YES!

Rommel: good. Now, everyone line up.

The soldiers lined up, and he counted off threes, until each had a number. the remaining 2 were shot.

Rommel: Okay, all 1's, you are going to drive the tanks. All 2's will man the main guns, and 3's will take the co-axil machine guns. Any questions?

soldier: What's a co-axil?

*Gunshot*

Rommel: Any more questions?

*silence*

Rommel: Good. Now, here's what we do:



Rommel: That red line indicates where we are going. El Alamein. All of you are just gonna go full throttle into the city, and kill every British, French, and Australian soldier you see. Do not kill any Germans or Italians. Got it?

soldiers: Yessir.

Rommel: Good. Now, let's go!

The tanks all reved up, and went East. All the soldiers were doing good, and not a single one killed themselves. But the British planes overhead kept bombing random tanks. It was very annoying, until the planes ran out of gas and crashed into the sand.

magic rocky: Hey rommel. Pst.

Rommel: What?

magic rocky: Look over there. *rock points*

Rommel: Is that montgomery?

magic rocky: yep. You wanna shoot him?

Rommel: You betcha. ALL MEN, FIRE AT THAT PLACE OVER THERE!! *points loudly*

All the tanks took aim, and fired. The little lawn chair Montgomery was on rose 57 feet, to be precise, into the air. However, Montgomery was still alive.

In retaliation, the Crusader tanks on the other side came out of their holes. It was a trap! The Crusaders zoomed behind the Panzers, and blew them to shreds. The German-Italian forces retreated.

Rommel: Well, that sucked. Do your leaders have any Battleships?

magic rock: I can help. *mutter's something in Italian*

Instantly, 4 Battleships appeared on the Horizon, because that's where they always appear. But, instead of the RN boats sinking them, they got sunk. It was a happy day for the Mediterranean troops. But not the British ones. They cried. Wussies...

Rommel: Tell the ships to bombard the El Alamien city.

After a minute, the Battleships' big guns opened heavy fire on the city. The tanks that had shot up the Panzer's had been blown to dust. No one noticed, because it's a friggin' desert, but hey. Whatever.

Rommels' tanks went back to attack El Alamien, but this time, the Italio-German forces won.
 

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yay! lol. my my rommel sure is violent isnt he? :p
 

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Rommel: Men, it occurs to me that some people think I'm violent. Who here thinks that?

Some raise their hands.

Rommel: I'm glad you were honest. Now i'll be honest. DIE!!!

Rommel shot everyone with their hands up, wether they were just stretching or not.

Rommel: Now, on to better plans. Rock.

magic rock: What?

Rommel: Can you get me some planes?

magic rock: *mumble grumble* Yep!

On the horizon (duh) were 8 divisions of fighter and bomber aircraft. They sank the RN ships trying to gun them down, and landed in the sand next to Rommel. Rommel didn't like this, because one landed on his Right Big Toe (RBT). He shot the crew, and burned the plane.

Rommel: Rocky, I'm gonna call you tank.

tank: Okay.

Rommel: Tank, load the guns.

tank: Ok Neo- I mean, Rommel.

Out of nowhere, gun racks shot out, and around Rommel. The troops that were standing around him were violently pushed out of the way by the racks. Some died. :(

Rommel: OOH! A luger! And a panzerkewhatzit. SVVEET!

tank: anything else?

Rommel: Yeah...send me ROBO HITLER!!!!

tank: *lots' of mumbling* *whirring* Okay, here we go!

Robo Hitler: I....AM.....IRON MAN!!!


soldier: You look funny! HAHAHA- *choked*

Robo Hitler: EAT...PLASMA....WIMPY!!!

There was a bright flash, and the soldier was gone.

Rommel: Hello Robo Hitler.

Robo Hitler: HI!!!

Rommel: Are you ready to take the Suez?

Robo Hitler: YES!!!

Rommel: EVERYONE! LET'S GO!

everyone: okey dokey.



What will happen next? Will Robo Hitler rust? Will Rommel make it to the suez without purging? Why am I asking these questions? Am I retarded? Who knows? Do you? Why? Why not? Tune in next time for more action, on Desert Fox: The miffed story of Rommel...
 

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:rofl: robo hitler will get pwned by sand!! :p
 

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If I didn't know any better, I'd say that lifeless is the only one reading this...:(
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Robo Hitler: Are we there yet?

Rommel: FOR THE LAST TIME, NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *exclamation point*

tank: OOH! OOH! I spy, with no eyes, something that starts with B.

Rommel: Lemme guess...sand?

tank: Nope! It's a British soldier.

Rommel: Look, I don't care if- Wait, what?!

tank: Lookie!

Over in the distance was a lone British soldier. Just standing there. Staring at the sand... In a creepy way...

Rommel: *approaches soldier* Uhm, hello.

British: Chip Chop Cheerio, lad. Say, d'you reckon that this heua desert is a bit of a pickidilly bloomin' hot wave?

Rommel: *stagger's back* *yells in a maniacal way* *runs around screaming* AHH!!! HE'S INFECTED ME!!! AHHH!!!!

Robo Hitler shot the British soldier. Italian soldiers went to Rommel's aid, and helped him to some water.

Rommel: Oh, the accents...the horrible, horrible accen- *stands right up* CHEERIO, CHAPS!

The soldiers restrained him, and beat him unnecessarily, until he stopped moving. Then, they injected him with a serum. In a few hours, Rommel woke up.

Rommel: What- What happened?

Soldier: The Brit infected you with Linguistic-itis. You're lucky to be alive.

Rommel: Well...that's over now, I guess. Anyways, ON TO THE CANAL!!!

soldiers:YESSIR!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*near the Suez*...

French guy: How stupid do I think ze Americanz are? I bet we could zell thoz idiotz bottled wate'r.

British Guy: Blimey, I be we could sell those pickidillies bottled air!

Both laughed, and resumed their posts at radar stations.

BG: What the?

On his radar, a giant, square blip, along with thousands of others, appeared. He looked where the things were, and saw a giant robot, along with thousands of tanks. He hit the alarm, and thousands of Crusaders appeared from the sand. A fierce battle occured, which Rommel would have lost if Robo Hitler didn't turn of the radio controls for the Crusaders. Then, they blew up the bunker, and replaced the Allied flag with the Axis one. Victory was insured now (in Africa)
 

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yay! rommel...pharoah of egypt!
 

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Robo Hitler: I....AM.....IRON MAN!!!
No he isn't! Iron-Man has a thinner moustasche!
 

Yoy21

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Rommel: I am Rommel, hear me roar. *roars*

soldier: Yike! *hides*

Rommel: Let's see...we've taken all of Egypt, and eliminated all forces. Now what?

radio: Rommel. Rommel!

Rommel: *picks up radio* Who's there?

radio: It's me, hitler.

Rommel: Hi sir. Whassup?

Hitler: We're gonna attack the Soviets, and I need you're help.

Rommel: YEssir! What can I do?

Hitler: The day before the attack, Turkey is going to join us, and help attack the Soviets. I need you to help them.

Rommel: I'll be there before you know it.

Hitler: Probably...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In Turkey...

Rommel: Wow, this place suxx.

Around Rommel were a bunch of guys with horses. The only tanks they had were using 1 horsepower. The guns were made of wood, and shot potatoes. They had kites.

Rommel: Well.....hello.

Turkians: *screams that wierd Middle East yell, with an Indian type trill*

Rommel: *plugs ears* I've come here to help you prepare for battle. Now, follow me.

One by one, the Turks followed Rommel in single file. at the armory...

Rommel: You there.

Turk: Me?

Rommel: Yeah. What's your name?

Turk: Uh..uh...lifeless.

Rommel: Lifeless, I want you to grab that there pistol.

Lifeless: *grabs pistol* it feels funny.

Rommel: That's not a pistol, that's a knife.

Lifeless: *drops knife* *grabs actual pistol* That feels better.

Rommel: Good. Now, what I want you to do is point the gun at that circle. Line up the sights so that you can look through both at the same point on the target. When you're ready, pull the trigger.

Lifeless: Okay...

Lifeless took aim at the target, and fired. The bullet hit the bullseye.

Rommel: GOOD! Now, grab this rifle. *hands lifeless a Kar98k.*

Lifeless: This looks like a giant squirt gun.

Rommel: Uhm...kay. Just aim it at the same target, and fire.

Lifeless took aim, and landed 3 shots on target.

Rommel: EXCELLENT!!! Now, take this smg. *hands lifeless a MP40*

Lifeless aimed at the target, but this time, due to recoil, the gun aimed randomly after each shot, killing 31 soldiers. Thankfully, the other bullet hit the target.

Rommel: That was...screw it, you pass.

Lifeless: YAY!
 

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YAY! :D i have already killed 31 soldiers within 3 minutes! im a national hero! :D
 

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Rommel: So, Lifeless. You think you have what it takes to fight people who, not only have nothing to live for, but are threatened, beaten, and ball-kicked on a daily basis, and are forced to love a man who has caused all this pain?

Lifeless:...:eek:...I-...I-....yes.

Rommel: GOOD! Now, when June 22nd comes around, I want you to be walking to the frontline with 2nd squad. (OT: Most movies have important people 2nd into battle, not first, and they have to fight more. Bwahahaha. Ooops, back to the story)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------On June 11th...
over the radio of the Soviet military throughout:

general of Crimean region: *static* Help! Help! We are being bombed!

supreme land commander: Say again, general?

G of C: I said we are being bombed! The Germans are attacking!

SLC: That's preposterous! We made a treaty!

German soldier on radio: Hello?

SLC: What is this?

soldier: We have your treaty, right here. Up and down, my buttcrack it goes. WHEEE!

SLC: Augh! *coughs*
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
all over the Soviet Union, radio reports came of repeated bombing. Then, cam reports of soldiers being shot up. This was scary for the russians. They had not thought of a defensive plan for the German attack. Now, it was pure manpower vs. tactics. who would win?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2nd Squad Leet: Okay squad, the battle has begun. Lifeless, I want you to go with DerHoffenhieminschwitzer and flank the Russian machine gun nests.

Lifeless and that one guy: Yessir!

Lifeless and the hard to pronounce German named guy moved towards the machineguns. Lifeless readied his rifle, and DerHoffenhieminschwitzer threw a grenade. The soldiers manning the machine guns were shocked, and awed, at the same time. They began to retreat, but lifeless shot them before too many escaped. Then, the rest of the squad joined.

Lifeless: Where were you guys?

2nd Squea leet: Hmm? Oh, we were just watching you from that concealed bush area.

Lifeless: :mad:...

leet: What? Let's go!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

leet: Okay, now over behind these bushes are some artillery guns. I want Lifeless and DerHoffenhiemenschwitzer to plant bombs on them. Any questions?

Lifeless: Yeah, what'll you be doing?

leet: That is classified information. Now, get going!

Lifeless and Der Hoffenwhatsit crawled stomach down in the mud and prepared to shoot the Ruskies. Der Hoffman aimed his STG 44 trademark gun at the officer, and Lifeless aimed it at some poor guy picking his nose. As soon as the guns went off, both rushed the M'Fers. Lifeless jumped into a Matrix leap, and couldn't get out of it. He was face to face with another Russian dude doing the same, but a Der Hoffen bullet ended that right away. Bombs were planted, and they got out of there. But...

Lifeless: Whew! That was close, wasn't it, Der Hoffen?...Der Hoffen?

Der Hoffenhiemenschwitzer was laying dead on the ground.

Lifeless: No...no! DER HOFFENHIEMENSCHWITZER!!! NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

scene fades...
 

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aww who will be my 2 squad mission buddy now? :(
 

Yoy21

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lifeless said:
aww who will be my 2 squad mission buddy now? :(
I don't know... anyways, I award you the "Most Loyal Reader" award. You now have 1 Yoyo dollar. Use it wisely.
 

HannibalBarca

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Can I join Rommel's corps? I'll fight alongside my fellow German soldiers, and take a bullet if necessary! DEUTSCHLAND! :D
 

Yoy21

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Rommel: How are things going in the SU?

tank: Well, it seems that the Ottomans have taken the Cauca- the Cacus- the south of Russia.

Rommel: Good. What about Germany?

tank: German troops have made no advances. In fact, the Soviet and German border troops have all taken up lawn chairs, and are staring at each-other.

Rommel: What about Finland, and the other Balkan countries?

tank: It appears that, through German training, they are doing the same thing. It seems that it is up to the ottomans to take the Soviets.

Rommel: *sigh*
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Call of Duty 2 music plays. On view, there are 2 Ottomans running towards Russian MG's, throwing grenades. One soldier spots a group of Russians eating dinner. After shooting them up, he closes the door. But, he hears noises inside. He opens it again, and there is a man on a toilet. He shoots the guy, who makes a "death fart", and closes the door again. But, another noise occurs. He opens it yet again, and there are elephants marching in a parade. At this point, lifeless was so furious, that he threw a plane filled with 500lbs. bombs. He closed the door, blew it up, and continued with his mission.

While lifeless did that, Hannibalbarca ran through the streets of Stalin-grad. He spotted 3 soldiers walking towards him, and hid in the shadows. After one of the soldiers walked by, he threw his knife. One of the other soldiers walked towards the fallen soldier, and a squeaky toy hit him in the head. The final soldier walked to the fallen, but before the biscuit hit him, he ducked, and shot at Hannibal. Hannibal jumped, matrix style, out of the way, and the two got into a grand karate-gun fight. At some point in the battle, the Russkie soldier slipped on a banana peel, and hannibal grabbed it and shoved it down his throat.
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Over in the north, Finnish soldiers had gotten word of the great victories that occured in the South, and decided to repeat them. They walked up to the Russian soldiers, who just sat there, and shot 'em to bits. The russians, surprised, sent hundreds of thousands of soldiers to stop the new threat, but in their mistake, left the German border undefended. The Germans and the rest of the balkan countires, with names too long to type, attacked through the Russian steps, climbing up high, and paying the toll to slide down the "slippery slide (tm)". By the end of 1941, the Axis had taken Stalingrad, Leningrad, and everything in-between but Moscow. Now, the battle was on...
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Over in Ethiopia- (yes, the Italians couldn't even beat Ethiopia)- a new threat had risen to the Axis. His name- well, no-one knew his name. When he called someone, it showed "anonymous caller". That is, IF anyone in Ethiopia had a phone, let alone an electric power plant.

Anonymous grabbed his gun, and headed out to mess up the Italian plans. He climbed up a sand-dune, and waited. When he heard sand moving, a sign of walking in sand, he jumped up, and unloaded the clips of his guns. However, he quickly learned 2 things.

1) The Italians were now using tanks.

2) Tanks are impervious to bullets.

He ran. Ran as fast as he could. But, on the other side, there were more Italian tanks. He thought it was over, until Crusader tanks had shown up, and blasted away the Italian tanks. Luck, and Britain, had protected him. This time...