Der Gottführer

[TiPiou]

this is just to hillarious :rofl: i bet the gottfhurer will take over the whole world, or atleast bring hitler to vicotyr

haha i'm sure he will . Welcome !

 

[TiPiou]

Chapter 6 : The Spy Who Gave Solace

1937 February 16th, 11:00 pm, Vicotyr.

[Hitler] : Mein Gottführer ?
[Gottführer] : 'sup !
[Hitler] : Wasup ?
[Gottführer] : Just watching the game, having a Bud...
[Hitler] : True, mein Gottführer, true.
[Gottführer, yawing] : Want some ? This part is kinda long actually, you'd better get comfortable. But I love it, in a sense. That's when I truly feel like I'm some god supervising all those little guys.
[Hitler] : I though you were a god already !?
[Gottführer] : Errr... yes. Yes ! I am. Just... a god without a whip. What's a god without a whip ? I wish I could speed up those spys of yours a little. They just take ages to do anything useful.
[Hitler] : Like what, mein Gottführer ?
[Gottführer] : Like, denunciating the Czechs for the nasty warmongers they really are.
[Hitler] : Oh.
[Gottführer] : I mean, they just have to get on screen then say "Hey, I'm telling you, Czechs are nasty warmongers !"
[Hitler] : On screen ?
[Gottführer] : Well yes, you know... what do you have, back in your days ? TV ? Kino ?
[Hitler] : They're not supposed to be famous enough to be on screen, in the name of a panzer ! They're spies, remember ?
[Gottführer] : Since when does one need to be famous to be seen on TV ? Just enter a reality show and be famous from there ! The more useless you are, the easier. They've got to be world class legends, for a dictator's sake !
[Hitler] : Why would Czechs be warmongering anyway ?
[Gottführer] : So that we could DOW them. If they're not warmongering, I fear you would Benito-trick me *looks at the Führer in distrust*.
[Hitler] : Declare war on them ?? Haven't you told me that we could just sit on our arse and watch them select "ok, whatever" when the Vienna event fires ?
[Gottführer] : Yeah, well... but I've read this AAR the other day, and... *ponders*... OK, forget it. To hell with spies, anyway. Nothing beats a good ol’Steamrolling. Speaking of which… ha, here they are.
[Hitler] : What are you doing ?
[Gottführer] : I’m gearing up our industrial output. Here, see ? That’s our round of ICs finally built and waiting to be dispatched *places them on the map*. Now we just have to wait for them to finish repairing.
[Hitler] : Repairing ? I thought you said we just built them.
[Gottführer] : Yup but they’re delivered in kit, so they need to be assembled, nobody understands the schematics, so some other guy has to come in and fix it. Takes a while. I bet Germany is too close to Sweden.
[Hitler] : … ?
[Gottführer] : Hallo ? IKEA ? Oh my… you REALLY don’t know crap about anything, do you ?
[Hitler, sighing] : Anyway, what should we do with the freed IC in the meantime ?
[Gottführer] : Yes, you’re right, good question. Lemme think… hmm… Let’s produce lots of planes, lots of guns and lots of… err… lots of men *coughs*.
[Hitler] : …
[Gottführer] : Have a comment to make ?
[Hitler] : Well, how do one ‘produce’ men, for one ?
[Gottführer] : Need a schematic too ? Get to work !

The Führer pouts, apparently uncomfortable, but finally decides to stay a little longer.

[Gottführer] : Speak up, what's the matter ?
[Hitler] : I notice we haven't produced any u-boat, since the one we commissionned before you err... came. The one that was sunken by the inaugurative champaign bottle.
[Gottführer] : Yup. Indeed we haven't.
[Hitler] : Excuse me, mein Gottführer, might I inquire what's going on ?
[Gottführer] : Why not.
[Hitler] : Impossible man !
[Gottführer] : I heard that !
[Gottführer] : What's going on is we need to develop champaign-proof subs before I decide to produce some more.
[Hitler] : But mein Gottführer, we can't wait that long. I’ve just met that guy Dönitz, he says we need submarines. Lots of.
[Gottführer] : “We” ?
[Hitler] : Well, he needs them at least.
[Gottführer] : Well, I don’t.
[Hitler] : Well, it’s a shame, mein gottfürher.
[Gottführer] : 'Well', that would be your final word on the subject, “Adolf”. *grins* Thank you.
[Hitler] : Well, if I may… submarines are great, he says. We need at least 300, he says.
[Gottführer] : Well, *chilling* ‘If you’ll excuse me’ ! You think I don’t KNOW this already ? I’m the GOTTFÜHRER ! I just want to try something else.
[Hitler] : But…
[Gottführer, muttering] : That Adolf thinks he can teach ‘me’ to play ? I’ve read that sub thread too, what does he think ? What was the author’s name again ? Blue Kangoo ? Blue Possum ? Some weird blue Aussie thing, anyway…
[Hitler] : But submarines ‘ARE’ great ! You just dive, then shout “feuer !”. And then goes 100.000 tons of tea under the waves. And nobody can catch you cause you’re invisible.
[Gottführer] : …
[Hitler] : If you cut their tea supplies, England will fall within days.
[Gottführer] : ‘Just dive then shout “feuer !”’ ?? Have you ever played Silent Hunter V ?
[Hitler] : Err… no ?
[Gottführer] : Silent Hunter III ?
[Hitler] : ?
[Gottführer] : Silent Hunter II ? I ?
[Hitler] : What are those ?
[Gottführer] : Aces of the Deep ?
[Hitler] : Err… ?
[Gottführer] : GATO, For a dictator’s sake ?! Even you cannot be ‘that’ old !
[Hitler] : Sorry, but I haven't.
[Gottführer] : Trust me, then. It ain’t that easy. I won’t risk all Germany on a gamble. We don’t even know if that would work anymore. It’s HOI3 now, remember ?
[Hitler] : Sunken Tea, mein Gottführer ! The potential of that !
[Gottführer] : ALL RIGHT, we’ll build a few subs !
[Hitler, mumbling] : This will fail, if we build only ‘a few’.
[Gottführer] : Are you questioning my authority, here, Adolf ?
[Hitler] : Nein, mein Gottführer !
[Gottführer] : Good ! Go read that guy Dönitz’s book if you have a submarine nostalgia, and let me care about what we’re producing.
[Hitler] : Raeder’s written no book, mein Gottführer, with all due respect.
[Gottführer, frowning] : Adolf, I’m getting tired of your constant negative attitude. If he hasn’t, lock him up for a few years and he’ll write one. You may leave.

 

[TiPiou]

Sorry for the delay guys, the week was more busy than I thought.
I can't believe I messed up Raeder with Dönitz *edits*

 

[Rabidus]

This is good stuff, keep up the good work!

 

[TiPiou]

Hey guys.
I'm really sorry for the few of you that liked this AAR.
I've lived through really tough events here... And I'm still very depressed. Won't be able to write here again any time soon.

Thank you all for your kindness.
*A sad Piou*

 

[Cybvep]

R.I.P. Der Gottfuhrer =(