I ask the editor to please edit in a core on every capital for Russia. Also, please edit in a core for St. Petersburg for all other nations, and remove the Moscow one.
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Mats_SX said:
same goes for lisboa, it should be disabled if we agree to secede portugal to spain
"We agree", eh? I thought this was a final decision from King John. I have filed my complaints, but they were turned down. I would consider the matter rather closed.martmol said:same goes for lisboa, it should be disabled if we agree to secede portugal to spain
Half Time
It has been 200 years now since we embarked upon this pleasant cruise of Politics and Backstabs, of pirouettes and deceit. So instead of talking about the many actions that France engaged in in the last session I will instead concentrate on rating all participating nations of our campaign. I do this entirely subjectively, from my perspective. So it does not necessarily have to be the ultimate truth. Anyways here goes:
1. The Ottoman Empire
This massive juggernaut has by far surpassed the usual OE. With its massive manpower and fleet it is a power that can fight on multiple fronts and at the same time project power on still further areas. Truly magnificent is also its massive industrialisation. With 36 manufactories it has now by far outbuilt any other power in Europe. As most manufactories are naval ones it can be assumed that the OE will remain a prime competitor in the naval scene till the endgame - something that will ensure some interesting further developments.
Furthermore, its alliance with France has also benefited the OE immensely. Through this alliance the OE´s (and France´s) enemies in the center of Europe have been under an iron clamp for centuries now. The Ottoman Empire has recently expanded evermore westwards. So far an effective counter strategy has not been formulated by Venice or the Habsburg Empire.
Indeed, the Turk´s is an empire second to none!
2. France
France too shines brightly. But where the OE has progressed through military means France has done the same through elaborate Diplomacy. It can be argued that to this point no country in Europe has engaged in such extensive diplomacy as France has. Starting in 1492 the first Coup was to befriend Spain, normally an enemy of France. This secured the south western border and also allowed rapid colonisation of the Cape, Indonesia and later New France (American Midwest). Amicable relations with England also helped propell french interests. Also the Cordon Sanitaire (the alliance system with Brandenburg and Denmark) has helped keeping France´s competitors from growing too strong.
Best of all, of course, was the alliance with the OE. Ever since this alliance was formed franco-ottoman interests have been furthered immensely.
On the defensive side the (so far) inability of France´s enemies to conduct an effective coalition has allowed France to prosper economically. Presently France is the second richest power after England. It has a gargantuan colonial Empire that stretches from Borneo to Nouvelle Paris. It also has a fleet that already numbers 400 warships (which is being further expanded) allowing France to operate globally as well. This, combined with France´s strong military (which has twice visited Vienna, ravaged Venice and so far remains undefeated) and its advantageous diplomatic position (through aiding smaller powers it can be said that France holds influence in many powers of Europe) makes the french Empire a difficult nut to crack - tenacious in the defensive and determined in the offensive.
3. England
The ancient Albion, the Island Kingdom of old, has risen to become an empire of global proportions. Sneakily abstaining from any messy european wars for a long time it traversed the oceans in search of gold and trading opportunities. These it has found a plenty. Nowadays english merchants can be found in every part of the world, bringing riches back to their home isle. England´s economy has risen meteoricly and is now the biggest of the world (controlling many asian CoTs especially). This has allowed England to construct quite a large fleet and knock heads with Spain and Venice - so far successfully. The question that only time will be able to answer is how England will prevail if its numerous enemies organize themselves and attack united. England has only a small ammount of manpower after all. Its fate, as always, is decided by sea power. As long as it can outbuild and outfight its enemies navalwise it will prevail.
4. Venice
The old Merchant Republic, almost as ancient as the Roman Empire itself. It has for sure seen better days in the past. Originally it was quite an impressive empire with a massive colonial holding in Africa and (later) in Oceania. It also expanded quite fast in northern Italy and the Balkans and was quite the power in the 16th century. Then again its extreme ambitions were perhaps its downfall. It never seemed to be willing to compromise. Unity of all Italy was its goal and with utter determination it set to work. Fighting Spain time and again (to dubious results) it finally managed to unite Italy through the check book. This impressive feat also alarmed its neighbors, OE and France. Had Venice invested in more diplomacy and perhaps a less blatantly antifrench course it might have been left alone longer. But its inflexibility and hatred towards the OE and France eventually paved the way for the disastrous 17th century. Now, with several wars lost and its last good general (Morosini) sure to die in the next couple of years there is an ode of tragedy wavering over Venice. It is still a power to be reckoned with, for sure. But its forever clinging to the Habsburg bossom has proven counterproductive to Venice´s interests. The question is.....does the Doge grasp this and is he willing and able to embark on a new course? Only time will tell.
5. Spain
Structurally powerfull yet phlegmatic and passive for centuries Spain is a power that never lived up to its potential. In its golden years, in the 16th century, it could and should have taken care of its potential adversaries, namely England and Venice. That it remained at peace, comatically, for so long of course benefited its neighbors to no end. Now, while Spain is still a very impressive colonial power, it seems to have been reduced in role as a punching bag for England. With a new monarch recently risen to power things could change now, however. He seems more energetic, certainly more on the barock´n roll side of things and claims to have "the Giant Laser". But does he, really?
6. The Netherlands
A petite country that is, at the same time, the secret banker of Europe. Extremely rich but peaceful (until recently) it is more a potentially Great Power than an actual one. Remarcably it did nothing with its superb admirals in the 17th century and only now at the eve of said century has it attacked Denmark - something that was not exactly greeted in France. In any case its allegiance remains unclear. It has so far steadfastly refused any alliances and remained neutral in all affairs (a dutch Switzerland perhaps). So truly not a great power but with massive financial assets witch which it can swing the balance in any conflict.
7. Russia
This massive eastern empire is almost unknown at the courts of France. Gigantic it be but at the same time cruelly punished by fate on many occasions. It seems quite powerfull but with its recent defeat and subsequent loss of the siberian corridor it has once more been reigned in. Can the Czar break out of his cage?
8. Austria
The Habsburg Empire, traditional nemesis of France. Well normally. It has faced difficult prospects for centuries now. Basically its expansion options were limited at best. Constantly having to deal hostile coalitions and in general difficult diplomatic situations it has prevailed. This fact alone is quite impressive.
Then again it too has been quite inflexible diplomacywise. Twice it has been on the verge of total collapse. Twice it has been completely defeated with Vienna occupied. The 17th century has been hard with Austria mostly being the anvil and seldomly the hammer. The recent victory versus Poland has brought some fresh territory to Austria. It has also created yet another adversary, however. So while it has benefited Austria on the short run it could yet prove to be a expensive mortage indeed.
9. Poland
The Polish Lion forever roars. A very masculine realm, one could say. It has been at war with Russia for like 200 years now and the endresult is still essentially unclear. Engaged in a wild tango of deception and deceit with Sweden, Denmark and Russia alliances were answered with backstabs and the pendulum forever swung to and fro. In this manner I´d say Poland, Russia and the Scandinavians have best embraced the spirit of this campaign. At present Russia seems vulnerable but so does Poland. As always it will depend on cunning diplomacy to break out of this endless dance of coalition and counter coalition.
10. Sweden / Denmark
Similarly to Poland / Russia these two have been fighting each other for like forever. Sweden cast the first stone but has so far not managed to decisively defeat Denmark. This fact alone strongly speaks for Denmark that has after all a far weaker leader file than Sweden. Denmark has been attacked by many powers in recent years and is beleaguered and besieged. The brave stance of the danish Viking has impressed the hearts of the french, however, and therefore not all that seems bad at present must remain so forever.
11. Brandenburg
A small realm for sure, one that would long have been destroyed and annexed by Austria had France not intervened time and again. Its colonial focus was perhaps a mistake in hindsight as well. It has used up a lot of ressources that might have been put to better use in Europe. Then again it is understandable that the Margrave simply wanted more income and therefore embarked on his overseas adventure. In any case it is still in the game and while weak has the potential to become far stronger. Now, with the dawn of Prussia good generals will finally arrive. If used wisely they can weld Prussia into a strong power yet.
Ontime: Deflation
AAR: Deflation
The English point of view
I applaud Ampoliros' initiative to do a nation comparison, so here is the English one. And it was about time I would reap an AAR reward as well
In Alphabetic order...
Austria
Austria, the relative small empire in the middle of Europe, clinched in by all it's neighbours. From the start of the game on Austria had to face the though prospect that Spain and Portugal would not help her out versus France. As far as England knows, she has received few financial help as well. Austria never had the opportunity to expand in the HRE as she would have liked. Numerous attempts to gain provinces on behalf of Brandenburg, were stopped by determined French interventions. Denmark also expanded in Germany, the Ottoman Empire proved to be remarkably strong and so was the united Venice.
Now, with fewer manpower than France and the Ottoman Empire and being an enemy of Brandenburg and possible Poland, the future of Austria does not look bright.
Brandenburg
Brandenburg never focused on expansion in the north of Europe, but instead seemed to be content to remain a relative small power, while expanding colonially in North America. This however brought her on the brink of war against England. In the end, diplomacy took over and Brandenburg decided to sell all her colonies.
However, with the money Brandenburg instead of building up her manufactory industry or fortifications, she send other settlers away and Brandenburg now has a colony in South America. This undoubtedly not to the pleasure of Spain and Portugal.
It never ceases to amaze England that countries without a navy of any worth, decide to invest in colonies. Time will tell us if someone with a true blue water navy will decide that Brandenburg has to be robbed from her wealth outside Europe. The same is true for Poland.
England
Rule, Britannia! rule the waves:
Britons never will be slaves.
Britons never will be slaves.
At start of the campaign England failed to take Calcutta, barely before Portugal took it away under her nose. This forced England to annex Pegu for a centre of trade instead, greatly increasing stability costs and badboy, which meant trade would be very difficult. Nevertheless, slowly the badboy was get rid off and stability improved with each click towards serfdom. A Chinese CoT was conquered from the fragile empire of China and an alliance with Manchuria was forged, eventually resulting in another conquest in China.
In the meantime, friendship with Denmark, France, Sweden and Spain was signed. We also gave the Dutch our full support when they entered the game.
During the decades England became richer and richer and eventually was able to field the largest and modern navy in the world. New ambitions overtook the country and the first victim was Denmark. The Danish navy was at this point even larger than the English one, but it did not have warships. Eventually Denmark was crushingly defeated and the wealth of Canada was added to England. Together with the purchase of Brandenburg America, the British dominance of the colonial scene was set. Slider positions were set to pump out 6 settlers per year and eventually England was only rivalled by the Ottoman Empire in the amount of provinces under her rule.
Of course, the British policy to attack multiple countries in the game, eventually has resulted in many nations disliking perfide Albion. If this will result in a colossal defeat in the 18th century has yet to be seen, but it's certainly a dark prospect. Therefore, England will push forward her goals to increase her naval support limit to unparalleled heights. For, it's fate is indeed decided by her sea power. And the Duke of Marlborough will make sure it happens.
John, first Duke of Marlborough
France
France has conducted an excellent policy of keeping her neighbours divided and relatively small. Her policy of befriending Spain paid off well on the continent. It allowed France to prevent Austria from uniting the German cultured provinces and bring Heim ins Reich. France also succeeded in preventing Denmark from getting too strong, and now has switched to a policy to befriend Denmark instead. In the meantime, France focused on certain colonial areas in the world, making sure all other naval powers agreed with these French spheres of influence. This, together with the quality French trading, has ensured the French position in the top three of wealthiest nations.
Interestingly enough, France did not prevent an early Italian unification, causing troubles when Venice became an enemy. Fortunately, the friendship with the Ottoman Empire paid off well and so far France and the Ottoman Empire have not fought a single major war without each other.
A small danger awaits France now Spain has a new king. This may result in Spain cooperating with Austria, though it is expected in England that this might be too late to be really meaningful. Also, while France is arguable the strongest western power if all factors are taken in account, she cannot do without a naval ally, for England, the Netherlands, the Ottoman Empire and Spain all can field larger navies than France. Whether this may result in France losing colonies in the 18th century is something that remains to be seen.
The Netherlands
The Dutch came into existence and almost immediately were attacked by the Iberians. Fortunately, she had managed to secure already a few friends, especially England and France. So far the Anglo-Dutch friendship has survived the centuries and this has benefited both nations. The Netherlands stayed mainly peaceful, despite having a pool of truly superior admirals. This, however, did pay them well. Currently the Dutch are firmly in the top three of wealthiest nations and have the best technology of the world.
Their main disadvantage is the puny manpower and average fleet support limit. This will mean that the Dutch have to stick to at least one other country and will be unable to conduct a completely independent foreign policy.
The Ottoman Empire
The great sultan of the Ottoman Empire has forged a colossal empire. The Ottoman Empire has westernised techs, the most massive manufactory program of the whole world, the largest armies and has potentially the largest fleet. Would have the Ottoman Empire the funds to build up to their impressive ship support limit, then she would be near invincible. Fortunately for other powers, the Ottomans don't have the means to build such a grand navy, and keep it in place in the time of a war. She is also a multicultural empire, making her very vulnerable in times of war. A stability hit would raise numerous rebellions.
The danger that faces the Ottomans is a combined attack with Austria, Russia and Poland, who will have the leader advantage.
Spain/Portugal
The early friendship with France did not pay off well for Spain. While friendship with France does mean that Spain can embark on profitable adventures in the rest of the world, rampant inflation and poor trade prevented Spain from really taking her place in the sun. Spain never reached it's full potential and with the death of Spinola lost it's last great general. It was a shame to see so many brilliant Spanish leaders die rotting in their bed.
Portugal, the Spanish sidekick, was treated ill and saw the map knowledge she helped to build go to France and England. This proved in the end a disaster for Portugal.
But now, a new king has taken over and united the two countries, resulting in the Siberians finally having a impressive amount of trade centres, manpower and ship support limit. However, Spain has found a determined enemy in England and it's unsure if she will be able to overcome this threat by diplomacy.
Venice
After an early unification of Italy, the most serene and ancient republic of Venice was shortly among the great nations of Europe. She had equal manpower to her neighbours and gathered enormous wealth from trade and her African gold mines.
Unfortunately, Venice after this golden century faced defeat upon defeat, her trade declined and she struggles to not lose the technological advance. Venice no longer has the means to be a strong naval power, but perhaps with cooperation with the right neighbours, she might be able to regain her position as a strong land power.
The East and the North
Poland, like Brandenburg, concentrated on colonies. It's doubtful if this has served them well, but so far the Polish colonial empire is still intact. If Poland is able to keep her possessions in the New World, it would be a remarkable feat. But will they?
Like Russia, Denmark and Sweden, Poland has fought many bitter wars in the east and these wars have done none of the countries well. None of them has managed to really defeat the other, and in the end, her neighbours grew stronger and stronger. The most obvious example of this is the Ottoman Empire blockading Russia's road to Siberia and cutting her manpower in pieces.
Of course, at least Russia has an excellent leader file ahead of her and the great Suvorov might be able to liberate his nation.
On time: Deflation
AAR: Deflation
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Portugal should ban you to Tarrafal for your insults. (For the ignorant, Tarrafal is, a prison in cape verde).
And to think that the OE was totaly sick when i had a look at it when Tonio subbed Austria. The power of the manus... (i wonder how drake managed to build so many, eh drake? )
On a side note, FAL, how many sessions did you sit around doing nothing but hypertech and fighting a real war? Just curious here.
And to think that the OE was totaly sick when i had a look at it when Tonio subbed Austria. The power of the manus... (i wonder how drake managed to build so many, eh drake?
)On a side note, FAL, how many sessions did you sit around doing nothing but hypertech and fighting a real war? Just curious here.
BurningEGO said:Portugal should ban you to Tarrafal for your insults. (For the ignorant, Tarrafal is, a prison in cape verde).
And to think that the OE was totaly sick when i had a look at it when Tonio subbed Austria. The power of the manus... (i wonder how drake managed to build so many, eh drake?
.
ai helped
BurningEGO said:
ill change my wording
your tip on the ai helped + ai helped since i got 3 from mughals 1 from moroco and 3 more from persia soon moment my bb alows it
FAL said:
Of course it served well! If not those colonies Poland would be the poorest nation in the world. I hope none
will get greedy and demand polish-american land...Nation comparison is very good idea, but I'm too lazy to write such long text
o
Danish AAR 1690 - 1705
A new course
Denmark under Christian V was a beaten nation. The wealthy and powerful nations of Holland and England had incorporated rights in the heart of the realm, and the old Kingdom had been separated in it's foundries; only Copenhagen remained. But the old king could not have this. He would rather sell the mountains of Norway, than have to pass English and Dutch fleets as he rode out for his weekly fishing trip. No sooner said than done, deals were signed with the two powers, and Jylland together with Fyn was Danish again in 1691. Though the whole west coast of Norway now belonged to England, and Oslo with vast parts north of it had been sold to the Dutch, Denmark could at least be proud to see her isles returned, and not fear the isolation of her capital.
On the other side of Öresund, the Swedes had been rattling their sabres, but they were disappointed to see that Norway was no longer Danish. The only part that was left was the poorly populated province of Jämtland, deep inside Norway. The Swedes, demoralised by Eastern conflicts and general disattitude, bought this land off, and Christian could be glad to have the matter overwith.
Now, the king could die as a happy man. He had reunited Denmark, and the money had been invested in restoring the Danish fleet from, well, nothing. A brand new 100 warships fired their salute, as the king was buried in august of 1699.
His son, Frederik IV, took over. Frederik was a dear friend of the Brandenburgian Prince Friedrich I, mostly because they had the same name, and he decided to manifest this friendship together with the Prince, on the battlefield. The enemy was yet again Austria, who had been foolish enough to invade Poland, where the Lion was roaring its battle-cry. Armies were sent to the southern border of Denmark, and sieging began. At first it was an even fight, with only little advantage to the Northern Alliance. But as the Poles progressed, Austria caved in to their demands, and with the reinforcements from their eastern border, the Danes were pushed back, and a stalemate were put up.
But the war was decided when the mighty Sultan stepped in and declared his most noble support for Denmark and Brandenburg's demands. Austria realised the grave threat and their poor position, and caved in within a matter of months. Nassau and Darmstadt became Danish cities, and once again Meissen changed hands, now Brandenburgian for the nth time.
Not much else happened in these 15 years, except that the navy were further expanded. In the cold north of Canada, where Denmark had some settlements left, a few cities were born. And governors were also put in place in many provinces, to reduce the inflation growth of Denmark.
What the future holds is uncertain. Russia and Poland are yet again fighting, and the Lion is on retreat. Sweden's position in this matter is yet unknown, as diplomats all around the world discuss whether they have more to gain from supporting Russia or Poland. Frederik has however in his hands, the greatest navy of the Baltic nations (England's possessions there don't count), and perhaps its intervention would serve future interests? At the same time, rumours are spreading that Austria wants German land back, and Frederik and Friedrich are gathering for talks... Will there be yet another war?
Ontime: Money
AAR: Money
Edit away the alliance with Brandenburg.
A new course
Denmark under Christian V was a beaten nation. The wealthy and powerful nations of Holland and England had incorporated rights in the heart of the realm, and the old Kingdom had been separated in it's foundries; only Copenhagen remained. But the old king could not have this. He would rather sell the mountains of Norway, than have to pass English and Dutch fleets as he rode out for his weekly fishing trip. No sooner said than done, deals were signed with the two powers, and Jylland together with Fyn was Danish again in 1691. Though the whole west coast of Norway now belonged to England, and Oslo with vast parts north of it had been sold to the Dutch, Denmark could at least be proud to see her isles returned, and not fear the isolation of her capital.
On the other side of Öresund, the Swedes had been rattling their sabres, but they were disappointed to see that Norway was no longer Danish. The only part that was left was the poorly populated province of Jämtland, deep inside Norway. The Swedes, demoralised by Eastern conflicts and general disattitude, bought this land off, and Christian could be glad to have the matter overwith.
Now, the king could die as a happy man. He had reunited Denmark, and the money had been invested in restoring the Danish fleet from, well, nothing. A brand new 100 warships fired their salute, as the king was buried in august of 1699.
His son, Frederik IV, took over. Frederik was a dear friend of the Brandenburgian Prince Friedrich I, mostly because they had the same name, and he decided to manifest this friendship together with the Prince, on the battlefield. The enemy was yet again Austria, who had been foolish enough to invade Poland, where the Lion was roaring its battle-cry. Armies were sent to the southern border of Denmark, and sieging began. At first it was an even fight, with only little advantage to the Northern Alliance. But as the Poles progressed, Austria caved in to their demands, and with the reinforcements from their eastern border, the Danes were pushed back, and a stalemate were put up.
But the war was decided when the mighty Sultan stepped in and declared his most noble support for Denmark and Brandenburg's demands. Austria realised the grave threat and their poor position, and caved in within a matter of months. Nassau and Darmstadt became Danish cities, and once again Meissen changed hands, now Brandenburgian for the nth time.
Not much else happened in these 15 years, except that the navy were further expanded. In the cold north of Canada, where Denmark had some settlements left, a few cities were born. And governors were also put in place in many provinces, to reduce the inflation growth of Denmark.
What the future holds is uncertain. Russia and Poland are yet again fighting, and the Lion is on retreat. Sweden's position in this matter is yet unknown, as diplomats all around the world discuss whether they have more to gain from supporting Russia or Poland. Frederik has however in his hands, the greatest navy of the Baltic nations (England's possessions there don't count), and perhaps its intervention would serve future interests? At the same time, rumours are spreading that Austria wants German land back, and Frederik and Friedrich are gathering for talks... Will there be yet another war?
Ontime: Money
AAR: Money
Edit away the alliance with Brandenburg.
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"I wonder if in some faraway world in an alternate dimension, there is a Russia that is a prosperous, cultured, happy and powerful nation, full of highly educated and wealthy people. Perhaps somewhere out there is a country that doesn't suck so completely that it is essentially a vacuum, picking up dirt off the ground. That's what our people have to eat these days, you know", said the Tsar conversationally to the local metropolitan.
Of course there are Russia's in other worlds that are better off than this one, that goes without saying, however none of those meet the description above. It is the bane of Russian existences everywhere to be backward relative to its neighbors. Consensus has yet to be reached by physicists and galactic historians on why this is so. Some like to refer to this backwardness as traditionalism, and they wear it as a badge of honor, but this Tsar in this particular dimension of the galaxy at this time in history did not feel that way. He wanted progress, and he would get it one way or another.
"I took this job because I was told I would get to be known as Peter 'the great', but I wasn't told how depressing it would be. Squalor from north to south, and we don't even know how bad it is in Siberia. Haven't gotten a message through to them for ten years. When I'm done here, I'm going to seriously consider lowering your pay". This metropolitan, we'll call him Bob, was the Tsar's agent out in the working galaxy.
"I'm still working on a gig in France, but it'll be a while. You're here now, so lets focus on the job at hand. Hal is scheduled for a war with you against the Ottomans in the next few years, which in galactic time should is about 30 minutes from now"
"Good. With him and Ear we should be able to teach that Sultan a lesson. What about old Karly?"
"He's still taking a NAP, but when it's over he's going to be looking for trouble. We'll need to be done whipping the Ottomans by then".
20 standard galactic minutes passed, at which point Hal entered the office.
"Ah, you're here. Well, you ready to do this?"
"No, I'm canceling our appointment! I'm mugging your ass! You need to give me Ukraine, Minsk, and Belgorod now, or I'm going to shoot. I'll count to ten. "
"Are you insane? You're just going to bust into my office, and demand provinces from me? And you can't break an appointment ten minutes beforehand! That's really rude!"
"9, 8, 7, 6..."
"Bob, do something!"
"He's got a gun, though".
"5, 4, 3, 2..."
"Gah! Fine! Bob, you need to get us some security guards in here. Where are those guys with the numbers underneath them?"
"Ha!" Said Hal. "I had my guys with the numbers underneath them kill your guys. They're all dead, hahahaha!" he bellowed boisterously, so that all the halls echoed. "You will have to hire new ones, and since I killed your managers too, you'll have to train new managers and trainers yourself! Yes, pwnd! Now give me the deeds to those provinces. Ok, thank you very much". And with that, the Polish lion left.
The two of them just stood there for a moment after Bob shut the door. Then the agent spoke up "Sir, would you like me to call the temporary employment agency? See if they have a few boys they could send us?"
"Yeah, do it. We'll get by. Hire a whole bunch of them. We need to get back at those Poles. They're bullies. All my life I've been plagued by bullies, they always want something. Your dignity, your lunch money, now my provinces. Well, I'm getting my provinces back! I need to earn my epithet before you land me that French position. We have what, three hours left?"
"Yes".
"Lets get to work".
Five dimensional years or one intergalactic standard hour later, the army was plumped to the max allowed under the intergalactic firecode. Since none of the employees were under contract and could quit at any moment, it was imperative that the task be done at once. There was one problem. Karl's nap was over, and he was in a very aggressive mood. He wanted all the provinces in the north. A typical bully demand. Fortunately, there was an even bigger bully in the guise of Fal, the king of England, who fancied to bully that bully into lowering his demands. Karl decided to go back to sleep for a while, and so the Polish campaign could begin.
"You, go that way, and you got that way. You can ride a horse. Yeah, I'll be up in my levitating office as usual, monitoring you and communicating you with the hovering pointy thing. Best of luck".
And with those words the new employees got to work, fighting with Hal's employees and usually winning. They finally found Hal in his hideout, dragged him out and starting demanding he tell them where his provinces were. They brought him up into the Tsar's levitating office.
"Ah, how the tables have turned. Now, tell me where my provinces are, so we can end this, I can finally have people call me Peter the great, and we can all go home."
"I'll never tell you where the provinces are. I'm a lion, rwar!"
Hal had been hypnotized shortly before being abducted into believing that he was a lion, in the hopes that it would give him lion-like physical strength, but in fact it didn't. However, he was very lion-like in other respects.
"Bob, give him a stabhit". And with that, Bob stabbed his arm with a toothpick, and then hit him in the face with really hard pillow.
"What do you think of that, Hal? You want some more? Huh? You ready to talk?"
"I will eat you!!!", he growled back. And the stabhits continued. For years they continued, or for the last hour, depending on how you looked at it. Hal would not tell them where the provinces were, nor would the Tsar and agent Bob stop stabhitting him. How the battle of wills will resolve itself, I think most of us have an idea, but nobody can say for sure.
Ontime- deflation
AAR- deflation
Of course there are Russia's in other worlds that are better off than this one, that goes without saying, however none of those meet the description above. It is the bane of Russian existences everywhere to be backward relative to its neighbors. Consensus has yet to be reached by physicists and galactic historians on why this is so. Some like to refer to this backwardness as traditionalism, and they wear it as a badge of honor, but this Tsar in this particular dimension of the galaxy at this time in history did not feel that way. He wanted progress, and he would get it one way or another.
"I took this job because I was told I would get to be known as Peter 'the great', but I wasn't told how depressing it would be. Squalor from north to south, and we don't even know how bad it is in Siberia. Haven't gotten a message through to them for ten years. When I'm done here, I'm going to seriously consider lowering your pay". This metropolitan, we'll call him Bob, was the Tsar's agent out in the working galaxy.
"I'm still working on a gig in France, but it'll be a while. You're here now, so lets focus on the job at hand. Hal is scheduled for a war with you against the Ottomans in the next few years, which in galactic time should is about 30 minutes from now"
"Good. With him and Ear we should be able to teach that Sultan a lesson. What about old Karly?"
"He's still taking a NAP, but when it's over he's going to be looking for trouble. We'll need to be done whipping the Ottomans by then".
20 standard galactic minutes passed, at which point Hal entered the office.
"Ah, you're here. Well, you ready to do this?"
"No, I'm canceling our appointment! I'm mugging your ass! You need to give me Ukraine, Minsk, and Belgorod now, or I'm going to shoot. I'll count to ten. "
"Are you insane? You're just going to bust into my office, and demand provinces from me? And you can't break an appointment ten minutes beforehand! That's really rude!"
"9, 8, 7, 6..."
"Bob, do something!"
"He's got a gun, though".
"5, 4, 3, 2..."
"Gah! Fine! Bob, you need to get us some security guards in here. Where are those guys with the numbers underneath them?"
"Ha!" Said Hal. "I had my guys with the numbers underneath them kill your guys. They're all dead, hahahaha!" he bellowed boisterously, so that all the halls echoed. "You will have to hire new ones, and since I killed your managers too, you'll have to train new managers and trainers yourself! Yes, pwnd! Now give me the deeds to those provinces. Ok, thank you very much". And with that, the Polish lion left.
The two of them just stood there for a moment after Bob shut the door. Then the agent spoke up "Sir, would you like me to call the temporary employment agency? See if they have a few boys they could send us?"
"Yeah, do it. We'll get by. Hire a whole bunch of them. We need to get back at those Poles. They're bullies. All my life I've been plagued by bullies, they always want something. Your dignity, your lunch money, now my provinces. Well, I'm getting my provinces back! I need to earn my epithet before you land me that French position. We have what, three hours left?"
"Yes".
"Lets get to work".
Five dimensional years or one intergalactic standard hour later, the army was plumped to the max allowed under the intergalactic firecode. Since none of the employees were under contract and could quit at any moment, it was imperative that the task be done at once. There was one problem. Karl's nap was over, and he was in a very aggressive mood. He wanted all the provinces in the north. A typical bully demand. Fortunately, there was an even bigger bully in the guise of Fal, the king of England, who fancied to bully that bully into lowering his demands. Karl decided to go back to sleep for a while, and so the Polish campaign could begin.
"You, go that way, and you got that way. You can ride a horse. Yeah, I'll be up in my levitating office as usual, monitoring you and communicating you with the hovering pointy thing. Best of luck".
And with those words the new employees got to work, fighting with Hal's employees and usually winning. They finally found Hal in his hideout, dragged him out and starting demanding he tell them where his provinces were. They brought him up into the Tsar's levitating office.
"Ah, how the tables have turned. Now, tell me where my provinces are, so we can end this, I can finally have people call me Peter the great, and we can all go home."
"I'll never tell you where the provinces are. I'm a lion, rwar!"
Hal had been hypnotized shortly before being abducted into believing that he was a lion, in the hopes that it would give him lion-like physical strength, but in fact it didn't. However, he was very lion-like in other respects.
"Bob, give him a stabhit". And with that, Bob stabbed his arm with a toothpick, and then hit him in the face with really hard pillow.
"What do you think of that, Hal? You want some more? Huh? You ready to talk?"
"I will eat you!!!", he growled back. And the stabhits continued. For years they continued, or for the last hour, depending on how you looked at it. Hal would not tell them where the provinces were, nor would the Tsar and agent Bob stop stabhitting him. How the battle of wills will resolve itself, I think most of us have an idea, but nobody can say for sure.
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