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More funniness.
 
Enewald: The German navy only needs to learn two things, how to kill, and how to die. Raeder's actually the smartest member of the navy. :D

Inner Circle: I'll give you a hint. What has three faces, is german, and loves tanks?

Thinsulate: Thanks. :)

Maj. von Mauser: Ask and you shall receive...
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Hitler: Well folks this is the fifth official meeting of the 3rd Reich. Some new things happened in the world and I for some reason still expect you all to explain it to me. Von Blomberg, start off.

Von Blomberg: Interceptor unit complete. Battleship Bismarck complete. Light cruiser complete. Awaiting new command.

Hitler: Hmm… well I have been neglecting the Navy, so build some submarines. They’ll be useful in screwing with the enemy’s supplies. Also, build some tanks. We need tanks.

Raeder: JOY!

BarqsBarrel-DaveTaylor.gif

This is the most advanced submarine the Germans can make

Goring: Or you could build bombers to sink the ships! Screw the Navy! Air wins!

Raeder: NAVY!

Goring: Air!

Raeder: NAVY!

Goring: AIR!

Raeder: NAVY!

Buch: OH YEAH!

Goring & Raeder: …

Buch: … oh yeah…

Hess: …lol wtf dood?

Hitler: Well, now that this little squabble is over, let’s continue on with the meeting. Constatin, what’s going on with the… Constatin? Constatin? Where did he go now?

Hess: sed somting abowt gowin 2 teh dokter 4 somting.

Hitler: What?

Hess: somting abowt a pil dat shuldnt lasst ovr 4 hrs…

Hitler: Oookaaay, please don’t continue on with that statement.

Hess: lol mindrape.

Hitler: I’ll just read his notes… more stupid trade deals, the Nationalists finally won, China’s doing decently in their war with Japan, and… what a second! I don’t remember sending the Condor Legion to them! Hess, did you send them?

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Finally the Nationalists won

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I'm not sure what's weirder, Japan failing or China winning (the Chinese cut off the landing)

Hess: no. i jus snt tem som monee 4 the lulz. No armee.

Hitler: Whatever. It gave us blueprints, which own. Buch, hopefully you’re doing fine with your new job.

Buch: OH YEAH!

Fritsch: Yes. He said he killed a few spies from England and…

Hitler: Was one of them…

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The bane of any evil doer...

Buch: OH YEAH!

Fritsch: No, it wasn’t him.

Hitler: Crud. Canaris, seeing as you actually did something useful last time we met, I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt and will ask you what you found.

Canaris: Well, I managed to send two dudes into Spain…

Hitler: Well that’s good news, now—

Canaris: No, I’m not done!

Hitler: Really?

Canaris: Yeah, but the problem is that Franco found out, and he seemed mad.

Hitler: …

Hess: lol u r a retard canairis.

Hitler: Ughh, I’ll just bribe him. Bribing always works. By the way, Beck how’s the mountaineering going?

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Pretty good I'd say

Beck: #^$%((% ^%#&*%& *(%(*&% $#&*%)(^ %*^)^(*^(*%^%# $#^^$&*$*(^% )(^( )$^$ ^%#$^$% *%^(&& *%*&(^())(&(*&%$ (*&^*(^)(%^&* #^$#$@#!% &#%&(%*%^)*%

Fritsch: He said that we’re 1/3 of the way there. We’re also glad that the new tanks are being made. Some of the generals were getting… testy. Especially this one guy… Reman, Remodel, Remmy?

Hitler: It doesn’t matter. Now Raeder, now that the Navy’s expanding by 40 vessels, how do you feel?

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Hopefully the subs die slowly enough to allow my plan to work

Raeder: ELATED.

Goring: I still think air is where it’s at… *crunch*

Hess: lol ur jst mad dat raders getting a navee. jus STFU.

Goring: Shut up Hess! *munch*

Hess: NO U.

Hitler: Ughhh, I’ll just end the meeting here. Meeting adjourned!

*cabinet leaves*

Hitler: Now to finish my greatest plan…

the-terminator.jpg

He's not here to kill Sarah Conner, he's here to kick ass...
 
I liked Raeder more when he wasn't as happy.

I like this AAR irregardless of Raeder's emotional state.
 
Rofl.

Buch is the best.
 
Kanil: Don't worry. Raeder will be back to his usual self once he sees his naval record. :D

Deus Eversor: Thanks. :D

Maj. von Mauser: Indeed he is. :cool:

Inner Circle: Don't worry, you'll find out soon. Although if you're still curious, it's quote is "Whoo! I'm freaking out!".

Enewald: I know! :rofl:
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Hitler: Greetings one and all to the sixth meeting of the 3rd Reich. I’m your host Adolf Hitler and this is my panel!

*applauses*

Hess:… WTF hitlr?

Hitler: Blame all those gameshows that Goebbels keep airing on the radio. They’re starting to affect my brain. Anyway before we start, I have some interesting news that concerns both Von Blomberg and Fritsch.

Von Blomberg: Query: what is statement about?

Fritsch: What is it?

Hitler: Apparently Von Blomberg, your wife used to work in prostitution.

Hess: lol, ur wifs a hor.

Von Blomberg: …Statement correct. Spouse former sex worker.

Hitler: According to what’s usually supposed to happen is that I fire you… but I didn’t feel like it.

Von Blomberg: … Query: Why?

Hitler: I’ve had worse working for me. Plus you’re one of the few ministers I have that aren’t totally incompetent.

Von Blomberg: Reply: Thank you.

Hitler: Now for you Fritsch, I’ve heard that you hire gay prostitutes for pleasure.

Fritsch: Come again?!

Hess: lol u fruit.

Fritsch: That’s completely untrue!

Hitler: Indeed, it’s not true. It turns out that the guy who blabbed was actually a French spy spreading rumors. He’s currently in Stalag 13, under my most competent prison warden.

klink5.jpg

I'd hate to see his least competent warden

Fritsch: Well that’s a relief.

Hitler: Now, let’s start with the meeting. Von Blomberg how goes research and production?

Von Blomberg: Designing hospital system, improving infantry, tanks, production. Creating transports. CAS at 75% completion. Submarine construction 20% complete.

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Yay new infs and tanks

Hitler: Great. Constatin, what about foreign relations?

Von Neurath: Ehh?! Well them Japs are still at war with them Chinesess. Yer plan of taking Austria worked and…uhh, where’d I place them there trade reports?

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The Reich, now with 20% more Austrians

Hitler: Doesn’t matter. Now…

Von Neurath: Course it matters Billy! Ye cain’t cut corners when presentin. Childern these days… Ah! There they are! Well them Amerecains are still presenting us with bad deals……

*5 hours later*

Von Neurath: And that’s it.

Hitler: Finally! Hopefully Buch You’re still earning your keep.

Buch: OH YEAH!

Fritsch: He said that he’s killed about 8 spies in the past six months. Mostly American.

Hitler: Were any of them a part of…

gijoe.jpg

Yep, they're real American Heroes...

Buch: OH YEAH!

Fritsch: He thinks one of them was. He couldn’t tell from the charred remains though.

Hitler: Hopefully it was. Canaris, do you have anything to note?

Canaris: Nothing about espionage, but I learned how to knit.

Hitler: … No you can’t kill your councilors. You’re better than that. Now Beck how goes army affairs?

Beck: ^*&$&$ &$^#%*(% $&*%#*&%^&^%# ^%#&*%(*$*(&^ $*(%*&%$(*^ #$@^#$&*^% *(^$&*$(*^%^(^&*$ (&^)(*^.

Fritsch: He said that the mountaineers are about halfway done, and that the tanks are being made right on time.

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Must... think... of something... smart... to say... and not... talk like... Willaim Shatner...

Hitler: Be glad that the Austrian takeover allowed for diversion of funds. Raeder, I’ve also added some transports to the navy. How do you feel?

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Part 2 of my naval plan is being made

Raeder: … Indifferent.

Hitler: Now Goring… Goring? Hess, where’s Goring?

Hess: he wnt 2 viena 4 som sasages.

Hitler: … Hopefully he doesn’t do anything too stupid.

Hess: nowin him he wil. 5 uros dat he ets everithin in site abd gts hartbrn.

Hitler: Probably. Well, meeting adjourned!
 
Klink is the best!

Nice update.
 
It's time to cancel some of those submarines in favor of more planes for Goering so Reader can go mental on his fat ass.
 
Inner Circle:Yes, but can they cope with the awesome might of Buch? :rolleyes:

Maj. von Mauser: Indeed. :D

4th Dimension: Or you can wait until his subs get nailed. :p

Enewald: Soon. Then we get to the interesting part. Glad you caught that reference too. :)
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Hitler: This is the seventh meeting of the 3rd Reich. I’m sure that something important has happened, and I still expect you to tell me what it is. Von Blomberg, how goes production and research?

Von Blomberg: Designing new tank, moterized infantry, assembly line, and encryption. Building destroyer fleet and mountaineers.

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Now I can finally build stuff that doesn't suck!

Hitler: Excellent. Now Constatin, how’s things in the diplomatic world?

Von Neurath: …

Hitler: Constatin, seriously how are things diplomatically?

Von Neurath: ….

Hitler: CONSTATIN! HOW ARE THINGS DIPLOMATICALLY?!?

Von Neurath: ….

Hess: i tink dat his pulin a crazee.

Hitler: Hmm… *smacks Von Neurath on the head*

Von Neurath: ….

Hess: lol is hi slepin.

Hitler: *checks pulse* No… he’s dead.

Hess: ……i gt is wallt!

Hitler: Well that explains why he smelled so bad.

Canaris: I thought it was because he was old.

Hitler: Crap, now I have to get a new minister. Well Hess, seeing as you don’t seem to participate in these meetings much, I appoint you temporary diplomat.

Hess: orly?

Hitler: Yes. Now read Constatin’s stuff while Canaris removes the body.

Canaris: Yea-WHAT?! Why do I have to move the body? Can’t someone else do it?

Hitler: NO! Since you almost never have anything to share, you are now required to move the corpses.

Canaris: But I don’t wanna move dead stuff! They’re… dead, and smelly!

Hitler: DO IT IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR JOB!

Canaris: … Fine. *drags corpse away, but falls down stairs and is stuck under body*

Hitler: Now Hess, what’s going on in the world?

Hess: teh chekoslovakins got buthurt dat we tuk dare land, teh japnees tuk teh captal of china but stil suk, and dare r a craplod of trad dels.

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Germany, now coming in Sudeten brand goodness.

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Japan, you're really being stupid

Hitler: Great. Buch, how’s the spy killing going?

Buch: OH YEAH!

Fritsch: He said that he’s killed multiple spies. Mainly from Russia.

Hitler: Ahh, the only Russian agents I care about are the KGB, and they don’t do espionage.

Buch: OH YEAH!

Fritsch: He asked if you’re sure.

Hitler: Of course I’m sure! Stalin’s more concerned over his safety from assassins then to use them to spy. Now since Canaris isn’t here, Buch try and read his report.

Buch: OH… YE…..A….H!

Fritsch: It’s mostly illegible, and the parts that are talk about magical gremlins and other such nonsense.

Hess: lmao! wat a retard!

Hitler: Note to self: fire Canaris. Beck, how are the tanks rolling anyway?

Beck: $*)@) (*% %$&*% *^ %*^*()^()& %#$^%# ^$#&%*&(^ ^#^$## &$% ^%#$&% *&$^%$*( &%&$.

Fritsch: The tanks are done, and that man who was begging for one of them’s now etremely happy.

Beck: $^$#%*^ ()&)( #^%# ^$&%&*% *(%*(^^# %$$#^$.

Fritsch: Oh, and mountaineers are being made as well.

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Mountaineers are very useful

Hitler: Great. Now Raeder, how do you feel about the new Destroyer squadron that’s in production?

Raeder: …HAPPY.

Ihasabarrel.jpg

Say that when England pummels us...

Goring: You won’t be once the airforce pummels your tin cans into dust!

Raeder: SILENCE!

Goring: Admit it! The air is king! We destroy the land and the sea!

Raeder: RAGE!

Goring: What’s the worst your navy can do? Thow pellets at us?

Raeder: KILL!

Goring: Ah shi—

Hitler: Meeting adjourned. Now let’s go watch Raeder pummel Goring!

*leaves to watch Raeder pummel Goring*

Canaris: Uhh, guys? Help. I’m still stuck under him. Guys…
 
Keisok said:
Goring: You won’t be once the airforce pummels your tin cans into dust!

Raeder: SILENCE!

Goring: Admit it! The air is king! We destroy the land and the sea!

Raeder: RAGE!

Goring: What’s the worst your navy can do? Thow pellets at us?

Raeder: KILL!

Rofl.

That was the best Raeder yet.

Who will replace von Neurath?
 
Enewald said:
American heroes, lols.
I thought it was 'The Dirty Dozen' :rofl:
 
3 :rofl: for this AAR
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
 
Maj. von Mauser: Currently, Hess is temporarily filling that roll, although that won't be for long :D .

ShadowWarrior: How did I forget about them!? :(

Inner Circle: I can kinda see that in this update. Although he came out more like Fuijin from FF8 to me.

Mico94: Yay! :D

Also this will be the last update for a bit. I'm going to the beach for a few days.
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Hitler: Welcome to the eighth meeting of the 3rd Reich. I’m sure something has happened seeing that there’s this Hungarian poking my head.

Hungarian: Sv’h ufm gl klpv.

Fritsch: He seems to enjoy that.

Hitler: I can see that. Tell him to stop!

Fritsch: fssss… xlfow blf kovzhv hglk klprmt Srgoi?

Hungarian: Yfg rg’h ufm.

Fritsch: Kviszkh, yfg rg zmtvih srn.

Hungarian: Urmv.

Fritsch: He agrees to stop.

Hitler: Good, now let’s begin the meeting. Von Blomberg, how goes production?

Von Blomberg: Production remains same. Developing assembly line, decryption. Improving marine, decryption, artillery.

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Why must the doctrines I research now be as useless as Canaris?!

Hitler: Good. Hess, seeing as I still can’t find a replacement for Constantin, you’ll have to stay diplomat for the time.

Hess: dis sux0rs. teh italyans pwnd anoter lusar cuntry, jpan stil sux aganst china. moar trads, chexs and lituanyans got pwnd bi us, and allis wit hungry.

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Italy, still trying to prove they don't suck by bullying

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The Reich, now including Czech bits!

Hitler: Let me guess, the Hungarian’s an envoy.

Hess: ya.

Hitler: Great. Fritsch, ask the Hungarian about our alliance.

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All that you need to know is that they suck

Fritsch: Very well. Fsss… dszg’h tlrmt lm rm Sfmtzib?

Hungarian: Dvoo…

*3 hours later*

Hungarian & Fritsch: Zmw gszg’h zoo./And that’s all.

Hitler: I’ll supply your people with some blueprints so you don’t suck as badly.

Fritsch: Sv’oo hfkkob blfi xlfmgib drgt yofvkirmgh.

Hungarian: Tivzg!

Hitler: Well, let’s continue on with intelligence… Oh, and you can tell the Hungarian to leave.

Fritsch: Blf nzb ovzev.

Hungarian: LP. *leaves*

Hitler: Buch, how are things in the spy killing business?

Buch: OH YEAH!

Fritsch: Surprisingly no spy attempts has been made from the enemy.

Hitler: That’s odd; I’d expect a little more activity. Well seeing that Canaris still hasn’t gotten back from his mission…

Canaris: I’m still stuck guys!

Hitler: You can read his reports.

Buch: …OH YEAH.

Fritsch: He says that it’s the same thing as last reading.

Hitler: That’s it. Next time Canaris comes back I’m so firing him.

Hess: lazee retard.

Canaris: …Maybe I should stay under here.

Hitler: Beck, how’s the army?

Beck: %*( )&(#& % ^#$&*%*&(%%$ ^%#$&*%*& &(*%&*$&%$*(%.

Fritsch: He said that it’s slowly improving. We’re finally getting the good equipment.

Hitler: That reminds me, I’m going to have to participate in the army soon.

Von Blomberg: Correct. Note: find replacement.

Goring: That means that I will take comma—

Hitler: No, I’ll still be here on a radio broadcast. Plus I’m appointing Hess as head of these meetings.

Hess: lol u got pwnd gorin.

Raeder: AMUSEMENT.

Goring: Oh yeah? Well at least I have an actual airforce.

Raeder: KILL?

Hitler: Might as well.

*Raeder pummels Goring*

Hitler: Ahh, before I go and finish my greatest plan, I might as well watch this again.