ShadowWarrior

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Raeder might not have the best navy, but he can still fight! (sorry, KILL) :rofl:
 

Mico94

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Beck: %*( )&(#& % ^#$&*%*&(%%$ ^%#$&*%*& &(*%&*$&%$*(%.
Fritsch: he says this AAR is great
Buch: OH YEAH!!!
Fritsch: and we want an UPDATE!

(sorry, couldn't resist :D )
 

unmerged(87183)

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Rofl.
 

Keisok

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Enewald: Yep. Not that he was that useful anyway (storywise, gamewise I probably would've kept him)

ShadowWarrior: That he will, that he will. :)

Mico94: Don't worry, now that I'm back you can expect more updates.

Maj. von Mauser: :rofl: Right back atchya.

Also, now we begin the military meetings, yay! :D
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hess: now dis is teh 9th meating of teh 3rd rech. now dat im leder results or GTFO. robot & hitlr is at teh war, so caffene dood, wats up wit produktion?

Schacht:Wellourproductionisslowingdownbecauseofthewar,andtherequirementsforupgrading.Ourresearchgoeswellwhatwithourstudiesintotheassemblyline,logistics,andcomputation.

ScreenSave3-5.jpg

Schacht's speedy demeanor hopefully will help in production

ScreenSave2-6.jpg

Research is going good

Hess: lol wut.

Schacht:pleasesirdon’tinterruptwhileI’m—

Hess: i gt it. were not suking as much. OK new stoopid gai, hows diplomasy?

Von Ribbentrop: Duhhh… we at war with Poland… France….uhhh… how you say this word?

Hess: &ngland.

Von Ribbentrop: Oooohhhhh. England…and lots of other countries.

ScreenSave0-5.jpg

Poland, the only country worse than France

Hess: wel, at lest your not usles liek kanairis… buch wat abowt owr spi problm?

Buch: OH YEAH!

Fritsch: He said that the only spy we killed recently was French.

Hess: lol teh frentch suk. kanairis stil isnt bak from gtting rid of old dood, so u red teh report.

Canaris: WHY DOESN’T ANYONE HELP ME?!?!

Buch: OH YEAH!

Fritsch: Nothing, nothing has been done.

Hess: lol kanairis is so fired. bek wats up wit the armee?

Beck: $&$ ^%*&$*(&% *(%&$&* %^*(%*( )%# $#^$#$^$#% @#$!@ ^$#@% @%##^ ^%#$%@#&%&% *%&*#$ ^@#$ ^(^%&*$ ^#^#$^$&*%&*%$.

Fritsch: The army is still somewhat outdated, but the upgrades are now starting to take effect.

Hess: kay. rader hows teh navee?

Raeder: DECENT.

Goring: Five bucks says that your tin cans get demolished by the enemy.

Raeder: SILENCE!

Hess: goring, info or GTFO.

Goring: Fine. The airforce is the best airforce on earth. Although why Hitler focuses on the navy now is beyond me.

Hess: its so dat we kan invaid &ngland witowt gtiing pwned.

Raeder: KILL?

Hess: lol do it.

Raeder: JOY!

Goring: Goddammit!

*Raeder pummels Goring*

Hess: my favrite momnt.

*meanwhile at the Polish border*

Hitler: What in the nine layers of hell was I thinking when I joined the army!? Himmler, how do you stand it?

Himmler: Wal, ah dealt wif it thanks t'mah years wawkin' as a chikin farmer. Yo' does git some mooscle thanks t'chasin' chikins.

ScreenSave5-4.jpg

Himmler, one of them good ol' boys

Hitler: Ughh, well I spent my younger years in art school, so how the hell do I stand it?

*gun fires at Hitler’s feet*

Hitler: What the?! Are the Polish attacking?

Rommel: Nein. As usual Herr Hitler your dramatics coincide with your thuggish demeanor and leaves much to be desired.

Hitler: Cram it schizo.

Rommel: The name’s Rommel you miserable cretin! Remember it as I— Express my feelings in song!

*Rommel starts to sing badly*

ScreenSave9-4.jpg

Irwin Rommel, voted second craziest german in 1936 (Frick being first)

Hitler: Shut up! I’m still leader here, and I can demolish those tanks you enjoy so much!

Model: Noooo! Not the tanks! Kill me, but don’t take my tanks away! Nooo!

Rommel: He wouldn’t. After all, we are the brightest military minds in the entire Reich— I’d turn him into rubble if he tried!

Hitler: Damn. Caught me there.

Model: He won’t take my tanks? That means celebration time!

Himmler: How is we a-gonna celebrate? We doesn't haf th' right grubs fo' ennythin' fancy, an' none of us is French so we is not thet able t'spice up our rashuns.

Model: We’ll get Schack to do it! He worked with Bork during the 20’s.

300px-Swedishchef2.jpg

Schack's former mentor

Schack: Vell, let me-a joost see-a vhet I cun meke-a veet zee reshuns ve-a hefe-a... Hmmm, it vuoold be-a herd tu du, boot I theenki I cuoold meke-a sumetheeng oooot ooff vhet ve-a hefe-a.

Rommel: Well with that issue out of the way— let me teach you how to dance! Soon you will be as light on your feet as I am! A ha cha cha!

Hitler: Maybe army life isn’t that bad after all…
 

Mico94

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why von blomberg was replaced, WHY? he was so useful, well.. I guess the +10 IC schacht produces are good
at least von ribbentrop has come to replace... someone(canaris or the dead guy?)
 

4th Dimension

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Mico94 said:
at least von ribbentrop has come to replace... someone(canaris or the dead guy?)
The dead guy
 

unmerged(87183)

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Another good one.

I think it's about time to save Canaris though.
 

Keisok

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Enewald: See, Rommel's not only an insane tanker, but a good dance instructor! :rofl:

Mico94: Usually I go with Schacht right off, Von Blomberg storywise waas pretty good. Don't worry he's still there in the military.

4th Dimension: Bingo. :)

Maj. von Mauser: You can read minds? :eek:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hess: kay dis is the 10th meting of teh 3rd rech. teh war is hot, & i want 2 here how it wnt. caffene dood wats going on?

Schacht:Ourproductionisgoingonsmoothly.Werecentlyaddedsomeescortfightersforthetacticalbombers,seeingasI’msurethey’llneedit.Researchisgoingwellwe’remakingnewinfantryandbombersand—

ScreenSave20.jpg

New Infs make me happy

Hess: kay, just b qwiet. new stoopid dood, ur trn.

Von Ribbentrop: Duurr… Poland go byebye. Lots of other countries hate us.

ScreenSave4-5.jpg


ScreenSave7-4.jpg


ScreenSave16-1.jpg


ScreenSave17-1.jpg

Polish campaign in a nutshell

Hess: lol pland sux. buch wat abot teh spis?

Buch: OH YEAH!

Fritsch: Only one spy attempted to get in, and he was killed.

Hess: srsly y arnt spis tring 2 entr teh cuntry? Wow now cing dat—

*Canaris enters the room with the skeleton of Von Neurath*

Canaris: I’m here I’m here! WHY THE *^%@ DIDN’T YOU %^*^@#$ HELP ME!?!?!

Hess: WTF dood?! Y r u holdin old dood’s bodee?

Canaris: Nonononono! Why the hell did you leave me underneath him for over a year!?! I had to survive by eating his flesh! Do you know how repulsive it was?

Hess: TMI dood, TMI.

Schacht:That’sdisgusting!Siryoushouldreally—

Canaris: SHUT UP!!! I’m speaking! You thought I was retarded because of the lack of information. I’m not! I dumbed down myself because our so-called-leader almost never gave me funding!

Raeder: LIES.

Canaris: Shut up you single worded freak!

Raeder: KILL!

*Canaris… pummels Raeder o_O*

Canaris: See?! See what I mean?! You still don’t take me seriously. You thought just because I acted stupid you could treat me like shit!

Beck: ^%*%#$( )^ ^*(&$$ &*&(%^&*&% %&$^#&*% &%&%#$^%#^%$ ^#$^%$#&^%^#!

Fritsch: No one treated you badly. I think that you’re just—

Canaris: Cram it mouthpiece! Everyone treated me badly! Hitler gave me the most demeaning jobs, Hess constantly insulted me, Goring ate my food! Hell, you and Beck insulted me behind my back! Don’t think that I don’t know what you do!

Beck: %^(*^)( ^#%^# $#%*&%?

Canaris: Yes I can understand you perfectly. You were insulting me even as Fritsch sugarcoated it!

Hess: STFU—

Canaris: noob. I knew you were going to say that!

Hess: lol time 4 u 2 gt b&.

Canaris: You can’t fire me! Only Hitler can seeing as he picked me for the spot! And his word is over yours you reject from 4-chan!

Hess: …

Canaris: See? If I was given a chance, I’d have proved to you all that I’m probably the smartest member here!

Hess: …fine. U gt ur spot bak, now gt rid of teh skelton. now wat happnd?

*Canaris drops the skeleton, but keeps the skull*

Canaris: Seeing that you didn’t give me anything to work with, I don’t have anything to say at the moment.

Hess: kay. now bek, wats up wit teh armee?

Beck: &$*&%$ %#&**(&%*(%^#%&% ^#&%$(*^(*^#^# %@%@ ^#^*%$^%# %%@%#&%^%$#&% ^%#$%# % &%&*$^#^$&$ $@#%!

Canaris: I heard that! My mother had nothing to do with stuff like that!

Fritsch: Uhh… aside from the insult, the army’s gaining some new infantry and motorized units. We’re also relocating to the west.

Hess: rader u OK?

Reader: …PAIN.

Goring: Now you know how I feel.

Hess: kay, now rader wats up wit teh navee?

Raeder: BATTLE.

Goring: Yeah, against the Polish. Nothing that impressive. Now my air units on the other hand managed to pummel the French and destroy the RAF!

Hess: orly?

Goring: Yeah, the RAF will not bomb another city—

*British bomber squadron bombs Berlin*

Hess: lol liar—

*British bomber crashes next to the meeting room*

Goring: …Without taking some losses.

Hess: K, metings ovr.

*Meanwhile on the battlefield*

Hitler: Wow, I didn’t think the Polish would surrender so quickly.

Von Blomberg: Agreement with statement. Poland should be more difficult.

ScreenSave10-2.jpg

Southern Campaign

Rommel: As I previously stated, the tanks we have makes our enemies— tremble in fear as we crush them— into bite sized pieces! Ooohh I love pieces! Particularly in my schnitzel!

Hitler: Rommel, go be crazy somewhere else.

Rommel: How about I— Very well Herr Hitler.

*leaves*

Hitler: Now, how about you Himmler? How easy did you find the Polish?

Himmler: They were similar t'mah chikins, but mah chikins fought harder aginst me than th' Polish.

ScreenSave12-3.jpg

Central Campaign

Hitler: Yeah I was a little depressed about that. I thought that—

Guderian: Forsooth my brethren of the Teutonic cross! Those foolish Slavic knaves have been soundly defeated by yours truly! Heinz Guderian, Grandmaster of the Knights Panzer!

ScreenSave15-1.jpg

The north was taken entirely by this Crazed Crusader

Hitler: Uhhh… Guderian?

Guderian: My liege! How bravely you fought against those savages at Krakow! Your heroic stand against those fiends is inspiring to all!

Hitler: Guderian, could you check for wounded?

Guderian: Very well my lord.

*leaves shouting about the nobility of his lord*

Hitler: And I thought Rommel was screwy…

Himmler: He completely outta his mind, cuss it all t' tarnation.

Hitler: Oh well. Contact everyone and tell them to move west for the French. And— Hey Model, what are you doing?!

*Model whizzes by on a tank*

Model: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Hitler: Model, you’re going to fall off a—

*Model falls off the cliff*

Model: … I’m okay! But my tank…

Hitler: I’ll get you a better one!

Model: Yay!

*In the sea*

Random Admiral: KILL?

*In the air*

ScreenSave19-1.jpg

Goering's Flyboys Pummel a French unit

German Pilot 1: Wet's demowish those no good Fwenchies!

German Pilot 2: Yeah, let’s get ‘em!

Hungarian Pilot: Uli gsv Sliwv!

German Pilot 1: What's this guy tawking about?

German Pilot 2: I don’t know but it sounds cool! Let’s go!
 

Mico94

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that random admiral reminds me of someone... :D
great update
 

ShadowWarrior

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Jip, and German Pilot 1 reminds me of Tweetie! Uhm... so where is Silvester?
 

Mico94

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ShadowWarrior said:
Jip, and German Pilot 1 reminds me of Tweetie! Uhm... so where is Silvester?

maybe he is being bombed :D
 

unmerged(87183)

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Canaris is damn awesome, he totally pwned everyone there.

Probably the best comeback ever.
 

Keisok

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I have the regret to say something bad happened to my game. If you want to know what happened, read the last update. :(
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hitler: Okay this is... wait. What the hell? Why am I back here in the meeting room?

Hess: i dunno.

Beck: &$(&*%( %&$&$*&^*(%^ &$%^#$%# ()&^()^*&%&^$ &%$*&%*(%^*& &%)(*&_(&(*^$!

Fritsch: I too feel the strange prescence that permeates through the air.

Schacht:Whythisisacuriousphenomena.Whatcouldbecausingit?

Rommel: Hmm, what an interesting feeling- It makes me want to dance! Who wishes to- see what this is all about?

Hitler: Rommel? Why are you here?

Rommel: Why should I tell you?! You can go- my apologies herr Hitler. I have no clue as to what I am doing here.

Hess: lol ur almst as crazee as crazee.

Buch: OH YEAH!

Fritsch: Well said.

Raeder: APPROACHING.

Goring: Ah, it's probably just some crumbum who wants a job.

Von Blomberg: Incorrect. Large energy signal approaching.

Canaris: I have a bad feeling about this...

Hess: no shit retard. 4 som1 smrt, ur prty stoopid.

Canaris: I should take offense from-

*Door opens*

????: Hey people, I have something to tell you.

Hitler: Oh? And you are?

????: Oops, sorry. My name's Keisok and-

Hess lo ur-

Keisok: Zip it Hess.

*Hess' mouth zips shut*

Everyone else: :eek:

Keisok: Now then I'm-

Hitler: How did you do that?!

Keisok: Please, I'm getting to that. I'm what you call an "author" of sorts.

Raeder: EXPLAIN.

Keisok: I create and design "stories" surrounding the lives of people. Well, it so happens that one of these stories involves all of you.

Beck: What do you mean all of us?

Everyone else: :eek:

Beck: Am I..?

Keisok: Correct. You're speaking normally. Now, if you haven't figured it out now, you'll know that I'm...

Canaris: God?

Keisok: Yes and no. I am indeed he who controls all in this dimension, but I am but a whelp in my own.

Schaht:Ohmy.

Keisok: Indeed. Now, there's a problem that I have that involves you.

Hitler: And it is?

Keisok: The history that I have of you was deleted by a corrupted file.

Everyone: What?!

Keisok: That was my main thought too. I managed to save the system, but your file was lost.

Hitler: What the hell does that mean?!

Keisok: Your world is gone. You are all that's left of it.

Hess: mpph!fprrth!

Keisok: Indeed. Now there is one thing I can do...

Hitler: What?

Keisok: I could remake your world. However you can never go back to it.

Hitler: Why?

Keisok: I would have to use your bodies and and spirits to remake it.

Goring: Screw that!

Keisok: It's either that or you remain in limbo forever.

Goring: ...Fine.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here are the chronicles of legend describing what was formed from each member of this AAR:

Hitler's body and soul formed the core of the earth. Essential for all, but rarely seen.

Hess' spirit created the sarcastic nature of man, as his body wilted into nothingness.

Von Blomberg's spirit gave forth rationality and thinking, as his body formed into the earth.

Frick's soul sprung forth insanity and irrationality, as his long dead body formed the glens and marshes.

Buch's body and soul gave forth little, and was reincarnated into the Kool-aid man for the lulz.

Schacht's soul threw out the will of man, and formed the minerals of the earth.

Von Neurath's soul gave out mortality to all, and his skeleton sprung forth mountains and hills.

Beck's soul put forth anger and emotion, as his body formed the heat of the earth.

Von Ribbentrop offered little in mind, but for body sprang forth the flora and fauna.

Raeder formed the sea and it's creatures, just as Goring formed the air and it's denizens.

Fritsch formed the the tounges of both man and beast, providing communication.

Rommel's unstable spirit flew apart as it created the weather.

Himmler formed the state of Kentucky, 'nuff said.

Guderian provided honor and nobility to man

Schack gave forth the knowledge of cooking

Canaris formed both cunning, and caves, as well as ignorance

Model gave forth the love for anything on wheels

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Narrator: Everything else was formed when the author bloody well felt like it, and that's how the world was formed. Or at the very least that's what the ancient scroll from 13,000 years ago tells me. Although judging from the screwed up method that the author wrote it in, I would assume he was on some good drugs while writing it. Well, I told you the story of Hitler and how he Fixed the Earth, now shut up and take your Nyquil.

Random person: I thought it was Crazy Councilors and Mad Meetings. Plus why did it get so spiritual and crap at the end? This ending sucks!

Narrator: How should I know?! It's obvious that the author was pulling it out of his rectum by the end of it! I mean seriously, an all powerful being that just destroyed a planet and relied on HITLER to remake it! It started okay and failed horribly at the end.

????: Or maybe he simply couldn't continue with the plot.

Narrator: And you are?

????: The name is Keisok, and I believe that's my story you're reading. Now that I'm sure that whole thing was told it might as well be the-

End
 

Mico94

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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo!!!!!111!!!11!!!1!!!!
 

unmerged(87183)

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Ok, start one with France.

Too bad though, and interesting ending.