unmerged(87183)

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More funniness.
 

Keisok

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Enewald: The German navy only needs to learn two things, how to kill, and how to die. Raeder's actually the smartest member of the navy. :D

Inner Circle: I'll give you a hint. What has three faces, is german, and loves tanks?

Thinsulate: Thanks. :)

Maj. von Mauser: Ask and you shall receive...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hitler: Well folks this is the fifth official meeting of the 3rd Reich. Some new things happened in the world and I for some reason still expect you all to explain it to me. Von Blomberg, start off.

Von Blomberg: Interceptor unit complete. Battleship Bismarck complete. Light cruiser complete. Awaiting new command.

Hitler: Hmm… well I have been neglecting the Navy, so build some submarines. They’ll be useful in screwing with the enemy’s supplies. Also, build some tanks. We need tanks.

Raeder: JOY!

BarqsBarrel-DaveTaylor.gif

This is the most advanced submarine the Germans can make

Goring: Or you could build bombers to sink the ships! Screw the Navy! Air wins!

Raeder: NAVY!

Goring: Air!

Raeder: NAVY!

Goring: AIR!

Raeder: NAVY!

Buch: OH YEAH!

Goring & Raeder: …

Buch: … oh yeah…

Hess: …lol wtf dood?

Hitler: Well, now that this little squabble is over, let’s continue on with the meeting. Constatin, what’s going on with the… Constatin? Constatin? Where did he go now?

Hess: sed somting abowt gowin 2 teh dokter 4 somting.

Hitler: What?

Hess: somting abowt a pil dat shuldnt lasst ovr 4 hrs…

Hitler: Oookaaay, please don’t continue on with that statement.

Hess: lol mindrape.

Hitler: I’ll just read his notes… more stupid trade deals, the Nationalists finally won, China’s doing decently in their war with Japan, and… what a second! I don’t remember sending the Condor Legion to them! Hess, did you send them?

ScreenSave4-2.jpg

Finally the Nationalists won

ScreenSave14.jpg

I'm not sure what's weirder, Japan failing or China winning (the Chinese cut off the landing)

Hess: no. i jus snt tem som monee 4 the lulz. No armee.

Hitler: Whatever. It gave us blueprints, which own. Buch, hopefully you’re doing fine with your new job.

Buch: OH YEAH!

Fritsch: Yes. He said he killed a few spies from England and…

Hitler: Was one of them…

James_Bond__Pierce__208750g_2731502.jpg

The bane of any evil doer...

Buch: OH YEAH!

Fritsch: No, it wasn’t him.

Hitler: Crud. Canaris, seeing as you actually did something useful last time we met, I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt and will ask you what you found.

Canaris: Well, I managed to send two dudes into Spain…

Hitler: Well that’s good news, now—

Canaris: No, I’m not done!

Hitler: Really?

Canaris: Yeah, but the problem is that Franco found out, and he seemed mad.

Hitler: …

Hess: lol u r a retard canairis.

Hitler: Ughh, I’ll just bribe him. Bribing always works. By the way, Beck how’s the mountaineering going?

ScreenSave12-1.jpg

Pretty good I'd say

Beck: #^$%((% ^%#&*%& *(%(*&% $#&*%)(^ %*^)^(*^(*%^%# $#^^$&*$*(^% )(^( )$^$ ^%#$^$% *%^(&& *%*&(^())(&(*&%$ (*&^*(^)(%^&* #^$#$@#!% &#%&(%*%^)*%

Fritsch: He said that we’re 1/3 of the way there. We’re also glad that the new tanks are being made. Some of the generals were getting… testy. Especially this one guy… Reman, Remodel, Remmy?

Hitler: It doesn’t matter. Now Raeder, now that the Navy’s expanding by 40 vessels, how do you feel?

ScreenSave9-2.jpg

Hopefully the subs die slowly enough to allow my plan to work

Raeder: ELATED.

Goring: I still think air is where it’s at… *crunch*

Hess: lol ur jst mad dat raders getting a navee. jus STFU.

Goring: Shut up Hess! *munch*

Hess: NO U.

Hitler: Ughhh, I’ll just end the meeting here. Meeting adjourned!

*cabinet leaves*

Hitler: Now to finish my greatest plan…

the-terminator.jpg

He's not here to kill Sarah Conner, he's here to kick ass...
 

Kanil

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I liked Raeder more when he wasn't as happy.

I like this AAR irregardless of Raeder's emotional state.
 

Deus Eversor

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subscribbed :D
 

unmerged(87183)

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Rofl.

Buch is the best.
 

Keisok

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Kanil: Don't worry. Raeder will be back to his usual self once he sees his naval record. :D

Deus Eversor: Thanks. :D

Maj. von Mauser: Indeed he is. :cool:

Inner Circle: Don't worry, you'll find out soon. Although if you're still curious, it's quote is "Whoo! I'm freaking out!".

Enewald: I know! :rofl:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hitler: Greetings one and all to the sixth meeting of the 3rd Reich. I’m your host Adolf Hitler and this is my panel!

*applauses*

Hess:… WTF hitlr?

Hitler: Blame all those gameshows that Goebbels keep airing on the radio. They’re starting to affect my brain. Anyway before we start, I have some interesting news that concerns both Von Blomberg and Fritsch.

Von Blomberg: Query: what is statement about?

Fritsch: What is it?

Hitler: Apparently Von Blomberg, your wife used to work in prostitution.

Hess: lol, ur wifs a hor.

Von Blomberg: …Statement correct. Spouse former sex worker.

Hitler: According to what’s usually supposed to happen is that I fire you… but I didn’t feel like it.

Von Blomberg: … Query: Why?

Hitler: I’ve had worse working for me. Plus you’re one of the few ministers I have that aren’t totally incompetent.

Von Blomberg: Reply: Thank you.

Hitler: Now for you Fritsch, I’ve heard that you hire gay prostitutes for pleasure.

Fritsch: Come again?!

Hess: lol u fruit.

Fritsch: That’s completely untrue!

Hitler: Indeed, it’s not true. It turns out that the guy who blabbed was actually a French spy spreading rumors. He’s currently in Stalag 13, under my most competent prison warden.

klink5.jpg

I'd hate to see his least competent warden

Fritsch: Well that’s a relief.

Hitler: Now, let’s start with the meeting. Von Blomberg how goes research and production?

Von Blomberg: Designing hospital system, improving infantry, tanks, production. Creating transports. CAS at 75% completion. Submarine construction 20% complete.

ScreenSave2-4.jpg

Yay new infs and tanks

Hitler: Great. Constatin, what about foreign relations?

Von Neurath: Ehh?! Well them Japs are still at war with them Chinesess. Yer plan of taking Austria worked and…uhh, where’d I place them there trade reports?

ScreenSave1-2.jpg

The Reich, now with 20% more Austrians

Hitler: Doesn’t matter. Now…

Von Neurath: Course it matters Billy! Ye cain’t cut corners when presentin. Childern these days… Ah! There they are! Well them Amerecains are still presenting us with bad deals……

*5 hours later*

Von Neurath: And that’s it.

Hitler: Finally! Hopefully Buch You’re still earning your keep.

Buch: OH YEAH!

Fritsch: He said that he’s killed about 8 spies in the past six months. Mostly American.

Hitler: Were any of them a part of…

gijoe.jpg

Yep, they're real American Heroes...

Buch: OH YEAH!

Fritsch: He thinks one of them was. He couldn’t tell from the charred remains though.

Hitler: Hopefully it was. Canaris, do you have anything to note?

Canaris: Nothing about espionage, but I learned how to knit.

Hitler: … No you can’t kill your councilors. You’re better than that. Now Beck how goes army affairs?

Beck: ^*&$&$ &$^#%*(% $&*%#*&%^&^%# ^%#&*%(*$*(&^ $*(%*&%$(*^ #$@^#$&*^% *(^$&*$(*^%^(^&*$ (&^)(*^.

Fritsch: He said that the mountaineers are about halfway done, and that the tanks are being made right on time.

ScreenSave3-3.jpg

Must... think... of something... smart... to say... and not... talk like... Willaim Shatner...

Hitler: Be glad that the Austrian takeover allowed for diversion of funds. Raeder, I’ve also added some transports to the navy. How do you feel?

ScreenSave5-2.jpg

Part 2 of my naval plan is being made

Raeder: … Indifferent.

Hitler: Now Goring… Goring? Hess, where’s Goring?

Hess: he wnt 2 viena 4 som sasages.

Hitler: … Hopefully he doesn’t do anything too stupid.

Hess: nowin him he wil. 5 uros dat he ets everithin in site abd gts hartbrn.

Hitler: Probably. Well, meeting adjourned!
 

unmerged(87183)

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Klink is the best!

Nice update.
 

4th Dimension

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It's time to cancel some of those submarines in favor of more planes for Goering so Reader can go mental on his fat ass.
 

Keisok

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Inner Circle:Yes, but can they cope with the awesome might of Buch? :rolleyes:

Maj. von Mauser: Indeed. :D

4th Dimension: Or you can wait until his subs get nailed. :p

Enewald: Soon. Then we get to the interesting part. Glad you caught that reference too. :)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hitler: This is the seventh meeting of the 3rd Reich. I’m sure that something important has happened, and I still expect you to tell me what it is. Von Blomberg, how goes production and research?

Von Blomberg: Designing new tank, moterized infantry, assembly line, and encryption. Building destroyer fleet and mountaineers.

ScreenSave1-3.jpg

Now I can finally build stuff that doesn't suck!

Hitler: Excellent. Now Constatin, how’s things in the diplomatic world?

Von Neurath: …

Hitler: Constatin, seriously how are things diplomatically?

Von Neurath: ….

Hitler: CONSTATIN! HOW ARE THINGS DIPLOMATICALLY?!?

Von Neurath: ….

Hess: i tink dat his pulin a crazee.

Hitler: Hmm… *smacks Von Neurath on the head*

Von Neurath: ….

Hess: lol is hi slepin.

Hitler: *checks pulse* No… he’s dead.

Hess: ……i gt is wallt!

Hitler: Well that explains why he smelled so bad.

Canaris: I thought it was because he was old.

Hitler: Crap, now I have to get a new minister. Well Hess, seeing as you don’t seem to participate in these meetings much, I appoint you temporary diplomat.

Hess: orly?

Hitler: Yes. Now read Constatin’s stuff while Canaris removes the body.

Canaris: Yea-WHAT?! Why do I have to move the body? Can’t someone else do it?

Hitler: NO! Since you almost never have anything to share, you are now required to move the corpses.

Canaris: But I don’t wanna move dead stuff! They’re… dead, and smelly!

Hitler: DO IT IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR JOB!

Canaris: … Fine. *drags corpse away, but falls down stairs and is stuck under body*

Hitler: Now Hess, what’s going on in the world?

Hess: teh chekoslovakins got buthurt dat we tuk dare land, teh japnees tuk teh captal of china but stil suk, and dare r a craplod of trad dels.

ScreenSave0-3.jpg

Germany, now coming in Sudeten brand goodness.

ScreenSave6-1.jpg

Japan, you're really being stupid

Hitler: Great. Buch, how’s the spy killing going?

Buch: OH YEAH!

Fritsch: He said that he’s killed multiple spies. Mainly from Russia.

Hitler: Ahh, the only Russian agents I care about are the KGB, and they don’t do espionage.

Buch: OH YEAH!

Fritsch: He asked if you’re sure.

Hitler: Of course I’m sure! Stalin’s more concerned over his safety from assassins then to use them to spy. Now since Canaris isn’t here, Buch try and read his report.

Buch: OH… YE…..A….H!

Fritsch: It’s mostly illegible, and the parts that are talk about magical gremlins and other such nonsense.

Hess: lmao! wat a retard!

Hitler: Note to self: fire Canaris. Beck, how are the tanks rolling anyway?

Beck: $*)@) (*% %$&*% *^ %*^*()^()& %#$^%# ^$#&%*&(^ ^#^$## &$% ^%#$&% *&$^%$*( &%&$.

Fritsch: The tanks are done, and that man who was begging for one of them’s now etremely happy.

Beck: $^$#%*^ ()&)( #^%# ^$&%&*% *(%*(^^# %$$#^$.

Fritsch: Oh, and mountaineers are being made as well.

ScreenSave2-5.jpg

Mountaineers are very useful

Hitler: Great. Now Raeder, how do you feel about the new Destroyer squadron that’s in production?

Raeder: …HAPPY.

Ihasabarrel.jpg

Say that when England pummels us...

Goring: You won’t be once the airforce pummels your tin cans into dust!

Raeder: SILENCE!

Goring: Admit it! The air is king! We destroy the land and the sea!

Raeder: RAGE!

Goring: What’s the worst your navy can do? Thow pellets at us?

Raeder: KILL!

Goring: Ah shi—

Hitler: Meeting adjourned. Now let’s go watch Raeder pummel Goring!

*leaves to watch Raeder pummel Goring*

Canaris: Uhh, guys? Help. I’m still stuck under him. Guys…
 

unmerged(87183)

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Keisok said:
Goring: You won’t be once the airforce pummels your tin cans into dust!

Raeder: SILENCE!

Goring: Admit it! The air is king! We destroy the land and the sea!

Raeder: RAGE!

Goring: What’s the worst your navy can do? Thow pellets at us?

Raeder: KILL!

Rofl.

That was the best Raeder yet.

Who will replace von Neurath?
 

ShadowWarrior

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Enewald said:
American heroes, lols.
I thought it was 'The Dirty Dozen' :rofl:
 

Mico94

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3 :rofl: for this AAR
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
 

Keisok

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Maj. von Mauser: Currently, Hess is temporarily filling that roll, although that won't be for long :D .

ShadowWarrior: How did I forget about them!? :(

Inner Circle: I can kinda see that in this update. Although he came out more like Fuijin from FF8 to me.

Mico94: Yay! :D

Also this will be the last update for a bit. I'm going to the beach for a few days.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hitler: Welcome to the eighth meeting of the 3rd Reich. I’m sure something has happened seeing that there’s this Hungarian poking my head.

Hungarian: Sv’h ufm gl klpv.

Fritsch: He seems to enjoy that.

Hitler: I can see that. Tell him to stop!

Fritsch: fssss… xlfow blf kovzhv hglk klprmt Srgoi?

Hungarian: Yfg rg’h ufm.

Fritsch: Kviszkh, yfg rg zmtvih srn.

Hungarian: Urmv.

Fritsch: He agrees to stop.

Hitler: Good, now let’s begin the meeting. Von Blomberg, how goes production?

Von Blomberg: Production remains same. Developing assembly line, decryption. Improving marine, decryption, artillery.

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Why must the doctrines I research now be as useless as Canaris?!

Hitler: Good. Hess, seeing as I still can’t find a replacement for Constantin, you’ll have to stay diplomat for the time.

Hess: dis sux0rs. teh italyans pwnd anoter lusar cuntry, jpan stil sux aganst china. moar trads, chexs and lituanyans got pwnd bi us, and allis wit hungry.

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Italy, still trying to prove they don't suck by bullying

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The Reich, now including Czech bits!

Hitler: Let me guess, the Hungarian’s an envoy.

Hess: ya.

Hitler: Great. Fritsch, ask the Hungarian about our alliance.

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All that you need to know is that they suck

Fritsch: Very well. Fsss… dszg’h tlrmt lm rm Sfmtzib?

Hungarian: Dvoo…

*3 hours later*

Hungarian & Fritsch: Zmw gszg’h zoo./And that’s all.

Hitler: I’ll supply your people with some blueprints so you don’t suck as badly.

Fritsch: Sv’oo hfkkob blfi xlfmgib drgt yofvkirmgh.

Hungarian: Tivzg!

Hitler: Well, let’s continue on with intelligence… Oh, and you can tell the Hungarian to leave.

Fritsch: Blf nzb ovzev.

Hungarian: LP. *leaves*

Hitler: Buch, how are things in the spy killing business?

Buch: OH YEAH!

Fritsch: Surprisingly no spy attempts has been made from the enemy.

Hitler: That’s odd; I’d expect a little more activity. Well seeing that Canaris still hasn’t gotten back from his mission…

Canaris: I’m still stuck guys!

Hitler: You can read his reports.

Buch: …OH YEAH.

Fritsch: He says that it’s the same thing as last reading.

Hitler: That’s it. Next time Canaris comes back I’m so firing him.

Hess: lazee retard.

Canaris: …Maybe I should stay under here.

Hitler: Beck, how’s the army?

Beck: %*( )&(#& % ^#$&*%*&(%%$ ^%#$&*%*& &(*%&*$&%$*(%.

Fritsch: He said that it’s slowly improving. We’re finally getting the good equipment.

Hitler: That reminds me, I’m going to have to participate in the army soon.

Von Blomberg: Correct. Note: find replacement.

Goring: That means that I will take comma—

Hitler: No, I’ll still be here on a radio broadcast. Plus I’m appointing Hess as head of these meetings.

Hess: lol u got pwnd gorin.

Raeder: AMUSEMENT.

Goring: Oh yeah? Well at least I have an actual airforce.

Raeder: KILL?

Hitler: Might as well.

*Raeder pummels Goring*

Hitler: Ahh, before I go and finish my greatest plan, I might as well watch this again.