Consecrated blood waters my fields: a Hvitserk megacampaign

[LatinKaiser]

So, it's been over a month. Those of you in the know are very aware that Tukhachevsky isn't finished yet. So, I ask myself, why not return to this AAR in the meantime?

Therefore, I am proud to announce that you will be receiving an update in the next few days. It will be the last one for 2014 -- I'll be in the UK for two weeks at the end of this month -- but you'll at least get something.

Great news!

Enjoy the UK (but be careful in Wales -- the Welsh may have found this AAR! ).

 

[Idhrendur]

So, it's been over a month. Those of you in the know are very aware that Tukhachevsky isn't finished yet. So, I ask myself, why not return to this AAR in the meantime?

Therefore, I am proud to announce that you will be receiving an update in the next few days. It will be the last one for 2014 -- I'll be in the UK for two weeks at the end of this month -- but you'll at least get something.

Hooray!

 

[Michaelangelo]

So, it's been over a month. Those of you in the know are very aware that Tukhachevsky isn't finished yet. So, I ask myself, why not return to this AAR in the meantime?

Therefore, I am proud to announce that you will be receiving an update in the next few days. It will be the last one for 2014 -- I'll be in the UK for two weeks at the end of this month -- but you'll at least get something.

Woot, it's alive! Going to the UK will be an excellent opportunity to oversee your dominion in person and scope out future conquests.

 

[Sakura_F]

So, it's been over a month. Those of you in the know are very aware that Tukhachevsky isn't finished yet. So, I ask myself, why not return to this AAR in the meantime?

Therefore, I am proud to announce that you will be receiving an update in the next few days. It will be the last one for 2014 -- I'll be in the UK for two weeks at the end of this month -- but you'll at least get something.

:wub:

 

[Avindian]

Chapter 8: I have but a single regret...​

4 August 924, Jorvik

I have been having a wonderful time talking with my servants of late. We speak of many things. Gold, for instance. Some of my advisors tell me that I shouldn't bring up gold so frequently, since most of them are poor. I laughed in their face. "Poor?" What a silly word. I'm pretty sure they just made it up. In any event, I've learned some juicy tidbits about some of the other servants.

I've already begun blackmail preparations.

29 August 924, Jorvik

I begged and I pleaded with Frirek all day today. But no, Frirek insists on going, and swears he'll bring me back a chest of gold. I will miss him. After all, Frirek is my true heir, and I plan on disposing of Stupid Face as soon as he and Frirek returs.

I talked to my new Chancellor, some Slav who married a family member. A daughter, maybe? He assures me the Byzantines will look after him. They also say they're sending Stupid Face back with an enhanced appreciation of all things Greek. I wonder what that means?

2 October 924, Jorvik

Got a letter from Frirek today. Says the looting in the Byzantine Empire is even better than he hoped for. The Varangian Guard has even made him Steward! I can just picture the size of the golden chest Frirek will bring back.

28 October 924, Jorvik

I'm getting bored. There aren't any good wars right now. I've already been in my gold chamber 400 times this week, and I still can't find my favorite gold piece. I named her Goldie.

Maybe I should have a King killed. Yeah, that'll kill some time. ... And him!

13 March 925, Jorvik

I found Goldie. She was under the cushions of my throne the whole time! To think, I had fifty courtiers flogged mercilessly for stealing. Boy, is my face red!

I guess Stupid Face came home today. I figure that I saw him when he left, how much stupider could his face have gotten? I guess he brought back some friends and a whole bunch of olive oil.

6 April 925, Jorvik

There were some interesting people at the docks today, all up in arms about some new place called "Greenland." I offered to send Stupid Face to check it out with as many sailors as he likes. He seemed to brighten at the thought, but he shook his head, proclaiming he's the heir to the throne.

I shrugged. Maybe I should have people check on him, though. He sure does like spending time with those sailors all of a sudden.

12 August 925, Jorvik

Stupid Face got married and moved out. Hurray! He's off to East Anglia, where he's going to be Jarl or something. I'm very proud of myself for not celebrating openly in front of him.

Gods, bring Frirek back so I can stick a dagger in Stupid Face's stupid face.

12 November 925, Jorvik

My wife went off to the convent for a few weeks to find Odin. I know what I'll be finding, and it isn't Odin!

It's sex with a woman who isn't my wife!

...

The Chancellor tells me that double entendres only work if you don't explain them. The more you know, eh?

17 November 925, Jorvik

Scored 50 gold pieces today by blackmailing some nobleman. I wonder what it would be like to have sex with my lover on a pile of golden coins?

18 November 925, Jorvik

Very, very painful.

22 December 925, Oriel

Finally, some action. No, not that kind of action. The kind of action that unifies the island of Irland!

Although, in retrospect, the other kind of action might work today, if I killed everyone on the island and personally repopulated it. Already declared war, though, so I guess it's a bit late for that. Maybe next time.

5 June 926, Kildare

Did you know that there's an entire army of women who follow around the other armies? I did not. I was too busy stabbing people and taking their gold. I have officially raised "scoring with random chicks" to #3 on my personal priority list.

#1 is gold. #2 is Frirek coming back with gold. #2.1 to #2.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 are also gold.

So, yeah, I guess I can Lust to my personal list of attributes. Oh, speaking of sins, I locked up another priest of the White Christ the other day. I was bored and asked him what's so great about the White Christ. He told me that he saved us from our sins. I asked him what sins were, and he told me there are seven of them that get you sent to Hell. I told him that Hell sounded like a pretty awesome place if you get to do those seven things all day. Especially Greed! I asked him to tell me stories about Hell, and he was horrified and wouldn't talk to me any more.

Oh well.

24 August 928, Jorvik

We picked up the Thanedom of Kildare a few months ago, but I've been busy in bed. No, not sleeping with women. Sick. No, not sick of sleeping with women. Just, you know, sick. I blame Stupid Face.

Hurry home, Frirek. The sooner you get back, the sooner I can cut off Stupid Face's stupid face.

30 November 928, Jorvik

Some English jerks declared a Holy War on us. I'll fill them full of holes!

14 February 930, Jorvik

I've spent the last year or so bedding women and making gold, but I haven't cleaved a single person in twain.

...

A hah hah hah. Hah. I get why that's a joke now! Jokes are funny.

...

Anyway, I need to behead some fools. I don't feel nearly as lazy as I have.

27 March 930, Jorvik

You are so dun, Hemming of Dunholm!

Did you like that one? I've been studying puns now for the last few weeks. I hear they're an aphrodisiac with women.

20 July 930, Jorvik

Frirek is truly the greatest son in the history of sons.

I feel a thousand times happier now that he's back. The birds sing louder, the food tastes better, the chamber of gold is even more full of gold. Frirek insisted on picking up a sword and carving up some Dunholmers. After the war, Stupid Face, your time is up.

11 January 931, Chester

[The next twenty five pages are full of expletives.]

14 February 931, Northumberland

It's been a month since Frirek died. I don't know what's worse: that Frirek died or that Stupid Face is now unkillable because he's my only living heir. I'm going to sail across the Irish Sea soon to kill some traitors and drink some beer. I'm leaving Stupid Face in charge back in Jorvik. He can go count boats or something, or whatever it is he does with all those sailors.

28 May 931, Hlymrek

The traitors are dead, the beer has all been drunk. No, seriously, all of it. You have to get pretty drunk to forget the good son is dead and the Stupid Face continues to have a stupid face firmly attached to his stupid head.

3 April 933, Jorvik

I want more land. The English have land. The English have gold.

Let's do this.

7 November 933, Northampton

I just got word that Baldr's son, Ivar, turned 16 and has become a man. Like his father, he's very good with the sword.

I think I'll kick Baldr in the groin tonight. You know, just for old time's sake.

29 August 934, Bedford

Today was awesome. I spent the entire afternoon killing Englishmen with money. Literally, I beat them to death with bags of gold. It was great. That wasn't the best part though. This evening, I held a party for Baldr. I congratulated him on all of his accomplishments and offered to recognize him as my formal heir in the event something happened to Stupid Face. I told him my love and admiration for him would last as long as he remained my Marshal.

I kicked Baldr in the groin again for good measure. I hate that guy so much.

14 February 937, Gwynned

Yeah, I know I haven't written in a few years. I've been living it up. Counting gold, making gold, toppling my piles of gold so I can't count them again, weeping for the loss of Frirek, weeping for the continued existence of Stupid Face, drowning my sorrows in gold, fantasizing about drowning Stupid Face in gold. You know, the usual.

Some random guy told me to take it easy. I punched him in the face and took his gold.

7 December 937, Jorvik

My Chancellor finally returned from his secret mission. The country of Djuraby, which is completely surrounded by our mighty kingdom, has held its independence for too long. That ends now.

16 April 939, Jorvik

There might be an army outside the castle, but at the age of 60, my people finally have given me the respect I deserve.

I might be too old to fight in wars these days, but I'm not too old to be awesome.

19 February 940, Warwick

I'm here in Warwick to see my conquering hordes continue to conquer. Djuraby fell a couple of weeks ago. We move farther south, that the English Channel might become properly Norse!

14 October 940, Jorvik

Another excellent grand nephew. It's a shame Baldr is such a loser, because he is good at producing fine soldiers.

29 October 943, Oriel

I've been in Irland for the past weeks on a secret mission. That's why I haven't written in a while. Also, I really don't like writing in this journal, because the only person who will get to read it is Stupid Face. I even threw 500 gold into the ocean as an offering to any of the gods who would revive Frirek and kill Stupid Face. I threw in a few Christians for good measure. No response. I threw in a few Norse to get my gold back. Hey, I don't waste gold for no reason.

Anyway, my mission is complete, and soon, we will have united Irland under one banner. Mine.

20 June 944, Buchan

I went up to Skotland for a few days of vacation and three Thanes have pledged fealty to me. Can't a guy just relax for a few days without people surrendering to his indomitable will?

Apparently, these Skottish noblemen decided to join me when they heard that I plan on eliminating England. Skots and Angles don't seem to get along. Also, I've apparently been married into several of their families. Hard to keep of track of all these sons and daughters running around.

15 June 947, Oxford

I so rarely get out of the castle Jorvik these days. Stupid Face has taken to hovering over me, waiting for me to die. Probably so he can buy a bunch of ships with my hard earned gold. I've never seen somebody take such an interest in navies before. I don't want him to know what I'm planning, so I'm going to hide my journal and only write in it when he isn't around. Smart thinking, right?

If this next expedition is successful (and obviously it will be), we shall split Angle-land in two.

28 February 948, an undisclosed location

I think Stupid Face is plotting to murder me. He's always asking me if I'm doing okay, if I'm feeling ill, if I need anything. Well, it'll be a cold day in the Christian Hell before I let him kill me. I'll kill him first.

Now, messing with Baldr never gets old. I give with one hand:

And give him a stupid lowborn bride with the other!

25 March 948, Jorvik

I woke up a couple of days ago to realize how fat and ugly my wife had gotten. How fat and ugly? 228 gold pieces ugly. I've married a 19 year old, who will hopefully give me more sons that aren't Stupid Face.

As a wedding gift, I have proclaimed the Kingdom of England. Soon, I shall be an Emperor, and when I die, a life sized golden statue will look upon Stupid Face and oversee my realm.

Plus, red is the color of blood, while green is just the color of grass. The same kind of grass my ex-wife would have eaten. Because she's a cow.

21 January 951, Jorvik

I'm over 70, but still having kids. Fear Dag, my people, conqueror of worlds!

I'm starting to think I might be a god. I mean, I'm cranking out kids, conquering lads, having children murdered so my wife will inherit their lands, and earning gold at rates that would choke... uh... something which chokes on rates. But good.

12 December 952, Jorvik

The doctors say I will be dead in a few hours. I had the first group of doctors bribed to tell me I'd survive longer, but my backup doctors told me they were lying for my gold. Imagine such treachery!

I say I've done pretty well for myself and my children. Not Stupid Face, because that guy sucks, but everyone else. Two kingdoms, lots of gold, legions of hungry warriors, and I'm assuming a pretty huge and powerful fleet for all of the time Stupid Face spends at the docks.

A thought occurs: Stupid Face is going to read this journal tomorrow. Should I call him Sigfrid? Nah, too much energy. I'd have to change all of the entries. Besides, his face really is stupid. Since he's been plotting to murder me, it shouldn't offend him that I've been trying to kill him for way longer. Right?

I do suppose I have one regret. My one failure.

I shouldn't have wasted all of that time with Stupid Face and spent more time with my gold. My precious, precious gold. Especially you, Goldie. I love you most of all.

I wonder if there's gold in Valhalla?

---

I hope you enjoyed the update! I don't know if I'll be able to get one more finished before I leave or not -- probably not -- but I should be able to update more frequently in 2015.

 

[Michaelangelo]

RIP King Frodi, a great man who will always be remembered for his unquenchable thirst for gold, women, and conquest, but mostly gold. He has to be one of the most entertaining characters you've written, up there with Chaos and co.

I find it ironic that Frodi always called Sigfrid "Stupid Face", yet they look like twins in the last picture.

 

[Idhrendur]

Well, time to see what kind a of a king stupid face Sigfrið will be. That is, when we get the next update!

 

[Athalcor]

Great chapter!

 

[DensleyBlair]

Enjoy the UK (but be careful in Wales -- the Welsh may have found this AAR! ).

Oh, we found it long ago...

I feel the world just won't be the same now that Frodi is in Valhalla. I'd have to agree that he was one of your most entertaining characters to date. Sigfrid will probably never escape his father's shadow, and so I suppose the next thing to look forward to mainly would be whoever he is succeeded by. After all, Sigfrid is old and will probably die soon anyway.

 

[Attalus]

RIP king Frodi ! Let us hope that Odin will give him gold in Walhalla

 

[Avindian]

RIP King Frodi, a great man who will always be remembered for his unquenchable thirst for gold, women, and conquest, but mostly gold. He has to be one of the most entertaining characters you've written, up there with Chaos and co.

I find it ironic that Frodi always called Sigfrid "Stupid Face", yet they look like twins in the last picture.

I'm pretty sure Frodi's badass scar came from the last person who made that claim. You should see the other guy!

Well, time to see what kind a of a king stupid face Sigfrið will be. That is, when we get the next update!

It shouldn't be long!

Great chapter!

Thank you! :blush:

Oh, we found it long ago...

I feel the world just won't be the same now that Frodi is in Valhalla. I'd have to agree that he was one of your most entertaining characters to date. Sigfrid will probably never escape his father's shadow, and so I suppose the next thing to look forward to mainly would be whoever he is succeeded by. After all, Sigfrid is old and will probably die soon anyway.

Sigfrid's reign will last but a single chapter, but it should not (hopefully) be a boring one.

RIP king Frodi ! Let us hope that Odin will give him gold in Walhalla

He'd better, if he knows what's good for him!

So, as those of you who follow my other AARs have already surmised, I'm back from London. I'm going to start editing screenshots for the next update today and I hope to update this weekend!

 

[Sakura_F]

Good. I eagerly await you to pay your left debt to me. </joking>

 

[LatinKaiser]

Yes! Another update! Updates are like gold, except somehow better...

 

[Michaelangelo]

Yes! Another update! Updates are like gold, except somehow better...

Frodi would lop off your head for such blasphemy! Unless of course Avindian writes his AARs in gold, which could be quite possible based on how amazing they are.

 

[Avindian]

Good. I eagerly await you to pay your left debt to me. </joking>

Your wait should, hopefully, not be too much longer.

Yes! Another update! Updates are like gold, except somehow better...

I will agree that updates weigh far less than gold.

Frodi would lop off your head for such blasphemy! Unless of course Avindian writes his AARs in gold, which could be quite possible based on how amazing they are.

:blush: If I had gold to write my updates in, I would be independently wealthy and could devote all of my time to writing AARs.

Screenshot editing is finished. I'm going to change up the style a bit for this next update, but I haven't decided precisely how yet. I need to meditate on it for another day or so, but rest assured, an update is coming this weekend!

 

[Sakura_F]

Your wait should, hopefully, not be too much longer.

You've still got the rest of CK2, plus Europa Universalis and Victoria to get through, mate.

 

[LatinKaiser]

You've still got the rest of CK2, plus Europa Universalis and Victoria to get through, mate.

Don't forget HoI IV.

 

[Avindian]

You've still got the rest of CK2, plus Europa Universalis and Victoria to get through, mate.

Don't forget HoI IV.

I meant for the next update. If somebody wants to pay me, oh, $75,000 a year to write AARs full time, you may consider me at your disposal.

 

[Avindian]

Chapter 9: The mysteries of the reign of King Sigfrid II and the Boy King​

University of Hvitserk, Jorvik, 19XX

A distinguished looking professor approached the podium. Dr. Thor Magnusson was one of the leading authorities on the Hvitserks, having spent the past five years examining archaeological dig sites all over the British Isles. The Hvitserks, unusually for families of the period, were generally extremely well documented in the Chronicles of the sons of Halfdan, one of the oldest extant texts in the entire world. Portions of it were carbon dated to the 9th century CE. It purported to be a compendium of the personal journals of each ruler of the Empire of Britannia, and while some scholars argued that portions were ghostwritten, it was a treasure trove of information on the lives of the most interesting family in the world. However, that is not to say that the Chronicles were completed. For some rulers, the pages had been badly damaged over the course of time. For others, it was clear that nothing had ever been written. Two of the earliest Kings who had nothing written about them were Sigfrid II and the Boy King Haesteinn. Dr. Magnusson's main scholarly agenda was to uncover their secrets. As he nervously scanned the crowd of erudite academics, he prepared to give the speech that would either cement his career or damn him to provinciality and obscurity.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the University, thank you for attending today. I know that my findings will interest most of you, and I am eager to hear if anybody has evidence either supporting or defending my assertions regarding these two forgotten kings. Slide one, please."

"Sigfrid 'The Unfortunately Visaged' II, King of England, was 57 years old when his father, Frodi I, died peacefully in his sleep. His travels with the Varangian Guard made him one of the most fierce warriors in the land, but age had sapped some of his previous skill. Some colleagues from the city of Athens helped translate some his journal entries while he was fighting with the Guard. The entries themselves are not very interesting. They appear to be page after page of commentary on the daily exercise and training regimen of his fellow warriors. He was particularly fascinated by the proceedings at wrestling tournaments, where wrestlers participated in the traditional Greek dress. [1] The Captain of the Varangian Guard, however, was enthusiastic about Sigfrid as a warrior and extolled his virtues on the battlefield. He was brave and fearless, charging into battle while calling upon Thor to guide his blade. Unlike many of his brothers in the Guard, he refused to convert to Christianity. He treated their religions with barely concealed disdain, but his kindness, love of fine wine, and overbearing congeniality still made him extremely popular. Upon his return to England, he immediately honored the gods by calling for a blot, the first blot in many years."

"The records of the Seer remain intact to this day, and it dutifully records the execution of one of Sigfrid's Aunts, Rikissa, and a French follower of the White Christ. His willingness to sacrifice to Odin even a beloved family member cemented him as a zealous but fair ruler. During this first blot, he commissioned a runestone which still stands today, not three miles from where we sit."

"An even greater sign of his devotion to his father (a devotion which, sadly, was unrequited while Frodi I was still alive) was the naming of his first and only son after him. Frodi of East Anglia was the King's greatest joy, and to ensure that his son inherited everything, Sigfrid II spent considerable time and energy removing possible rivals one by one. The first was Sigfrid's own brother, the two year old King Dag of Irland."

Dr. Magnusson looked around the room. He knew that the murder of Dag was, even 1000 years later, still a very sore subject with some people living in England. Most historians accepted the death of Dag as necessary to reunify the British Isles, but a vocal minority believed that Dag was actually executed because he had seen "abominations" between his father and other citizens of the kingdom. In the modern age, Sigfrid II's sexual proclivities with members of the same sex were considered acceptable, but there was certainly an argument to be made that the King's contemporaries would be less forgiving of homosexuality. There was no evidence for or against that particular interpretation of the murder of Dag, but Sigfrid's track record with threats to his son's inheritance argued for a purely "practical" removal of Dag. After nobody launched accusations of misconduct, Dr. Magnusson continued.

"Sigfrid had one ambition, one constant motive throughout his reign: using the army and infrastructure Frodi had built to take as much of southern England as possible. The King hoped to become an Emperor in the short span he had remaining, which would allow his son to rule unquestioned. Even at his advanced age, Sigfrid had much to learn about some areas, and consulted with some infamous members of his kingdoms in order to detect and eliminate hidden threats to his throne."

"One of the most emotional parts of the King's life came at the age of 40, when his wife Thordis died of illness. Although Sigfrid II was unquestionably gay, a fact which seemed to escape his father, Sigfrid genuinely loved Thordis as a companion and the mother of his only son. The King's second wife, Halla, was as homosexual as her husband, which actually made both of their lives easier. She, too, died of illness, but gave Sigfrid a daughter, Yngvild. Sigfrid had enjoyed his time with Halla, and he slowly came to realize that new children, especially boys, would destroy Frodi's inheritance. Beginning with his third wife, Rikissa, any sign of pregnancy immediately raised the King's ire, especially if the seers told him it would be a boy. Rikissa was the first to befall the unhappy fate of pregnant women and Sigfrid."

"Yet Sigfrid continued to expand his realm. The first of many campaigns against Wessex brought new lands into his kingdom."

"Sigfrid's fourth wife, Veleslava, was both homosexual and 35; the King hoped his new Queen would bear him no children and simply act as advisor and confidant. Her genius in realm management immediately made her an asset to the kingdom."

"Unfortunately, illness claimed her life. Desperately seeking to find a capable assistant to help draw more income out of his lands, he wooed the lovely Alfrid of the Spaki family. Although a Slav, Alfrid was a true Norse and as zealous as her husband. Sigfrid looked forward to spending his remaining days with her."

Thor paused for a drink of water. A hand tentatively raised, and Thor nodded in acknowledgement. "Forgive the interruption, Dr. Magnusson, but how do you know these details if the Chronicles cannot provide them?"

Dr. Magnusson was prepared for this question. "One of the few constants of Sigfrid's troubled reign was having one single Spymaster. Gudrodr of Dyflinn was a talented soldier but an even better schemer. More importantly, Gudrodr kept detailed records of every... task... he completed. He did so at the King's request, partially to help instruct Sigfrid in the arts of intrigue. Gudrodr also considered himself a hero and was worried about his legacy. He hid the manuscript in a barrel of sand, then buried the barrel, but provided his son instructions on how to recover it. Gudrodr's small home eventually become a tavern, and about two years again, a tavern worker found the barrel when he attempted to dig a new well."

"That is a lucky find indeed, Professor. Congratulations!"

"Thank you, sir. By 961, the Thanedom of Bedford had been conquered and added to the realm. It was while accepting the Oath of Fealty from the new Thane that the King learned Alfrid was pregnant. The Seer could not conclusively say whether or not the child would be male. Sigfrid wavered, but eventually decided to have his wife killed. Alfrid survived long enough to deliver her child -- a baby girl, named Holmfrid. Sigfrid tried to cancel the attempt, but it was too late."

"The fifth wife, Tatyana Svyatogorovna, also became pregnant shortly after her marriage. The seers reported she was carrying a son, and so Sigfrid dutifully had her disposed of."

"Sigfrid's final wife, Elisabet, went into her marriage with a clear sense of dread. Although nobody could conclusively prove it at the time, three of Sigfrid's five wives had died of suspicious circumstances. Elisabet was depressed for most of her time with Sigfrid, not because he mistreated her, but because of a sense of impending doom. Sigfrid kept his distance and focused his energies on capturing the last few English independent nobles. By September of 963, only three Thanedoms remained free from the Hvitserks, and all three belonged to the King of Skotland. Sigfrid did his best to disrupt their relations with far off Skotland, but to little effect. However, 964 provided little joy to Sigfrid. His frequent absences from Jorvik to administer his new territories typically let news pile up. Sometimes messages would go unseen for months. On 1 May 964, his Chancellor finally decided to go through some old messages that had been filed away, and was horrified to find a key message had gone missing." [2]

"Frodi, the Heir to the Throne, had been assassinated back at the end of 961. Nobody had taken credit for this murder and it, to this day, remains a mystery. Frodi of East Anglia rarely, if ever, wrote to his father and saw him even less frequently. The truth was, Frodi did not approve of his father's methods, and Sigfrid and his son had grown distant as a result. Upon hearing news of Frodi's death, Sigfrid faced a serious crisis. He did have one remaining male heir -- Haesteinn, Frodi's son -- but Sigfrid was skeptical of the way Haesteinn was being raised. He now needed his own son, and coaxing Elisabet was an extremely difficult task. Sigfrid turned to eliminating Haesteinn's rivals while he wooed his wife. He also paid 10 gold to have Haesteinn released from prison and made himself the boy's guardian."

Dr. Magnusson shuffled through his notes for a moment. The death of Sigfrid was one of the most controversial parts of his entire presentation, but he thought his evidence was solid.

"It is common knowledge that Sigfrid died 27 September 965. His death was recorded simply as 'natural death' with no further description. I know that, for years, the prevailing cause of death was thought to be camp fever, or typhus, a disease Sigfrid had battled off and on for his entire life. Curiously, no other member of his family contracted the illness around the time of Sigfrid's death, but Sigfrid's increasing isolation meant that spreading the disease was unlikely. However, new evidence has come to light that, in my opinion, provides a new cause of death. The evidence comes from Elisabet. After Sigfrid's death, she left England, never to be seen again. What has changed is that I have found where she was: in a Christian convent in central France."

Predictably, a buzz went through the room. After a moment or two, it died down, as everyone expected an explanation.

"Of course, Elisabet was a good Norse woman. She retired to the convent not to convert to a new religion, but to study. Although none of her works have survived to the present, nonetheless, other travelers in the period have made reference to her books on plants and animals of Europe. Elisabet also studied Charlemagne, but never wrote on him. In any case, that convent, one of the oldest in Europe, survives to this very day. In the archives of that convent is a teaching manual on the morality clauses of the convent, and how to explain to new initiates precisely why these morals were so precious. That manual, which dates from 980, warns women of the follies of fornication by reporting that 'a pagan woman, now passed but a member of our convent, came to us in despair after killing her beloved husband during the act of procreation.' Only two pagans had studied there since 950. One, a woman, arrived in 965; the other, a man, arrived in 953. Admittedly, this evidence alone is not conclusive. I have spent the past 8 months traveling throughout northern France, trying to find the port that admitted her. As royalty, she would have been important enough to be noted in the records. And sure enough, a woman answering to Elisabet's description landed in Calais two weeks after Sigfrid's death. She is simply called 'a pagan queen,' in addition to her physical description, but the chances it is not Elisabeth are very slim. Furthermore, this same woman asked for directions to the convent. It is, of course, possible that the manual is a lie or simply mistaken, but the details the manual shares are simply too close to those of Elisabet and Sigfrid to be totally false. Therefore, I can say with confidence that Sigfrid died of a heart attack, not camp fever."

The room went completely silent. Dr. Magnusson nodded to an assistant and had him distribute copies of the journal, which he had photographed. "While you digest that information, I will move on to the second, shorter part of my story. I learned this purely as a matter of consequence in my research into Elisabet of England. I have discovered the cause of death of the Boy King, Haesteinn. Recall when I mentioned the journals of Gudrodr. Gudrodr's position did not end when Sigfrid died; in fact, he served as Spymaster and Regent to Haesteinn. Gudrodr, as a good servant, did not cease his campaign to see Iliana, Haesteinn's older sister, dead, as Sigfrid had commanded. Iliana held titles that would go to Haesteinn in the event of her death. Gudrodr's attempts to have her killed almost always failed, and worse still, the assassins were incompetent. Gudrodr had to kill two retaliatory assassins personally. His constant need to defend the Boy King led to his mismanagement of his home, and he was supplanted and arrested. Without a strong regent, Saemundr, the brother of Sigfrid, was able to demand that the Kingdom of England be awarded to him. He was refused by the new regent, and a civil war began. Of course, this much everybody knew from other sources, but it is always good to have new confirmation. But Gudrodr was a survivor. He was furious that nobody had tried to ransom him, and so he made a pact: in exchange for his release, he would assist somebody in removing Haesteinn.

That somebody was none other than Haesteinn's oldest sister: Skuld."

This assertion could not go unchallenged, and a dozen hands popped up immediately. Magnusson pointed to one. "Skuld had Haesteinn killed? You are certain?"

"It is in Gudrodr's journal. He never is released, by the way. You see, Gudrodr's skills had eroded in prison, and Haesteinn's bodyguard spotted Gudrodr's assassin. While the assassin completed his task, shoving Haesteinn off a balcony in Jorvik castle, he was intercepted on his attempt to escape. The assassin also identified Skuld as the person who hired him, and the records of his 'guild' confirm that as well, once you decipher the code. There is one final piece of evidence. Records around this time from various members of the Hvitserk family all refer to the presence of an 'unmentionable' occupying the throne. It has long been assumed that the 'unmentionable' was Sigfrid, for his homosexuality, and the lack of dates on many records lent itself to that possible interpretation. There have always been inconsistencies with that interpretation, though, and most of the records which are dated antedate Sigfrid's reign. One or two of the records also specifically mention that 'she is unmentionable', but these records were so rare and so hard to read that 'he' was just as possible. Yet, these same records also identify the 'unmentionable' as having children, which makes it quite clear they mean a female. Therefore, it is unquestionable in my opinion, that the 'unmentionable' is Skuld, and she is 'unmentionable' because she was a kinslayer. Although I am out of time today, I will have Gudrodr's journal translated and published by the end of this year, and my new book will be finished the following year. Thank you all for your time!"

---

[1] Of course, when the ancient Greeks wrestled, they often did so naked.
[2] I really wish I'd caught that Frodi had died; I would have assassinated many fewer wives if I realized he was dead.

Haesteinn's reign is too short to justify its own update, and he's 8 when he dies. Skuld's update will return to the first person style, if you preferred that. After I finish with her update (probably middle of next week) I'll need to play again, finally, to advance the story.

 

[Saxon125]

Ah Gavelkind, where killing wifes and second sons is practicually manditory to survvive. Well I did not expect Haesteinn to last long but less then 10 years!!! that's a record.