I think you guys create this problem yourselves by playing CKII a bit "wrong", you play every game as you the great emotion less leader that always does what is best and only look at bad traits or stats like a hindrance. If you were to try and play the game "the right way" as an RPG you would see that this issue does not exist, play your game as the character you are given, if he is a craven he won't be starting wars, if he is honest he won't be assassinating people left and right, a just character won't take away tittles from people just because it makes the realm easier to control.
Oh and please take note of the use of these things "" I know there is no right or wrong way of playing the game but power gaming really is not they best way to enjoy CKII IMO.
I agree, people are playing these games way too seriously. You're not supposed to conquer Europe in CK2, and the only way you are is by being gamey all to hell.