Bremen: In which Order realizes the meaning of the word "unlikely"
Now let's see how Order does things! Which designation are you?
"I am Robo-Explorer 1003 beta."
Very good. Would you kindly bring up a map of Bremen?
"ERROR: Key phrase detected. Target not found. Bionic circuits shocked. Shutting down..."*
*Yes, this is a clever reference. Even though it's five years old, please place any references to this awesome reference in the Spoiler tags. Thank you.
Order witnessed his first explosion of Rob in record time. Robo-Explorer 1004 beta materialized almost instantaneously.
You are getting better at this, I see.
"Scanning for sarcasm... sarcasm not found. Adapting to subject 'Order' instead of subject 'Chaos.' Adaptation complete."
Right. My request?
"Map deployed."
Hmm... not much to work with. Well, I am a believer in free will, so let's give the humans of Bremen the right to vote!
"Definition not found. What is free will?"
Er... don't worry about it. Forget I said anything.
"Erasing memory... command to not self-destruct has been erased. Shutting down..."
@#$*%!
"Robo-Explorer 1005 beta reporting. Rob has been adjusted to only follow orders when you address Rob by name specifically."
Capital idea. Can we get on with it?
"Yes."
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February 12, 1840. Order had been in Bremen for a month and had done precisely nothing. He drummed his fingers impatiently inside Rob's cerebral cortex.
Rob, who is our weakest neighbor?
"The human grouping entitled 'Oldenburg.'"
Good! Let's justify a war against them.
Nothing happened.
Are you waiting for an engraved invitation?
"Mission parameters specify that all orders must be preceded by the assigned designator of this robot."
Order was growing irritated.
Look, you're an advanced robot. Surely you can determine idioms?
"No."
Could such an automaton, with such a brain, be constructed? Perhaps by feeding in works of great literature?
"This is possible. I will self-destruct so that the next unit might have this capacity. Stand by."
Robo-Explorer 1006 beta had scanned the entirety of all works in the English language.
Just so we're clear -- if I say "Forget I said anything", you will not erase your mind, correct?
"No way, dude! That would be totally lame!"
Order sighed.
Look, justify war with Oldenburg. Now.
"You got it, buddy!"
While Order waited for the casus belli, Stock Exchange finished.
"What do you wanna do next, my friend?"
What do you recommend?
"Market Structures are badass!"
Can you adjust your speech pattern to something less idiomatic?
"No problemo, boss! ... ... ... Default speech restored."
Thank God.
"What is God?"
Don't even start. Research Market Structure!
"Acknowledged."
And Oldenburg?
"We have the justification to invade the meatbags requested."
So declare war already!
"We cannot. Human-grouping Prussia will not allow this."
Did you already know this?!
"Yes."
Okay. Fine. A directive for the future: if there is anything I need to know before making a decision, please tell me.
"Understood. Rob will comply."
Let's go after Baden. Is there any problem with that?
"Scanning... no. Prussia will allow this attack."
Wonderful. Let's get started.
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While Order waited patiently for Baden's demise, Rob showed him the ultimate fate of Venezuela.
Will Chaos be deducted points?
"No. Only events in the proscribed period are eligible for points."
Fair enough. Can we attack Baden yet?
"We will be able to on February 10, 1842... fast forwarding."
Let's get those bastards!
"Warning: Prussia has deemed interference in this war 'Unlikely'; Denmark has deemed interference 'Impossible.'"
It's just Baden. What's the worst that could happen?
"Austria has joined the war."
And Prussia?
"Prussia has declined."
So, uh, how bad is it?
"Analysis of Austrian coalition indicates 87 brigades."
And we have?
"1."
Damn.
"We did finish Market Structure."
Lovely. So what do we do now?
"You will be assigned a new country for the remaining 2.5 years of your tenure."
And that country?
"The human-grouping is termed 'The United Kingdom.'"
Now we're talking!!
"Yes, we are."
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Total points: +6 (two technologies), +1 for total score (2 to 17), -50 (annexation) = -43.