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Omen

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I bet it would be a more interesting country if they spelled it right. The country of Omen would have had screenshots.
 

123xyz8

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Silly Oman, no one can defeat Nermal. His cuteness is too much.
 

EU3NOOB

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I bet it would be a more interesting country if they spelled it right. The country of Omen would have had screenshots.

I have a sneaking suspicion you're just a tiny bit biased. ;)

Silly Oman, no one can defeat Nermal. His cuteness is too much.

I'd hoped somebody would recognize him! I admit, some of the stuff I slip in is pretty obscure, but this was pretty blatant.

Indeed. Time to grab my quiver of exploding arrows...

They are handy, aren't they?
 

Ashantai

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Just caught up. Great updates! Shame Oman was a bit dull but Austria promises to be fun! :D
 

Avindian

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Just caught up. Great updates! Shame Oman was a bit dull but Austria promises to be fun! :D

I honestly have no idea what I'll do. That's rare!
 

CivandEUIII

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what, Austria?
You could run it into the ground, as mentioned earlier on the thread :p
 

Avindian

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king hannibal

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That was an... interesting update. Austria sounds good.
 

Avindian

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Although it would be in character...

An interesting philosophical question. Chaos is, by definition, completely random at times. On the other hand, he really wants to win the bet. Which impulse would triumph?

That was an... interesting update. Austria sounds good.

Austria has been really quiet these first 25+ years; I'm anxious to see what I can do with them in five years.
 

CivandEUIII

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An interesting philosophical question. Chaos is, by definition, completely random at times. On the other hand, he really wants to win the bet. Which impulse would triumph?
Chaos should be chaotic. Therefore, Chaos has been behaving out of character for the past AAR and a half.
 

Avindian

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Chaos should be chaotic. Therefore, Chaos has been behaving out of character for the past AAR and a half.

Touche. However, this is only one aspect of Chaos, so perhaps it all averages out?

Something to think about. Or not. Now, I've got a headache.

Anyway, I finished Austria and will try to post this weekend.
 

Willum

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I don't think it would make the AAR all that interesting if the only thing Chaos could do was to run countries into the ground, unless of course we established a system where Chaos gets points for the creative destruction of the country he runs. In which Order would have to do his best to make Chaos' countries orderly when he has to run them. Order gets negative points for each rebellion depending on size, and Chaos gets bonus points. Or something along those lines.

But when I think of chaos as a concept, it rather implies constant change and the total lack of consistency than homicide and nonsense. Chaos as he is portrayed here is rather consistent, he is the guy who gives bohemian Bohemians drums with firearms implanted in them, which admittedly entertains me more.
 

Selzro

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I just caught up with this, after a few weeks with almost no internet. I liked the Marvin reference and found it interesting to see how absolutely boring a country like Oman can be when you've only got a few years to play with it.
 

Avindian

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I don't think it would make the AAR all that interesting if the only thing Chaos could do was to run countries into the ground, unless of course we established a system where Chaos gets points for the creative destruction of the country he runs. In which Order would have to do his best to make Chaos' countries orderly when he has to run them. Order gets negative points for each rebellion depending on size, and Chaos gets bonus points. Or something along those lines.

But when I think of chaos as a concept, it rather implies constant change and the total lack of consistency than homicide and nonsense. Chaos as he is portrayed here is rather consistent, he is the guy who gives bohemian Bohemians drums with firearms implanted in them, which admittedly entertains me more.

That's what I was mostly thinking (although you've put it more eloquently than I have).

I just caught up with this, after a few weeks with almost no internet. I liked the Marvin reference and found it interesting to see how absolutely boring a country like Oman can be when you've only got a few years to play with it.

I was hoping somebody would catch Marvin! :D If I'd gotten Oman earlier in the game, I might have done okay, but that's okay. Austria is much more interesting (whenever I can finally update).
 

Avindian

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Austria: In which Chaos learns restraint... of a sort

Chaos kept laughing about how badly Order had done in Oman. Oh man, that was lousy! This prompted even more laughter. After three hours of constant guffawing, he finally stopped. Then he noticed Rob hadn't said anything. What's the matter, Rob? Cat got your tongue?

I wish a cat had yours, you cackling idiot.

Chaos was flabbergasted to hear the voice of his own brother. Death? What are you doing here?

Rob's in the shop. Robo-Explorer 2000 was fine for Order, but the programmers decided that it couldn't handle a trip with you.

So I'm stuck with you? Who's handling your department?

You aren't the only one with an infinite consciousness, capable of infinite subdivision, you know. I've taken the form of an Austrian gentleman.

Can you get me one of those map things?

I can.



Chaos whistled approvingly. There is a lot of land with Austria on it. I like it.

I'm delighted for you. So, what do we do?

What don't we do? Let's make them all wear pink!

No.

Why not?

Because another AAR ran that joke into the ground. Well, not quite into the ground, but you would run it into the ground.

You are no fun. Fine. Let's go to war!

With who?

I dunno. Can we attack Valhalla?

No. Why would you want to?

Thor's an egomaniac.

You're an egomaniac.

Exactly my point, Chaos said smugly. That horny-helmed bastard is cramping my style.

I am not letting you kill any more gods. I get all kinds of complaints when that happens.

Hey, Jim had it coming.

Jim was the God of Non-Offensiveness! What could he possibly have done to you?

Nothing. That's exactly my point! Who does he think he is, being all... non-offensive! It sickens me, Death. It sickens me.

Death groaned the sepulchral groan of Death itself. We're talking a pretty impressive groan here. Keep your wars to the terrestrial plane. Earth, specifically, in this time period.

No more cross time wars?

No. You completely obliterated six planes of existence simultaneously.

How was I supposed to know I was going to lead each one of the armies?

Who else would?

Chaos had no answer for that one. Fine, Dork. You win. I'll be good. I know! I'll secretly surprise Bavaria!



I'm pretty sure only a deaf and blind man, who was also dead, wouldn't figure out your plan. Still, it's better than killing gods, I suppose.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As Chaos disinterestedly watched Austrian soldiers run at Bavarian soldiers, after having equipped everybody with Nerf bats instead of guns, he thought about a big goal of his.

Say, Mos Def, how about we form the South German Federation. That'd be pretty crazy, right? Nobody would see that coming!

Well, here's what you'd need, in the dark grey.



No sweat! I'll just annex Bavaria and --

You can't annex Bavaria.

Why not? I can take 'em!

Yes, but the rules say you can't.

I am the embodiment of all that is random and disorganized! I can break any rule I want!

Not if you want to win the bet. I'm the referee, remember?

Chaos grumbled. That's not fair, bringing that up all the time. I've never annihilated everything that is, was, or ever shall be before.

Well, no Reality Bomb for you unless you win the bet.

Spoil sport. Fine. Can I sphere them?

Once they stop being a Great Power.

I can do that. Add the Humiliate War Goal, would you?



That still leaves Baden, Wurttemburg, and Prussia.

You can't fool me, Dorf on Golf! Prussia is north of Austria!

Not the bit I circled.

So, I'd have to assert hegemony and take that little piece of land, eh? No sweat!

All of your allies will abandon you, but Prussia's won't.

Chaos turned his attention to the battlefield of Munich.



Hah hah! We won! Eat that, Bavarian cream dogs!

You used Nerf protection on those bats, right?

Sure did. Boy, they say that stuff is supposed to be non-lethal, right? Then how come so many people are on fire?! Answer me that, science!

Death took a close look at one of the bats, and saw a sticky substance covered it. He sighed. Chaos? That's napalm.

Napalm?

Right. Nerf is the soft foam.

Ohh!! Boy, is my face red! Well, actually, his is red -- tenth degree burns will do that to you.

There's no such thing as tenth degree burns.

There are now! I'm a genius!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Needless to say, Chaos stuck with the napalm bats, instead of the Nerf ones. His troops won many battles, Chaos made many jokes about Wiener schnitzel and Bavarian sausage, and eventually, after adding another war goal, Bavaria surrendered.







Along the way, he picked up a new technology and added Wurrtemburg and Baden to his sphere.







Things had pretty much gone perfectly -- unless you were Bavarian, or one of the hideously burned Austrians, or Death -- up to that point.

I am definitely awesome.

If I agree that you're awesome, will you shut up about it?

Yes.

Fine. You're awesome!

You're damn right I'm awesome! I'm glad you finally agreed!

Oh, that's right. You're a liar. A horrible, horrible liar.

No, I'm not. Chaos paused for a moment, then laughed at Death. Aaaaahhh!! See, I did it again! Man, that was even more awesome than awesomeness!

If I weren't Death, I would beg for death.

Sorry, not enough strange aeons have passed.

No, I suppose they haven't.

So... what do we do now? We won.

How should I know?

Want to play Go Fish? I'm awesome at that too.

That's because you've never once told the truth when we play that.

Well, I guess we could just crank it up to max speed and let stuff happen. That always works for me.

Whatever gets this blasted adventure over with. I have people to process.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On September 6, 1867, Chaos gave himself multiple high fives (as his corporeal form had multiple pairs of hands, he did them all simultaneously, but safely within Death's body), as Bavaria yielded her place among the Great Powers to Portugal. Chaos picked up some more technologies, thought about declaring war on Prussia again, and stepped out for several Chaos specials (if the bartender isn't screaming, you haven't made them right!).







He returned on April 11, 1869, right at the exact moment that Austrian archaeologists uncovered a mummy.



Heh, heh. Your mummy is so fat that when she sits around the sarcophagus, she really sits around the sarcophagus!

Enough! It's been weeks of those jokes. Look, I'll justify war against Morocco.



You're just mad because the British built the Panama Canal.

Why would I care if the British built the Panama Canal?

Because the Panama Canal is what they call your mummy's --

That's enough that. Besides, we have the same mother. Well, we would have the same mother, if we had a mother.

Do we have a mother?

I don't remember. Do you?

Too many Chaos specials. Wait. I think I remember her! She was small, furry, and made puddles all over the place.

That was your dog.

Are you sure?

Pretty sure. Hey, how come you can get drunk, and Order and I can't?

I'm Chaos, baby. Nothing makes things more chaotic than a lot of booze!

That... weirdly makes a little sense. Look, let's get this over with before I go crazy. There, I declared war on Morocco. Go nuts.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chaos decided it would be funny to give the Moroccan soldiers peanut butter and the Austrians chocolate, to reenact the infamous Reese's commercials in a horribly brutal -- and delicious -- way. Unfortunately, the Moroccan army was nowhere to be found. Chaos grumbled, but picked up a another tech while he waited for the conquest to complete.



Things are going pretty sweet. Sweet like Reese's.

Yes, yes. Wait! What's that over there?!

Where?

While Chaos was distracted, Death quickly advanced the clock.



Hey, wait a minute! I had plenty of time to finish off Morocco.

No, you didn't.

Yes, I did!

Np, actually, you didn't. You took too long. It looks like AI Austria will get the credit.

I bet you want Order to win!

I am an impartial referee.

How do I know you are?

Because I -- Hey, look, we're back at the bar. I'll buy you a drink!

Free drinks?! Sign me up!

Chaos didn't even bother to find out where Order was going; he'd already consumed a "small" Chaos special (three wading pools is the smallest size -- you need that much room for all the hamster teeth). You probably want to know, though. You readers are picky that way.

Persia. Happy? Chaos is, if being 110% alcohol makes you happy. I bet it does.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Score for Chaos: 60 months of GP status (+60), three war goals (+15), five technologies (+15), two new spherelings (+4), total score from 441 to 795 (+35) = +129

Total score: +177
 

Avindian

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Michaelangelo

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You've been getting a lot of powerful nations lately. It must be to make up for all the times you had to play as an OPM or other weak nation back in the EUIII AAR. :p