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Avindian

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*Sarcasm initiated* Of course it is! I always have such epic ideas, up to and including Picket's Charge and Custer's Last Stand at Little Bighorn! *End Sarcasm*

Quite. ;)
 

Athalcor

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Poor Order! But I believe he shall overcome!
 

Avindian

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Poor Order! But I believe he shall overcome!

That's the spirit!

I've spent almost all of today playing Vicky 2 to finish up the gameplay for NRI, so I'm a bit worn out on Vicky 2 for the time being :) I promise to play next week and get an update out.
 

king hannibal

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Nice update. Can't wait for the UK.

One suggestion though, you should do a little more story within the country like in Descent.
 

Avindian

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Nice update. Can't wait for the UK.

One suggestion though, you should do a little more story within the country like in Descent.

That's fair enough; it'll be tricky to do with the UK since I won't be there for long, but I will consider it.
 

Avindian

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Finished playing the update earlier today; I'll update tonight or tomorrow!
 

Avindian

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United Kingdom: In which Rob learns that murder is not the solution to all of life's problems (but it does solve a surprisingly large number of them)

"Transition complete. We have arrived in human-grouping 'United Kingdom'."

Superb. Assume a costume that will allow you to blend in.

A faint shimmer passed over Rob. "Will this do?"

You're a six ton robot, eleven feet tall, with a laser guided rocket launcher for one hand. I do not think a top hat and monocle is sufficient to keep people from thinking you're a robot.

A peasant walked by and doffed his cap. "Evenin', guv'nah!"

Okay, it might fool a peasant, but I really do think you should try harder.

Just as Order spoke, a Baron crossed the street to shake hands with Rob. "I say, old chap, you're looking strong! Perhaps we'll have a few at the pub later, eh?"

I refuse to believe this disguise will continue to work.

After fifty more people walked past with no comment, Order gave up. Rob laughed. "Order, I also have a perception filter which prevents people from seeing me. I was having a laugh at your expense."

Order had to admit that Rob had gotten him on this one. Well done. For my sanity's sake, could we choose something more appropriate? ... No, Winston Churchill hasn't been born yet. ... Henry VIII has been dead for a very long time. ... Crocodile Dundee is Australian, not English! ... Look, the Prime Minister now is William Lamb. Look like him!

"What shall we do with the real William Lamb?"

I don't know. Think of something!

"Very well. By your command." At that sound, a large bomb landed on 10 Downing Street, thoroughly wiping the building from existence.

Rob, you could have just, you know, kidnapped the PM.

"You left the decision at my discretion."

Could you, I don't know, rebuild it?

"With time."

A crowd stood at the gaping crater where 10 Downing Street once existed. After a few moments of shock, they burst into applause. "It's about time!" "God has surely won a great victory this day!" "That'll teach the blighters!"

Perhaps it isn't necessary for right now. Give me a map of the UK, and its budget, please.

v2mapeng184210141.jpg


ukbudget.jpg


"You are losing money, Order."

So it would seem. We have a pretty big reserve, for now, so let's just concentrate on increasing our score. Justify war against Tunis, please.

"As you wish."

preparetodietunis.jpg

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Order's second act as PM of the United Kingdom was to move a focus for soldiers to South East England. In what could only possibly described as inordinate concern about a kiwi rebellion, most of the army was in New Zealand, so in order to fight Tunis, more troops would be needed. Probably. That was his decision after realizing that sailing troops from New Zealand to Malta would take a really long time.

"Order, people have been begun grumbling about voting rights outside that-which-was-Downing-Street. Shall I liquefy them?"

What? No! Let them vote.

universalvotinguk.jpg


"May I liquefy them now?"

NO! YOU MAY NOT LIQUEFY ANYBODY!

Rob muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "floody basshole." Order wondered what that could possibly mean. Yes, if one had a hole full of bass, you would need lots of water, but a flood? That seemed unlikely. Order simply ignored Rob and went on.

Rob, if I wish to address the public, may I do so?

"Yes. I will translate your speech for the benefit of the crowd."

What about the readAARs?

"We'll leave it in bold print, but they should be able to tell from context that you are speaking to meatbags. As they themselves are almost certainly meatbags, they should be able to figure it out."

Fair enough. What's happening now?

"We've been caught. 4.3 Infamy for taking Tunis."

That's a shame. How did they find out?

"Apparently, soldiers have been screaming it in every pub in the city."

How did we only get caught now?

"One of them said it while sober."

That will do it. Carry on, Rob!

As the clock rolled into 1843, cholera broke out throughout British India.

choleraspreadsinuk.jpg


British doctors were puzzled, attempting to figure out whether people had cholera or were drunk. When a careful investigation determined that the people there were, in fact, both drunk and choleric, there was a great sense of relief. Rob's crowning achievement in the United Kingdom was a crudely drawn map of the British isles, with the following note attached.

Tunisia said:
We are invading. Neener neener neener. Try and stop us, meatbags!

This was surprisingly (or perhaps not surprisingly) effective. By March 7, 1843, the casus belli was secured.

timetokickassorisit.jpg

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Order sat down in the newly constructed 10 Downing Street. A decision to refit the government building with massive, free water slides originally gained much approval from the public. However, the decision backfired, as many a backside was filled with splinters, since plastic had not been invented yet. Still, Rob had done an adequate of job replacing everybody and the building in the exact manner in which they would have been found prior to their eradication. The public booed for a few days, then most of them gave up and went on with their lives. One man on the street remarked, "That's the bleedin' government for you. Can't even blow themselves up properly!" Disgusted with the whole business, he made an obscene gesture and moved on.

One thing that was not getting blown up was Tunis. Why haven't we won yet?

"We have not yet declared war."

Why is that?

"We have no soldiers in Malta."

I see. Well, put some there!

"We have no transports in the area."

Where are the nearest ones?

"Granada."

Then bring them over. Send the army of London to Malta, and then invade.

"Certainly. What about the troops from New Zealand?"

Oh, dump them in South Africa. They love the British in South Africa, right?

Rob thought it best not to comment, and focused his attention on getting the British army into Malta. The Dutch kicked the Ottoman Empire out of the Great Powers on May 5, 1843. Denmark offered an alliance, which Order accepted, with the shrewd analysis of Why not, what's the worst that could happen? The opinion of the British in the UPCA was increased to Cordial. By August 29, 1843, the war began.

preparetodietunis.jpg


A question, Rob.

"No, you mean, 'A question, Rob?'"

I know what I mean.

"I don't think you do."

Order thought it was high time that this version of Rob was blown up, and decided to trick Rob into self-destructing with a paradox. Rob, can you lie?

"If I am ordered to, yes."

Has anybody ordered you to lie?

"No."

Wouldn't you say that if you were ordered to lie?

"Yes."

So how can I tell if you've been ordered to lie?

"You can't."

Rob, tell me if you've been ordered to lie.

"No."

No, you won't, or no, you haven't?

"No."

Tell me, you cursed robot!

"No."

GAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

At that moment, something remarkable happened. Order exploded. Well, to be technical, the fragment of Order that was present in Rob's robot body temporarily lost tension. By the time Order had recovered himself, it was February, 1844.

That... was unpleasant.

"I imagine it was."

What's happened since I've been gone?

"Many humans in Tunis have been liquefied. We have learned a new technology, but have lost the Netherlands and Russia as friends. We are newly friends with the United States."

uktech1.jpg


How go our battles?

"We haven't fought any yet, but Kairouan is our base now."

Very good. Press the attack!

While Rob waited for an opportunity to attack the Tunisian army, the Ottoman Empire declared war on Egypt while the Russian Empire declared war on the Ottoman Empire. Some guy, poking around the Australian desert and looking for water, found none, yet was applauded for it. Odder still, it took him four times to prove that the desert had no water.

charlessturtsfourthexpe.jpg


"Our first battle is compete. Many humans have died."

Um, there are humans on both sides.

Rob paused. "Yes. You are correct. There are more dead humans that are not British."

How many more?

"5."

kairouan.jpg


Ouch.

"We shall do better. By we, of course, I mean the British meatbags."

gafsaw.jpg


bizerte.jpg


Good work, Rob! Say, if you were using advanced weapons to destroy the Tunisian army, why are so many dead?

"Destroy the Tunisian army? I was just having some fun."

I... see. Couldn't you have just, I don't know, discombobulated the Tunisians?

"I could have."

And?

"I didn't want to."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By the end of 1844, Britain had lost two more allies (the US and Portugal) and had yet to completely subdue Tunisia. They had added Panjab to their sphere, annexed Bikaner, and made the Ionian Islands friendly. When the Selzro World Tour was finished, the UK had one more province than they had before.

panjabsphere.jpg


laterbikaner.jpg


Order was upset. I am so close to taking out Tunis!

"You have plenty of time."

What do you mean?

"Properly speaking, you should have from January 1, 1841 to January 1, 1845."

I started in 1840.

"Chaos forfeited his extra time by being a great big coward and the authAAR's failed math."

Yay! Make Tunisia go bye-bye!

"It is done."

tunisgone.jpg


penalcolony.jpg


prussianwarwithdenmark.jpg


Wait, what's that extra image?

"The Penal colony?" (A disembodied voice laughed, Heh, heh. Penal.)

No, the other one.

"Oh, Denmark? Since humans always honor every alliance, I honored our alliance with Denmark."

Humans don't always honor every alliance.

"They don't?"

Nope, just look at history.

"Which part?"

Pretty much all of it.

"I see. Well, the Danes are a mighty human-grouping with a mighty army. They shall triumph with or without our help."

Uh....

denmarkisscrewed.jpg

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The first step of Operation "Denmark doesn't have much of a chance but at least we'll slow Prussia down slightly" was to build new soldiers. Specifically, 33,000 infantry and 11 steam transports to transport them. Then, the British fleet blockaded Prussia and cut off access to Copenhagen, destroying much of the Prussian fleet.

oressund.jpg


In the meantime, Medicine was discovered, but I was so busy helping the Danes that I clicked on the box and didn't save a screenshot. Here, however, is photographic proof that Medicine was indeed discovered.

medicineisdone.jpg


"We have discovered how to stop malaria."

Excellent news. Let us colonize! Where can we do so?

"New Zealand."

New Zealand again?! Does New Zealand even have malaria?

"Not according to the CDC."

Somebody is really obsessed with New Zealand.

"You?"

Apart from me.

"You're the one who keeps going on about it."

Forget it. How's that war going?

"The Prussians invaded the Channel Islands, but they were repulsed."

Good.

"The Austrians and Russians signed a White Peace agreement."

They did? How did the Austrians get involved?

"Allies with the Ottomans."

I see. Fair enough.

"We've just landed the troops in Copenhagen as well."

Good work! Attack those Prussian fools!

"I can't."

Why not?

"It's January 1, 1846."

Damn! But who will defeat the Prussians and keep Denmark safe?

"The AI, probably. After all, they have many more troops than the Prussians and the Prussians can't get to Copenhagen without defeating the Royal Navy, which has 78 ships in the Oresund."

Oh, very well. Where is Chaos going?

"Brazil."

He'll have to deal with Malaria.

"Yes, he will."

But not New Zealand.

Rob sighed. "No, not New Zealand."
----------------------------------------------------------------
Score for Order: 1 war goal (+5), 2 technologies (+6), increase from 592 to 729 (+14 -- 13.7 rounded up), 1 new country in Sphere (+2), 7 new provinces [Tunisia (6) and Bikaner (1)] (+7), 38 full months as Great Power [November 1842 to December 1845] (+38) = 72.

Total score for Order: +29.

Brazil may take a while; we're moving at the end of the week and it could take a while to get internet transferred to the new apartment. This AAR will return, however. Have no fear! Especially not of malaria in New Zealand!
 

Avindian

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king hannibal

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Nice update, liked the story elements. Surprised Rob didn't blow up.
 

Omen

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I feel Order will blow up again next time he has a turn.

I also hope the world is as weird after this whole play through as it was in your last game!
 

Avindian

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Nice update, liked the story elements. Surprised Rob didn't blow up.

I figured he deserved a break.

I feel Order will blow up again next time he has a turn.

I also hope the world is as weird after this whole play through as it was in your last game!

Already I think it'll be extremely weird. If the AI UK can handle Prussia, maybe even add a war goal, that could set back German unification a long time, if it happens. The UK and France will probably clash in Africa. The only continent I haven't screwed up yet is North America, and there's still plenty of time...
 

EU3NOOB

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Yay! Order is winning! Yay me!
 

Avindian

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king hannibal

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Not to be nosy, but...

This AAR is just too good not to know when the next installment will be. I know you're installing Internet into your new apartment, but is thereany update on when the next one will be?
 

Avindian

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This AAR is just too good not to know when the next installment will be. I know you're installing Internet into your new apartment, but is thereany update on when the next one will be?

We completed the move earlier today, after a brief tussle with the local ISP. I'm going to update NRI in the next couple of days, then play and update here, so this weekend is the target.
 

Selzro

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That's excellent news! And it was quite fortuitous that Order got the UK after the Bremen disaster. I also appreciated the Selzro World Tour reference, from the Ionian Islands! ;)
 

Avindian

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That's excellent news! And it was quite fortuitous that Order got the UK after the Bremen disaster. I also appreciated the Selzro World Tour reference, from the Ionian Islands! ;)

You're welcome! I also did Tunis and Panjab in that update as well. ;)
 

alhoward

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I like how the optimal gameplay strategy is to milk each country for 5 years and start as many wars as possible. The best way to run any country in RL. :D