CEO, EMEA—The Beancounter's Saga

[NewbieOne]

And so we sit in the trenches and the time flies. We play chess with Giacomo of the Lombard Band and I lose about 5:2 every night. And then we talk about his traffic ticket. Or rather it started as a ticket until he insulted the imperial magistrate, got locked up for contempt and broke out on his own. There's probably gonna be at least some community service. I'm pretty sure I can get him off with no jail or fine but even I can't save him from a month or two of teaching maths to kids at a parish school.



At least now I'm sure the Genovese just can't possibly have enough dudes to move us from here. We're also most likely to make it before Oberto finishes at Arborea and then we'll pack up and go kick his ass.

 

[NewbieOne]

The bastards captured and hanged several of our men, a couple from the regular army and a couple mercenaries. They were both properly outfitted in Pisan uniforms, and the mercs held regular brevet commissions and enlistments in the Pisan Armed Formes specifically for that type of occasion.



The execution was ordered by the bishop of all people. I can't reach him behind those walls... yet. And even then I wouldn't be able to do much. Albeit a criminal, he'd be protected by the laws of war and privileges of the Church, and I'm no priest killer in any case. But there is one thing I can do.

'Lieutenant.'
'You were calling, sir?'
'You're bound for Rome in the morning. Prep the boat. My paralegal will have the PoAs waiting for you before you go. Remember to pick them up. Make sure I'm not disturbed. There's a long night ahead. Tell Giacomo to take over command of the camp.'

Herein comes forth the Plaintiff Republic of Pisa before this honorable and reverend court of pontifical jurisdiction...

(...)

...Wherefore it is so prayed as shall be further pleaded by and through the counsel here undersigned circumstances so permitting.

Irregularity Petition Filed against Bishop of Nice by Pisan Government!

Rome, August 1, 1078--This morning LT Albano Furbo, Pisan Navy, JAG Corps, filed an emergency petition by the Pisan Government against the Bishop of Nice currently serving as the head of siege defence in Genoa. Appearing as Counsel for the Republic will be no other than Doge Gumba himself, who, as we verified with the Chancery, is qualified to plead before ecclesiastic courts, himself holding a doctorate in canon law awarded 20 years ago on the basis of a dissertation he supposedly wrote in a Seljuk jail before being broken out by a freedom squad on orders from the Armenian Doux Thoros of Edessa. The Doge alleges that the Bishop has incurred irregularity by taking on his hands the blood of the executed Pisan prisoners of war in contravention of any law known to civilised peoples. As such, the Bishop should be suspended from his office at least until he repents of what he did and in any case has incurred latae sententiae canonical penalties by operation of the law itself. Genovese embassy asserts that the Bishop acted within the limits of his authority, which he accepted only under dire necessity but nonetheless with full jurisdiction.​

 

[NewbieOne]

'They're coming out tonight. I feel it in my old bones. There's just too much movement here, too much silence there, a bit of a solemn mood of secrecy overall.'
'No kidding?' Giacomo the Smartass. Remind me to wipe that smirk off his ugly face some day.
I need more koffeh.

Failed Sally by Defenders of Genoa!

Pisa, September 2, 1078--The last chance effort thrown at our troops by Genovese high command proved abortive last night. Thats to the awareness of their commanders our boys were more than adequately prepared to handle that. The bloodied sortie withdrew well before the dawn. Both Doge Oberto (who was supposed to be leading the siege of the Gumba family outpost in Arborea) and his maverick bishop accused of war crimes were seen amid fighting, although they managed to slip back inside the walls, evading capture.​

Yes, I am slightly worried about Arborea. Bashar is making Oberto's life more complicated than it ever has been, but a small merchant port is not prepared to withstand the might of a full duke-sized levy for too long.



Not an hour is going to be wasted. There won't be time for a parade.



It should take a week to ferry to Corsica and another to cross the narrow straight. According to my estimates, they should last 2-3 months yet, perhaps more. Then we can ferry back and sit through to 100%.

 

[NewbieOne]

...Won't be necessary.



Pwnt.

 

[NewbieOne]

War's Over!

Pisa, September 21, 1078--Breaking news! The war is over. Serene Doge Ermenegildo Gumba, reportedly 'mighty pissed' at Serene Doge Oberto Grimaldi and eager to 'kick ass and chew mastic gum' opted out of a parade through main streets of Genoa and allowed the truce to be signed in his siege camp rather than in the dogal palace of Genoa as had previously been planned, as a token of peace. Sources close to him claim his personal humility ultimately won, albeit with difficulty, and he hopes that the goodwill shown in remarkably good treatment and igniting no spark of revenge will somehow be appreciated by the opposing side, leading to an avoidance of armed conflict in the future. We are hoping that Genoa will prove to have deserved this loan of confidence and we trust in the wisdom of our Leader.

It is remarkable that of the 1121 men who left with him, 1093 are returning home and a couple more will be repatriated separately as members of the short-lived Pisan Occupational Garrison in Genoa. Of those who died several were prisoners-of-war unlawfully executed by the Genovese commander (case pending). This leaves us with literally a handful of battlefield casualties in what was supposed to be one of the Republic's darkest hours when she — with an empty treasury and demoralised army — was taken by surprise by its calculating nothern neighbour in whose possibility of sincere repentance we are now hoping under the lead of our Doge.

​

 

[NewbieOne]

Plus, we made some buck ferrying away a rich but unlucky minor noble from the countryside who managed to gain the focused enmity of a della Gherardesca woman by spurning her advances.

This can now be used for the benefit of the Republic.

Huge Treasury Donation by the Doge!

Pisa, October 12, 1078--Breaking news! It seems that just after winning almost without casualties what was thought to be a lost war, our noble doge has made a substantial donation to the Republic's treasury from his remarkable commercial success (doubling the value of the loss he sustained just prior to the last war). The 100 gp constitutes a full annual revenue of the State! It is also more than the public penny the Doge spent on controversial 'incentives' for the foreign-born apolitical experts whose technical governance is serving us so well. His critics from the beginning of the war should feel doubly ashamed of themselves! Uh, but we hope that our loyal reader base will not remember this little lack of foresight on our part in (...)​

And you complain about things politicians say before elections 'when it suits them'. Just admit you are filthy opportunistic slime you pencil-pushing opinion-forming crook. I have an idea...

'Corporal!'
'SIR!'
'You seen the paper?'
'YESSIR!'
'What do you think about it?'
'@#$@#@ SIR!'
'Yup. So please visit our favourite editor and tell him he has been selected for the unique honour of relaying our combined arms marine & SEAL exercise from the unique, privileged perspective of a private soldier. I'm sure the reader base will love the material.'

 

[NewbieOne]

And so we're coming back home and preparing to cross the Holy-Roman-Pisan border when a cav squad from the Pisan garrison appears out of nowhere, fans out surrounds the tip of our column without saying a word. No hellos, no salutes, no nothing, only a bunch of grim faces with heavy mustaches. I know republican governments tend to be rather volatile, but most doges do last more than one year, so what the heck? And certainly not just after winning a war, it totally makes no sense. I bark some orders at the platoon leader (a timely sober reaction invoking military discipline has averted many a short-lived coup), but he only points his finger over his shoulder. I look up, and the leprous Marshal Baron Gerardo of Livorno, clad in his tight-wrapped robes with a characteristic steel face plate rides forward and says, in what's in no way a pleasant voice:

'Admiral Gumba, I am afraid you are under military arrest for disobeying a senate resolution. Please do not make this more difficult.'

 

[NewbieOne]

Clowns. All of them.

I say, 'What the ####, Gerardo? I thought I could trust you?' Then his goons twist my arms and hold me back (they should be lucky I'm no longer in my thirties), and he just says (and probably grins but you can't see it):

'Admiral Gumba, not like I'm a great fan of the senate, you know, but at this time they are remarkably lucid. It really filled us with regret here when you said you, "had no time for that nonsense." It hurt our feelings, you know.'

Then he says, 'Gentlemen, I believe our noble leader is rather incapable of exercising his powers right now, is he not? He can't do much right now anyway.'

'Yup.'
'Yup.'
'Yup.'
'Yup.' All my other councillors concurred.

'Chancellor, I believe you can put the signature on the bill now. Rear Admiral Ermenegildo Gumba, as the interim commander in chief of our forces it is my please to announce your promotion to Vice Admiral on the Retired list. You are also ordered to accept it, no silly excuses. If you politely decline, I'll politely dump you in a lake. Here's your third star.'



'Gentlemen, l think his capacity for rule has suddenly returned.'
'Yup.'
'Yup.'
'Yup.'
'Yup.'

'To the brig, all of you! Three days of bread and water. But thanks, I guess.'

 

[NewbieOne]

The army disbands on October 18, and we are fully back to peace time. It felt like it took forever, but it only really lasted a couple of months, the Genovese war.



It would make sense to build a cash crop, such as a merchant guild:



A port would be better, but it's gonna take a while before we get sea tech to that level:

New Meeting Place for the Guilds
Pisa, October 18, 1078––Construction of a new City Guild Hall was today inaugurated by the Serene Dodge. Doge Gumba has been quoted as saying that the various small businesses in our Republic need a forum to congregate and gain leverage they cannot afford acting alone. This is supposed to lead to the formation of new chambers, guilds and more informal associations, all of which need to meet somewhere. The expanded building will also serve as an expo hall.​

We are making six point seventy now. Not bad for a demesne of 1 and a bunch of vassals (the Sardinian counts pay no taxes), but a republic can do better. And it must, if we're going to thrive. I gotta put it up a notch or two.

Major Tech Steal!
Pisa, November 6, 1078––Sources close to the Central Spying Agency claim that our intel has pulled off a major teach coup. It is not clear what kind of tech it is, but it is reportedly something big. We were trying to obtain more information, but the records and the lips are sealed on categorical orders from Doge Gumba 'in the interest of the safety of our service men'. Doge Gumba swears to drop everything and appear personally before the court if any Freedom of Information requests are made, but he says he trusts, 'the free press to be sensible in this matter'.







You'd better. Or I'll DoW a random emir somewhere and draft you as a war correspondent. I've already been tempted. Don't challenge your luck.

On the other hand, poor Gerardo is having less luck with the levies than the spymaster with the Saracens.



I think it's the leprosy. It's really easy to get hurt if you have it. You don't feel much, but you're already in pain anyway. Not that I know too much of it. I've never caught the thing and Gerardo talks little about it, although he must be in a relatively advanced stage by now. Thankfully, it's relatively mild from what I've heard, but his life is nowhere close to the life a happily married 28 years old young Italian baron would normally look at. Poor fellow. I don't have the heart to let him go, even though this is hurting my military tech perspectives and I'm not sure if it's the best for the recruits, either.

Speaking of 'happily married', though:



Basically, something broke in me. As in, we didn't start to sleep with each other again but that there was that something in her touch, in her movements. Whatever it was, I saw it or felt it again. Just like when she was a young secretary that I asked to marry me against my better judgement and she became Wife Number Three. A widower's wife was not pleasant. Perhaps this celibacy of the last couple of years is neither. I could still father a child or two.

I'm sure as heck this is gonna be misunderstood by some people. They already took me for a lecherous old man when I married that cute long-legged thing.



Screw them. What do they know about me and my life. She wanted it more than I did. Besides, I had no children from either of the previous marriages.

Truth be told, I believe it'd better if people would cut the gossip and cut each other some slack unless it really involves them or it's really something bad. I'm a tolerant person despite what some say.

Change at Caetani Helm!
Pisa, February 22, 1079––As we learned from Ogliastra four days ago, Docibile, the elderly Patrician of our noble Caetani family, has parted this life and been replaced by Docibile, who will now lead the house and the family's business ventures. Funeral services will be held (...)​

The young brat Ugolino is turning out well. He's a good child.



Not like the 'adults' I need to deal with.



If they are so eager for the cloak and dagger game why don't they just join our intel service? They'd at least make themselves useful. I think I'm going to start drafting the trouble makers. Civil rights activists and some judges will keep bitching for a while but they'll get used to it. Besides, I can outlawyer their lawyers any day, any courtroom.

There's more news from Syracuse. The Fatties are blobing up in the south of the Med. Swallowing up their different-sect neighbours. They're soon gonna stretch up as far as Tunis if they aren't stopped.



I'm gonna need to blow up some ships and sell some arms again. Sigh. But I can't go. This time I'll need to delegate. I'll reassign that new associate. He's fluent in Arabic, spends all his free time in the gym or is not as dumb as it makes him look. Besides, he complained his job was boring. Can't blame him. Public procurement, eeek. I can't stand the thing myself.

But this one is more attention-requiring news:



As is this (Cagliari's a major Pisan vassal):

​

 

[NewbieOne]

At least the construction's going well.



Also, I'd be DoW-ing the Hammadids on behalf of Sicily but I can't. They actually have dudes rolling through Christian territory over the Alps and through Tuscany (who even let them pass in the first place?), very close to our borders, on the verge of actually crossing into our territory, which means I can't declare my hostile intentions or they'll just stomp over my low-morale recruits before Gerardo can drill some discipline into them.



Not to mention the pestilence in Sardinia that I don't want their recruits to spread to all of the allied Christian armies once we join up.



On the other hand, the Saracens already have an much larger stack close to Sicily (almost 3K, actually, as opposed to the 700 here, but they'll probably join up into a 3.6K stack eventually if they if we let them), just passing by Naples...



... which means I can't bide my sweet time forever. And I have to move in right away because the single three-thousand Saracen stack is about to pick off the smaller Christian forces thousand by thousand, no matter the we seem to be winning handily right now, on paper.

 

[NewbieOne]

Basically, I have no choice, unless we want to see an Arab Sicily again. Even though the situation is as bad as it can get. Scratch that, actually. It can always get worse.

Another War We Can't Win
Pisa, March 10, 1080––Serene Doge Ermenegildo Gumba has just dragged us into another war we can't win while expending a year's worth of this Republic's income on mercenaries hired to fight in a war that's not our own. Seventy-five gold was spent on hiring 1710 mercenaries from the Lombard Band to bring our forces to a just below 3000 level as opposed to the thousands of Saracens who are after Sicily, currently held by the Norman Duke Roger de Hauteville. Talk about wasting lives and money!​

Not Our War? We Can't Win?
Pisa, March 11, 1080––We wish to remind our colleagues at The Post that Doge Gumba won the last 'war we couldn't win' and with a Muslim Sicily about to form two sea provinces away from Sardinia and three from Pisa itself, it can hardly be termed not our war. Not to mention compadres of the Italian tongue giving their lives on that border wall of Christendom right now. We cannot ignore their suffering. The Doge himself is no armchair warmonger, either, he's going with our troops.​

We're setting out.



And yes, we finished the new Hall some two weeks ago, but this really doesn't matter much now. Men will be dying soon. This will not be a lossless positional war.

 

[NewbieOne]

Another Change in Caetani
Pisa, April 3, 1080––Patrician Docibile Caetani was found dead this morning. After his short-lived reign the family emporium will now be led by Ugo.

​

Allies Losing in Sicily!
Pisa, April 16, 1080––Forces of the Christian Coalition rallied around the papal banner are taking heavy losses in Calabria. Next in the queue of destruction is the somewhat larger Norman force in Reggio, still half the numbers of the Saracen army.


​

I cannot wait. Neither for morale, nor for numbers. I do not have the comfort of waiting.





ANTRACS!!!

 

[NewbieOne]

'LOWER THE BOATS! GET THE RAFTS GOING! GO GO GO! FOLLOW ME! ARCHERS FAN OUT ON THE BEACH! CAVALRY PLATOONS CIRCLE AROUND, HIT THEIR ARCHERS FROM THE REAR. INFANTRY FORWARD! ARCHERS READY!?'
'READY SIR!'
'MAKE IT RAIN!!!'... 'GIACOMO, DO YOUR WORST!'

We Are Saved!
Cosenza, May 4, 1080––Relief comes! The beleaguered papal forces on our beaches are being assisted by a freshly landed Pisan force under the personal command of their Doge, himself a career naval officer of flag rank (although one typically associated with backstage ops involving no more than a platoon-full of troops according to our informants). In a dashing show of both drill and flair, Pisan archers filed out of their rafts while already putting arrows on their bowstrings and executed the first salvo while the second row still stood up to its knees in water. While they inevitably took losses in so doing, they put a heavy dent in the Saracen centre shooting down the Emir's own archers at a rate of 16 to 7. At the same time behind the flurry of arrows and cavalry making the first direct contact with the enemy, the Lombard Band seems to be massing up on left flank to execute a sweeping move after breaking the Saracen left.



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'MAKE MORE RAIN MEN!'

'Yup. Always the rainmaker. Typical.' Remarked Giacomo before spurring his horse and riding off. Who's taking. I know he's taking night classes at law school himself. Cheeky bastard thought I wouldn't find out. He never told me but I know he did. I used to teach at that place myself. I still have connections. Still have my sources.

All right. Time to get the knives ready.

 

[NewbieOne]

'He Needed It More'
Cosenza, May 6, 1080––Unbelievable but eight hours into fighting, as it was about to become really thick (like it wasn't already), a young boy popped up seemingly out of nowhere, pulling at the sleeve of Pisan doge's chain mail.
'Ugo! What the heck are you doing here!' Gumba exclaimed in shock.
'Why did you let that peasant go? The deer poacher?' The boy insisted.
The older man's features softened and he replied with calm and warmth. 'He needed it more than I did, Young Ugo. I hope you will see it the same one day.'
'I already do!'
'Great. Now please go back to the camp.'
'But I can help. Am I not good enough?'
'You will be a great servant of the Republic one day. But what would I tell your mother if something happened to you? Go!'
He shood the boy off and jumped into the fray. Several more hours later the Saracens were in a rout.









Victory!
Cosenza, May 9, 1080––Nothing will bring back to life the brave papal soldiers who defended us and took upon themselves the first wave of the Saracen assault but the Saracens are beaten now and have lost 77% of their count in the bloody battle that waged in front of our city all these last days. With the advent of the Norman forces who joined in some time after Pisa made its landfall, the Saracens' ranks broke in disarray just as Lombard mercenaries fell on them from the side. Allied casualties add up to six hundred, with the heavy toll paid in the outnumbered struggle that preceded Gumba's landing. The 'Admiral Doge's' seemingly desperate manoeuver in funneling barely trained fresh (!) recruits into battle straight off the ship deck (!) broke the backbone of the Saracen invasion.

Minor battles with stragglers and marauders continue while waiting to rendezvous with Duke Roger having in the meanwhile wrapped up the operations in Sicily, and with the Pisan troops Doge Gumba previously had no time to wait for, to lift the siege of Salerno. Another, smaller Pisan shore party helps Duke Roger clear his path to join the main army.





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[GulMacet]

Excellent, Christendom is saved once more... perhaps it is even possible to make Sicily a rather large 'Trading Post' for Pisa, why not?

 

[NewbieOne]

Thanks. And apologies for the pictures not working. I don't know what's going on. It looked good yesterday.

All right, guys, here's what I'm going to do. First, I need some more information from you about how the pages/browsers behave. The more diversified your systems, locations etc., the better.

Secondly, I've bought an ImageShack PRO subscription for a full year and also made a request via their help centre. If this doesn't help, I have two options:

1. I think I will for a time use thumbnails. Thumbnails will still show the gist of what's going on and will be more intuitive as links to larger pictures. On the plus size, the pages will load faster and will force scrolling-up so much as they continue loading. In the meanwhile, perhaps whatever issues there may be with ImageShack hosting right now (e.g. server down, bandwidth exceeded etc.) will return to normal.
2. Photobucket. I'd hate to waste like 40 bucks just after buying ImageShack subscriptions, but I guess they deserve something for having provided good hosting so far.

In any case, I'm really sorry for the inconvenience you're experiencing here, as I realise that in all my AARs pictures are essential storytelling elements. Please remember that as soon as the missing icon appears, you can use it as a link to follow (preferably Open in a new window). You will be able to see the image, as tedious as it may be do follow the links manually multiple times – for which, again, I'm sorry.

There's also a possibility that if I move to Photobucket (forever or just for the time being, even with a free account), the old pictures may eventually return, given as they're physically still present on ImageShack servers and can actually be viewed there (e.g. if you follow the links). Otherwise I just suspect that a server or two may be down, which might explain why only a random part of pictures aren't working but the rest still are.

 

[NewbieOne]

Go go go boys! Hurry up and we're gonna get the better positions! Stretch your hairy legs, princesses!



Go go go boys! Hurry up and we're gonna get the better positions! Stretch your hairy legs, princesses!

The Organiser

Catanzaro, August 5, 1180––The Pisan 'admiral doge' is no stranger to ground combat! If you could see him hurry his troups through the passes and vales, neutralising enemy stragglers before they can join up and keeping the way clear for papal and Sicilian forces. Dashing landfalls and assaults from the sea are definitely not the only thing (...)​

Oh please. I'm blushing. Truth be told, I've fought way more campaigns on land than at sea, but they have no way of knowing. It's all top secret.

Catanzaro, August 7, 1180––(...)

​

For the fallen!



By far not all of us are coming home. But we have avoided another Muslim Sicily without taking anywhere close to the typical losses in such type of conflict.



The Bishop in particular is pleased.

 

[NewbieOne]

When we were away the Contarinis gave birth to a new son. They were very close to extinction. In fact, all of the Patrician houses of Pisa are flirting with extinction. The Alliatas and d'Appianos have to deal with the fact that their potential heirs are foreign subjects who don't even necessarily want to have much to do with the family. The Contarinis are remarkably short of capable males (not like you could call the Alliatas or d'Appianos precisely that, either). The Gumbas are a new house that's even younger—as a patrician house at least—than its toddler of an heir to a grey-haired incumbent (that'd be yours truly). Things may seem really fragile here but whenever a house goes down another rises to take its place from the less prominent houses, pretty much the same as I did around the time of the elections.



However, I cannot dwell too much on domestic politics again. My eyes turn to Spain. Its king is technically having the upper hand in its effort to reclaim the lost capital—Toledo itself! the presidial seat of the Roman province Carthaginensis and then of the Visigothic kings before the Invasion—but at the same time the Castilians are being sieged in Vallodolid right on the outskirts of their capital in Burgos, while the defenders are joined by pretty much every Moorish power in Iberia that isn't pinned down by a civil war.



The Castilian king Alfonso's advantage may well be a colossus on feet of clay. The moment his cities begin to fall and he heads back to save them, unable to press for a quick end to the conflict because he can't claim a flawless victory with his own territory under the defenders' occupation, it will be easy to cast out the token garrisons left by the Castilian army. We will not even have full information unless we send agents there (which I'm unwilling to do, as I need them where they are) or join their war anyway.

When King Alfonso's acceptance of our offer of assistance arrives, we're already packed on ships heading in his direction. A bit of a diplomatic faux pas perhaps, but an embattled kingdom shouldn't be fussy like that.



It may seem that our presence is no longer necessary when we arrive, but since the war is not quite over yet, we do lend a hand. We march into the allied camps.

 

[NewbieOne]

Pisa Inbound!

Valladolid, September 5, 1180––It has been officially confirmed that Admiral Gumba's fleet is sailing in our direction straight from Sicily, where it has just reported a great victory for the allied coalition, averting the threat of a new Saracen occupation. They might even be landing right now (...)​

A Hero's Welcome

Camps of Guadalajara October 1, 1180––Admiral Gumba's vanguard was intercepted by a welcome party of jinetes and escorted to the camp, where reviewed the assembled forces. It was already confirmed that he would be taking over as Supreme Allied Commander (...)



​

The siege is over!

Guadalajara November 1, 1180–– We are back to the fold after centuries! The army followed Admiral Gumba to the next siege (...)



​

Victory

Burgos November 7, 1180––The Moors have capitulated! Admiral Gumba on a white horse at the head of the army rode into Toledo (...)

​

 

[GulMacet]

Killing infidels is all nice and dandy, but what does it do for the Pisan citizens? The government should be stimulating the economy, not go gallivanting off on foreign wars against Muslims in Iberia! (Any similarities to current events are intended and humourous. :happy