Sorry for my slow posting progress, I will endeavor to get the rest of my reign up tomorrow. I know things like this make collaborative AARs annoying at times... sorry.
-
We have updated our Community Code of Conduct. Please read through the new rules for the forum that are an integral part of Paradox Interactive’s User Agreement.
Perhaps, but the "Scale-Model" War and such is what keeps us coming back. Priceless!
I have the files now. I hope to wrap up my portion in the next couple of days, now that I have some holiday time to give me a little breathing space.
LD
"....and that gold mine?"
"It represents a ducat. Get some more for me will you."
Great stuff Carligula. That is a seriously warped Duke.
"It represents a ducat. Get some more for me will you."
Great stuff Carligula. That is a seriously warped Duke.
just don't make it too soon, I still won't have any computer time to talk about until friday
oh my, i'm sure hard to please
oh my, i'm sure hard to please
Thanks to all for your comments.
Tem_Probe, they were actual cities... it seemed like a bug of some sort, but I don't think I could even describe it well enough to get it looked at. But we got Manhattan, and that's all I cared about.
Tem_Probe, they were actual cities... it seemed like a bug of some sort, but I don't think I could even describe it well enough to get it looked at. But we got Manhattan, and that's all I cared about.
With Charles’ whereabouts again unknown, Claude settled back into the palace and resumed governing Burgundy in accordance with his clearly- (if incoherently-) expressed wishes to enlarge the country by any means necessary. Parties of traders and colonists set out to claim the lands described in the Lenape maps.
The Inquisition was also sent to Manhattan and Delaware – although the priests chosen for this task needed a lighter touch than their European brethren, as they were attempting to introduce an entirely new way of life to the villagers. The clumsy methods which had led to the Inquisition’s failure in Hannover, Oldenburg, Mecklemburg, and Sachsen would never do in North America – though they had succeeded in Wurttemburg, Wurzburg, and Bremen. Regardless of its progress, Claude resolved to continue the conversion projects begun by Charles’ father.
Charles’ “project”, too, seemed to require more work. The armies stationed in North America began to send back word of another native neighbor to the west, the Iroquois. And England seemed to have designs on attacking them as well… to avoid a repeat of the embarrassing Lenape situation and gain control of as much of the seemingly endless continent as possible, Claude knew he needed to act quickly. After a mere six months of war – June to December 1544 – the Iroquois were fully incorporated into Burgundy’s burgeoning colonial empire. Claude had to agree, he did kind of like west.
And he agreed with even more of Charles’ ramblings as the next few years went by. He had been right to fear getting bored, for one thing – a colonist here, a trader there, an Inquisitor some other place, nobles ready to scheme and plot if he didn’t follow their wishes in every particular… he was sick of it. And, he admitted to himself, he missed Charles’ strokes of insane genius.
On a cold night in January of 1550, Claude left the palace after another tedious day and returned to his modest house to find a gift waiting for him – a bottle of wine from Provins. The best winery in the best wine-making country in Europe… how could it not be perfect?
He took one drink and spat it out, picked up the cork to shove back in the bottle before throwing it out, and found a message wrapped around the cork. He opened and read it.
”Awful, right? I thought so. Swill like this is why the peasants were unhappy two years ago. Can you blame them? Claude, we need better grapes. Burgundy needs better grapes. And the best ones are in Aragon. Catalonia, to be precise. So go get them.”
A hurried consultation with his diplomats revealed that Burgundy did in fact have a legitimate grievance with Aragon – although no one seemed to remember why. No matter. The King had spoken, and now no one doubted that his word was law. For defending the honor of Burgundy’s wine was a cause everyone could support.
The Inquisition was also sent to Manhattan and Delaware – although the priests chosen for this task needed a lighter touch than their European brethren, as they were attempting to introduce an entirely new way of life to the villagers. The clumsy methods which had led to the Inquisition’s failure in Hannover, Oldenburg, Mecklemburg, and Sachsen would never do in North America – though they had succeeded in Wurttemburg, Wurzburg, and Bremen. Regardless of its progress, Claude resolved to continue the conversion projects begun by Charles’ father.
Charles’ “project”, too, seemed to require more work. The armies stationed in North America began to send back word of another native neighbor to the west, the Iroquois. And England seemed to have designs on attacking them as well… to avoid a repeat of the embarrassing Lenape situation and gain control of as much of the seemingly endless continent as possible, Claude knew he needed to act quickly. After a mere six months of war – June to December 1544 – the Iroquois were fully incorporated into Burgundy’s burgeoning colonial empire. Claude had to agree, he did kind of like west.
And he agreed with even more of Charles’ ramblings as the next few years went by. He had been right to fear getting bored, for one thing – a colonist here, a trader there, an Inquisitor some other place, nobles ready to scheme and plot if he didn’t follow their wishes in every particular… he was sick of it. And, he admitted to himself, he missed Charles’ strokes of insane genius.
On a cold night in January of 1550, Claude left the palace after another tedious day and returned to his modest house to find a gift waiting for him – a bottle of wine from Provins. The best winery in the best wine-making country in Europe… how could it not be perfect?
He took one drink and spat it out, picked up the cork to shove back in the bottle before throwing it out, and found a message wrapped around the cork. He opened and read it.
”Awful, right? I thought so. Swill like this is why the peasants were unhappy two years ago. Can you blame them? Claude, we need better grapes. Burgundy needs better grapes. And the best ones are in Aragon. Catalonia, to be precise. So go get them.”
A hurried consultation with his diplomats revealed that Burgundy did in fact have a legitimate grievance with Aragon – although no one seemed to remember why. No matter. The King had spoken, and now no one doubted that his word was law. For defending the honor of Burgundy’s wine was a cause everyone could support.
Last edited:
After a few months of moving armies into position, Burgundy declared war on March 1, 1550, declining to invite her allies (now consisting of the Papal States, Austria, and Siebenburgen, Eire having departed some time ago). Aragon called for support from a large coalition of Spain, Portugal, Scotland, Ukraine, and the Knights. Claude had heard rumors of Spain and Portugal possessing vast colonial empires, but (for the most part) had no idea where they were, so taking these nations’ capitals became a secondary goal.
The early results were not entirely favorable. Spain seemed to possess massive armies and navies, giving the stories of colonial riches the ring of truth. They set up sieges in Burgundian Navarra and Bearn, and struck at the undefended island of Corsica, but Burgundy’s equally massive army (the navy still couldn’t be trusted to make it out of port without foundering) made steady progress against Aragon. Gerona fell in January 1551, the Baleares and Catalonia the following year, and the capital of Aragon in April of 1553. With the nation weary from three years of war and Spain threatening to retake Gerona, Claude decided not to press on for maps and settled for Gerona, the Baleares, and the precious grapes of Catalonia.
With no new sign of Charles’ intentions, Claude returned to his normal business of building Burgundy’s economy, getting her navy into usable shape, and settling America. The American colonies continued to grow, and contributed so many patards to the national coffers that, in 1555, the Austrian Hapsburgs were convinced to accept vassalage to their one-time conqueror. Also Inquisitors were sent to various regions professing Calvinism, an offshoot of the dreaded Protestantism, and succeeded in returning Zeeland and Friesen to the fold.
As 1559 drew to a close, Claude received an anonymous letter urging him to come to Provins. He had some idea what it was about – only a gravely ill King Charles would have to resort to a messenger.
Claude arrived at Provins on December 30, 1559. The doctors told him, yes, he would probably not survive the night. He was shown into the sickroom.
“Your Grace –“
“Enough of that, Claude. No formalities, you may have guessed I’m not much for them. Just wanted to say this before I go – you did a good job for me. You tried to understand me. Thanks.”
“Thank you, Charles… Who is this young man?”
“This is my son, Jean. We call him the “Moon King”. Want to know why? When he was a kid, he used to – Well, why don’t you show him?"
“Aw, Dad…”
“Come on, just one more time? We both know it’ll be the last time…”
“… OK. For you, Dad.”
And so it was that as the clock struck midnight, and King Charles II died, Jean II Roi de Lune became sovereign leader of Burgundy, and all her possessions on two continents, with his pants down. Claude thought it was an appropriate end to the times he had seen.
The early results were not entirely favorable. Spain seemed to possess massive armies and navies, giving the stories of colonial riches the ring of truth. They set up sieges in Burgundian Navarra and Bearn, and struck at the undefended island of Corsica, but Burgundy’s equally massive army (the navy still couldn’t be trusted to make it out of port without foundering) made steady progress against Aragon. Gerona fell in January 1551, the Baleares and Catalonia the following year, and the capital of Aragon in April of 1553. With the nation weary from three years of war and Spain threatening to retake Gerona, Claude decided not to press on for maps and settled for Gerona, the Baleares, and the precious grapes of Catalonia.
With no new sign of Charles’ intentions, Claude returned to his normal business of building Burgundy’s economy, getting her navy into usable shape, and settling America. The American colonies continued to grow, and contributed so many patards to the national coffers that, in 1555, the Austrian Hapsburgs were convinced to accept vassalage to their one-time conqueror. Also Inquisitors were sent to various regions professing Calvinism, an offshoot of the dreaded Protestantism, and succeeded in returning Zeeland and Friesen to the fold.
As 1559 drew to a close, Claude received an anonymous letter urging him to come to Provins. He had some idea what it was about – only a gravely ill King Charles would have to resort to a messenger.
Claude arrived at Provins on December 30, 1559. The doctors told him, yes, he would probably not survive the night. He was shown into the sickroom.
“Your Grace –“
“Enough of that, Claude. No formalities, you may have guessed I’m not much for them. Just wanted to say this before I go – you did a good job for me. You tried to understand me. Thanks.”
“Thank you, Charles… Who is this young man?”
“This is my son, Jean. We call him the “Moon King”. Want to know why? When he was a kid, he used to – Well, why don’t you show him?"
“Aw, Dad…”
“Come on, just one more time? We both know it’ll be the last time…”
“… OK. For you, Dad.”
And so it was that as the clock struck midnight, and King Charles II died, Jean II Roi de Lune became sovereign leader of Burgundy, and all her possessions on two continents, with his pants down. Claude thought it was an appropriate end to the times he had seen.
Last edited:
Whew... hope somebody enjoyed that crap. I think I left us in position for Honour_Shogun to do some serious damage.
I pretty much forgot to take notes for the last half of my reign ( ) so if the last few posts are a bit sparse, that's why...
A big thanks to MacRaith for setting this up, and to all my ancestors and descendants. For those of you in the latter group, I don't think whatever problems Charles may have had are hereditary.
I pretty much forgot to take notes for the last half of my reign (
) so if the last few posts are a bit sparse, that's why...A big thanks to MacRaith for setting this up, and to all my ancestors and descendants. For those of you in the latter group, I don't think whatever problems Charles may have had are hereditary.
Way to go Carligula!
That was a great bit of writing...some of it pricelessly hysterical! I wouldn't call it crap at all. The "full moon" and Claude's reaction to it was the capper to a great reign (not to mention gameplay).
That was a great bit of writing...some of it pricelessly hysterical! I wouldn't call it crap at all. The "full moon" and Claude's reaction to it was the capper to a great reign (not to mention gameplay).
Ah yes, but the question begs, was it a Venetian Moon?
Great work, Carligula. Nicely presented.
I have about 8 years to go in my extremely long reign before I hand off the files. BTW, has anyone heard from H_S in the past week or so?
Raises his hand..
"I have! I have!"
Yep I may seem to have disappeared but really I was reading all of this wonderful writing and such, awaiting my turn to play as my Venetian Doge and my Moon King. I wonder if he is like Sailor Moon.
"Fighting Spaniards by moonlight,
Winning Girls by daylight.
Never running from a real fight!
He is the named Jean the Moon!"
Or maybe not.
Now, a question. I can do my entire reign in two posts (heh, novel? ya bet) or can spread it out as long as need be.
I'll do one post then you can all decide what is better, like 5 posts of medium size or 2 posts of Mother size. Why do I say "Mother"? Cause when you see how long they are, all you will say is "Mother of God but that is a lot of writing!"
Ok, first post coming up soon...
"I have! I have!"
Yep I may seem to have disappeared but really I was reading all of this wonderful writing and such, awaiting my turn to play as my Venetian Doge and my Moon King. I wonder if he is like Sailor Moon.
"Fighting Spaniards by moonlight,
Winning Girls by daylight.
Never running from a real fight!
He is the named Jean the Moon!"
Or maybe not.
Now, a question. I can do my entire reign in two posts (heh, novel? ya bet) or can spread it out as long as need be.
I'll do one post then you can all decide what is better, like 5 posts of medium size or 2 posts of Mother size. Why do I say "Mother"? Cause when you see how long they are, all you will say is "Mother of God but that is a lot of writing!"
Ok, first post coming up soon...
I'm longing for that!
By the way, congratulations! Your "Nobody expects.." - AAR won the last week's AAR of the week award!
Jean II, Roi de Lune (Or How I conquered half the world in six easy installments)
The young king stood on the balcony of his palace, waving to the assembled throngs. He smiled broadly, doing his royal wave as best he could. He had waited so long for this day, this day when he could take the reigns of one of the most powerful nations in Europe. Now, with the passing of the previous king, he was IT. The Guy. The Man with the Plan! The Jelly with the Smelly. Et cetera, et cetera…
“Sir! Sir! Might I have a second of your most precious, priceless time?”
The young clerk stood trembling before the new king, unable to control his fear. Rumours had it that this King had some very peculiar quirks, some involving fish, others involving sending men off to their deaths in far off wars. The young clerk did not want to be one of those men who was sent off. He held in his hand a bit of paper and a quill, ready to take down the notes from the Moon King.
“Boy! I am going to enact the Monetary Reforms throughout the Realm. In accordance, the following provinces will get new governors, as the old ones must be executed to keep people on their toes. Ready?”
The young clerk nodded, and readied to make the list.
“Right boy! The list is as follows: Marche, Siena, Firenze, Romagna, Emilia…”
The Moon King took a deep breath, and continued.
“Lombardia, Liguria, Provence, Navarra, Cevennes, Savoie, Bern, Schwyz, Bayern, Wurtemberg, Baden, Alsace, Loraine…”
The Moon King takes another deep breath, and continues.
“Ye Gods! But there are a lot of provinces! Well, I’ll continue. Franche Comte, Mainz, Wurzburg, Hessen, Kleves, Munster, Hannover, Oldenburg, Friesen, Hannover, Bremen, Holstein and Jutland. There! After all that burecratic crap, I’m fit to be tied! But there is more…”
The young clerk furiously wrote down the provinces affected by the governor purge and after several minutes, he finished, looking expectantly at the Moon King.
“Ah, you’re finished? About bloody time, you cheese-wearing pasta head! Right! So, as well as the governorial purge, there will be new chief judges in several provinces which I will list soon enough, you namby pamby drunken tomato eating whore! Ah yes. In the following provinces, new chief judges. It’s not that I mistrust the previous king, but…”
The young clerk had heard of the Moon King’s temper. He took the insults in stride, and readied his quill and ink.
“Right, in accordance with the Monetary Reforms, the following provinces get new chief judges: Catalonia, Gerona and Anhalt. Not many, eh? You were expecting more, eh? Well you sir, you would not have an idea if it slept with your sister, sired her, and then threw a flaming bag of shit at your feet! I ought to…”
The young clerk ignored the insults, and coughed, something about ‘troops’ and such. The Moon King looked at the young clerk, and smiled evilly.
“What, you want me to send you off to war, hmm? Well, in Marche, call up 3,000 foot. In Silesia, 4,000 and in Moravia, 3,000. How’s that? That whet your appetite. Now! What is the diplomatic situation? Austria a vassal, an alliance with Austria, the Pope and Siederbergen? Send State Gifts to each of them, that should keep them happy, hmm? What else? Anything? No? Ok, leave me; get those messages out to the provinces. Understood? Right, out of here, you smelly cat’s genital licking bastard! Out.”
The young clerk gathered up his papers, and shuffled out, leaving Jean II, Roi de Lune to think on what he needed to do. He summoned his Commander in Chief, Andre de Balzac, or ‘Ball Sack’ as Jean was wont to call him.
Andre de Balzac entered as the young clerk left.
“Eh! Ball Sack! Tell me, how is everything? Good, I hope? Yes. Well, I brought you in to inform you that a change in policy is needed. Let us ignore the sea all together. Who needs it?”
Land Slider +1, maxed out
“The gift to the Pope is a solid gold ark, not too blasphemous, eh? And it only cots us what? 83,000 petards, hmm? Not bad, eh? Wait a minute! You’re not my Diplomatic advisor, eh, Ball Sack? No? Damnations and Flatulence! Get him, will you?”
Jean smiled inwardly as he thought on how much calling Balzac ‘Ball Sack’ annoyed the Commander in Chief. His diplomatic advisor, Henri Rousseau was a real piece of work. The man was evil! Pure, unadulterated evil! And that was why Jean liked him so much.
The man came into Jean’s chambers, smiling at a joke he had heard previous. He bowed to Jean, and pulled out a map of what was known of the world.
“Hello, King. You know, I really think you will be a great and just king, and if not, that is why quills have feathers, eh? So! You want to send State Gifts to the Pope, Austria and Siederbergen, eh? Right, so the golden ark to the Pope, which he’ll love. He can use it for a chamber pot. Now, for Austria, let’s see. Let’s see…”
Henri tapped his head in thought, while Jean made the sound of hollow wood. It was his little joke on Henri, insinuating that Henri had an empty head.
Henri smiled as he thought about the gifts to give Austria and Siederbergen.
“Right, King. For Austria, a gem encrusted bed sheet. That will keep them happy. It’ll only cost about 90,000 petards. Not bad, if I do say so myself. And for Siederbergen, well, give them two golden horses. That should butter them enough to ask them to become our vassals, eh? Sounds like a plan? Or course it does, King. Anything else you need?”
Jean laughed out loud, nodded to Henri, who bowed, and then ushered him out. Now it was only Jean and Ball Sack.
“What do you suggest for a course of action, Ball Sack? Who makes the best target?”
The map was still there, and on it were little marks denoting troop concentration. Intelligence reports put close to 65,000 troops at least, in Veneto.
Ball Sack looked at the map, and then pointed to several provinces along the Venetian Border.
“Here. Call up troops here. Then have them all congregate in one area, and use them as a staying force against the Venice dogs.”
Ball Sack pointed to Siena, Firenze, Emilia, Liguria, Lombardia, Mantua, Tirol, Schwyz, Wurttemberg, Ansbach and Bayern. In all, some 60,000 troops are called up in these provinces combined.
Ball Sack points to the border with Aragon.
“Here. Call up troops here as well. We can maybe strike at Aragon, get some easy land from them before they have a chance to understand what is going on.”
Ball Sack now pointed to Catalonia, Gerona, Navarra, Bearn, Roussillon, Gascogne, Guyenne and Languedoc. In all, only 30,000 or so troops would be called up, as many of the provinces in that area still refused to send off men to battle for the King.
Finally, Ball Sack pointed to the coast along the English Channel.
“Here. Call up troops to protect our Western flank from possible attacks from England. As well, repair and rebuild the forts here and here.” He pointed to Calais and Flandern.
“As for who to attack, let us wait and see what happens, strike during the summer months. That will let us react to whatever the other nations do.”
Jean nodded, and smiled.
“Excellent. Simply excellent…”
In the New World, Troop movement is the order of the month, as the army in Mohawk heads for Onondaga and the army in Manhattan heads for Alleghany. Although it is not known yet, there are fears they may act on their own.
Back in the palace…
[COLOR= aquamarine] Word reaches Jean that in the Lowlands there is unrest. The Dutch want us to accept their nobility as on par with the Burgundian ones. He tells them they will get no Concessions, and so, the risk of revolt is noticeably increased, as peasants and nobles alike grumble about how unfair everything is. Jean makes a note to watch that area carefully.
Henri Rousseau sends out diplomats to Siederbergen and the Pope, offering the former a chance to be vassals and the latter a chance for a royal union. Both refuse. Oh well. [/COLOR]
Back in the New World
Prigord sat on his horse, surveying the troops he had under his command in Onondaga. He was in charge of a force of some 20, 512 men, and he was supremely confident in his abilities. Far removed from the decorum of Europe, he knew that he was like a King here. And he had plans. Raids had been made by the Huron Confederacy. Raids that had killed colonists. Prigord had worried that a strike against the Huron would be looked on unfavorably back home, but now it was no longer important. His second in command, Helmutt Vonger, a soldier from Oldenburg, and a distinguished one at that, had lost his sister and brother to a raid, and now was time for revenge. And so, without needing any further nudging, the First Colonial War began.
First Colonial War: May 13th, 1560- May 16th, 1561
There were three main armies involved in this war. Hammer, led by Prigord, was the largest, with 20, 512 infantry. Tong, led by Roy, had 17, 791 infantry in it. These two armies were in Onondaga and Oswego respectively. Iron was in Alleghany, led by Rochechouart, with 13, 453 infantry. They were in Alleghany to stop any attacks by the Cherokee, who were thought to be allies with the hated Huron.
The first move was made by Hammer, as they began to march towards Oshawa, through Niagara. The news that Burgundy was involved in a colonial war did not sit well at home, or in the colonies. The general stability of the realm dropped quite steeply, and it would be a long while before peace was restored, at least inside Burgundy. However, to the three commanders, that was not important. Tong headed through Adirondack towards the Huron capital. If the Huron capital could be taken it would dishearten the enemy. Iron headed from Alleghany into Alabama, to try and take the Cherokee out of the picture.
The first battle in this war is nothing more than a slaughter, as tribes in Niagara try to stop Prigord and Hammer. The natives are slaughtered to a man, their longhouses found and burnt to the ground, their women taken into slavery and sent back to Onondaga. This war will be a brutal affair…
The second battle is more involved, as Iron is caught off guard as 32,000 Cherokee braves attack it in Alabama. Although a messenger is sent to Delaware, to ask for the troops there, some 9,000 strong, it is feared that it will be too little too late. This fourth army, called Redeem, is led by d’Artois. He heads out of Delaware, and hopes he can reach Iron in time…
June 28th sees Prigord in Oshawa, and knowing that speed is of the essence, begins to assault the fort there immediately.
A little bit more than 2 weeks later, Prigord has taken Oshawa, Huron is under siege, and Alabama sees perhaps the luckiest event of the war…
In Alabama, Iron is hard pressed to do anything other than survive, and that they do. Although they are reduced to a measly 1, 092 men, they defeat the Cherokee army, and allow for another chance at Cherokee. Only not now.
The losses are minimal everywhere else, as Hammer now has 18, 056 men. Not bad for an assault. Tong has 15, 656 men left, and the few that were lost were lost due to the fact that the fort in Huron was sieged, and not assaulted. Only in Alabama is there near defeat.
Hammer heads to Hochelaga as Tong heads to Ottawa. If those two provinces can be captured, then the Huron will be no more.
Ottawa is assaulted as soon as the last of the Burgundian troops arrive at the camp in front of the fort there. In Hochelaga, Hammer defeats the Huron force. It will all be over very soon.
This war causes unrest throughout all the Burgundian lands, as in Catalonia rebels attack.
But that is an ocean away. Here there is good news. On a cold, dreary September morn, the Huron are forced to cede all lands to Burgundy, leaving only the Cherokee as a problem. Prigord takes control of a new force, including the Huron braves, some 24, 663 strong, and heads for battle in Alabama.
But the unrest is felt in Holland as rebels there place the fort under siege, forcing the troops in Flandern to head to Holland to relieve the siege there. Add to that that a rather unpopular noble is assassinated by some brave peasants, further lessening hold on order in the realm.
England, it seems, sees a chance to get some easy land, declaring war on the Shawnee, and using Burgundy as a shield of sorts. Smart move by them…
As the new year begins, another revolt in Holland is cause for alarm as Ball Sack calls up troops in Flandern, Brabant, Zeeland, Geldre, Friesen, Oldenburg and Munster. Close to 60,000 troops in all, as it is realized that war must end soon for peace to be restored to the Dutch provinces.
Settlers are sent to Stadecone to set up a new colony, and in Appalache, the colony will be improved.
The merchants are sent to Paris to improve the station of Burgundy there.
Last, but not least, a personal gift from Jean to the Queen of England is received well. Very well.
In an effort to eliminate the rebel threat, four armies of 4,000 infantry are sent to Holland, hopefully to stall the rebels until the forces in and around the Dutch provinces can be trained and assembled.
It seems that more focus is on the revolts at home than the war overseas, as the Balares and Geldre revolt in April of 1561, leaving Jean in a state of confusion…
“What the hell is going on? How the hell can so many people hate me so much?”
Due to the revolts, that have now spread to Friesen as well, peace is made with the Cherokee. Status quo.
Thus ended the First Colonial War, which saw the Huron added into Burgundy and revolts in the Dutch Provinces.
Although the revolts are put down, and relative peace returns, Jean and Ball Sack realize that area is very volatile.
As if to prove that, when the year changes, from 1561 to 1562, Flandern revolts, and the fort there is taken by Rebel Scum.
Back in the Palace
Jean stomped around his room, cursing loudly.
“Damn rebels! They think they can attack me?! Bastards! I’ll kill the lot of them! Bloody hell! Argh!”
Ball Sack nodded in sympathy, and pointed to the Dutch provinces.
“Here, call up troops here. In fact, call them all up here. Brabant, Zeeland, Holland, Geldre, Friesen and send the force in Luxembourg to Flandern to assault the rebel held fort there. That’s what I suggest.”
The orders went out, and the rebels would pay. Oh yes, they would pay dearly.
In Firenze, there is news that internal trade ordinances have improved the available base tax in the province.
The year passes almost too uneventfully, as only a revolt in Mohawk disturbs the tranquil peace of the realm. Prigord, who had combined Iron and Hammer into one, splits Hammer in two, and sends a group up to Mohawk to deal with the troublemakers.
---------------------------
The next year, and as usual, troops are called up in the Dutch provinces. The rebels will not be given a chance to attack again. Ever.
Settlers are sent to Appalache, and traders are sent to Stadecone and Michilimakinak. What a mouthful!
Henri Rousseau suggest giving England a State Gift, that costs 120,000 petards, a state of the art warship with cannons that can be loaded far quicker than anything else on the seas. To appease the Austrians, a personal letter is sent to them, and though it costs 14,000 petards, it is worth it. The Austrians love Burgundy again!
March sees Artois and Holland revolting again. Not good.
The inquisition in Geldre fails and the peasants react strongly to the failure, revolting like the pig dogs they are.
Jean sits in his room, fanning himself with a pillow.
“Damnations, but it is a hot May, ain’t it? You bet it is! Eh? Clerk! Get yer purple striped ass over here! You telling me that the inquisitions in Geldre and [/ I]Maine failed? What the hell am I paying those damned churchmen for if they can’t even convert the population to our religion? Bunch of cheese wearing, pasta eating, sheep sleeping buggers! Damn their oily hides!”
Jean gets up, and throws the pillow into the air. He then lets it fall to the ground, and kicks it around the room. He ignores the young clerk. Which is good, in the young clerk’s mind.
As this year passes into the next, so does the plans of Jean and his Religious advisor, Cardinal Ambrose Backside. The two sit in Jean’s room talking of what to do where.
“You know, it costs a lot to send out missionaries. I mean, 376,000 petards to send a missionary to Geldre! 285,000 to send one to Hessen! 319,000 to send one to Hannover! I tell you, Backside, this had better be worth it! Or I may have to make an example out of you, hmm? Now off with you, you hat wearing religious type guy!”
Jean read through the notes he had received, smiling as he noted that those Dutch did not give up. Holland was ‘likely to revolt at any time they chose, as the peasants and nobles there were desperate to be free of the hated Burgundians.’ Jean would enjoy hearing that the rebels had been slaughtered to a man. Yes, that would be nice…
-------------------
It is 1564, and revolts in Luxembourg and Zeeland are the only things to keep Jean occupied in thought and spirit. He is becoming more and more peaceable as he grows older. It must change.
But who to attack? The New World holds the most promise, but also the most danger. For Jean, it is a dangerous game of chance that he has chosen to follow.
“Yes, I know that the natives there can perhaps strike hard at our colonies, but by eliminating them it means less to worry about over there, no?”
Jean looked to Ball Sack, and laughed a sinister laugh.
“Isn’t it?”
Ball Sack looked at Jean with confusion in his eyes.
“Isn’t it what?”
Jean looked from side to side, furtively.
“Isn’t it what what?”
Now Ball Sack was truly confused.
“Isn’t it what? What? What?”
Jean laughed evilly again, and said nothing. Ball Sack threw his hands up in the air, walked out, muttering under his breath about ‘someone poisoning the king, maybe it’ll make him less of an ass.’ Talk about a mumble!
As if that wasn’t bad enough, a wave of obscurantism sweeps across the land, causing revolts in Onondaga, Brabant, which turns the fort over to the rebels, and after being put down, revolts again and Friesen. All are put down, easily enough.
A new wave of revolts in Flandern, Tuscarora and Catalonia show how precarious is the hold on order in the realm.
-------------------
Notice:Well guys, extremely bad news. I had thought that the screenshots I took for the AAR were ok. My sister was playing on my computer one day randomly erasing files-don't even ask me why she was, being a bitch I guess- and I kicker her off and thought I had my AAR pics still. Nope, they are all gone, close to 15 screenshots completely erased. And I can't get back into the game to see either. So, due to the acctions of my ignorant evil sister, I have no screenshots. Good God but this sucks large! I apologize for it. LD, could you do a pic from the very beginning of your reign? Use it as a sort of "This is what it looked like at the end of the Moon King's reign? S'ok if it reveals stuff that is not mentioned yet, but at least it will serve as a screenshot. And I will get my revenge on my sister. She won't be using the internet any time soon, I can tell you that.
The young king stood on the balcony of his palace, waving to the assembled throngs. He smiled broadly, doing his royal wave as best he could. He had waited so long for this day, this day when he could take the reigns of one of the most powerful nations in Europe. Now, with the passing of the previous king, he was IT. The Guy. The Man with the Plan! The Jelly with the Smelly. Et cetera, et cetera…
“Sir! Sir! Might I have a second of your most precious, priceless time?”
The young clerk stood trembling before the new king, unable to control his fear. Rumours had it that this King had some very peculiar quirks, some involving fish, others involving sending men off to their deaths in far off wars. The young clerk did not want to be one of those men who was sent off. He held in his hand a bit of paper and a quill, ready to take down the notes from the Moon King.
“Boy! I am going to enact the Monetary Reforms throughout the Realm. In accordance, the following provinces will get new governors, as the old ones must be executed to keep people on their toes. Ready?”
The young clerk nodded, and readied to make the list.
“Right boy! The list is as follows: Marche, Siena, Firenze, Romagna, Emilia…”
The Moon King took a deep breath, and continued.
“Lombardia, Liguria, Provence, Navarra, Cevennes, Savoie, Bern, Schwyz, Bayern, Wurtemberg, Baden, Alsace, Loraine…”
The Moon King takes another deep breath, and continues.
“Ye Gods! But there are a lot of provinces! Well, I’ll continue. Franche Comte, Mainz, Wurzburg, Hessen, Kleves, Munster, Hannover, Oldenburg, Friesen, Hannover, Bremen, Holstein and Jutland. There! After all that burecratic crap, I’m fit to be tied! But there is more…”
The young clerk furiously wrote down the provinces affected by the governor purge and after several minutes, he finished, looking expectantly at the Moon King.
“Ah, you’re finished? About bloody time, you cheese-wearing pasta head! Right! So, as well as the governorial purge, there will be new chief judges in several provinces which I will list soon enough, you namby pamby drunken tomato eating whore! Ah yes. In the following provinces, new chief judges. It’s not that I mistrust the previous king, but…”
The young clerk had heard of the Moon King’s temper. He took the insults in stride, and readied his quill and ink.
“Right, in accordance with the Monetary Reforms, the following provinces get new chief judges: Catalonia, Gerona and Anhalt. Not many, eh? You were expecting more, eh? Well you sir, you would not have an idea if it slept with your sister, sired her, and then threw a flaming bag of shit at your feet! I ought to…”
The young clerk ignored the insults, and coughed, something about ‘troops’ and such. The Moon King looked at the young clerk, and smiled evilly.
“What, you want me to send you off to war, hmm? Well, in Marche, call up 3,000 foot. In Silesia, 4,000 and in Moravia, 3,000. How’s that? That whet your appetite. Now! What is the diplomatic situation? Austria a vassal, an alliance with Austria, the Pope and Siederbergen? Send State Gifts to each of them, that should keep them happy, hmm? What else? Anything? No? Ok, leave me; get those messages out to the provinces. Understood? Right, out of here, you smelly cat’s genital licking bastard! Out.”
The young clerk gathered up his papers, and shuffled out, leaving Jean II, Roi de Lune to think on what he needed to do. He summoned his Commander in Chief, Andre de Balzac, or ‘Ball Sack’ as Jean was wont to call him.
Andre de Balzac entered as the young clerk left.
“Eh! Ball Sack! Tell me, how is everything? Good, I hope? Yes. Well, I brought you in to inform you that a change in policy is needed. Let us ignore the sea all together. Who needs it?”
Land Slider +1, maxed out
“The gift to the Pope is a solid gold ark, not too blasphemous, eh? And it only cots us what? 83,000 petards, hmm? Not bad, eh? Wait a minute! You’re not my Diplomatic advisor, eh, Ball Sack? No? Damnations and Flatulence! Get him, will you?”
Jean smiled inwardly as he thought on how much calling Balzac ‘Ball Sack’ annoyed the Commander in Chief. His diplomatic advisor, Henri Rousseau was a real piece of work. The man was evil! Pure, unadulterated evil! And that was why Jean liked him so much.
The man came into Jean’s chambers, smiling at a joke he had heard previous. He bowed to Jean, and pulled out a map of what was known of the world.
“Hello, King. You know, I really think you will be a great and just king, and if not, that is why quills have feathers, eh? So! You want to send State Gifts to the Pope, Austria and Siederbergen, eh? Right, so the golden ark to the Pope, which he’ll love. He can use it for a chamber pot. Now, for Austria, let’s see. Let’s see…”
Henri tapped his head in thought, while Jean made the sound of hollow wood. It was his little joke on Henri, insinuating that Henri had an empty head.
Henri smiled as he thought about the gifts to give Austria and Siederbergen.
“Right, King. For Austria, a gem encrusted bed sheet. That will keep them happy. It’ll only cost about 90,000 petards. Not bad, if I do say so myself. And for Siederbergen, well, give them two golden horses. That should butter them enough to ask them to become our vassals, eh? Sounds like a plan? Or course it does, King. Anything else you need?”
Jean laughed out loud, nodded to Henri, who bowed, and then ushered him out. Now it was only Jean and Ball Sack.
“What do you suggest for a course of action, Ball Sack? Who makes the best target?”
The map was still there, and on it were little marks denoting troop concentration. Intelligence reports put close to 65,000 troops at least, in Veneto.
Ball Sack looked at the map, and then pointed to several provinces along the Venetian Border.
“Here. Call up troops here. Then have them all congregate in one area, and use them as a staying force against the Venice dogs.”
Ball Sack pointed to Siena, Firenze, Emilia, Liguria, Lombardia, Mantua, Tirol, Schwyz, Wurttemberg, Ansbach and Bayern. In all, some 60,000 troops are called up in these provinces combined.
Ball Sack points to the border with Aragon.
“Here. Call up troops here as well. We can maybe strike at Aragon, get some easy land from them before they have a chance to understand what is going on.”
Ball Sack now pointed to Catalonia, Gerona, Navarra, Bearn, Roussillon, Gascogne, Guyenne and Languedoc. In all, only 30,000 or so troops would be called up, as many of the provinces in that area still refused to send off men to battle for the King.
Finally, Ball Sack pointed to the coast along the English Channel.
“Here. Call up troops to protect our Western flank from possible attacks from England. As well, repair and rebuild the forts here and here.” He pointed to Calais and Flandern.
“As for who to attack, let us wait and see what happens, strike during the summer months. That will let us react to whatever the other nations do.”
Jean nodded, and smiled.
“Excellent. Simply excellent…”
In the New World, Troop movement is the order of the month, as the army in Mohawk heads for Onondaga and the army in Manhattan heads for Alleghany. Although it is not known yet, there are fears they may act on their own.
Back in the palace…
[COLOR= aquamarine] Word reaches Jean that in the Lowlands there is unrest. The Dutch want us to accept their nobility as on par with the Burgundian ones. He tells them they will get no Concessions, and so, the risk of revolt is noticeably increased, as peasants and nobles alike grumble about how unfair everything is. Jean makes a note to watch that area carefully.
Henri Rousseau sends out diplomats to Siederbergen and the Pope, offering the former a chance to be vassals and the latter a chance for a royal union. Both refuse. Oh well. [/COLOR]
Back in the New World
Prigord sat on his horse, surveying the troops he had under his command in Onondaga. He was in charge of a force of some 20, 512 men, and he was supremely confident in his abilities. Far removed from the decorum of Europe, he knew that he was like a King here. And he had plans. Raids had been made by the Huron Confederacy. Raids that had killed colonists. Prigord had worried that a strike against the Huron would be looked on unfavorably back home, but now it was no longer important. His second in command, Helmutt Vonger, a soldier from Oldenburg, and a distinguished one at that, had lost his sister and brother to a raid, and now was time for revenge. And so, without needing any further nudging, the First Colonial War began.
First Colonial War: May 13th, 1560- May 16th, 1561
There were three main armies involved in this war. Hammer, led by Prigord, was the largest, with 20, 512 infantry. Tong, led by Roy, had 17, 791 infantry in it. These two armies were in Onondaga and Oswego respectively. Iron was in Alleghany, led by Rochechouart, with 13, 453 infantry. They were in Alleghany to stop any attacks by the Cherokee, who were thought to be allies with the hated Huron.
The first move was made by Hammer, as they began to march towards Oshawa, through Niagara. The news that Burgundy was involved in a colonial war did not sit well at home, or in the colonies. The general stability of the realm dropped quite steeply, and it would be a long while before peace was restored, at least inside Burgundy. However, to the three commanders, that was not important. Tong headed through Adirondack towards the Huron capital. If the Huron capital could be taken it would dishearten the enemy. Iron headed from Alleghany into Alabama, to try and take the Cherokee out of the picture.
The first battle in this war is nothing more than a slaughter, as tribes in Niagara try to stop Prigord and Hammer. The natives are slaughtered to a man, their longhouses found and burnt to the ground, their women taken into slavery and sent back to Onondaga. This war will be a brutal affair…
The second battle is more involved, as Iron is caught off guard as 32,000 Cherokee braves attack it in Alabama. Although a messenger is sent to Delaware, to ask for the troops there, some 9,000 strong, it is feared that it will be too little too late. This fourth army, called Redeem, is led by d’Artois. He heads out of Delaware, and hopes he can reach Iron in time…
June 28th sees Prigord in Oshawa, and knowing that speed is of the essence, begins to assault the fort there immediately.
A little bit more than 2 weeks later, Prigord has taken Oshawa, Huron is under siege, and Alabama sees perhaps the luckiest event of the war…
In Alabama, Iron is hard pressed to do anything other than survive, and that they do. Although they are reduced to a measly 1, 092 men, they defeat the Cherokee army, and allow for another chance at Cherokee. Only not now.
The losses are minimal everywhere else, as Hammer now has 18, 056 men. Not bad for an assault. Tong has 15, 656 men left, and the few that were lost were lost due to the fact that the fort in Huron was sieged, and not assaulted. Only in Alabama is there near defeat.
Hammer heads to Hochelaga as Tong heads to Ottawa. If those two provinces can be captured, then the Huron will be no more.
Ottawa is assaulted as soon as the last of the Burgundian troops arrive at the camp in front of the fort there. In Hochelaga, Hammer defeats the Huron force. It will all be over very soon.
This war causes unrest throughout all the Burgundian lands, as in Catalonia rebels attack.
But that is an ocean away. Here there is good news. On a cold, dreary September morn, the Huron are forced to cede all lands to Burgundy, leaving only the Cherokee as a problem. Prigord takes control of a new force, including the Huron braves, some 24, 663 strong, and heads for battle in Alabama.
But the unrest is felt in Holland as rebels there place the fort under siege, forcing the troops in Flandern to head to Holland to relieve the siege there. Add to that that a rather unpopular noble is assassinated by some brave peasants, further lessening hold on order in the realm.
England, it seems, sees a chance to get some easy land, declaring war on the Shawnee, and using Burgundy as a shield of sorts. Smart move by them…
As the new year begins, another revolt in Holland is cause for alarm as Ball Sack calls up troops in Flandern, Brabant, Zeeland, Geldre, Friesen, Oldenburg and Munster. Close to 60,000 troops in all, as it is realized that war must end soon for peace to be restored to the Dutch provinces.
Settlers are sent to Stadecone to set up a new colony, and in Appalache, the colony will be improved.
The merchants are sent to Paris to improve the station of Burgundy there.
Last, but not least, a personal gift from Jean to the Queen of England is received well. Very well.
In an effort to eliminate the rebel threat, four armies of 4,000 infantry are sent to Holland, hopefully to stall the rebels until the forces in and around the Dutch provinces can be trained and assembled.
It seems that more focus is on the revolts at home than the war overseas, as the Balares and Geldre revolt in April of 1561, leaving Jean in a state of confusion…
“What the hell is going on? How the hell can so many people hate me so much?”
Due to the revolts, that have now spread to Friesen as well, peace is made with the Cherokee. Status quo.
Thus ended the First Colonial War, which saw the Huron added into Burgundy and revolts in the Dutch Provinces.
Although the revolts are put down, and relative peace returns, Jean and Ball Sack realize that area is very volatile.
As if to prove that, when the year changes, from 1561 to 1562, Flandern revolts, and the fort there is taken by Rebel Scum.
Back in the Palace
Jean stomped around his room, cursing loudly.
“Damn rebels! They think they can attack me?! Bastards! I’ll kill the lot of them! Bloody hell! Argh!”
Ball Sack nodded in sympathy, and pointed to the Dutch provinces.
“Here, call up troops here. In fact, call them all up here. Brabant, Zeeland, Holland, Geldre, Friesen and send the force in Luxembourg to Flandern to assault the rebel held fort there. That’s what I suggest.”
The orders went out, and the rebels would pay. Oh yes, they would pay dearly.
In Firenze, there is news that internal trade ordinances have improved the available base tax in the province.
The year passes almost too uneventfully, as only a revolt in Mohawk disturbs the tranquil peace of the realm. Prigord, who had combined Iron and Hammer into one, splits Hammer in two, and sends a group up to Mohawk to deal with the troublemakers.
---------------------------
The next year, and as usual, troops are called up in the Dutch provinces. The rebels will not be given a chance to attack again. Ever.
Settlers are sent to Appalache, and traders are sent to Stadecone and Michilimakinak. What a mouthful!
Henri Rousseau suggest giving England a State Gift, that costs 120,000 petards, a state of the art warship with cannons that can be loaded far quicker than anything else on the seas. To appease the Austrians, a personal letter is sent to them, and though it costs 14,000 petards, it is worth it. The Austrians love Burgundy again!
March sees Artois and Holland revolting again. Not good.
The inquisition in Geldre fails and the peasants react strongly to the failure, revolting like the pig dogs they are.
Jean sits in his room, fanning himself with a pillow.
“Damnations, but it is a hot May, ain’t it? You bet it is! Eh? Clerk! Get yer purple striped ass over here! You telling me that the inquisitions in Geldre and [/ I]Maine failed? What the hell am I paying those damned churchmen for if they can’t even convert the population to our religion? Bunch of cheese wearing, pasta eating, sheep sleeping buggers! Damn their oily hides!”
Jean gets up, and throws the pillow into the air. He then lets it fall to the ground, and kicks it around the room. He ignores the young clerk. Which is good, in the young clerk’s mind.
As this year passes into the next, so does the plans of Jean and his Religious advisor, Cardinal Ambrose Backside. The two sit in Jean’s room talking of what to do where.
“You know, it costs a lot to send out missionaries. I mean, 376,000 petards to send a missionary to Geldre! 285,000 to send one to Hessen! 319,000 to send one to Hannover! I tell you, Backside, this had better be worth it! Or I may have to make an example out of you, hmm? Now off with you, you hat wearing religious type guy!”
Jean read through the notes he had received, smiling as he noted that those Dutch did not give up. Holland was ‘likely to revolt at any time they chose, as the peasants and nobles there were desperate to be free of the hated Burgundians.’ Jean would enjoy hearing that the rebels had been slaughtered to a man. Yes, that would be nice…
-------------------
It is 1564, and revolts in Luxembourg and Zeeland are the only things to keep Jean occupied in thought and spirit. He is becoming more and more peaceable as he grows older. It must change.
But who to attack? The New World holds the most promise, but also the most danger. For Jean, it is a dangerous game of chance that he has chosen to follow.
“Yes, I know that the natives there can perhaps strike hard at our colonies, but by eliminating them it means less to worry about over there, no?”
Jean looked to Ball Sack, and laughed a sinister laugh.
“Isn’t it?”
Ball Sack looked at Jean with confusion in his eyes.
“Isn’t it what?”
Jean looked from side to side, furtively.
“Isn’t it what what?”
Now Ball Sack was truly confused.
“Isn’t it what? What? What?”
Jean laughed evilly again, and said nothing. Ball Sack threw his hands up in the air, walked out, muttering under his breath about ‘someone poisoning the king, maybe it’ll make him less of an ass.’ Talk about a mumble!
As if that wasn’t bad enough, a wave of obscurantism sweeps across the land, causing revolts in Onondaga, Brabant, which turns the fort over to the rebels, and after being put down, revolts again and Friesen. All are put down, easily enough.
A new wave of revolts in Flandern, Tuscarora and Catalonia show how precarious is the hold on order in the realm.
-------------------
Notice:Well guys, extremely bad news. I had thought that the screenshots I took for the AAR were ok. My sister was playing on my computer one day randomly erasing files-don't even ask me why she was, being a bitch I guess- and I kicker her off and thought I had my AAR pics still. Nope, they are all gone, close to 15 screenshots completely erased. And I can't get back into the game to see either. So, due to the acctions of my ignorant evil sister, I have no screenshots. Good God but this sucks large! I apologize for it. LD, could you do a pic from the very beginning of your reign? Use it as a sort of "This is what it looked like at the end of the Moon King's reign? S'ok if it reveals stuff that is not mentioned yet, but at least it will serve as a screenshot. And I will get my revenge on my sister. She won't be using the internet any time soon, I can tell you that.
Lol
. Where do you get everything from? I laughed my ass off every time the name "Ball Sack" appeared. Great installment, peaceful (beside the colonial wars). That's what I call a bad excusion
.
Actually I am furious with her. To be honest, I had not checked on the pics since I finished my bit. Then I see her fooling around on my computer, and when I check, I figure, I have the pics still in the EU directory. Nope. I'm just glad as hell she didn't erase my two word docs with my Burgundy bit on them. That would have meant something in the realm of an ass-kicking of the Highest order. Once again, really sorry about the pics. And I had some sweet ones too! They were great and all! Damn that bitch!
More from Moon Guy...
A new year has come, and for this year, nothing will be done, in preparation for the Grand Plan that will be happening soon. With its implementation, the new World will belong mostly to Burgundy.
The first thing that is done is notes are sent via merchants to have the Flandern Fleet in Manhattan leave the safety of port and head for Bretagne. They will ferry over troops to the New World in anticipation of war with the Shawnee, and perhaps even the Creek.
Strange times indeed! Strange times indeed!
“What do you mean you did not implement the Consumption tax? We needed that money for my Grand Plan! It cost me how much to cover your blunder? 500,000 petards?! And did it help at all? Hmm? No? Not at all, you say? We are in worse shape than we were before?! For Christ and Cheese, you sure screwed that up royally! I should have your head, you lily livered paper eating, burning fart boy! Why I ought to! I ought to! Ought to! Ought! Ah, forget about it. It’s not worth my time!”
With the failure of the Count to implement the Consumption tax, although it meant that the Dutch did not hate as much, it meant that the treasury, that had been forgotten about for once, was now half what it had been. So much for saving the money for the Grand Plan! Yikes!
To aid in recouping the staggering amount of money lost to cover up the screw-up, the Second Monetary Reforms are enacted. Chief Judges are appointed in Ottawa and Hochelaga, and governors in Huron and Catalonia are mobbed, killed, and new ones are sent. Of course, it was all ‘accidental’, you know. Yes. ‘Accidental.’
The inquisition in Languedoc fails, and this time, Backside is placed in a tutu and made to dance outside the palace for four days.
Where there is failure in Languedoc, there is success in Bearn. Of course, I still have Backside dance outside. It keeps the peasants entertained.
Flandern Fleet arrives in Bretagne, and 5 armies, a combined force of 18,000 infantry, load onto the fleet for travel to Manhattan. From there, they will head for Irondekoit to wait for the signal to attack the Shawnee.
A mistake in a clerk’s message results in the loss of close to 100 pieces of artillery. The clerk is loaded into an artillery piece, and fired into the sky. He stays together for exactly 15 seconds. A new record!
The inquisition hits in Delaware and misses in Manhattan, forcing troops to be sent to Manhattan to quell the riots.
As the days pass, the months fall to the sides, and we all age, it is curious to hear that the attempt to appoint a chief judge in Ottawa meets such resistance that the builders are killed, rebels take control of the fort, and Hammer, now led by Le Presle assaults the rebels there.
The armies from the mainland arrive in Manhattan, and are sent to Irondekoit. This will be the new and improved Tong, with some 26, 394 infantry under the command of Lanaudisre, a competent commander. He would bear the brunt of the attack against the Shawnee, but order would need to stabilize a bit more before any move could be made.
Revolts in the Dutch provinces of Flandern and Friesen show that although they avoided the Consumption tax, they still have no love for Burgundy. The revolts are put down with brutal efficiency, and that is the end of that, at least for now.
“What year is it? What year is it? What year is it? What year is it?”
Jean kept on repeating that question as a bout of insanity washed over him. Even as he does so, revolts in Artois and Luxembourg raise more fears of possible Dutch rumblings.
As he lost his mind, so too did the men in the fort in Artois. It was not going well, not at all.
----------------------
The year is 1567, and troops are called up by Ball Sack, who has taken control of things while Jean sits in his room rocking back and forth.
The Dutch provinces get some troops, the border provinces with Spain get some, and the border with Naples gets some.
All this is more defensive in nature, to ensure that outside forces do not strike at Burgundy while her king is incapacitated. It works, somewhat. Rebels never use proper decorum.
Not much happens, as peace has returned to the realm, until one fateful day in September sees the beginning of the Second Colonial War.
It begins innocently enough. Several furriers in Shawnee territory are kicked out for going over their limit. However, they respond by killing several Shawnee warriors. This naturally leads to a war of words between the two sides, until Hammer, stationed in Irondekoit, moves to ‘protect’ the furriers in Erie. This is seen as an act of war, with all the requisite consequences, and so, Hammer heads to Erie, some 23,000 infantry strong heading into hostile territory. Tong, in Shenandoah, with 18,000 or so Infantry, heads into Kentucky, and Iron, in Alleghany, moves for Miamis. The armies had their names rearranged, thus causing more confusion than was necessary.
After some skirmishes in Erie and Kentucky, the two provincial forts are placed under assault, thus ensuring that they will soon belong to Burgundy. In fact, by December, the Shawnee are no more, forced to swear they know no ruler save the King of Burgundy.
When Jean regains his sanity( if that was ever possible), he and Ball Sack spoke at length of what to do next.
“I say go for the Creek! Go for the Cherokee! We can take control of most of the continent that way! Come on! Why do you insist on putting so many men in the Dutch provinces? There are too many there already!”
Ball Sack paced back and forth.
“Listen, King. If we take out the Cherokee, it only means that our allies and our enemies will fear us more, perhaps enough to do something stupid. Something we will regret. Us, not them. Just let me do this and then, next year, we can follow your plan, ok?”
Ball Sack gave the customary salute to Jean, whereby they each grabbed their own crotches with their right hands, and let out a ‘hoo oo hoo’ while doing a quick glance to the left. Ball Sack left as Jean pored over the maps. It was ridiculous, how many men were in the Dutch provinces alone. Hell, take even one of those armies and get it over to the New World and the New World would be as the Old one, under Burgundian rule.
Although revolts in Holland and Brabant seem to underline the need for massive armies in the area, still Jean is skeptical. Even when Holland is lost to rebels, at least the fort, and the army there must assault it to regain control, still Jean has little faith in these Uber Armies.
The move to eliminate the Cherokee from the political map begins on August 15th, as a new army, now named Victory, led by Quesnel, with almost 33, 000 men, heads to Alabama to engage the main Cherokee force. The other army, in Miamis, some 10,000 men strong, heads to the only other Cherokee province, Tennessee.
Meanwhile, in Huron revolts capture the fort there, forcing some juggling of troops to quell it. Even as that is happening, Tennessee falls, and the force there heads to Alabama, though it is not needed as Alabama is placed under siege, assaulted, and taken. It all happens in such a relative short bit of time that 17,000 Cherokee braves are taken into service for Burgundy and the force, split into 2 groups of 23, 000 men, is placed in Tennessee and Alabama. All that remain of the native nations are the Dakota, who are hidden from prying eyes, and the Creek, who have but one province, and what is more, spies report they have some ships as well. Interesting.
It is almost anti-climatic when orders are sent out to Alabama, Tennessee, Miamis, Kentucky, Erie, Hindua and Oshawa are all to have new chief judges. It was only a matter of time.
Settlers are sent to Appalache and Stadecone, and traders are sent to Yazoo, Illinois, Fox and Michilimakinak. Increase the territory under command. Yes.
Jean stood on a chair, in his underwear, and held two pillows on either side of him. He stood on one foot, and screamed out.
“Look what I can do! Look what I can do! Look what I can do! Look what I can do! Look! Look! Ah, look!”
Another bout of insanity. Perhaps all those insults were coming back to haunt him.
While Jean acts like a chicken with his head up his ass, the wheel of time turns round and round, stopping on ‘Conversion’ in Geldre, ‘Revolt’ in Artois and Friesen, ‘Failure’ in Hessen as the inquisition there fails, ‘Success’ in Michilimakinak and Stadecone as the trader and settlers succeed. Add to ‘Conversion’ Hannover, as they are now Catholic, as they should be.
Strange news indeed. A conquistador, a reject from Spain, offers to aid the exploration efforts of Burgundy, and a wicked idea is decided upon. The conquistador, Varhilles, heads for Bretagne, and from there, will head to Manhattan, and from there, to the border with the Dakota. The interior of the New World will all belong to Burgundy.
A new year has come, and for this year, nothing will be done, in preparation for the Grand Plan that will be happening soon. With its implementation, the new World will belong mostly to Burgundy.
The first thing that is done is notes are sent via merchants to have the Flandern Fleet in Manhattan leave the safety of port and head for Bretagne. They will ferry over troops to the New World in anticipation of war with the Shawnee, and perhaps even the Creek.
Strange times indeed! Strange times indeed!
“What do you mean you did not implement the Consumption tax? We needed that money for my Grand Plan! It cost me how much to cover your blunder? 500,000 petards?! And did it help at all? Hmm? No? Not at all, you say? We are in worse shape than we were before?! For Christ and Cheese, you sure screwed that up royally! I should have your head, you lily livered paper eating, burning fart boy! Why I ought to! I ought to! Ought to! Ought! Ah, forget about it. It’s not worth my time!”
With the failure of the Count to implement the Consumption tax, although it meant that the Dutch did not hate as much, it meant that the treasury, that had been forgotten about for once, was now half what it had been. So much for saving the money for the Grand Plan! Yikes!
To aid in recouping the staggering amount of money lost to cover up the screw-up, the Second Monetary Reforms are enacted. Chief Judges are appointed in Ottawa and Hochelaga, and governors in Huron and Catalonia are mobbed, killed, and new ones are sent. Of course, it was all ‘accidental’, you know. Yes. ‘Accidental.’
The inquisition in Languedoc fails, and this time, Backside is placed in a tutu and made to dance outside the palace for four days.
Where there is failure in Languedoc, there is success in Bearn. Of course, I still have Backside dance outside. It keeps the peasants entertained.
Flandern Fleet arrives in Bretagne, and 5 armies, a combined force of 18,000 infantry, load onto the fleet for travel to Manhattan. From there, they will head for Irondekoit to wait for the signal to attack the Shawnee.
A mistake in a clerk’s message results in the loss of close to 100 pieces of artillery. The clerk is loaded into an artillery piece, and fired into the sky. He stays together for exactly 15 seconds. A new record!
The inquisition hits in Delaware and misses in Manhattan, forcing troops to be sent to Manhattan to quell the riots.
As the days pass, the months fall to the sides, and we all age, it is curious to hear that the attempt to appoint a chief judge in Ottawa meets such resistance that the builders are killed, rebels take control of the fort, and Hammer, now led by Le Presle assaults the rebels there.
The armies from the mainland arrive in Manhattan, and are sent to Irondekoit. This will be the new and improved Tong, with some 26, 394 infantry under the command of Lanaudisre, a competent commander. He would bear the brunt of the attack against the Shawnee, but order would need to stabilize a bit more before any move could be made.
Revolts in the Dutch provinces of Flandern and Friesen show that although they avoided the Consumption tax, they still have no love for Burgundy. The revolts are put down with brutal efficiency, and that is the end of that, at least for now.
“What year is it? What year is it? What year is it? What year is it?”
Jean kept on repeating that question as a bout of insanity washed over him. Even as he does so, revolts in Artois and Luxembourg raise more fears of possible Dutch rumblings.
As he lost his mind, so too did the men in the fort in Artois. It was not going well, not at all.
----------------------
The year is 1567, and troops are called up by Ball Sack, who has taken control of things while Jean sits in his room rocking back and forth.
The Dutch provinces get some troops, the border provinces with Spain get some, and the border with Naples gets some.
All this is more defensive in nature, to ensure that outside forces do not strike at Burgundy while her king is incapacitated. It works, somewhat. Rebels never use proper decorum.
Not much happens, as peace has returned to the realm, until one fateful day in September sees the beginning of the Second Colonial War.
It begins innocently enough. Several furriers in Shawnee territory are kicked out for going over their limit. However, they respond by killing several Shawnee warriors. This naturally leads to a war of words between the two sides, until Hammer, stationed in Irondekoit, moves to ‘protect’ the furriers in Erie. This is seen as an act of war, with all the requisite consequences, and so, Hammer heads to Erie, some 23,000 infantry strong heading into hostile territory. Tong, in Shenandoah, with 18,000 or so Infantry, heads into Kentucky, and Iron, in Alleghany, moves for Miamis. The armies had their names rearranged, thus causing more confusion than was necessary.
After some skirmishes in Erie and Kentucky, the two provincial forts are placed under assault, thus ensuring that they will soon belong to Burgundy. In fact, by December, the Shawnee are no more, forced to swear they know no ruler save the King of Burgundy.
When Jean regains his sanity( if that was ever possible), he and Ball Sack spoke at length of what to do next.
“I say go for the Creek! Go for the Cherokee! We can take control of most of the continent that way! Come on! Why do you insist on putting so many men in the Dutch provinces? There are too many there already!”
Ball Sack paced back and forth.
“Listen, King. If we take out the Cherokee, it only means that our allies and our enemies will fear us more, perhaps enough to do something stupid. Something we will regret. Us, not them. Just let me do this and then, next year, we can follow your plan, ok?”
Ball Sack gave the customary salute to Jean, whereby they each grabbed their own crotches with their right hands, and let out a ‘hoo oo hoo’ while doing a quick glance to the left. Ball Sack left as Jean pored over the maps. It was ridiculous, how many men were in the Dutch provinces alone. Hell, take even one of those armies and get it over to the New World and the New World would be as the Old one, under Burgundian rule.
Although revolts in Holland and Brabant seem to underline the need for massive armies in the area, still Jean is skeptical. Even when Holland is lost to rebels, at least the fort, and the army there must assault it to regain control, still Jean has little faith in these Uber Armies.
The move to eliminate the Cherokee from the political map begins on August 15th, as a new army, now named Victory, led by Quesnel, with almost 33, 000 men, heads to Alabama to engage the main Cherokee force. The other army, in Miamis, some 10,000 men strong, heads to the only other Cherokee province, Tennessee.
Meanwhile, in Huron revolts capture the fort there, forcing some juggling of troops to quell it. Even as that is happening, Tennessee falls, and the force there heads to Alabama, though it is not needed as Alabama is placed under siege, assaulted, and taken. It all happens in such a relative short bit of time that 17,000 Cherokee braves are taken into service for Burgundy and the force, split into 2 groups of 23, 000 men, is placed in Tennessee and Alabama. All that remain of the native nations are the Dakota, who are hidden from prying eyes, and the Creek, who have but one province, and what is more, spies report they have some ships as well. Interesting.
It is almost anti-climatic when orders are sent out to Alabama, Tennessee, Miamis, Kentucky, Erie, Hindua and Oshawa are all to have new chief judges. It was only a matter of time.
Settlers are sent to Appalache and Stadecone, and traders are sent to Yazoo, Illinois, Fox and Michilimakinak. Increase the territory under command. Yes.
Jean stood on a chair, in his underwear, and held two pillows on either side of him. He stood on one foot, and screamed out.
“Look what I can do! Look what I can do! Look what I can do! Look what I can do! Look! Look! Ah, look!”
Another bout of insanity. Perhaps all those insults were coming back to haunt him.
While Jean acts like a chicken with his head up his ass, the wheel of time turns round and round, stopping on ‘Conversion’ in Geldre, ‘Revolt’ in Artois and Friesen, ‘Failure’ in Hessen as the inquisition there fails, ‘Success’ in Michilimakinak and Stadecone as the trader and settlers succeed. Add to ‘Conversion’ Hannover, as they are now Catholic, as they should be.
Strange news indeed. A conquistador, a reject from Spain, offers to aid the exploration efforts of Burgundy, and a wicked idea is decided upon. The conquistador, Varhilles, heads for Bretagne, and from there, will head to Manhattan, and from there, to the border with the Dakota. The interior of the New World will all belong to Burgundy.
Heh heh heh, I did a baaaaaaad thing...
First off, many thankqs for the compliments. That whole saying about you are only insane if you think you are sane is bull. I know I'm insane, and revel in that fact. It's great fun! Yep.
Here comes some more...
------------------------
A new decade, and with it, a grand plan to convert the unbelievers, in Guyenne, Languedoc and Cevennes. A missionary is sent to each province, and it is hoped they will not fail.
Ball Sack smiled evilly as he sent the gifts to England, Austria and Siederbergen. It costs 40,000 petards for each, but the fact that relations with those nations improve is enough. If only Austria would accept they are a part of Burgundy, then everything would be grand.
As well, as it is a new decade, the focus for this decade will be on a more offensive natured soldier. No longer will he cower in fear against his foe. He will now stand tall, and though he will make an inviting target, he will not flinch.
This helps in the attacks in Flandern when rebels take the fort, leaving the 100,000 strong army out in the cold. The rebels foolish enough to leave the fort and engage the Burgundian troops are slaughtered, and those inside face a fierce assault.
Artois and Ottawa, are truly a pain in the rear of Ball Sack, as the two provinces revolt.
Ball Sack is also pleased to learn that due to a strong focus on the army, new advances are available now. Weapon Manufactories are available, and should they be placed in iron or copper provinces, they would aid the manufacture of bullets and muskets. How can that be bad?
[Land Tech 18 reached]
Varhilles, meanwhile has taken a force of 24,000 men, including his own 495 horse, and begun to explore the area north of Fox. Oshkosh is what results from that search.
A free thinker stands against the King, and is imprisoned, tortured, and then made to walk on his hands all around the countryside to have cows chase him and ducks quack at him. Oh the shame! Oh the shame!
---------------------------
It is 1571, and although it costs 1,301,000 petards to build, a weapons manufactory is ordered for Shenandoah, as well, 1,000 strong mini-armies are called up in Hindua, Irondekoit, Shenandoah and Erie. Kentucky is under siege by rebels, and Varhilles is still searching for a route to the Dakota so that war can be made with them and they can be annexed. Simple, no?
It takes a while, but Varhilles finds Iowa after finding Milwaukee. There is a path to the Dakota, and war is declared immediately. A bit of excitement from Varhilles at finding what he was looking for.
Although revolts pop up almost continually in the Dutch provinces, most notably Flandern, they are not worrisome. The war with the Dakota is no war, but a slaughter as each of their provinces falls with sickening ease. They are annexed, and Varhilles begins his journey to eliminate the natives in the provinces around and about.
--------------------
Jean has regained his sanity, for a spell. He stalks the hallways of his palace, looking for someone to insult. A French maid, wearing a little silky black number, 8 we think, is the unfortunate one to fall in Jean’s sights.
“Ah, little miss! You are number 8? Where are number’s one through seven? Why don’t you speak, you pie eating tart! Tell me where is the funny?! Where is the Fun Knee?!”
The French maid stuttered for a bit, and then looked down at the ground as she dropped a towel on the ground and bent to pick it up. Jean shut up.
He left her to her own devices, and made a mental note to pass an order to have all women wear numbers. Makes it easier to determine who is who.
The exploits of Varhilles makes for an interesting read for many of the learned peoples of Burgundy. There is a particular bit about seeing a man dressed in the feathers of a hawk, with a buffalo’s testicle hanging from his right ear, and crying to the moon in Nipigon. Naturally, Varhilles takes these actions to be the acts of a diseased individual, and slaughters the inhabitants of the province. Being a conquistador can certainly be a deadly, bloody business.
As the intelligentsia read of these exploits, they fail to see the revolt happen in Holland, but the army there is full of morons who can’t read, so all is well.
The Assorted Works of a Conquistador in the New World, or How I learned to Dull the Pain of Death in Eight Easy Steps.
It sells like hot cakes, forcing printing presses to be commandeered to print copies of the writings of Varhilles and his band of brothers. Everyone reads about how he defeated the natives in Nippissing, how he led the charge to add the lands of the Dakotas into Burgundy, how he found many new and exciting places. Thankfully, the armies in the Dutch provinces have no compunction to read about some show off in the New World. Revolts in Brabant and Zeeland keep them occupied. Revolts in Geldre are put down, then resume. It seems the only men who are getting any action are the ones in the Dutch provinces.
It is a true shame that only the armies of the Dutch provinces like Brabant and Geldre, get the brunt of all the rebel activity. A shame. The news of revolts comes in even as more and more word of the success of the traders and such in the New World is being sent back with the imports from that part of the world. New colonies in Wisconsin and Milwaukee are good, balms for the soul, especially in this time of trouble as revolts in and around Flandern and Catalonia bring hardship and suffering to the people of those provinces.
In the New World, there is word that in Appalache, which is now a colonial city of some 700 or so souls, a fort was ordered. No one on the Continent was informed of it, and nothing can be done about it now.
-----------
With the coming of yet another January, time has come for a trader to be sent to Mississippi and settlers are to be sent to Acadie, mainly in the hopes of calming fears of colonists there that they will not be wiped out by the natives who live in and around the small town. As well, merchants are dispatched to Manhattan, mainly to ensure that the monopoly there is not broken by some upstart.
Several armies in the New World take it upon themselves to clear the way for possible colonies in many of the wild provinces. To that end, they move from one province to the next, killing off the natives. Very bloody, brutal, and effective. The interior will belong to Burgundy.
Varhilles continues to amaze with news of his exploits. He finds Bayou, Concho, and others as he continues to march onwards.
As if to show that they still matter, a revolt in Zeeland forces attention to be diverted back to real life and not some fake survival story written mainly for mass consumption.
More word from Varhilles. He finds a place called Rio Grande, which so enthralls Jean that he sends settlers there. A force is sent, mainly to back up Varhilles, but also to protect the wondrous Rio Grande.
And back in the Dutch provinces, more revolts, this time in Geldre. Those Uber Armies are proving invaluable.
During a visit, one of England’s princesses makes a rather unsporting remark about the treatment the Burgundians show their native subjects in the New World. Jean is so upset he freezes relations with England, and the relation between the two nations suffers because of it. The princess gets her just rewards though. The last word anyone heard of her was that she was now milking goats in a farm outside of Surrey. Pity, she was a fine woman. Stupid, but fine.
News of the most incredible and wondrous lands ever discovered is brought back with a gruff merchant from Yazoo as he tells of a story sensational wealth and gold as far as the eye can see. Varhilles had discovered a place called Tampico. Greed clouded his judgment as he raced into war with the owners of the province, Aztecs they are called. He, along with the force sent to watch over Rio Grande, head into the thick of things, and the force that had been quietly assembled for an attack on the Creek, some 32,000 men, heads in two groups for the Aztec Capital. If it can be captured, great things may ensue.
Varhilles is stopped as he is about to leave Rio Grande by natives loyal to the Aztec rulers, and slaughters them just as the force sent to look after Rio Grande comes. The two armies join into one, a 12,500 strong army, and they head into Tampico to lay siege to the province there. Word is leaked out that Spain is at war with the Aztecs as well, so that shall be an interesting bit of curiosity.
---------------
As Tampico falls a new day dawns, a new time, a new year. The two armies sent from Alabama, though marching through thick underbrush and deadly swamps, still soldiers on, even as some die from exhaustion, others from diseases, and still others dissert as they want to live with the natives.
Varhilles keeps on sending back reports, and maps. Seems that besides theses Aztecs, there is a place called Zapotec. Interesting.
Word filters back that Saltillo has been captured, and that the force sent from Alabama arrived in Tenochtitlan, and that it was joined with Varhilles force, then split into two groups of 14,000 men each. Varhilles went to meet the Aztec army in Michoagan and the other went from Tenochtitlan to Saltillo thence to Jalisco. And though both forces are whittled down, they both capture Michoagan and Jalisco. They then both head for a rendezvous in Tlaxcala.
Revolts in Huron and Tampico show that this war will not be so easy. Although the one in Huron is put down, the one in Tampico is left alone. In what some consider a futile attempt at aid, 9,000 men, in three 3,000 strong armies, heads to aid Varhilles in taking the remaining Aztec Provinces.
-------------
Jean sat in his room, reading of the exploits of Varhilles. He had taken Tlaxcala from the Aztecs, had Tehuacan under assault, and had fought off several Aztec armies, all the while whittling some fine wooden carvings for the ladies back home. The young clerk entered the room, saw Jean reading, coughed once, twice, three times, then seeing that Jean was not going to look up, he spoke.
“Word has come back from Count Macon, he has gotten the southern Dutch Provinces to sign the Union of Arras. He also promised to lower taxes. The treasurer figures we will lose 500,000 petards immediately from that action, but that we will recover. The northern Dutch Provinces still say they will fight for better representation. Those armies are not leaving anytime soon, King. King? King, are you listening to a word I said? King?! KING!!”
That grabs Jean’s attention as he looks up. He puts down his book, and looks at the young clerk.
“Yes, what about what now?”
The young clerk repeats what he just said, and Jean just nods his head.
“And you disturbed me for that?! Am I a fool? Do I have a fool’s face? Do I fool like no one has ever fooled before? Have you ever seen a fool who fooled a fool with foolish foolery? Have you?! No? Then let me get back to my book! And send word with the next transports over to the New World. Call up troops in the provinces there, send them to aid Varhilles. Now let me get back to my book! You son of a smelly Polish Sausage! Leave me!”
The young clerk nods and slinks out, sending the message out with a merchant that day. He will travel to one of the port cities, perhaps Antwerp, and from there get it to Manhattan.
Of course, there is no need. Governors in the New World Provinces call up there own troops to aid Varhilles, though it will take time to get them ready to ship out. Two months at least. Until then, the Flandern Fleet with its 18 warships will have to act as ferry to get the 9,000 men, the majority of the defensive force in the New World, over to aid Varhilles.
It seems that the Aztec inhabitants know of the fact that Varhilles is thinly stretched in the area as Saltillo revolts as well. Varhilles is too busy in the south to be able to do anything. And when revolts come, they come in droves. Huron revolts, as does Zeeland. It is not enough that they revolt from time to time, but why must they revolt now?
On the Lead ship of the Flandern Fleet just as the last of the troops loads on…
The admiral of the Fleet admired his work. He had loaded the me quickly and efficiently. As he did so, he failed to notice the lead navigator holding maps and jumping up and down in agitation. Finally, the lead navigator thrust the map in front of the admiral, and pointed to a bit of area.
“We can’t get to aid Varhilles by water. We wasted our time loading them up.”
The admiral looked at the map, and then his face grew white. He motioned to the flags-men to signal the fleet to put into port in Manhattan. Unload the troops, it had been a waste….
The armies were unloaded, and sent towards Campeche where Varhilles waited valiantly. Two of them only 900 infantry strong, meet rebels in Irondekoit and Miamis and defeat them easily enough.
What was that about revolts in droves? Zeeland and Holland are attacked by rebels, Zeeland handing over the fort to the rebels. Holland revolts again, as does Tlaxcala. Too many f them, there’s too many of them. [Admiral Piet Voice] Look Out! It’s too Late! Ahhh!![/Admiral Piet Voice]
-------------
And so it was that the Super Star Destroyer was lost and the days of the Empire were grim indeed. Yep, those Rebels were truly getting stronger as the Empire fractured. Why, even with Vader throwing the Emperor over the edge into the chasm, well, after that, you know that things were going to get much worse. Yessireebob! What? What do you mean "This is not Star Wars! It is something completey different! Why are you using exclamation points so much?! Ah, lookit, you made me start using them to! Won't someone think of the children!! Hoo, there's two exclamation points there! It's like a plague! Must...stop...using...exclamation...points...
(^Now that is insane rambling^ Hee hee.)
First off, many thankqs for the compliments. That whole saying about you are only insane if you think you are sane is bull. I know I'm insane, and revel in that fact. It's great fun! Yep.
Here comes some more...
------------------------
A new decade, and with it, a grand plan to convert the unbelievers, in Guyenne, Languedoc and Cevennes. A missionary is sent to each province, and it is hoped they will not fail.
Ball Sack smiled evilly as he sent the gifts to England, Austria and Siederbergen. It costs 40,000 petards for each, but the fact that relations with those nations improve is enough. If only Austria would accept they are a part of Burgundy, then everything would be grand.
As well, as it is a new decade, the focus for this decade will be on a more offensive natured soldier. No longer will he cower in fear against his foe. He will now stand tall, and though he will make an inviting target, he will not flinch.
This helps in the attacks in Flandern when rebels take the fort, leaving the 100,000 strong army out in the cold. The rebels foolish enough to leave the fort and engage the Burgundian troops are slaughtered, and those inside face a fierce assault.
Artois and Ottawa, are truly a pain in the rear of Ball Sack, as the two provinces revolt.
Ball Sack is also pleased to learn that due to a strong focus on the army, new advances are available now. Weapon Manufactories are available, and should they be placed in iron or copper provinces, they would aid the manufacture of bullets and muskets. How can that be bad?
[Land Tech 18 reached]
Varhilles, meanwhile has taken a force of 24,000 men, including his own 495 horse, and begun to explore the area north of Fox. Oshkosh is what results from that search.
A free thinker stands against the King, and is imprisoned, tortured, and then made to walk on his hands all around the countryside to have cows chase him and ducks quack at him. Oh the shame! Oh the shame!
---------------------------
It is 1571, and although it costs 1,301,000 petards to build, a weapons manufactory is ordered for Shenandoah, as well, 1,000 strong mini-armies are called up in Hindua, Irondekoit, Shenandoah and Erie. Kentucky is under siege by rebels, and Varhilles is still searching for a route to the Dakota so that war can be made with them and they can be annexed. Simple, no?
It takes a while, but Varhilles finds Iowa after finding Milwaukee. There is a path to the Dakota, and war is declared immediately. A bit of excitement from Varhilles at finding what he was looking for.
Although revolts pop up almost continually in the Dutch provinces, most notably Flandern, they are not worrisome. The war with the Dakota is no war, but a slaughter as each of their provinces falls with sickening ease. They are annexed, and Varhilles begins his journey to eliminate the natives in the provinces around and about.
--------------------
Jean has regained his sanity, for a spell. He stalks the hallways of his palace, looking for someone to insult. A French maid, wearing a little silky black number, 8 we think, is the unfortunate one to fall in Jean’s sights.
“Ah, little miss! You are number 8? Where are number’s one through seven? Why don’t you speak, you pie eating tart! Tell me where is the funny?! Where is the Fun Knee?!”
The French maid stuttered for a bit, and then looked down at the ground as she dropped a towel on the ground and bent to pick it up. Jean shut up.
He left her to her own devices, and made a mental note to pass an order to have all women wear numbers. Makes it easier to determine who is who.
The exploits of Varhilles makes for an interesting read for many of the learned peoples of Burgundy. There is a particular bit about seeing a man dressed in the feathers of a hawk, with a buffalo’s testicle hanging from his right ear, and crying to the moon in Nipigon. Naturally, Varhilles takes these actions to be the acts of a diseased individual, and slaughters the inhabitants of the province. Being a conquistador can certainly be a deadly, bloody business.
As the intelligentsia read of these exploits, they fail to see the revolt happen in Holland, but the army there is full of morons who can’t read, so all is well.
The Assorted Works of a Conquistador in the New World, or How I learned to Dull the Pain of Death in Eight Easy Steps.
It sells like hot cakes, forcing printing presses to be commandeered to print copies of the writings of Varhilles and his band of brothers. Everyone reads about how he defeated the natives in Nippissing, how he led the charge to add the lands of the Dakotas into Burgundy, how he found many new and exciting places. Thankfully, the armies in the Dutch provinces have no compunction to read about some show off in the New World. Revolts in Brabant and Zeeland keep them occupied. Revolts in Geldre are put down, then resume. It seems the only men who are getting any action are the ones in the Dutch provinces.
It is a true shame that only the armies of the Dutch provinces like Brabant and Geldre, get the brunt of all the rebel activity. A shame. The news of revolts comes in even as more and more word of the success of the traders and such in the New World is being sent back with the imports from that part of the world. New colonies in Wisconsin and Milwaukee are good, balms for the soul, especially in this time of trouble as revolts in and around Flandern and Catalonia bring hardship and suffering to the people of those provinces.
In the New World, there is word that in Appalache, which is now a colonial city of some 700 or so souls, a fort was ordered. No one on the Continent was informed of it, and nothing can be done about it now.
-----------
With the coming of yet another January, time has come for a trader to be sent to Mississippi and settlers are to be sent to Acadie, mainly in the hopes of calming fears of colonists there that they will not be wiped out by the natives who live in and around the small town. As well, merchants are dispatched to Manhattan, mainly to ensure that the monopoly there is not broken by some upstart.
Several armies in the New World take it upon themselves to clear the way for possible colonies in many of the wild provinces. To that end, they move from one province to the next, killing off the natives. Very bloody, brutal, and effective. The interior will belong to Burgundy.
Varhilles continues to amaze with news of his exploits. He finds Bayou, Concho, and others as he continues to march onwards.
As if to show that they still matter, a revolt in Zeeland forces attention to be diverted back to real life and not some fake survival story written mainly for mass consumption.
More word from Varhilles. He finds a place called Rio Grande, which so enthralls Jean that he sends settlers there. A force is sent, mainly to back up Varhilles, but also to protect the wondrous Rio Grande.
And back in the Dutch provinces, more revolts, this time in Geldre. Those Uber Armies are proving invaluable.
During a visit, one of England’s princesses makes a rather unsporting remark about the treatment the Burgundians show their native subjects in the New World. Jean is so upset he freezes relations with England, and the relation between the two nations suffers because of it. The princess gets her just rewards though. The last word anyone heard of her was that she was now milking goats in a farm outside of Surrey. Pity, she was a fine woman. Stupid, but fine.
News of the most incredible and wondrous lands ever discovered is brought back with a gruff merchant from Yazoo as he tells of a story sensational wealth and gold as far as the eye can see. Varhilles had discovered a place called Tampico. Greed clouded his judgment as he raced into war with the owners of the province, Aztecs they are called. He, along with the force sent to watch over Rio Grande, head into the thick of things, and the force that had been quietly assembled for an attack on the Creek, some 32,000 men, heads in two groups for the Aztec Capital. If it can be captured, great things may ensue.
Varhilles is stopped as he is about to leave Rio Grande by natives loyal to the Aztec rulers, and slaughters them just as the force sent to look after Rio Grande comes. The two armies join into one, a 12,500 strong army, and they head into Tampico to lay siege to the province there. Word is leaked out that Spain is at war with the Aztecs as well, so that shall be an interesting bit of curiosity.
---------------
As Tampico falls a new day dawns, a new time, a new year. The two armies sent from Alabama, though marching through thick underbrush and deadly swamps, still soldiers on, even as some die from exhaustion, others from diseases, and still others dissert as they want to live with the natives.
Varhilles keeps on sending back reports, and maps. Seems that besides theses Aztecs, there is a place called Zapotec. Interesting.
Word filters back that Saltillo has been captured, and that the force sent from Alabama arrived in Tenochtitlan, and that it was joined with Varhilles force, then split into two groups of 14,000 men each. Varhilles went to meet the Aztec army in Michoagan and the other went from Tenochtitlan to Saltillo thence to Jalisco. And though both forces are whittled down, they both capture Michoagan and Jalisco. They then both head for a rendezvous in Tlaxcala.
Revolts in Huron and Tampico show that this war will not be so easy. Although the one in Huron is put down, the one in Tampico is left alone. In what some consider a futile attempt at aid, 9,000 men, in three 3,000 strong armies, heads to aid Varhilles in taking the remaining Aztec Provinces.
-------------
Jean sat in his room, reading of the exploits of Varhilles. He had taken Tlaxcala from the Aztecs, had Tehuacan under assault, and had fought off several Aztec armies, all the while whittling some fine wooden carvings for the ladies back home. The young clerk entered the room, saw Jean reading, coughed once, twice, three times, then seeing that Jean was not going to look up, he spoke.
“Word has come back from Count Macon, he has gotten the southern Dutch Provinces to sign the Union of Arras. He also promised to lower taxes. The treasurer figures we will lose 500,000 petards immediately from that action, but that we will recover. The northern Dutch Provinces still say they will fight for better representation. Those armies are not leaving anytime soon, King. King? King, are you listening to a word I said? King?! KING!!”
That grabs Jean’s attention as he looks up. He puts down his book, and looks at the young clerk.
“Yes, what about what now?”
The young clerk repeats what he just said, and Jean just nods his head.
“And you disturbed me for that?! Am I a fool? Do I have a fool’s face? Do I fool like no one has ever fooled before? Have you ever seen a fool who fooled a fool with foolish foolery? Have you?! No? Then let me get back to my book! And send word with the next transports over to the New World. Call up troops in the provinces there, send them to aid Varhilles. Now let me get back to my book! You son of a smelly Polish Sausage! Leave me!”
The young clerk nods and slinks out, sending the message out with a merchant that day. He will travel to one of the port cities, perhaps Antwerp, and from there get it to Manhattan.
Of course, there is no need. Governors in the New World Provinces call up there own troops to aid Varhilles, though it will take time to get them ready to ship out. Two months at least. Until then, the Flandern Fleet with its 18 warships will have to act as ferry to get the 9,000 men, the majority of the defensive force in the New World, over to aid Varhilles.
It seems that the Aztec inhabitants know of the fact that Varhilles is thinly stretched in the area as Saltillo revolts as well. Varhilles is too busy in the south to be able to do anything. And when revolts come, they come in droves. Huron revolts, as does Zeeland. It is not enough that they revolt from time to time, but why must they revolt now?
On the Lead ship of the Flandern Fleet just as the last of the troops loads on…
The admiral of the Fleet admired his work. He had loaded the me quickly and efficiently. As he did so, he failed to notice the lead navigator holding maps and jumping up and down in agitation. Finally, the lead navigator thrust the map in front of the admiral, and pointed to a bit of area.
“We can’t get to aid Varhilles by water. We wasted our time loading them up.”
The admiral looked at the map, and then his face grew white. He motioned to the flags-men to signal the fleet to put into port in Manhattan. Unload the troops, it had been a waste….
The armies were unloaded, and sent towards Campeche where Varhilles waited valiantly. Two of them only 900 infantry strong, meet rebels in Irondekoit and Miamis and defeat them easily enough.
What was that about revolts in droves? Zeeland and Holland are attacked by rebels, Zeeland handing over the fort to the rebels. Holland revolts again, as does Tlaxcala. Too many f them, there’s too many of them. [Admiral Piet Voice] Look Out! It’s too Late! Ahhh!![/Admiral Piet Voice]
-------------
And so it was that the Super Star Destroyer was lost and the days of the Empire were grim indeed. Yep, those Rebels were truly getting stronger as the Empire fractured. Why, even with Vader throwing the Emperor over the edge into the chasm, well, after that, you know that things were going to get much worse. Yessireebob! What? What do you mean "This is not Star Wars! It is something completey different! Why are you using exclamation points so much?! Ah, lookit, you made me start using them to! Won't someone think of the children!! Hoo, there's two exclamation points there! It's like a plague! Must...stop...using...exclamation...points...
(^Now that is insane rambling^ Hee hee.)
That is, indeed, insane rambling of the highest order.
I hope that you're not telling us that all of Burgundy went to Bob in a handbasket?! Look! Now you've got me doing it too! Arrrrgh!!!!
I hope that you're not telling us that all of Burgundy went to Bob in a handbasket?! Look! Now you've got me doing it too! Arrrrgh!!!!