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After you finish Spain and Italy, could you post a map of whole Europe? And Japan?
Juan_de_Marco: The primary source of information about the americans is Rush Hour II.... so.... espionage is not excatly velfunded... 
Kurt_Steiner: Perhaps I should rename it to Vladivostok first.
Leumatiello I´ll try to include some as soon as the story permits. But basicly as of 1. dec, japan is in trouple and something has happended
in the Dieppe area. Try guessing what....
Sokraates, Charle_88, likk9922:
therev: Welcome to my AAR. And many thanks
Kurt_Steiner: Perhaps I should rename it to Vladivostok first.
Leumatiello I´ll try to include some as soon as the story permits. But basicly as of 1. dec, japan is in trouple and something has happended
in the Dieppe area. Try guessing what....
Sokraates, Charle_88, likk9922:
therev: Welcome to my AAR. And many thanks
Operation Get-Me-A-Beach-House II
12:00 October 29 1944.
Tarragona, Spain
Tarragona, Spain
Outside the local pub a drunkard lies, by his side lies his beloved friend. A whiskey bottle. And on the other side of consiousness his other friend. Sleep.
Nothing would stand between him and either of his friends. Espacially the thing he dreaded most, work.
Sadly his worst nightmare was about to happen....
A spanish soldier approched...
Spanish Soldier: Hey you! You can´t lie there!
Drunkard: arghhjfhdfm ( said in a non-responsive, drunkish kinda way )
Spanish Soldier: Wait a minute.... Are you Gonzales?
Drunkard: arggsjg uuuhhhh? ( said in a "would a yes answear imply work?" kinda way )
Spanish Soldier: Yes, you are. I knew it. You must come with me!
Drunkard: ehhhhh eh ehhh!!! ( said in a "no way. Walking is work" kinda way )
Spanish Soldier: You must... Its crucial for the survival of the spanish nation!
Drunkard: ehhhhh he heheheheeeeeee!! ( said in a "yeah right.... I´m not the only drunk" kinda way )
Spanish Soldier: .... And if you don´t. Then I wont give you your bottle back!!
Drunkard (suddenly realising his friend is gone): Ehhhh.... What? Give it back...( said in a "Ehhhh.... What? Give it back..." kinda way )
Spanish Soldier: General.... Its vital you come!!
General: Listen.... Private, do you know what time it is?
Spanish Soldier: Uhmmmm...... Yes I know. It is the time to stand in the face of overwelming odds, sacrafice all that we have, shred every single drop of blod for the cause, never yielding nor ask for parlay. For we are the spanish people, both noble and righteous. And we shall never surrender!!!
General: It´s siesta time.... Go away and never come back!!
Spanish Soldier: But sir..... the germans!!!
General: That's an order!!
a few days later, in the spanish northern sector HQ in tarragone.
Spanish Soldier2: I´m impressed.... How did you convince the general to come out and work?
Spanish Soldier: The good old kidnap and ransom trick. I´ve taken his bottle of whiskey!
Spanish Soldier2: Ohhh.... are you sure thats clever? Could the emotional chock not cause trauma or brain damage??
General: ..... precious.... where are you precious? They have taken the precious from us. Who are they...? What do they want...? Precious, where are you precious...? Come here little bottle bottle... Come here.... Its your daddy... precious come back, daddy needs you.... precious??
Spanish Soldier2: He seems fine. Now lets back to work. General, I have dreadful news. The germans have invaded us!!
General: the hobbits?! Yes, yes it must be the hobbits.....
Spanish Soldier2: uhhh..... yes.... hmmm.... uhhhhh... where was I? Ohh yes... We are being forced back by the germans use of "offensive field headquaters".
Spanish Soldier3: The german airpower is overwelming us....and uhm..... Whats that up in the sky?
Spanish soldier2: Its a bird!
General: Its a plane!
Spanish soldier: No!! its a german paratrooper division!
Spanish soldier2: Uhm yes.... I can see that now... Is this the part where we run away screeming like little girls?
Spanish soldier: No! We stand and fight!!!
Spanish soldier2: Can we please run away now?
Spanish soldier: Okay then... But lets scream in a manly way.
Spanish soldiers: argggghhhhhh fleee..... the germans are coming.
Some time later in Saragossa:
Spanish soldiers: argggghhhhhh fleee..... the germans are coming.
Some time later in Sigüenza:
Spanish soldiers: argggghhhhhh fleee..... the germans are coming.
Some time later in Castellón:
Spanish soldiers: argggghhhhhh fleee..... the germans are coming.
Some time later in Valladolid:
Spanish soldiers: argggghhhhhh fleee..... the germans are coming.
Some time later in Salamanca:
Spanish soldiers: argggghhhhhh fleee..... the germans are coming.
and so forth and so forth.... until..
Spanish soldier: Guadalajara and Madrid is where we stand. We will never surrender.
Two days later...
Spanish soldier2: FLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
General: The hobbits.... The hobbits are coming!!! FLEEEEEEEEEE
Spanish soldier: This is not working. We must slow down the germans with our trumfcard, the spanish airforce!!
General: Card? Brilliant.... Yes... Bomb the roads of Sigüenza!!!
Spanish soldier: Thats a bit far behind enemy lines....
General: Stop the fellowship of the ring!! The hobbits they MUST be stopped... heheh... our good secret card... hehe....
Now they must roll a 4 or more to continue....!! muahahahhahahahahah
I've just read the whole of this AAR and I gotta say I loved it so far. It's so funny and also it's a well played game too. I can't wait to see the German flag flying over Vladivostok.
Operation Get-Me-A-Beach-House III
23:00 November 25 1944.
Madrid, Spain
Inside the secret HQ, a pub
Madrid, Spain
Inside the secret HQ, a pub
Spanish Soldier: General, we are SAVED! The americans have come to our rescue!
General: What?? Are the talking tree things coming? FLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Spanish Soldier: No, sir. They are here to help us! I have the pleasure to introduce Vice Admiral Wright J of the glorious american battlefleet.
General: .... he....he is not a tree??
Spanish Soldier: No, He is not. He´s one of the brightest minds in the american navy. He has won a massive 50% of the battles he´s been in. Destroyed a whopping 4 german submarines, thats 33% of their total losses and last but not least he was the great mind that invented the "loosing ships is good" doctrine. Right now the most followed american doctrine.
Wright J: I don't like to brag, but I was the commander during the great naval victory outside britain. I managed to get almost all my ships sunk in such a perfect manner, that the german invasion fleet had to spend a full two hours sailing around the wrecks.
Spanish Soldier: Wow.... that really sounds clever. Now you´re here to teach us about the navy and espacially ambious invasions, right?
Wright J: Yes, naval invasions are actually quite simple. You start off by studying topografical maps of the oceanic floor outside the invasion spot, take into account wind and wave speed and direction, change it according to season, compare and analyse differences in your ship models and the enemy then compare the different invasion spots with each other. Remember to take enemy resistance, logistical operations and eventual land gains into accout. And then finally you know where to invade.
General: MORDOR!! Invade Mordor NOW!!
Spanish Soldier: hmmm... I think we are a bit confused... Could you sum it up?
Wright J: Sure thing not too hard actually, because you always get the same conclusion.
Spanish Soldier: Which is??
Wright J: Invade DIEPPE!!! Invade DIEPPE!!! Invade DIEPPE!!! Invade DIEPPE!!!
Spanish Soldier: Was there any soldier on board those transports??
Wright J: Offcourse!! Only loaded transports are without escorts. Anything else would be illogical.
Spanish Soldier: I see.... so what did you do after loosing both of those transports?
Wright J: We just send two new transports. Invade DIEPPE!! Invade DIEPPE!! Invade DIEPPE!! Invade DIEPPE!!
Spanish Soldier: And after these were lost as well?
Wright J: We just send two new transports. Invade DIEPPE!! Invade DIEPPE!! Invade DIEPPE!! Invade DIEPPE!!
Spanish Soldier: I don't have a damage report for those ships?
Wright J: Thats because the germans havent spotted them. This time we are also sending additional ships for support. They are going to Invade DIEPPE!! Invade DIEPPE!! Invade DIEPPE!! Invade DIEPPE!!
Spanish Soldier: Ohh.... those ship currently moving towards our port of La Curuna, the port that the germans are on the brink of taking. Dont you think the german navy might be waiting outside the port to destroy our fleeing spanish ships?
Wright J: No No! That would be illogical. Invade DIEPPE!! Invade DIEPPE!! Invade DIEPPE!! Invade DIEPPE!!
Wright J: See..? The german choose to be stupid, and not follow my brilliant doctine. Now after destroying this navy we can go on to Invade DIEPPE!! Invade DIEPPE!! Invade DIEPPE!! Invade DIEPPE!!
A couple of days later
Wright J: Arghhh... why did that spanish commader order the retreat? Our aircraft carrier was perfectly placed to prove a mild nuisence to ships going from britain to spain. Now it will be lost for nothing!
General: I have a idea! Why dont you simply ram the tripitz with the aircraft carrier?
Wright J: Most brilliant idea! Close the distance!! Ram Them!!
Wright J: ohh.... it didnt work. But it could have! This is going to be part of my doctrine. Aircraft carriers must attempt to close with and then ram enemy battleships.
Wright J: But have no worries... Theres plenty of ships where those came from.
Wright J: And so... yet another naval campaign ends in total and complete american victory! We have landed in Dieppe!
Mission accomplished!
Suddenly a german soldier walks into the bar!!
Spanish Soldier: Ohhh no! A german. Quick, pretend we are germans!
Wright J: Du bist ein berliner!
General: Bier is guuuuutttttttt.
Wright J: Jahhh.... der Buddweister Rulez 4ever!
German soldier2: General Gonzales and Spanish Soldier, what are you doing here? And in spanish uniforms?
General: The hobbit has recognised me..... FLEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
Spanish Soldier: I think I can recognise him, yes he is Spanish Soldier2!
Spanish/german Soldier2: Yes, off course I am. Where were you on the 23november?
General: We had a siesta that week..
Spanish/german Soldier2: well.... spain gave up on the 23 nov. We are all devout nazis now.
German General: I´m a hobbit??
Wright J: What?? You have been occupied for a week, and noones told me?
German Soldier: Hmm..... what should we do with Wright J now that we´re all devout nazis?
Wright J: Torture me all you like.... I´ll never reveal the secrets to the american succes.
German Soldier: General, I think you were right. He really is a talking tree after all. And you know what we do to trees, no?
German General: Plant them in the forest?
German Soldier: Yes. Do it in a nice and quiet little clearing... So German Soldier2, how are the glorious german reich?
German Soldier2: We´re doing nicely. After some heavy fighting for a full week the british have given up on Gibralter. On all other fronts, we´re doing nicely. Here look on this map, and ohhh plz ignore the coffe spots. They are most certainly not covering up anything importment.
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this is fantastic. Lovin the new concept of taking out the rear of the SU within 8 months. Good luck my friend
Okay.... its now 3:21 in the morning and I´m quite tired, so I wont use valuble AAR-writing time to post responses to everyone. Hope its okay. But know that I really appreciate the fact that people both read and comment my AAR. Thanks
likk9922: I was running out of good LOTR references....
Leumatiello: Danm! I knew I should have gone with my first impulse, and said it was a Swastika and that I HAD to black it out.
likk9922: I was running out of good LOTR references....
Leumatiello: Danm! I knew I should have gone with my first impulse, and said it was a Swastika and that I HAD to black it out.
A little Update about the glorious, über cool German navy that is soooo cool that I have to use a smaller size in order to fit it in the headline. Yeah, it's THAT cool
23:00 November 28 1944.
Gibralter, Spain
Outside a Beach house
Gibralter, Spain
Outside a Beach house
A little meeting before Hitlers vacation officially begins.
Raeder: Congratulations mein Führer! Another enemy capital ship has sunk to the power of the Tripitz. The USS Bennigton is no more!
Hitler: Great!
Raeder: Yes! Operation "Sink anyone that sinks a german vessal" is going forward quickly. Of the ten enemy ships that have sunk one of our glorious ships, a full 40% now rest on the ocean bottom. Their names are colored red in this little graf.
Raeder: Offcourse I present this information totally uncensored. I would not try to hide anything from you mein Führer.
Hitler: uhm.... why those this paper have these black lines? Like if someone had tried to alter the information?
Raeder: That's coffe sir.
Hitler: uhhh.... okay.... But all this ship talk reminds me, how is Japan doing?
Von Ribbentorp: Surprisingly well actually. As we finished our British campagin, they started their Chinese Campagin. They do seem to have halted for now, but not before taking a good chunk out of the remaining chinese territory. By our estimations, they have taken roughly 33% of the nationalist territoy in 2 months.
Hitler: Wow.... thats, thats really really good??!!
Von Ribbentorp: It sure is, heres a picture. Those areas with a black square has been conquered in the last two months.
Hitler: Okay... I´m very impressed, but how about the big picture?
Von Ribbentorp: According to my Japanese sources, that is going great as well. Heres a overview, in the corner I´ve added some info about their industri. The Emperor, in his divine mercy, has decided that just like the many of the soldiers just had a 3 month vacation. So too must the workers.
Hitler: Uhm.... why is their homeland colored pink?
Von Ribbentorp: Its a Feng Shui thingy, its supposed to bring millitary succes.
Hitler: Well, according to China it seems to be working. How about the bluish thingys?
Von Ribbentorp: Ohh, Taiwan and the piece of Land north of Korea has been given to one of Japans minor allies as a sort of "thank you".
Hitler: I´m amazed, Japan is almost doing better than us?
Raeder: If I may interrupt, they are also doing better with the ship things. We have a exchange ratio of 1 german ships to an equvalent 30 enemy ships. The Japanese have an of exchange ratio of 1:54!
Hitler: Thats very good. Schockingly good, send someone to
Reader: No wait...
Hitler: What?
Reader: I´m sorry, I think I read those numbers in reverse. Its 54:1
Hitler: .... ohh.... thats not good, how bad is it precisly?
Reader: well, lets try it this way. You name a country, and I say whether the Imperial Japanese Navy has sunk more or less than that country.
Hitler: The british?
Reader: lower....
Hitler: Canada?
Reader: higher...
Hitler: South Africa?
Reader: you´re veeeeeeerrrrrrrrryyyy close...
Hitler: Canada and South Africa?
Reader: Spot on! Well done sir!
Suddenly a german soldier burst into the room.
German Soldier: Mein Führer, I have dreadfull news!!
Hitler: Don't tell me, the americans have invaded Dieppe again.
German Soldier: uhm...... okay then.....
A little bit of embarresing silence.
a bit more silence....
Hitler: Okay.... just go away again...
The soldier leaves.
Raeder: Sir, did you just use sarcasm?
Hitler: Yeah.... I learned it from a cartoon, it's sooo cool.
Raeder: Yeah, have I told you that I love working for you?
Hitler: Anyway, back to the buisness at hand. What is the most advanced british ship we have sunk?
Reader: We have sunk severel top modern battleships and aircraft carrier that the British have cunnigly hidden as obsolete destroyers.
Hitler: How obsolete?
Reader: If I say pre-war, will you please not ask what war?
Hitler: No!
Reader: Well... I do have a picture....
Reader: As a closing graf I´d like to present the best battleships, offcourse lead by the KMS Tripitz, and the best Aircraft Carriers. Sadly none are german.
Hitler: I think thats all gentlemen, I bid you goodbye. Its time to enjoy the beachhouse, I leave everything in your capable hands Güderian. Just remember that I want to eat my dinner in Washington D.C in a two months. Dont waste the time.
Güderian: I won't mein Führer.
A few day's later Güderian happended to look at some maps of northern France.
Guderian: Scheiße....