• Crusader Kings III Available Now!

    The realm rejoices as Paradox Interactive announces the launch of Crusader Kings III, the latest entry in the publisher’s grand strategy role-playing game franchise. Advisors may now jockey for positions of influence and adversaries should save their schemes for another day, because on this day Crusader Kings III can be purchased on Steam, the Paradox Store, and other major online retailers.


    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

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Okay McClippit, we're going to try this again, but with some ground rules.

mcclippit.png


'Aight

Rule #1: The English are NOT our friends. We will NOT be friendly towards them.

'Aight

Rule #2: We will NOT pussy out of a war, nor shall we pass up the chance to kick ass.

Kick ass like Cheney!

Rule #3: We will NOT take a loan from invisible gnomes in the forest.

...

Rule #4: We will NOT let the English push their way into our colonial territory.

'Kay...can we get on with this?

Sure McClippit.

Bloody Good Scotch - A Story of Scottish Stuff
(I hope that font looks Gallic enough)​

Introduction​

00000.png


Scotland and haer allies, France 'n Norway. With the combined forces 'a the England-haters, those bloody tea-sucking limeys are sure ta fall to our skirt-wearin' troops. To prove our might, we raised ourselves a army.

00001.png


The Scotland Strikers stood at the border, waitin' to see if the puney English would attack. While we were gettin' a ready for an attack, our faithful ally Norway was 'a fightin' their own war, with Sweden.

Damn Swedes and their gothic rock music.

00002.png


Scotland soon researches the taechnology needed 'ta explore unknown regions. With the new taechnology we can 'a explore the land known as Greenland.

00003.png


Why do they call it Greenland anyways? It's not green.

I baelive the Eskimos wanted to attract paeople.

Damn lying Eskimos.

Excuse me good sir, but I believe it was named by the Vikings in order to attract their people.

Go aeway ya limey bastard.

I say, good sir, I must object to your rudeness.

McClippit, take this bastard aeway!

My pleasure! *hits limey over the head with a haggis*

Now, let's move on now.

Our old king died from eatin' a bad haggis. We now have a new king, Charles I! May he someday use the English King's fat ass as a coffee table!

00004.png


Our Scottish navies maenage 'ta explore the cold-as-sh*t northern regions west 'a Scotland. There we find Greenland, and an island that we originaelly named the Isle Colder Than An Old Scottish Woman, but we then daecided to name it New Scotland!

00005.png


We thaen proceed to colonize the heck outa these new lands, displacin' natives all over the place. They started it though - they attacked faerst!

00006.png


Troublin' times soon met Scotland though. Paesants begaen revoltin' all over the place, and wreakin' havok all over our great lands.

00007.png


Wae're screwed!

Yep.

Naews from the colonies arrived. We came into contact with Injuns, and despite our original idea of killin' 'em, we daecided to leave the bastards alone.

00008.png


England offered us a royal marriage.

00009.png


Decline! Decline! Decline!

We aeccepted.

Noooooooo

Oh shut up McClippit, it'll give us time to build up our armies.

Oh okey.

The paesants finally shut up, and peace raeturns to Scotland!

00010.png
 
Jul 15, 2007
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You should start war with england in the beggining - as they are building their power with time, and in the begginin they have only 3000 men in england... you could make some mercenaries or something...
 

unmerged(84988)

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Don't worry, it's heading in that direction...
 

aHuman(oid)

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That's a really early peasant's war! At least it's over, and your colonies seem to be progressing nicely. Good luck in the approaching war with England, and I hope France occupies their armies while you occupy their country.
 

unmerged(84988)

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That's far from what's possible now. At the moment the most likelyhood is me asserting my dominance over England! Also the AI is too stupid to cross the English Channel...
 

germanpeon

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Its back! Though I miss the old flag.
 

unmerged(84988)

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Yeah me too.

I'll get the next update up soon. Kinda addicted to EVE.
 

Lord Valentine

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Hurray! The Scots are back again! You should try to keep your alliance with the French this time seeing how they battered you in the last AAR. With this you might be able to get back at the English. :)

~Lord Valentine~
 

unmerged(84988)

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Tea Suckin' Bastards​

Horrible naews came from England. They inhaerited the lands of Portugal. We'll kick their asses anyways, right McClippit?

...

McClippit?

I wus in the can, what happened?

00011.png


Oh, those fricken haggis eatin' pussies, we'll kick their asses.

England offers us an alliance. They really think wae're gonna play along with their crap?

00012.png


Dumbasses.

We refuse, of course, and move on to other things, such as colonizaetion. We discovered a new land, which we named Connery:

00013.png


Our colony then expands:

00014.png


Labrador?

Yeah.

Those dang English got all pissed off at us over our refusal for an alliance, so they, the English tea-sucking bastards they are, declared war on us. Lucky for us, we had an army, and a few gnomes holding sacks of money:

00015.png


Wae soon battle with the English bastards, and win:

00016.png


Fight the power!

With extra money from those gnomes holding sacks of money, we colonized the raest of Connery, spreading our Scotlandyness all over the new land, before any of those other bastards get to it:

00017.png


...

Here's somethin' funny:

00018.png


Ahahahahahahahahahahaha

Scotland never accepts nothing! Wea refused. The war went drastically in our favor, with our first victory baeing in Cumbria:

http://www.imperialstudios.net/EUIII/00019.png

Cumbria? Ahahahahahahahaha.

Yeah, Cumbria, hahaha.

We also win in Northumberland, McClippit:

00020.png


But there's no sexual inuendo.

So what?

Eh...you're right.

Anyways, we soon win the war, with England seceding the province of Cumbrahahahaha ahahaha hahahaha uhhhuhhh, uhh, uhh...moving on...we won! We won against the English bastards.

With cheat codes.

Shut up.

00021.png


 

Enewald

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Yay, a victory over the souther bastards!

What of the western gnomes?
 

Lord Valentine

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FallenMorgan said:
We won against the English bastards.

With cheat codes.

Shut up.

Loved that bit. :rofl: I was already wondering how you managed that and what all these gnomes where about. :D

~Lord Valentine~
 

PrawnStar

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Good to see you back, funny as always.

Any chance you could resave the PNGs as JPEGs before you upload them? My browser gets bored downloading a page so I keep getting red crosses and having to refresh until everything is cached and finally displays :(
 

unmerged(84988)

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PrawnStar said:
Good to see you back, funny as always.

Any chance you could resave the PNGs as JPEGs before you upload them? My browser gets bored downloading a page so I keep getting red crosses and having to refresh until everything is cached and finally displays :(

Everything red in .jpgs turns out all blocky and ugly. Would .bmp or something work better for ya?
 

PrawnStar

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Well clearly the real answer is to get rid of all the red things! Like Burgundy to pick an example not at random ;)

The specific file format doesn't matter - it's about file size. JPEGs are about 1/4 of the size of PNGs so they put less pressure on download times and browser/script timeouts. I did the same thing and ended up spending most of an evening replacing 73 PNGs with JPEGs.

The important thing is that the images are telling us what you want them to.

Now crack on with things and give us an update :)
 

unmerged(84988)

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I'll try .bmp

I will get an update eventually. I'm caught up with EVE and writing stuff.