Chapter 5: Europe Goes to War Over a Dead Carpenter
Hello everyone, Happy New Years! Welcome back to Belgium! After a break for the holiday season, I'm back and ready to go, so let's just hop into it!
And what better way to start than with Scotland hating us? The Scottish are such a contentious people, after all the help we gave them!
Oh well, makes it easier for us to eat them then
Speaking of eating, we're taking Zeeland from the Dutch, and then making them a vassal of ours.
Why did we do this?
AE is less this way (and Zeeland is -4% WS?
), so we don't need to worry about them joining coalitions against us. This makes our growth period much less annoying, seeing how they constantly had about 50 AE against us.
And as we were dealing with our newly made vassal, Austria decides that it's a good time to jump into Italy! And as we don't have anything else going on, we say "sure, we'll join and cheer on the Italians! I mean, cheer AGAINST the Italians!"
But, while we're on the topic of allies, our OLD ally, the Commonwealth, is looking a lot worse for wear. That's what happens when you stop being allied to Belgium, you get absolutely steamrolled!
Thanks to our EXPERT assistance, Austria won their war. Which actually is a good thing for us. For you see, Milan has a reformed CoR in their capital. And now they're at less than 100% WS. So if we can call them into a war as a co-belligerent, we can destroy that center by flipping them Orthodox!
I'm sure that Catholic will end up dying, as is typical in the latest version, but at least we can slow its demise down.
Anyhow, this is one of the Parliament issues that we will be going for when it comes up. As I said, this is a merc-less run, so we'll need all the manpower we can get! To that end, we're definitely focusing on idea groups that give manpower and recovery speed.
And with that, we're kinda out of good age abilities. Since the blockade one got patched to work as intended, it's useless to us, since we barely have a navy (it's something like 12 lights and 20 transports iirc), we're just going to get that sweet institution spread speed.
And not a moment too soon, since the printing press has just arrived! Between our location, and our insane amount of excess points, we should be able to get the institution right quick.
Alas, it's finally happened. France and Austria have come to a head, and we must choose a side. *Sigh* Such a difficult choice...
FRANCE ALL THE WAY BABY, SUCK IT AUSTRIA!
While France destroys Austria, we're going back to the British Isles to cause some chaos!
Yeah, this war is pretty much wrapped up already.
And apparently the English rebels couldn't understand that they can't win against us. IF WE CAN TAKE OVER YOUR ENTIRE HOMELAND WITH NO TROUBLE, A SMALL 28k STACK ISN'T GONNA DO ANYTHING!
It's time for peace! Now, I know what you're thinking, why did I only take that land there? Well, the answer is simple. One, we wanted to get the last CoT from England. Two, we were watching our AE. And 3, I have a plan.
Oh boy, league war time! This ought to be fun! Just gotta remember to choose a side...
But not right now, we have other things we're doing right now.
Like praising John Wolfe for his great work at being diplomatic, while also not giving up all of our secrets we know from the future!
We had a BIG party with a huge cake. It was pretty sweet. There was even a clown, that's how great the party was.
OK, sure France. You could have won that, but you didn't. You gave up too easily. You have a good 20% of the land of the Roman Empire (and some of the good land, too, none of that desert crap), and you couldn't win?!
AI, man. Makes you scratch your head.
...Shoot, we didn't join a side, did we? No, we partied too hard and forgot. Well shit. Oh well.
I MEAN, UH, EXACTLY AS PLANNED! BELGIUM DOESN'T WANNA BE A BATTLEFIELD AGAIN! Or would it be for the first time, since we're in the past. Huh...
Well, either way, while Europe burns, it's time to descend like the opportunist I am. Let's roll, Pomerania!
But, before we get too far into it...
Let's finish up our national ideas!
The Maxim Machine Gun
We are no longer bound to the rules of early modern warfare. With the Maxim Machine Gun, we can cleave through waves of enemy soldiers, all with a single man and a single gun.
Land Fire Damage +20%
Oh, and our ambition gave us another 2% missionary strength. Just as an added bonus.
So with that, we're at our FULL POTENTIAL, at least regarding our NI's.
Had I not tried to be sneaky about it, we could have filled these out a solid 20 years earlier, at the very least.
Frankfurt gets the usual peace deal. Flipped, gave us cash and trade.
BREAKING NEWS, FRANCE HAS NO HEIR AND IS LED BY AN INFERTILE 61 YEAR OLD QUEEN!
Looks like a Meinrad is gonna be on the throne in the coming years
Brunswick is peaced out, but for a different deal. We made them our vassal. Why? Well, they have cores on a LOT of provinces. They expanded a LOT before they died to a combo of rebels and neighbors dogpiling them.
Which means we can use the reconquest CB and get the land for cheap.
And we peace out Pomerania for our usual deal. No need to eat them yet. Not while they're a heretic religion, at least.
Meanwhile, Austria has fallen into obscurity. If we have a say in it, they will never regain prominence.
And now that we have the reconquest CB, it's time to go to work. Oldenburg, you're first on the list!
Easy-peasy.
Now, this is something I love to see. We're at high AT due to our wars (and the fact that we have maybe 3 forts and only a couple dozen provinces, keeping our AT high), we're rolling really GOOD generals as of late, at least in terms of number of pips!
Now it's time to go after Aachen, we just flat out don't like them!
I can't remember exactly WHY we did this, but it was probably to break an alliance chain or something.
Now, this event came at a great time. We've been using the icons available to the Orthodox faith (right now, it's the -AE impact one. After 1610, we're going for the mapower recovery and discipline for the rest of the game), and it was time to renew the icon.
Just pointing out that this is something that I've been doing.
Ulm, usual deal, get outta here!
Bavaria, usual deal, get outta here!
Looks like Saxony might have been our target, seeing as we took a province from them. Huh. I think they might have been allied to Bohemia and the Commonwealth? I don't remember, but I'm sure I had a good reason for doing it this way.
Anyways, since we can't have peace lest our vassal give up the land we just took, we're going after trier next!
Muster gets the Belgian special at the peace table.
DAT'S A BIG FRANCE!
Hope we can get it under a PU, otherwise we're gonna have a fun time fighting THAT Big Blue Blob!
Speaking of the BBB, we can see how they stand up to the Ottomans.
And I gotta say, compared to our god tier army, they both look pathetic.
Trier just flips religion. For now. We'll see what happens next time.
Burgundy, that's a nice Luxemburg you got there. Be a reeeeal shame if something were to happen to it. But we can protect it, you don't want that nice land being hurt, do you? You don't? Well that's good. We'll keep it nice and safe for ya.
Now, it's time for the war I talked about a good 30 images ago. We're dowing Stade for their land, sure, but we're calling in Milan so we can kill their CoR.
Also Friesland because they have no other allies, so why not?
AND THE LEAGUE WAR ENDS WITH A CATHOLIC VICTORY!
That's actually interesting, seeing as there's maybe 4 catholics left in the empire. It might end up collapsing in on itself, who knows?
And this (formerly rare) disaster is happening in France! So, what's the betting look like, will France go protestant or reformed?
And speaking of religion, I'll leave us off with this map of Europe and their religion. Italy is almost entirely reformed, thanks to 2 CoRs spawning in Milan and Savoy. But otherwise, we've made a noticeable dent in the northwest!
I hope you all enjoyed, and I'll see you in the next chapter!