Up to you really, when playing as Ireland, I take the bottom 7 counties as my demense, and vassalize the northern 6, I destroy or do not create the bottom 3 duchies, and keep the 2 northern duchies as mine. I make all 6 northern counties holdings of lord mayors. Normally done about 1100-1110. Then go for Wales or Scotland. The reason to destroy or not create the bottom is for your peace of mind, people hate when you hold more then two duchie, if you hold the top 2 then a mayor will not create a Republic, that can be painful.
As for heirs each person has their own way, I never let my top 3 heirs leave my holdings ever. They can and will get themselves killed. And I like to make sure they are safe, your milage may differ.