January 1st 1936 – Somewhere in Tibet (Probably Cold):
Chomo-Lung-Ma was bored… bored, bored, bored. The World had been too quiet for too long and she was, as she often stated to her husband, bored. This did not go down well with her husband, because she was also bored in the bedchamber, but his ritual sacrifice to the Dark Lord had sorted out that problem. Had it really been a year since she had been accosted by the travelling salesman, who had shown her the true path to evil? She thought back to that fateful moment, where she had learned, thanks to the salesman’s catchy jingle, that a sacrifice a day keeps boredom away!
Chomo-Lung-Ma sighed, a deep heartfelt sigh… it was hard to find people willing to be sacrificed in Tibet, well, ever since she massacred her extended family anyway. So here she was, sitting in a cave, bored, cold and frustrated that her worship of the Dark Lord had not gained her the power she craved. A thought came into her head, one that made her rather excited… maybe she had just not been creative enough with her wishes… maybe she needed to think outside the box, really push the boundaries of what was possible.
It took Chomo-Lung-Ma the rest of the day to gather the needed equipment for the summoning ritual and she was sure to catalogue everything before she started. Knife, straw, urine, pig, helpless prisoner, gag, branch, cave and, last but not least, FIRE! After the long and painstaking preparation, Chomo was ready to kick some ass for the Dark Lord and started chanting the ritual greeting.
Oh Dark Lord, hear my prayer,
Watch as I flay her skin, layer by layer.
See how the fire warms her toes,
Watch as she thrashes, in her death throes.
Smell how the fire cooks her body fat,
Appear to me in the form of a… BAT!
And, with a giant puff of smoke the former prisoner’s (now corpse’s) body vanished and the fire went out, to be replaced by the floating form of a huge bat. The skin was as black as jet, the wings were as hard as steel, the glasses were from Specsavers… Chomo sighed as the Dark Lord seemed to elongate and take on his proper form… that of a spotty teenager with a whiny voice and spectacles. Chomo never really understood why the Dark Lord insisted on appearing like this, but he had explained that his voice really got on peoples nerves, and that was but one step on the road to insanity.
Chomo waited patiently for the Dark Lord to notice her but, engrossed as he was with the Sudoku, it was a long while before the Dark Lord looked her way, looking surprised that she was still there.
“Oh, go on then, what is it you want this time Chomo? Do you want a plague of locusts to take up residence in your village elder’s privates? How about a nice little mansion rather than this pathetic excuse for a cave? Come on, spit it out dear, I have better things to do.”
“Oh Dark and Powerful Lord of Evil, Darkness and People who talk at the Theatre, please hear my prayer…”
“Look, you stupid moron, I am already hear, just cut to the chase, I am a busy Dark Lord.”
Chomo took a deep breath to steady herself, her knuckles whitening over the grip of the knife in her hand before stating her request.
“Oh Lord, I wish for everyone in the world to take on the characteristics of the nations they live in… the only caveat being… that they take on these characteristics in…”
“ANIMAL FORM!”
The Dark Lord dropped his paper and stared at Chomo in shock.
“But, that is way too twisted even for me, your request is denied.”
Chomo let out a cry of rage and flung herself at the Dark Lord, swinging her knife with abandon as she carved lumps out of his body, only to find it regenerating as fast as she could cut.
“Ow… Ow… OW! That stings, stop it Chomo… stop it…For my sake woman, can’t you see you are not permanently hurting me… now, that crotch shot was just a bit below your high standards… honestly, I could stand her critiquing your style all day if you want… oh right… ENOUGH!”
The force of the Dark Lords roar sent Chomo flying back into the cave wall, blasting the breath from her lungs and making her drop to the floor, weakness flooding through her body. Groaning in pain, she looked up to see the Dark Lord viewing her with an appraising look.
“Hmmm, so you really want this bad? It is an interesting idea, I have to admit, and it would be fun, in a twisted sort of way… and your suicidal assault on me shows that you want this badly so, I think I will grant your wish.”
With those words, the entire fabric of reality shifted, history was changed and everyone’s memories were tampered with and, as everyone began to wake up all across the world, they did so changed…
The Boring Stuff:
HoI2 HSR 2.07
Normal/Normal
Tibet, Hands Off Game.
The Partially Interesting Stuff:
As you can all probably guess, this is going to be a rather strange AAR. I am just going to sit back as Tibet and watch the world passing me by, but imagining what is going on behind the scenes with everyone as animals. Now, to keep it simple, each nation is going to be a certain animal (which, I will let you guess until you find out in my next post), although certain historical figures may be better specimens of that animal.
All Animals are to be human sized, otherwise there would be certain discrepancies that would make some of what I am sure to write even more ridiculous than it is probably going to be. No animals were harmed in the making of the AAR, except those that die during the wars that are sure to come, obviously. Also, in regard to colonies… they are going to be the same animal as their masters, until such time as they split off, in which case they will amazingly metamorphose into another kind of animal.
I think that is everything. Next Post will be up when I have the time to type it up.
Chomo-Lung-Ma was bored… bored, bored, bored. The World had been too quiet for too long and she was, as she often stated to her husband, bored. This did not go down well with her husband, because she was also bored in the bedchamber, but his ritual sacrifice to the Dark Lord had sorted out that problem. Had it really been a year since she had been accosted by the travelling salesman, who had shown her the true path to evil? She thought back to that fateful moment, where she had learned, thanks to the salesman’s catchy jingle, that a sacrifice a day keeps boredom away!
Chomo-Lung-Ma sighed, a deep heartfelt sigh… it was hard to find people willing to be sacrificed in Tibet, well, ever since she massacred her extended family anyway. So here she was, sitting in a cave, bored, cold and frustrated that her worship of the Dark Lord had not gained her the power she craved. A thought came into her head, one that made her rather excited… maybe she had just not been creative enough with her wishes… maybe she needed to think outside the box, really push the boundaries of what was possible.
It took Chomo-Lung-Ma the rest of the day to gather the needed equipment for the summoning ritual and she was sure to catalogue everything before she started. Knife, straw, urine, pig, helpless prisoner, gag, branch, cave and, last but not least, FIRE! After the long and painstaking preparation, Chomo was ready to kick some ass for the Dark Lord and started chanting the ritual greeting.
Oh Dark Lord, hear my prayer,
Watch as I flay her skin, layer by layer.
See how the fire warms her toes,
Watch as she thrashes, in her death throes.
Smell how the fire cooks her body fat,
Appear to me in the form of a… BAT!
And, with a giant puff of smoke the former prisoner’s (now corpse’s) body vanished and the fire went out, to be replaced by the floating form of a huge bat. The skin was as black as jet, the wings were as hard as steel, the glasses were from Specsavers… Chomo sighed as the Dark Lord seemed to elongate and take on his proper form… that of a spotty teenager with a whiny voice and spectacles. Chomo never really understood why the Dark Lord insisted on appearing like this, but he had explained that his voice really got on peoples nerves, and that was but one step on the road to insanity.
Chomo waited patiently for the Dark Lord to notice her but, engrossed as he was with the Sudoku, it was a long while before the Dark Lord looked her way, looking surprised that she was still there.
“Oh, go on then, what is it you want this time Chomo? Do you want a plague of locusts to take up residence in your village elder’s privates? How about a nice little mansion rather than this pathetic excuse for a cave? Come on, spit it out dear, I have better things to do.”
“Oh Dark and Powerful Lord of Evil, Darkness and People who talk at the Theatre, please hear my prayer…”
“Look, you stupid moron, I am already hear, just cut to the chase, I am a busy Dark Lord.”
Chomo took a deep breath to steady herself, her knuckles whitening over the grip of the knife in her hand before stating her request.
“Oh Lord, I wish for everyone in the world to take on the characteristics of the nations they live in… the only caveat being… that they take on these characteristics in…”
“ANIMAL FORM!”
The Dark Lord dropped his paper and stared at Chomo in shock.
“But, that is way too twisted even for me, your request is denied.”
Chomo let out a cry of rage and flung herself at the Dark Lord, swinging her knife with abandon as she carved lumps out of his body, only to find it regenerating as fast as she could cut.
“Ow… Ow… OW! That stings, stop it Chomo… stop it…For my sake woman, can’t you see you are not permanently hurting me… now, that crotch shot was just a bit below your high standards… honestly, I could stand her critiquing your style all day if you want… oh right… ENOUGH!”
The force of the Dark Lords roar sent Chomo flying back into the cave wall, blasting the breath from her lungs and making her drop to the floor, weakness flooding through her body. Groaning in pain, she looked up to see the Dark Lord viewing her with an appraising look.
“Hmmm, so you really want this bad? It is an interesting idea, I have to admit, and it would be fun, in a twisted sort of way… and your suicidal assault on me shows that you want this badly so, I think I will grant your wish.”
With those words, the entire fabric of reality shifted, history was changed and everyone’s memories were tampered with and, as everyone began to wake up all across the world, they did so changed…
The Boring Stuff:
HoI2 HSR 2.07
Normal/Normal
Tibet, Hands Off Game.
The Partially Interesting Stuff:
As you can all probably guess, this is going to be a rather strange AAR. I am just going to sit back as Tibet and watch the world passing me by, but imagining what is going on behind the scenes with everyone as animals. Now, to keep it simple, each nation is going to be a certain animal (which, I will let you guess until you find out in my next post), although certain historical figures may be better specimens of that animal.
All Animals are to be human sized, otherwise there would be certain discrepancies that would make some of what I am sure to write even more ridiculous than it is probably going to be. No animals were harmed in the making of the AAR, except those that die during the wars that are sure to come, obviously. Also, in regard to colonies… they are going to be the same animal as their masters, until such time as they split off, in which case they will amazingly metamorphose into another kind of animal.
I think that is everything. Next Post will be up when I have the time to type it up.
