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EvilSanta

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*In France, during the reign of Louis XIV in the year of January 1672*



The Announcer kinda guy who shouts clock-times:In the name of our great monarch, the king of France, grandduke of the Moon, the master of the Universe, the sun-god, the son of God, count of the Andromeda, and all around good guy, Louis XIV, it is half Louis, get up and get to work!

Random peasant 1: It is Louis today, nobody works during Louis!

The Announcer kinda guy who shouts clock-times: Our great monarch, the king of France, grandduke of the Moon, the master of the Universe, the sun-god, the son of God, count of the Andromeda, and all around good guy, Louis XIV has ordered that everybody must work during Louis' too!

Random peasant 2: Ow, can't we atleast wait for a Louis before we start?

The Announcer kinda guy who shouts clock-times: Our great monarch, the king of France, grandduke of the Moon, the master of the Universe, the sun-god, the son of God, count of the Andromeda, and all around good guy, Louis XIV allows you to rest for 1/4 of a Louis in the Sunking Louis.

Random peasant 1: Thanks a Louis, bastard!

*after several sweaty Louis, the end of Louis day'

Random peasant 1: Wanna go and take a Louis at the Great Louis? Im louisy thirsty!

Random peasant 2: Thats what I call a louis! Sure!

*At the Great Louis*

Random peasant 2: Two big Louis', please.

The bartender: Coming up in a blink of a Louis!

Random peasant 1: What a Louis this Louis was. I am exhausted.

Random peasant 2: Think Louisy, at least we are not Dutch!

Both: *louisy laughter*

*Meanwhile in the Netherlands, in the Staten General meeting*



Jan: Gday Jan!

Jan: Hello Jan!

Jan: Hi Jan!

Jan: Hello Jan!

Jan: Where is Jan?

Jan: Not here Jan.

Jan: Ahh, there comes Jan now!

Jan: Hi, Jan, gday, Jan, hello Jan, I'd like to introduce you Edvin.
Edvin, this is Jan, Edvin, this is Jan and Edvin, this is Jan!

Jan: Is your name not Jan then?

Edvin: No, its Edvin.

Jan: That might cause a little confusion. What if we call you Jan just to keep it clear.

Jan: Lets start the meeting then. Jan, tell us about the situation!

Jan: As you know, the French are invading Spanish Lowlands. We are also in war with Münster, Cologne and England. What should we do, Jan?

Jan: Don't know Jan.

Jan: Me neither Jan.

Jan: Situation is dire, Jan.

Jan: The French have us on our guts.

Jan: Thats a strange expression Jan.

Jan: Well, Jan, I heard one peasant use it, the French have us on our guts he said.

Edvin: What if we invade Münster and hope for the best?

Jan: That is brilliant Jan!

Jan: So, we shall invade Münster. Good one Jan!

Jan: Hail Jan!

Edvin: Amen!

Jan: Jan, prepare the men for a long march!

Jan: Ok, Jan!

Jan: Jan, organize our supply chain!

Jan: Yes sir, Jan!

Jan: Let God smile upon us this day amen!

Jan: Amen!

 

EvilSanta

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So, I have had this idea for some time in my head and now I decided to fulfill it. I also need something different apart from the 3 musical AARs I have been making. As fun as it is, man needs some variation in his AAR writing as they say.

So, this is a side project of mine. As you might have noticed, this makes very little sense. Well, this is some sort of a tribute to Monty Python so this will follow Pythonesque pattern. Some sketches I come up with myself and try to keep it "pythonesque" (like the Louis one), others I modify from existing ones (like Jan one)

Oh, I play the Netherlands with the ComboMod.
 

Grubnessul

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I'm not sure yet whenever you're a genius or just completly mad. But this sounds interesting, I'll be following it
 

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Granduke of the Moon. Now that'll give Luxembourg an inferiorty complex.
 

EvilSanta

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*In Zürich, Switzerland, at the headquarters of International Evil Organization*

The shopkeeper: Morning sir!

Random duke of Liege: I was sitting at my castle reading Platon's theory of forms when I got this sudden urge to put some souls to Devils backpocket so I sallied forth and infiltrated this place to negotiate about some peace ending activities.

The shopkeeper: Pardon, sir?

Random duke of Liege: I'd like to buy some wars!

The shopkeeper: Oh, yes sir. What nation would it be?

Random duke of Liege: I'd like to have a war on Palatinate. I have heard many people recommending it.

The shopkeeper: I am very sorry but we just run out of it, sir. Domestic issues within the Empire, you see.

Random duke of Liege: No matter, I wasn't in a mood for that anyway. Give me, well, some Portugal!

The shopkeeper: Im afraid it is international "lets not attack Portugal - week" sir!

Random duke of Liege: Mmm, I see. Well, how about a little Austria?

The shopkeeper: We are expecting it next week, sir.

Random duke of Liege: Should have quessed it, should have quessed it. Well, some Prussia then, perhaps?

The shopkeeper: It hasn't formed yet, sir.

Random duke of Liege: Mmm, right. Scotland?

The shopkeeper: No.

Random duke of Liege: Ireland?

The shopkeeper: No.

Random duke of Liege: Brunswick?

The shopkeeper: Normally I would say yes but, you have a treaty with them.

Random duke of Liege: Bavaria?

The shopkeeper: No.

Random duke of Liege: Denmark?

The shopkeeper: We have been expecting for it to arrive for two weeks already, sir!

Random duke of Liege: Norway?

The shopkeeper: Not today, no.

Random duke of Liege: Spain?

The shopkeeper: No.

Random duke of Liege: Poland?

The shopkeeper: No.

Random duke of Liege: Russia?

The shopkeeper: Mmm, no.

Random duke of Liege: Lets keep it simple. Do you have any France?

The shopkeeper: Im afraid that we don't really get much call for it around these parts.

Random duke of Liege: No call for France? It is the single most popular nation to declare war upon!

The shopkeeper: Not around here, sir.

Random duke of Liege: Will you tell me then, good man, what is most popular country around here?

The shopkeeper: Sweden, sir.

Random duke of Liege: Splendid, give me a war with Sweden!

The shopkeeper: Im sorry but we don't have it.

Random duke of Liege: This isn't much of a war shop now is it?

The shopkeeper: Yes sir, this is. We have the finest wars in Europe!

Random duke of Liege: So what exactly do you have, then?

The shopkeeper: The Netherlands, sir. It is a bit risky, though.

Random duke of Liege: No matter, no matter, I like it a bit risky!

The shopkeeper: It as a bit riskier than you like it, sir.

Random duke of Liege: I don't care how extravagantly risky it is, hand over the Netherlands!

The shopkeeper: Very well sir, one war with the Netherlands!

 

Dysken

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Love the Monthy Python references. I listen to those sketches all the time.
 

EvilSanta

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Getting one of these started is a lot more problematic than with normal songs. How do you "normal" people get your updates started? It took me a while to come up with proper sketch for that one.

Grubnessul: *looks at his other AARs*

I quess I am that former one. But good to have you along.

thrashing mad: Thanks, I will need it. This is tougher than doing those songs. But refreshing, too.

TrickyTrix: I am glad you like it. I have no plans to stop plagiating Pythons quite yet. ;)

Duke of Wellington: Well, I consider my trilogy to be one big AAR so this is then second AAR currently running. All those songs are practically the same no matter the game so this provides me the much needed change from that. I am a person that is unable to concentrate on one thing for long periods of time. That is one of the reasons I hate math.

I think it is a louisy start, Jan of New Zealand!

JimboIX: Indeed. Who wouldn't feel inferior next to French? :p

Gigalocus: And I lousy will and there is no Louis in this world to stop me from achieving my Louis!
 

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Evil lives in Switzerland? I [/I]knew it all those banks and safe deposit boxes, evil was bound to rent one and have no one ask questions.
 

EvilSanta

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*The Staten Generaal arrives at the outskirts of a castle in Münster*

Jan: Hello!

*Silence*

Jan: Hello!

Random soldier: Allô! Ho iz it?

Jan: This is Stadtholder Jan and these are my men of the Staten Generaal.
We give you good Germans a chance to live and join our holy quest against the Louis XIV!

Jan: Well said Jan!

Jan: Words of wisdom, you speak Jan!

Jan: Show those puffters, Jan!

Random soldier (why everybody is random, by the way?): I'll azk le lord but me thinks he iz not very keen, you zee we have already killed one!

Jan: What?

Jan: He said they have already killed one Jan.

Jan: Thats insanity, Jan!

Jan: Yes, it is Jan!

Jan: Who knows about these Germans, Jan.

Random soldier: Oh yez, he waz veri anoying!

Jan: Can we come and have a chat with your lord?

Random soldier: Of courze not! Your Dutzh, you are half-German baztardz!

Jan: What are you then?

Jan: Let him hear it, Jan!

Jan: Stay tough, Jan!

Random soldier: Im le Frenzh! Why you think I have thiz outrageouz axxent?

Jan: What are you doing in Münster?

Random soldier: Mind your own buzinezz!

Jan: If you don't surrender now, we will take your castle by force!

Jan: Damn right, Jan!

Jan: Im right there with you, Jan!

Random soldier: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother waz a hamzter and your father zmelt of elderberriez.

*Zome rude le gezturez*

Jan: Thats enough! Charge, the men of Staten Generaal!

*Le Frenzh catapult cowz on top of le Dutzh*

Jan: Run away, run away!

Jan: I got an idea, Jan!

Jan: Tell me about it, Jan!

Jan: We build this huge hollow wooden horse and then some of us will hide inside it!

Jan: Thats brilliant, Jan!

Edvin: No, its not!

*The Staten Generaal builds a horse and takes it outside of the French castle*

Jan: Now, the plan is following. I, Jan, and the new Jan will go inside the horse and when the French pull it inside, we will open the gates to our army.

Jan: Tell me again, who are inside the horse?

Jan: Me, Jan and...

*looks at the horse being pulled into the castle*

Oh bugger.

*After several months the castle finally surrendered because the French ran out of cows and other cattle to throw upon the Dutch*

 

EvilSanta

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That was way too obvious one, it didn't end up actually funny. But I think I have a good idea for the next one, you might expect it even this very evening.

Dysken: I love Montys too. They are simply the best comedy group ever.

JimboIX: Of course, it is pretty obvious. 1. They are not part on anything. Certainly they are plotting something there. 2. The Swiss knife. Only real evil geniuses can invent something so useful. 3. Whats up with the clocks? No normal people have clocks as their main exports!

There are also other evidence that indicates that the evil lurks in Switzerland. But if I tell you them, they will hunt me down.

Duke of Wellington: I like dead parrot. It is not really cliched here in Finland as fewer people watch Monty here. I haven't growed tired of it quite yet.

thrashing mad: No, it was based on The cheese shop sketch. One of the legendary ones.
 

Grubnessul

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I love monty python, please continue
(don't forget to include the dirty hongarian, spanish inquisition and spam spam spam spam btw)
 

Dysken

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I hope you include the bavarian restaurant sketch (lost episodes, they made some for german television in German :D) it is simply best.
 

Grubnessul

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barvarian restaurant? I don't know that one :eek: