• Crusader Kings III Available Now!

    The realm rejoices as Paradox Interactive announces the launch of Crusader Kings III, the latest entry in the publisher’s grand strategy role-playing game franchise. Advisors may now jockey for positions of influence and adversaries should save their schemes for another day, because on this day Crusader Kings III can be purchased on Steam, the Paradox Store, and other major online retailers.


    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

Pal

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Save salvaged (best not to ask which foul demon I had to bargain with for it)! Expect a gameplay only update today. The newspaper project will probably be on hold... for a while.
Yay!!! :D

This AAR is very much fun to read! Many thanks for writing this, and I sure hope you'll continue providing updates for quite some time... :)
 

L Lawliet

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Pal said:
Yay!!! :D

This AAR is very much fun to read! Many thanks for writing this, and I sure hope you'll continue providing updates for quite some time... :)
Don't worry Pal, this AAR is like a zombie. It takes a lickin' and it keeps on tickin'. No wait, that's Japanese zombie pr0n. This is more like a resident evil zombie. As long as you don't cut off the head, it moves along slowly. Don't quite know how to fit in eating human flesh into this.

Zitanier said:
It's katastrophikally kool. Like a hurrikane.

Anyways, moving on to the relevant stuff.

Chapter Nine

Part six: The unfortunate demise

In a cold, dimly lit room the new King's privy council debates the life and death of the old monarch. Despite his obvious failures on almost every possible level as a human and a father, they've kind off grown fond of him over the years. But since the end of the war with the hordes of Timur, he was somehow different... changed..

He felt like he could take on the entire world. He even commissioned the engineers to rename streets of every single town in India in advance. But soon the mental illness spilled over and wreaked havoc on his body as well.
Basically, he was like every single King of Assam before him - let's not divert this into melodrama, or worse.

Subjects of their discussion were chronological - after the white peace the King got busy spewing edicts left and right, recalling and reissuing them practically every month. His faithful dog, Faithful died and he built a statue in it's honor.
When it fell apart (well, he did build it himself), he blamed the residents of villages a thousand miles away, claiming the dog spoke to him in a dream, and had them all burned so that their burned corpses together resembled a silhouette of a dog. By doing this he accidentally "assimilated" the entire region since the number of Assam's colonists was now greater then the number of native subjects.
He then had the capital renamed Suhungville.


*cough* genocide *cough*

He fell ill from inhaling all that man-smoke. On one occasion he hurled violently across half the throne room and said
"OY! What's my spleen doing way over there?!" It was later found out that shoving it back from whence it came out was of no use.

This was a sign for nobles to take over. Well, no, not really, since he only allowed them to do what he said. And that wasn't exactly more power for them.
He ordered them to bring people from the west and have them run through a forest packed with starving tigers. The survivor was allowed to publish a book on survival techniques and cannon fodder tactics.
End result? Twenty thousand dead people later, Bangala's population was Assamese in majority.
The entire region of Bangala was renamed to Suhung City a bit later.


Not even funny anymore

The book was so popular that the Nobles wanted to try out leading waves of peasants into enemy lines of archer fire, so army tradition was increased. Awesome.


Anyways, for the most important act of his late years.
He expanded the Assamese Imperial Guard to eight thousand men (two thousand cavalry plus six thousand infantrymen). With this he proceeded to squeeze the life out of Bihar and their allies, citing the Casus Belli "Pure, unrelenting boredom" as the cause of war.
Since he was one of Assam's finer generals of all time - a sad fact indeed - he won all of the battles of the war and sieged the hell out of the enemy using the experimental Oversized Kannon. He succeeded and vasallized Bihar, a fairly rich country with a center of trade in one of it's cities.

As his retinue of advisers died off slowly, he descended further into insanity, deciding to try and kill off the rest of India as well.
He did pretty well, vassalizing Shan as well, and forming the so called "Anti Ming meatshield".
When contacted by the Ming ambassador about the "Meat shierd" the King responded evasively that "only the guilty flee when no-one pursueth".

Oddly enough, they backed off.

At the peak of his madness, he ordered that every single man that can carry a weapon be equipped and ready for a "grand and glorious liberation of China". Surprisingly, this move didn't go unopposed.....


General Mahatma - the greatest soldier that walked the face of Earth in that time - revealed his intentions to the nobles of Assam. He was to walk up to Suhung and personally explain to him why this was wrong.
When he entered the throne room, an eerie silence swept the entire castle. The world held it's breath - everyone was staring into the man - Hero of countless battles, scarred almost beyond recognition, even saved the King's life once. Everyone but Suhung. He was looking blankly to his left, tapping his head absently with his trigger finger and middle finger.

"My liege!" Mahatma's voice shook the room "This must stop!"
Suhung did nothing, continuing his routine.
"You will doom the country with your rash actions! We cannot prevail against the Zerg.. I mean Chinese! We cannot match them in numbers nor in quality of troops, and our allied armies are miserable at best. Some of our allies don't even have an army!"

....

"Is he even listening? Well f-"
"Hey hey hey! No swearing!" Sudangpha sprung to life "there might be children around here! Isn't that right Nicholas? Or was he going to say "well forget it?""
Mahatma looked at him, confused
"Have you really gone that far? You deserve everything that's coming to y-"

Sudanghpa grasped the arm rests and leaned backwards, tilting his head slowly forward. A devilish grin dragged along his face. He looked like he was barely holding back. He was fighting it, but he couldn't back down. He started to giggle, and from it erupted a bone-chilling laughter that the Unholy One himself couldn't pull of.
"YOU think yourself worthy to challenge me?" he said calmly as he grabbed his sword and started walking toward Mahatma, who was frozen in terror
"Where were YOU when I felled the Bihari? Where were YOU when I beat the Shan?!"

"I was on the battlefield, in the first line, my lord."
"Oh. I see." Suhung lowered his sword and walked backward slowly

"WELL YOU STILL GONNA DIE!" he spun on his heels and stabbed the commander in the gut, smiling wildly as he watched life leave him

"ANYONE ELSE?"

A cannon ball punched through his gut
"ME!" his son answered, holding a torch in his hand with which he set the cannon off

"Oh snap!! That's much too big of a hole to be in a man like me! AAaaah screw it." Suhung's lifeless body hit the ground


And so ascended Susenpha on the third day of the month of April, year of their Lord 1537.

 
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theconfusedone

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yaaaaaaay it's back :D
 

Pal

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"Oh snap!! That's much too big of a hole to be in a man like me! AAaaah screw it."
:rofl:

Very good! So that's what the family tradition of "boom-sticks" has become? A mere means of ascending to the throne? But yeah, makes more sense than applying that technology to the battlefield en masse and use it to ensure survival of the people against the enemy hordes... For an Assamian, that is. :p

You got quite lucky with the cultural conversion events. I am very happy to see two or three of them during an entire campaign...
 

Murmurandus

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All hail the new king Susannah!:D
 

L Lawliet

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Ask and thou shalt receive. Eventually.
EDIT: Rising Nations seems to have problems with the new beta, as you may have seen if you've ever seen the mod section. So I'm switching responsibility to them until further notice.
Nice to see you guys still interested!
 
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