• Crusader Kings III Available Now!

    The realm rejoices as Paradox Interactive announces the launch of Crusader Kings III, the latest entry in the publisher’s grand strategy role-playing game franchise. Advisors may now jockey for positions of influence and adversaries should save their schemes for another day, because on this day Crusader Kings III can be purchased on Steam, the Paradox Store, and other major online retailers.


    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

L Lawliet

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Feedback + bad news for free

Nodscouterr said:
Yay, a vassal! Too bad it borders ming...
Better a vassal that borders Ming then a treacherous neighbor that wants to betray me every chance it gets.

blsteen said:
Ooh a vassal and a new king
A king who calls my new king his king. Sounds great, doesn't it?

Murmurandus said:
Such a display of Brilliant Assamness!!! :D
All in a day's work :cool:

Nodscouterr said:
Heh, I'm playing my tibet game and I invaded the shit out of Assam after they Dowed me while I was fighting Nepal :D
Well, if one can conquer the world with the Iroquois, I suppose it IS possible to conquer Assam with Tibet. Just maybe.

Devilmay said:
Im sure that in reality you got handed by the mighty assamland
My point exactly.

Free bad news: My save game crashes every time at the same time point. I tried some trix and majiks but nothing worked. First the Internets randomly eats my pics and posts and now this. Somehow I get the feeling that the main forces of the Universe conspire against my AAR because it's Assamness will make the Universe implode if I update more.

And a free image to cheer you up:

(A great metaphoric image showing what the Universe is trying to do with Assam)

All is not lost yet, however, since I have not yet decided to give up!
 

Nodscouterr

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Phew, I got pretty scared for a while there.
 

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New news! Being unable to fix the crash, I reverted to an autosave, and followed the same steps as I did until now, so there should be no plot changes.

Chapter Three: Good times, bad times

Part one: Reminisces

The new King of Assam, Susenpha the First was all the Kingdom needed - and more. He was young, brilliant and a great general and never feared war - but he fell ill at a young age, and like his father before him he ruled briefly, but his reign was a bright star in the chaos that was Assam before him.
He is most famed for his memoirs "Brief talks" in which he features, what else, brief talks about important subjects and themes of the time.
He describes his decision to introduce war taxes as follows:

"Assam rested after a brief but intense reign of my Father, who warred almost all his neighbors and won countless wars. But he left one war unwon - perhaps intentionally? Who knows.
And what do I do with that war? Peace? No, no, no, I'm better then that!
I use it as an excuse to tax the blood out of our citizens! The Crown needs its ducats, my dear reader, yes it does. They say that will make the citizens rebelious - so what?
Let them hate us, as long as they fear us - And fear us they will."

He used the money obtained by the taxes to militarize the nation further:

"And soon, our military has, for the first time in a long time, exceeded our security minimums. We even outshone our neighbors in military spending and by rattling our swords alone we scared off our larger Muslim neighbors."

And explained his method of accomplishing the "mission" given to him by the council of nobles (expanded from his Father's two pitiful playthings to a full three dozen nobles and a vassal king) with his glorious speech "Triumph of the Will":

"War. Why should I bother to send our enemies money, so that they can use it against us? Should I send them my family so that they can claim family ties and claim my throne? Offer their troops free passage so that they may loot our lands without even declaring war? No. War.
We must make sure that our enemies, Taungu - called Brownies by my father - are subdued once and for all. As independent nations they only serve as bait to others, who, if they manage to claim their lands will only proceed to try and take ours. *I* will not allow that to happen.
I will make everyone tremble before the might of our state! I will expand it to the Sea, to the fields and to the homes of our enemies! Victory WILL BE OURS!" (that speech was followed by one of a systematic genocide utilizing Animists, nuclear devices and duct tape, but he couldn't pull it of 'cause he ran out of duct tape).

He also tried to make his father look bad for criticizing him for not knowing the difference between an AK47 and an HKMP5, claiming he learned no further then musket rifles.

But, before he could draw out the plans to the "Operation Siphakpha", named after his father's ancestor who drowned in a river while trying to loot an enemy country, he was killed by an explosive device in an "Operation Valkyrie". Assam's enemies let out a giant sigh of relief, and this is how allegedly the monsoons were first formed. Recent findings indicate that a time travel may have occurred and our King was a victim of a future conspiracy by our current enemies, who will be dealt with shortly.

His throne was taken by a group of Nobles (Siphakpha's loyal adviser Abi was the leader, having been declared a noble for his contributions to the Kingdom by Susenpha) who claimed themselves as Regents for his son, who was still trying to learn the basics of despotism. For that purpose Abi invented the quick guide - become a despot in 20 simple steps, shortened to 10 to accommodate our future ruler's mental capacity.

Oh well, witness the glory of the Council in the next installment of this Assam AAR! (short reigned kings are to be blamed for shortness of updates, images coming soon since ImageShack is bothering me again and I've explained everything with words anyways).
 

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Feedback
Devilmay said:
YAY ITS NOT DEAD :rofl::rofl::rofl:
I will update this as long as I am physically able and as long as you're willing to read :D


Chapter Three

Part two: The Council of Nobles

Abi was not an idiot - far from it - but he was ill educated in matters of rule. That is one of many reasons why his abilities were remembered as "Less then stellar", but, crashing into the world of politics head-first and doing it well is a thing few can boast to have accomplished. The shortcomings of being a regent in stead of being a full-fledged King were painfully obvious - the first of many being the "privilege" of having every single step you take being watched by a group of greedy vultures more then willing to overstay their welcome in "your" palace. However, there was more to him then the simpleton he displayed him as. He had plans - grand plans - for the young Kingdom. Using the foolish child as a golden puppet he even considered marrying of one of his own into the bloodline, perhaps one day taking the throne himself. Who knows? The future is full of opportunities.

But all was not well, and he fell out of the favor of the Nobility fairly quickly. The King's corpse hardly even had the time to cool before the first questions rose. No wonder, he thought. So he made a grand Council - first in the known history - to get them back to his side.
In a fresh built stone hall was a large semi-circular table and an elevated part which hosted a podium made out of the most expensive wood money could buy. Flags were present on the walls, huge flags that could cover a normal house beneath them and to the trained eye it was obvious that experts built the room so that every single whisper would be carried all across, to every single person. The building itself was pushing architectural and acoustic technology years ahead - a fruit of the most brilliant of innovative minds of the Kingdom.

By noon most of the nobles gathered, most barely keeping their mouths shut, but their eyes gave up their impressions easily. They were stunned that a Regent could gather such funds without even denting the Imperial treasury!
Simple psychology, Abi thought.

Abi rose to the podium, being quickly announced by a guard as "Our leader, the Imperial Regent Abanindranath."

"Assam people, members of nobility.
On twentieth of april, this year, our King Susenpha the First joined his ancestors. You, the Council, have kindly laid upon my shoulders the duty of Regency.
I swear to you, by my own blood, that I will fulfill that duty to the best of my abilities, for I have not taken it for glory or for wages, but for your sake alone!
Time has come that we decide what policies this Kingdom should take. The fate of our Kingdom is in your hands."
He bowed slightly and waved his hand at one of the Guards. The guard quickly pulled a lever and a map unrolled from the ceiling, leaning itself gently on the wall behind the Regent. It showed the Country and it's neighbors, some parts of their countries marked by spots and stripes.



"It is your task, dear Nobles, to determine our political stance toward neighboring Kingdoms."

A loud cheer erupted and the debate soon started.

Dear readAARs! You are the Nobles here! You decide what policy Assam should take to it's neighbors, souring relations with one nation, fixing them with others, and maybe, just maybe, decide who we go to war with when our next King ascends.

Kindly post your votes here and the results shall be made known to you in the next installment of this Assam AAR :)
 
Last edited:

Nodscouterr

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That nation to the west, it looks interesting and should be shot immediatly!
 

unmerged(81390)

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Tuaunuguu! Does my vote still count if I don't know how is it spelled? :(
 

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Wait, I remember the west nations name now that I'm playing Vija... Viyag... Viagyjgagiinarr, whatever. Anyway the nation is Bengal/Deva Bengal.
 

Murmurandus

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ss

Attack all nations which are more difficult to pronounce than Assam...
 

unmerged(64330)

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Attack all nations which are more difficult to pronounce than Assam...
I agree whit Murmurandus!

Give the whole world a peice of Assamness!:cool:
 

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Chapter Three

Part two: Neighbors


The debate raged on for hours with each nobleman trying to voice his own opinion. Abi was hungry, thirsty, sleepy and bored, but persisted nonetheless.

"SILENCE!!" he roared "This obviously isn't going to work, so you have two choices. Either debate in order or dine in hell!!"
The jaws dropped, silence ensued.
"Preposterous! Who do you think you are to order ME around like this?" one noble rose up
"I was the faithful adviser of two Kings and a royal guard of another. I am now the regent for the late King's child and as such I have the same authority as he will have, and that authority includes the authority to remove fools and imbeciles as I see it fit."
he continued
"So, let's try an orderly debate. First issue. Muslims to the west. Opinions?"
"They are an interesting nation, and should be shot." one Noble said

"Ah, you must've spent a lot of time around our late King's father, I see." He smiled lightly "Any other opinions?"

"I agree with him. The bluemen should be a priority of ours."
"Anybody else?" he waited for a while "Very well. Next topic: Taungu. Opinions?"
"Kill'em all!"
"Justified. After all, they have been our enemies for generations now. All in favor raise your hand."
36 hands were in the air
"Very well. Next topic - " he was interrupted
"Let's just kill them all! They deserve it, if for nothing else then because their names are too bloody complicated!"
"If their names are too long then they are our enemies. If they're too short then we don't need them so they're also our enemies!" he laughed
"Very well, all in favor raise your hands."
The following scene looked something like a nazi party meeting
"Very good. Meeting concluded."


The conclusions? We hate everyone, like noone and will shoot everybody in sight. We also like kicking them when they're down because that way they're closer to our foot. Yeah, we're awesome. Find out how much in the next update of this Assam AAR!
 

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Chapter Three

Part three: The war we lost
(with lots of words and no pictures)

After sending an emissary to all our neighbors commenting negatively on the size of their rulers' reproductive organs and crushing the revolt in the province of Many Poor, in June of the year of their Lord 1427 we were notified by a diplomat that we have signed a peace with the Ceylonians.
This was confusing for the Regent, obviously, as he had no idea that he was at war. The war was lost - noone could find it.
Although that was the moment the Regent realized why he was still collecting war taxes. He shrugged, dismissed the diplomat and went back to the difficult work of eating and sleeping all day long.

On the 17th of April, year of their Lord 1429, our vassals generously bounce their rebels to our land, converting a Buddhist province of ours to Animism and looting a couple of others. This has lowered our tax income from those lands significantly since Animists see little use of money and eat shrubberies, not bread. The Knights of Ni protest wildly about this so we move our armies to cleanse and purge them.
By the time we're done, our vassals even more generously invite themselves to our land and eat off the remaining shrubberies. We lose the services of the Knights and they run off to the lands of the Holy Grail to seek more shrubberies. The Regent is unimpressed.

During the Regency the country was visibly weakening since the Regent's actions were always blocked by the Council of Nobles. It was his decision to let the Taungu patriots overrun and take the province of Chin, since it's tax income was literally zero and it's religion was Animism. The King would deal with it later, he reckoned. Later, annoyed at the time it took the rebels to actually take the land, he changed his mind and tried to crush them, additional 7 thousand rebels rose from Taungu lands and aided the patriots in their unholy quest. The Regent pretended he never did anything in the first place.
The 7 thousand later went on to siege Many Poor, annihilating our entire army there. Assam was now in trouble and everyone prayed for a savior. Years had passed already since the death of the King Susenpha and his son was almost ready to take over.

However, will he arrive in time to save Assam? Will we survive? Will Duke of Wellington update his AAR anytime soon? Find out soon!
 

Nodscouterr

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Yes, will the Duke ever update his AAR? It's a mystery, one never will be solved...
 

L Lawliet

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Chapter three

Part four: Recessions of many kinds

The Regent was riding his royal horse and greeting the troops who just got back from a long campaign of rebel hunting. Victorious. Where did this happen, one might ask. I'll tell you - it's in the Regent's head!

Assam was left without a standing army (they were all lying down dead, remember?) and it's coffers were emptying rapidly. But Assam is not USA, we have no GodBama to offer us salvation. So we wait. In the meantime the Regent fires the discipline guy, rationally explaining to him that "There is no-one left to beat up until morale improves." He was sad.

The High Judge guy who made the people less revoltey was fired too. Half of our land being already under rebel occupation didn't make his career prospects any better.

Anyways, the Regent & co proudly present to you our new cabinet!



Now that we have cut off all the unnecessary expenses, including a standing army, advisers and all the rest our monthly expenses were zero, and our yearly income a whooping 8 ducats. Let's just hope this is all over soon. Bloody regents.

In other news, Arakan nationalists switched from sieging Many Poor (which they took) to sieging our own core province. How Assam. Especially since now that we have no army, can't stop them. Can't negotiate either. In other news, the divine forces think that this is a perfect moment to incorporate our vassals into our country.

The Regent decides to sell the Animist-filled province of Sagaing, effectively increasing our treasury tenfold (we now stand at a whooping 110 ducats of in the treasury). Recruitment of two cavalry regiments is ordered right away.
Loud thuds and what seemed to be spinning sounds were heard from the Royal Dynasty's mausoleum. The place was practically wrecked.

In other news:

Let's make a landless vassal, shall we?


- And in other other news, the game crashed again. Voodoo majiks are being used to heal the situation. Will they work, however? Will Assam be able to chase the rebels away? Find out soon, in the next installment of this Assam AAR!
 
Last edited:

Nodscouterr

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Ah yes, those 3/3/3 regency councils. Well, at least it could be worse... or no wait, wait I don't think it could be any worse actually.
 

Murmurandus

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Mmm, not so awesome anymore... :p