Chapter 6: At this rate, We'll hit nanching in 2710.
August 23rd 1485, London
Jones - "Sir, Sir! The war of the Roses is finally over. Richard the third is dead, and Henry the seventh is our new leader!"
Chadsworth - "Why should I care? These monarchs we have are useless, the entire lot of them."
Jones - "Well, that's true Henry the seventh isn't much, but apparently the people like him quite a bit better so they'll pay us more money in taxes and be less likely to revolt. So there's that."
Chadsworth - "That's not all bad then. By the way, where have you been? I haven't seen you in months."
Jones - "I told you sir, I was going to check on conditions in Pfalz."
Chadsworth - "Pfalz? You've been there 5 times in the last 4 years! What is so pressing that you keep going back?"
Jones - "Umm, well when I went out there originally I met a very lovely lady by the name of Helga..."
Chadsworth - "You cad! Way to go Jones!"
Jones - "It's not like that at all sir. We just happen to share a lot of the same interests, Tea, bird watching, historical romance novels...you know, stuff."
Chadsworth - "So why isn't she Mrs. Jones yet?"
Jones - "Well sir, her parents don't like me. They are Pfalz nationalists of the worst sort, and she won't go against her father's wishes."
Chadsworth - "There are still Pfalz nationalists? I just imagined everyone in that former country was to Pfalzstupid to form a resistance."
Jones - "I never said they were good at sir."
Chadsworth - "Fair enough. So what else happened while you were away?"
Jones - "Didn't my assistant keep you informed?"
Chadsworth - "I don't trust him."
Jones - "Just because his name is Vladimir doesn't make him a bad guy. You're enforcing stereotypes."
Chadsworth - "I'm not going to trust the nations business with someone whom I can't trust!"
Jones - *sigh* "In that case, we finalized our sucessful colonization of table. We are now colonialists!"
Chadsworth - "That's good. Now that you're back you can help me draw up plans for war against the Austrian alliance."
Jones - "I've missed this, just you and me, talking war, and tea."
Chadsworth - "I missed you too Jones."
September 13 1485, London
Jones - "Helvetia has declared war on France, Mainz has joined in. Also Helvetia brought the Austrian alliance. It appears to be 'On' sir."
Chadsworth - "We knew this day was coming eventually. Pull our troops from Pfalz into Mainz, and as soon as we have a clear opportunity, march on Bern. Also send Norfolk into Zeeland to begin the siege and bring down our fleet from lancashire to begin the blockade. Let's knock the Austrians out."
Jones - "You've been getting a regular supply haven't you?"
Chadsworth - "Well, I am always way more coherent when I've had my fill of that life giving elixir."
Jones - "I believe that once we accomplish our goals, England will become the mightiest nation on earth. Tea seems to perk everybody up. And a properly perked nation can't be stopped."
Chadsworth - "Exactly Jones, we do this for the future of England, nay even the future of mankind. We must be prepared for that day when space Aliens come down and try to conquer us all."
Jones - "Space Aliens? You seriousy believe that we are going to get conquered by space aliens?"
Chadsworth - "I think of it like this Jones, If I was a space alien, what woild I do? I even have a a little acronym for it, IIWASAWWID. And if I was a space alien the first thing I'd do is conquer earth, so preparedness is the best defense to those Space aliens. First things first, however, tea."
Jones - "Well then..."
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The Austrians spent the early part of this war gathering troops in one giant hammer in Brabant. And the rest of the coalition went after strassbourg which you may remember is now part of Mainz.
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January 20 1487, London
Jones - "We've had a whole slate of messages in today, one from Norfolk, one from Austria, one from Bern and one from Helvetia."
Chadsworth - "Let's see, our army in Bern says that they have defeated a freshly recruited army there and have begun seiging Bern. And Norfolk says that Zeeland has finally fallen!"
Jones - "That excellent news."
Chadsworth - "Well, The Austrian note reads, 'You know, hanging out in the mountains can be fun and quite enjoyable this time of year. We would like you to come out sometime. We are big fans of all your work and think you guys are super keen, Love Austria. P.S. About this whole war thing, how about we give you 154 ducats and call this whole thing a wash?'"
Chadsworth - "Hmm, the helvetian note says. 'Oh come on! You don't even like France! We hate them not you. We love you. In fact we love you to the tune of 174 ducats. We'll try harder not to suck next time, Helvetia.'"
Jones - "Hmm, you know if we accept the Austrian truce first, then we can take the Helvetian one too."
Chadsworth - "Brilliant! This totally rules! This is like the best day since January 1st, 1419!"
Jones - "Hmm, come to think of it, we haven't aged a day since then...and that's the day we first had tea...I wonder if there is a connection?"
Chadsworth doesn't notice the question because he's to busy capering around the kings throne. Which would be okay, if he had any idea of how to caper.
March 1491, London
Chadsworth - "I won't talk to you Vladimir."
Vladimir - "Da, I understand. However, I have a job to do. And I will do it, this is a very big month for Mister Jones. I must help."
Chadsworth - "Ok...I'll do it, for Jones. But I still don't like you."
Vladimir - "I understand. We have just cumpleted our research into trade. We can begin preparations to put in a refinery in Kent in May. We just have to mint some coin."
Chadsworth - "Hmm, why Kent again? I forgot."
Vladimir - "We can't put in France, gascogne because that is not very safe. Table is also not wise because protecting may become an issue. So, Kent seemed to be a good place to put it. Besides, it Vould create jobs for hard working Englishmen like yourself and me."
Chadsworth - "Those are some very well thought out points, For A Secret Ninja Death Assasin! Hi-yah!" Chadsworth jumps out of his chair and tries to karate chop Vladimir. Vladimir steps to the side, as Chadsworth slips and misses.
Vladimir - "I suppose that means we are done for now."
Chadsworth - "Guards! The ninja death assasin is after me!"
Vladimir - "Ok, that's a yes den."
January 9th, 1492, London.
Jones - "The war is over sir! France has finally stopped warring, after 20 consecutive years."
Chadsworth - "Annex Mainz, now!"
Jones - "I'll send a page right away to send the message."
Chadsworth - "So how was your honeymoon with Helga? I heard you spent it exploring the mountains with Helga in Luxemburg."
Jones - "We did sir, It was a most excellent vacation. She's moved with me here back to London, and I'll be around full time."
Chadsworth - "That's fantastic, That ninja death assasin tried to get me, but he had nothing."
Jones - "I should never have let you get a hold of far east literature, before I know it you'll be trying to convert to konfucism and uttering wise sayings."
Chadsworth - "I don't think you have to worry about me uttering wise sayings. It's not really my thing."
Jones - "Quite true sir. How should we handle the Strassbourg sitution?"
Chadsworth - "As soon as we can, release them as vassals. Just another thing France will attack before us once we drop the French."
Jones - "Excellent, sir. Another bit of interesting news, the French have cancelled the Military access they had with Savoy."
Chadsworth - "That is good news, that means they are probably close to declaring war on the Wurzburgian, Bohemian, savoyian alliance. We should butter up the Hessens so we have an alternate route through to Wurzburg than just Mainz."
Jones - "Good thinking sir."
June 1492, London
Jones - "The french have declared war on the savoyian alliance and asked us to join them."
Chadsworth - "If it was anyone else, I'd finally tell those French off, but another shot at Wurzburg and Bohemia? That is so worth it."
Jones - "Just be wary."
Chadsworth - "We will. We shall start by waiting for the wurzburgians to hit us in Mainz."
Jones - "Okay, then."
October 1492, London
Jones - "We withstood the initial assault from Wurzburg, but when the Bohemians showed up with 40000 troops we had to retreat to Pfalz. Mainz is under siege."
Chadsworth - "Bring up the reserves, and join them with Norfolk's force. Them march them up to Hessen and down into Wurzburg, we can win the battle of the sieges before they can."
Jones - "Great idea sir. I'll get right on it."
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Things were progressing well, almost too well. Now where was that other shoe? And why wasn't it dropping?"
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June 1493, London
Jones - We are about 3 months from finihing the siege in Wurzburg, whereas the siege in Mainz is almost a complete failure. Their alliance has already lost 40000 troops to supply attrition. The power of Bohemia has waned in the past year."
Page - "Sirs! Sirs! A special delivery straight from France!"
Chadsworth - "Give it here. 'Oh glorious day! Here is your 25 ducats for we have beaten the savoyians into submission! They have trembled before our combined might. Our Anglo/French alliance is surely the grandest thing ever. Yay, Love France."
Jones - "Sir, are you okay."
Chadsworth - *tick* *twitch* *tick*
Jones - "Uh oh, I think the French have broken chadsworth. Page, go get the doctor."
December 1493, London
Jones - "How is he doing Doctor Dunhill?"
Dunhill - "He's getting better. He just needs a while off from any talk of the French or important policy matters."
Jones - "So I can't tell him that we have declined an invitation from the French to join in a war against Aragon?"
Dunhill - "Any mention of the French for the next 3 yars could send him off the deep end forever. He needs to recuperate."
Jones - "Hmm, I guess I can finally start spending money on trade for once."
January 1st 1497, London
Chadsworths first day back and he's feeling better than ever.
Jones - "It's so good to be working with you again sir."
Chadsworth - "I feel fantastic Jones. Just don't mention the F-word around me otherwise I might have to go have a liedown."
Jones - "Will do sir. On some positive news we have a young man here who says that he would like to explore the white parts we have on all these maps."
Chadsworth - "Who is this fellow?"
Jones - "John Cabot, sir."
Chadsworth - "Sounds Genoan, I don't trust him. Send him away."
Jones - "Uh...well about that sir...Henry VII insists. He even sent a note. Cabot apparently has a grant that basically says
with full and free authoritie, leave, and power, to sayle to all partes, countreys, a see as, of the East, of the West, and of the North, under our banners and ensignes, with five ships ... and as many mariners or men as they will have in saide ships, upon their own proper costes and charges, to seeke out, discover, and finde, whatsoever iles, countreyes, regions or provinces of the heathen and infidelles, whatsoever they bee, and in what part of the world soever they be, whiche before this time have beene unknowen to all Christians."
Chadsworth - "I miss Henry the fifth. He was only one of those kings worth anything at all. Very well, send him off."
Jones - "While you were away, Bohemia lost a big war, and I saw an opportunity to join in their alliance with Wurzburg. I hope we be able to vassalize them both in time."
Chadsworth - "At least you've been keeping busy." On that note, Helga got a bun in the oven yet?"
Jones - "Actually we've had 2 children already sir. Jones Jr. and Jonesetta."
Chadsworth - "Why congratulations Jones, I didn't know you had it you."
Jones - "Thanks, I guess."
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My initial discoveries of america included Mic Mac and Placentia. North american colonizing time has begun. These years were quiet, colonizing, improving relations with wurzburg and bohemia, and failing a few times.
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January 1503, london.
Jones- "we had an exceptional year last year sir. We made 100 ducats more than anticipated, and all lingering fears of inflation have dissiapted."
Chadsworth - "That's fantastic. Much better than those two peasant revolts we had in the previous 2 years. Why were they revolting anyway? We're the most open minded country in Western europe. If we muscowian we would have slapped the lot of them in chains, and never heard from them again."
Jones - "Sometimes it doesn't matter sir. Bad things just happen. On another note, I think if we increase our military budget to full maintenance and then ask Wurzburg to become our vassals, they might say yes."
Chadsworth - "But that's just stupid."
Jones - "Stupid maybe, but its so stupid, it just might work."
Chadsworth - "Whatever, Jones. We've tried everything else, why not this?"
July 1503, London
Jones - "The Wurzburgians accepted sir! They are now our vassals! We're are most definetly getting there.!"
Chadsworth - "About bloody time. Colonization of north america is fun, but ever since we sent Cabot off that second time he never came back. Maybe we should have had someone look into that?"
Jones - "Probably be better if we didn't sir. You know, let sleeping dogs lie and all that."