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Chadsworth needs to take dancing lessons, and I know how to make him. Provide tea down at the dancing hall. Man, that teacher is so ugly I wouldn't go without bribery either. And with Chadsworth there I am not sure I want to go now. Can't risk him getting a little zealous after dancing with the ladies.
That is one quite impressive Tibet you have there. 
I don't think I've seen one like that before.
I don't think I've seen one like that before.
About 20 provinces left to capture and over a 100 years. About 1 every 5 years. Must be doable. Even without getting high BB.
Excellent work with the Chinese. One does wonder where all those troops come from.
Oh and I take my tea black.
Oh and I take my tea black.
Duke of Wellington: Having to ferry all of my troops over from India was the most annoying part. I still have 5 more provinces left to take from China. I hope I can get them all in one war but I doubt it. As for a Glut of tea, Chadsworth can't even concieve of that.
stnylan: His mother didn't love him enough as a child.
Ciçatrix:Yes it is. Considering how all over the place they are I'm really suprised Austria hasn't turned around and smacked them around. Although I think Austria is still concentrating on me for some reason.
Iche_Bins: Just a warning, if you invite Chadsworth to go clubbing, bring a helmet.
J. Passepartout: He'd check the place out for the free tea, but he's fairly confident in dancing abilities.
Snake IV: Assam had taken a few provinces some time back and then Tibet diploannexed them. Tibet really hasn't been involved in many wars.
FlorisDeVijfde: I'm pretty certain I'll finish the tea route, it's converting them all to protestant in time that I worry about. I might not make that.
stickman: I think they've been saving up all those troops for a long time. It seems like no one ever goes to war in my game. I can't remember the last time France went to war against a non pagan nation.
stnylan: His mother didn't love him enough as a child.
Ciçatrix:Yes it is. Considering how all over the place they are I'm really suprised Austria hasn't turned around and smacked them around. Although I think Austria is still concentrating on me for some reason.
Iche_Bins: Just a warning, if you invite Chadsworth to go clubbing, bring a helmet.
J. Passepartout: He'd check the place out for the free tea, but he's fairly confident in dancing abilities.
Snake IV: Assam had taken a few provinces some time back and then Tibet diploannexed them. Tibet really hasn't been involved in many wars.
FlorisDeVijfde: I'm pretty certain I'll finish the tea route, it's converting them all to protestant in time that I worry about. I might not make that.
stickman: I think they've been saving up all those troops for a long time. It seems like no one ever goes to war in my game. I can't remember the last time France went to war against a non pagan nation.
:rofl: Another star-spangled update! Ooops, sorry that wasn't very patriotic, was it? Ahem, I meant to say "Long live the British Empire, in which the tea never stops flowing and the sun only sets once a day!"
Farquharson: Thanks.
An update will be forthcoming later today covering the period from 1703-1720. Hopefully people will like it.
An update will be forthcoming later today covering the period from 1703-1720. Hopefully people will like it.
Duke of Wellington: Thanks.
Chapter 21: Each ticking of the clock thuds like a drum.
Jones - “John Methuen. Do you remember him?”
Chadsworth - “Didn’t he use to work for us?”
Jones - “He still does sir. He has actually been in Portugal for the last several years working with the Portuguese. He has apparently convinced the Portuguese to be our vassals.”
Chadsworth - “Really? Did we put him up to this?”
Jones - “Actually no, as I recall the conversation went like this, you said, ‘That Methuen guy, he really gets on my nerves, always showing off his knowledge of royal bloodlines. I want to exile him.’ and I said, ‘Well we could always make him our envoy to Portugal. That position just opened up.’ And you said, ‘Yeah lets do that.’”
Chadsworth - “That worked out for the best then. Is there any downside to this agreement?”
Jones - “We have to import a lot of Port wine from Portugal.”
Chadsworth - “Is it any good?”
Jones - “The general consensus amongst sailors is ‘It’ll get you drunk!’”
Chadsworth - “Works for me.”
September 1707, Wales
A few peasants are working a field while engaging in a vigorous debate.
Card -”Well obviously we as peasants have the best lot of all peasants in the world. But the way I see it, we don’t have the same rights as Nobles. That is unfair.”
Flax- “Equality? That’s crazy. The way I see it, we have too many rights. Us peasants need to be taken down a peg or two. Do you realize that just last week I went to sell some carrots at the market, and my rights weren’t impinged in any way? We need to get back to our roots and be more like the peasants over in Russia. They now how to be peasants.”
Pitmann - “Well either way we can all agree the current system where we peasants have plenty of rights, yet the nobles retain tremendous privilege works for no one?”
Card - “That’s true, I’d rather be completely oppressed than have to deal with the current situation.”
Flax - “Same here, I’d much rather have a fair shake in court against a noble then how we do it now.”
Pitmann - “Then it is settled. We start a rebellion.”
Flax - “Cor!”
Back in London
Jones - “The peasantry has arisen in open revolt sir. Three rebel armies have popped up, one in Wales, one in Sacramento and one in Tabriz.”
Chadsworth - “These peasants and these nobles, no matter what, they are never happy. Don’t think I won’t give rise to a middle class just to spite them! I’ll do it!”
Jones - “I don’t even know how that applies here. Why you think it would apply here, I simply cannot fathom.”
Chadsworth - “You wouldn’t understand. It’s my private pain.”
Jones - “I thought hemorrhoids were your private pain.”
Chadsworth - “Technically true but what I’m trying to say is that no matter what policy decisions I make, no one seems to be happy. That is my private pain. Having to deal with people.”
Jones - “I see. Should we send the army to deal your private pain?”
Chadsworth - “What do they know about hemorrhoids?”
Jones - “No sir, I meant to say...hmm...Are you screwing with Me?”
Chadsworth - “I have no idea what you are talking about.”
June 1710, London
Jones - “Wars have once again inflamed the land. Europe has been mostly at peace for a while now, and within the last two weeks that peace has been shattered and every major alliance in Europe outside of our own is now involved in war.”
Chadsworth - “That will sure liven up the newspaper, I can’t wait!”
Jones - “It is somewhat surprising that we aren’t involved in this dustup. We are easily the most hated nation in Europe. We haven’t tried to improve relations with anyone outside of our alliance in ages.”
Chadsworth - “You think they will have drawings of the bloodshed? Perhaps with a few decapitations?”
Jones - “Knowing what sells papers, I’m sure they will sir.”
Chadsworth - “Perhaps I can submit some of my own artwork for their war coverage. Let me show you the latest one I made, it is pretty good.” Chadsworth points to an easel in the corner.
Jones - “Hmm, it’s a bear munching on a sausage while a frog watches in front of a windmill.”
Chadsworth - “It’s good isn’t it?”
Jones - “Umm, so the bear is hungry, and is trying to keep his food from a windmill loving frog?”
Chadsworth - “No, The bear is Russia, and the sausage is Poland, and the frog is France and the windmill is Dutchland.”
Jones - “I see. That is actually moderately witty then. So, who did your ghost writing?”
Chadsworth - “Most of the core ideas were mine, but I had a little inspiration from the kitchen staff.”
Jones - “I see, what kind of inspiration did they give you?”
Chadsworth - “Well I wanted to draw a bear eating a sausage, so I went to the kitchen to observe sausage in its natural environment. And the cooks suggested a few changes, and now I have what you see here!”
Jones - “The papers will probably take it sir. I only have one suggestion, the frog should be saying ‘Ribbit’. Then they’ll definitely take it.”
Chadsworth - “Good idea.”
March 1711, London
Chadsworth - “It’s time we start building level five fortifications along the tea route. How many can we get to start?”
Jones - “We can safely build five at the beginning at a cost of 1350 each, with enough money left over to build a sixth, but then we would be tapped out.”
Chadsworth - “Well we need to do something. Start building those five from Calais to Luxembourg.”
Jones - “Ok sir. Should we start minting more coin to pay for future improvements?”
Chadsworth - “Yes, we shall mint for several years. We have a lot of provinces to go.”
Jones - “What should we put on this batch of coins? The queen is getting a bit long in the tooth. Doesn’t look so good on a coin anymore.”
Chadsworth - “Hmm, I actually have a few coin designs lying around. But I have a favorite...now where did I put them?” Chadsworth wanders over to a cabinet and starts searching the drawers. He pulls out a sheet of paper. “Ah, here we are.”
Chadsworth shows the paper to Jones. It contains two drawings. One labeled ‘Front’ has a giant metal man stepping on fleeing peasants while lighting the countryside on fire with beams from his eyes. The other drawing labeled ‘back’ has a man holding a musket in the air with one hand. The caption on the back says ‘Chadsworth! Or Die!”
Jones - “Should we really be frightening our citizens when we mint money?”
Chadsworth - “I’m not worried, the British need to know that I am the way to salvation.”
Jones - “Umm, sir. Isn’t Jesus the way to salvation?”
Chadsworth - “I meant literal salvation, not spiritual salvation.”
Jones - “But still...”
Chadsworth - “No buts Jones. This will be the coin of the land.”
Jones - “Okay sir.”
January 1713, London
Jones - The Archbishop of Canterbury is here to see you sir, and he appears quite upset.”
A small man enters.
Chadsworth - “So, what can i do for you Archbishop?”
Archbishop - “You have to stop this free minded extravagance that has been going on as of late!”
Chadsworth - “What are you referring to?”
Archbishop - “This practice of holding hands before marriage, it’s terrible! Holding hands leads to other things, and soon you have thousands of bastards running around!”
Chadsworth - “Really I can’t prevent people from holding hands, people are going to do what they want to do.”
Archbishop - “I understand, but don’t agree. Could you at least perhaps be less tolerant of non-protestant ideas?”
Chadsworth - “I’d be more than happy to do that Archbishop.”
Archbishop - “I am pleased. See you in church Jones. And you too Chadsworth. I missed you at service this past weekend.”
Chadsworth - “Uhh, I was going to be there except there was this big thing with Genoa...and I got tied up...”
Archbishop - “I’ll see you this weekend then?”
Chadsworth - “I’ll be sure to be there.”
Archbishop - “Excellent my son.” He then turns and leaves.
Jones - “I’m sure lying to an Archbishop has got to be a sin.”
Chadsworth - “I wasn’t lying. I actually was tied up...”
May 1713, London
Jones - “Austria has reared their ugly head and declared war on us. They bring with them Spain, the Knights and Cataluyna. We of course have Brandenburg, Wurtemburg and Portugal in our alliance.”
Chadsworth - “I knew this day would come again. Good thing we are prepared for this eventuality. Keep our efforts to a minimum. Send our French coast forces into Hessen.”
Jones - “Ok sir. We should also make sure that Spain doesn’t do much damage to Portugal. Personally I’m a big fan of continued large vassal payments from the Portuguese.”
Chadsworth - “Good point. Use our fleets to patrol the waters around Iberia and sink any Spanish ships we come across. Knowing the Spanish they won’t realize they can just walk into Portugal.”
Jones - “I’ll have the ships out to sea by tomorrow sir.”
September 1713, London
Jones - “Austria has once again sent all their troops into Wurzburg. Fortunately we recently completed level 5 fortifications there. Now 125,000 troops are sitting outside an impregnable fortress.”
Chadsworth - “Capital Jones. Capital. How are things progressing elsewhere?”
Jones - “Apparently the Portuguese are taking out 300 years of repressed rage on the Spaniards. Portugal has started cutting a swath across the Spanish empire.”
Chadsworth - “How have our sea efforts against the Spanish been going?”
Jones - “They have been very successful sir. We’ve already stopped a landing in Poitou by chasing off Spanish fleets. We also have won several other naval battles with them.”
Chadsworth - “Good, good.”
A messenger enters. “Sirs I have a very important message for you. Count Chocula is dead. He was found collapsed over a bowl of his favorite breakfast cereal. At first everyone thought he had died of natural causes, but when they noticed his head had swelled up to 3 times his normal size they suspected poison.”
Chadsworth - “Thank you, that will be all.” The messenger leaves. “Count Chocula? He was from Cornwall right?”
Jones - “That is true sir. He is actually descended from a line of Wallachian Counts who came to England many centuries ago. He also had a large stake in the cocoa fields of South America.”
Chadsworth - “I suppose we will have a drop in stability as a result of this.”
Jones - “Of course sir. And I have no idea how I’m going to explain this situation to his dear old mother, Mrs. Frankenberry.”
January 1714, London
Jones - “We have two letters sir, one from Spain and one from Austria.”
Chadsworth - “Give me the Spanish letter first.” Jones hands him the letter. “’We as Spain have reached a crossroads. A Portuguese controlled crossroads. We would rather not have that happen. So here is 275 Ducats, please go away. Spain.’”
Jones - “That’s good news. Here is the Austrian letter.”
Chadsworth - “’Once again we seem to have sent our boys to war against you mean spirited aggressors. Yet we find they can no longer fight. Your supremacy will end some day, yet sadly for Austria today is not the day. We will offer you 325 Ducats for peace. Austria. P.S. What did you do to that fortress in Wurzburg? That thing is impossible to take!’”
Jones - “Excellent sir! We barely had to fight and we make a little bit of money out of the war. All in all a very good thing.”
Chadsworth - “These European wars just don’t excite me anymore. All sound and fury signifying nothing.”
Jones - “Well, if we weren’t so dedicated to our goal, we could have a lot more fun in Europe, but we are already treading a fine line when it comes to international relations. So we pretty much have to toe the line in the rest of the world.”
Chadsworth - “Ah well. Ah well.”
December 1714, London
Jones - “This is strange sir. We have a letter from Persia here. And an accompanying package.”
Chadsworth - “That is weird. Let’s see...’We greatly regret that things have been so strained between us over the last few years. Here is a package of tea to show our appreciation. It is our special blend. Persia.’”
Jones - “It looks interesting.”
Chadsworth - “Fire up the tea set, we have to try some of this.”
Sometime later
Jones - “Is it just me or is this the worst tea you have ever had?”
Chadsworth - “It tastes a lot like horse manure.”
Jones - “I think we have been had by the Persians. This wasn’t a gift, it was an insult.”
Chadsworth - “And even if it wasn’t intentional sending tea this bad is tantamount to a diplomatic insult. They shall pay for this. Prepare the troops, we are going to war.”
Jones - “I’ll have them informed sir.”
January 1715, London
Jones - “The Jacobites are rebelling sir!”
Chadsworth - “Whatever for?”
Jones - “They want a restoration of the Stuart dynasty. James Stuart better known as the ‘old pretender’ has been making attempts to raise Scotland against us and depose our Hannoverian friend, King George.”
Chadsworth - “That is unacceptable. Intolerable. I chose William for a reason, he was a very good ruler. I am not going to grant power back to the Stuarts. They almost ran this great land into the ground.”
Jones - “So we should smash their rebellion attempts and quell any further uprisings?”
Chadsworth - “You understand. We are to close to the goal and the time is too dear to have to deal with petty rebellions. We are all British here. That is what is important.”
Jones - “In a bit of good news sir, a center of trade has opened up in Table.”
Chadsworth - “That is good news.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In March of 1715 my inquisition in Isfahan was successful. One giant Muslim province down, more to go.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
October 1716, London
Jones - “Persia has accepted our peace offer. Nuyassabin goes to Brandenburg, and Fars and Hormuz to us.”
Chadsworth - “Finally, we are done with the Persians. I am so sick of the wars with them. They don’t change any of their tactics. They don’t even try to stop us from overrunning their territory. It hasn’t been any fun since the first one.”
Jones - “Well isn’t it better if these countries stay beaten down?”
Chadsworth - “Not really, we never get into any of those defensive wars I keep hearing about. Everyone just shies away from the might of the British empire.”
Jones - “That could be because we haven’t lost a war in about 200 years.”
Chadsworth - “I guess. I think it is some sort of international conspiracy. The international community knows I love to go to war, but will they fight me? Nooooo.”
Jones - “I disagree, I strongly think it’s all the butt kicking we’ve been doing. There is no international conspiracy.”
Chadsworth - “That’s like saying their is no Illuminati!”
Jones - “But their isn’t an Illuminati.”
Chadsworth - “I know for a fact their is an Illuminati! I was a founding member of the London chapter!”
Jones - “Wait, What? You’re a member of the Illuminati?”
Chadsworth - “I shouldn’t have said that...they’re probably listening. I hope I don’t get upbraided at the next meeting.”
Jones - “How in the world did you keep that a secret from me? You’re horrible at keeping secrets! Last year when Helga was planning a surprise party for me, every time you looked at me you started giggling.”
Chadsworth - “Well, that’s because it wouldn’t be a Secret society if everyone knew about it.”
Jones - “But I’m your closest friend and confidant!”
Chadsworth - “I tried to get you in, but they said no. They said you weren’t dastardly enough.”
Jones - “You ever have one of those days where your entire world view comes crashing down around you? I think I’m having one of those days now.”
Chadsworth - “Nope, my world view is pretty much intact. I’m pretty sure it is impenetrable.”
January 1720, London
Chadsworth looks down over his large scale model of the world. All along the tea route massive fortification models are everywhere. Except in a few places in eastern Europe and where in the middle east conversion attempts are on going. Badboy is high and there are many territories left to go in order to connect London to Nanching. He doesn’t fret though. He’s too busy playing soldiers with a Swedish soldier and a Russian soldier. It looks like the Swedish soldier is going to win this round. The sounds of ‘Pchew! Pchew!’ can be heard over the rising hiss of steam coming from the tea pot. It’s almost time for some more tea.
Middle East/ income
North America
Military tech
Naval tech
Religion
Chapter 21: Each ticking of the clock thuds like a drum.
Jones - “John Methuen. Do you remember him?”
Chadsworth - “Didn’t he use to work for us?”
Jones - “He still does sir. He has actually been in Portugal for the last several years working with the Portuguese. He has apparently convinced the Portuguese to be our vassals.”
Chadsworth - “Really? Did we put him up to this?”
Jones - “Actually no, as I recall the conversation went like this, you said, ‘That Methuen guy, he really gets on my nerves, always showing off his knowledge of royal bloodlines. I want to exile him.’ and I said, ‘Well we could always make him our envoy to Portugal. That position just opened up.’ And you said, ‘Yeah lets do that.’”
Chadsworth - “That worked out for the best then. Is there any downside to this agreement?”
Jones - “We have to import a lot of Port wine from Portugal.”
Chadsworth - “Is it any good?”
Jones - “The general consensus amongst sailors is ‘It’ll get you drunk!’”
Chadsworth - “Works for me.”
September 1707, Wales
A few peasants are working a field while engaging in a vigorous debate.
Card -”Well obviously we as peasants have the best lot of all peasants in the world. But the way I see it, we don’t have the same rights as Nobles. That is unfair.”
Flax- “Equality? That’s crazy. The way I see it, we have too many rights. Us peasants need to be taken down a peg or two. Do you realize that just last week I went to sell some carrots at the market, and my rights weren’t impinged in any way? We need to get back to our roots and be more like the peasants over in Russia. They now how to be peasants.”
Pitmann - “Well either way we can all agree the current system where we peasants have plenty of rights, yet the nobles retain tremendous privilege works for no one?”
Card - “That’s true, I’d rather be completely oppressed than have to deal with the current situation.”
Flax - “Same here, I’d much rather have a fair shake in court against a noble then how we do it now.”
Pitmann - “Then it is settled. We start a rebellion.”
Flax - “Cor!”
Back in London
Jones - “The peasantry has arisen in open revolt sir. Three rebel armies have popped up, one in Wales, one in Sacramento and one in Tabriz.”
Chadsworth - “These peasants and these nobles, no matter what, they are never happy. Don’t think I won’t give rise to a middle class just to spite them! I’ll do it!”
Jones - “I don’t even know how that applies here. Why you think it would apply here, I simply cannot fathom.”
Chadsworth - “You wouldn’t understand. It’s my private pain.”
Jones - “I thought hemorrhoids were your private pain.”
Chadsworth - “Technically true but what I’m trying to say is that no matter what policy decisions I make, no one seems to be happy. That is my private pain. Having to deal with people.”
Jones - “I see. Should we send the army to deal your private pain?”
Chadsworth - “What do they know about hemorrhoids?”
Jones - “No sir, I meant to say...hmm...Are you screwing with Me?”
Chadsworth - “I have no idea what you are talking about.”
June 1710, London
Jones - “Wars have once again inflamed the land. Europe has been mostly at peace for a while now, and within the last two weeks that peace has been shattered and every major alliance in Europe outside of our own is now involved in war.”
Chadsworth - “That will sure liven up the newspaper, I can’t wait!”
Jones - “It is somewhat surprising that we aren’t involved in this dustup. We are easily the most hated nation in Europe. We haven’t tried to improve relations with anyone outside of our alliance in ages.”
Chadsworth - “You think they will have drawings of the bloodshed? Perhaps with a few decapitations?”
Jones - “Knowing what sells papers, I’m sure they will sir.”
Chadsworth - “Perhaps I can submit some of my own artwork for their war coverage. Let me show you the latest one I made, it is pretty good.” Chadsworth points to an easel in the corner.
Jones - “Hmm, it’s a bear munching on a sausage while a frog watches in front of a windmill.”
Chadsworth - “It’s good isn’t it?”
Jones - “Umm, so the bear is hungry, and is trying to keep his food from a windmill loving frog?”
Chadsworth - “No, The bear is Russia, and the sausage is Poland, and the frog is France and the windmill is Dutchland.”
Jones - “I see. That is actually moderately witty then. So, who did your ghost writing?”
Chadsworth - “Most of the core ideas were mine, but I had a little inspiration from the kitchen staff.”
Jones - “I see, what kind of inspiration did they give you?”
Chadsworth - “Well I wanted to draw a bear eating a sausage, so I went to the kitchen to observe sausage in its natural environment. And the cooks suggested a few changes, and now I have what you see here!”
Jones - “The papers will probably take it sir. I only have one suggestion, the frog should be saying ‘Ribbit’. Then they’ll definitely take it.”
Chadsworth - “Good idea.”
March 1711, London
Chadsworth - “It’s time we start building level five fortifications along the tea route. How many can we get to start?”
Jones - “We can safely build five at the beginning at a cost of 1350 each, with enough money left over to build a sixth, but then we would be tapped out.”
Chadsworth - “Well we need to do something. Start building those five from Calais to Luxembourg.”
Jones - “Ok sir. Should we start minting more coin to pay for future improvements?”
Chadsworth - “Yes, we shall mint for several years. We have a lot of provinces to go.”
Jones - “What should we put on this batch of coins? The queen is getting a bit long in the tooth. Doesn’t look so good on a coin anymore.”
Chadsworth - “Hmm, I actually have a few coin designs lying around. But I have a favorite...now where did I put them?” Chadsworth wanders over to a cabinet and starts searching the drawers. He pulls out a sheet of paper. “Ah, here we are.”
Chadsworth shows the paper to Jones. It contains two drawings. One labeled ‘Front’ has a giant metal man stepping on fleeing peasants while lighting the countryside on fire with beams from his eyes. The other drawing labeled ‘back’ has a man holding a musket in the air with one hand. The caption on the back says ‘Chadsworth! Or Die!”
Jones - “Should we really be frightening our citizens when we mint money?”
Chadsworth - “I’m not worried, the British need to know that I am the way to salvation.”
Jones - “Umm, sir. Isn’t Jesus the way to salvation?”
Chadsworth - “I meant literal salvation, not spiritual salvation.”
Jones - “But still...”
Chadsworth - “No buts Jones. This will be the coin of the land.”
Jones - “Okay sir.”
January 1713, London
Jones - The Archbishop of Canterbury is here to see you sir, and he appears quite upset.”
A small man enters.
Chadsworth - “So, what can i do for you Archbishop?”
Archbishop - “You have to stop this free minded extravagance that has been going on as of late!”
Chadsworth - “What are you referring to?”
Archbishop - “This practice of holding hands before marriage, it’s terrible! Holding hands leads to other things, and soon you have thousands of bastards running around!”
Chadsworth - “Really I can’t prevent people from holding hands, people are going to do what they want to do.”
Archbishop - “I understand, but don’t agree. Could you at least perhaps be less tolerant of non-protestant ideas?”
Chadsworth - “I’d be more than happy to do that Archbishop.”
Archbishop - “I am pleased. See you in church Jones. And you too Chadsworth. I missed you at service this past weekend.”
Chadsworth - “Uhh, I was going to be there except there was this big thing with Genoa...and I got tied up...”
Archbishop - “I’ll see you this weekend then?”
Chadsworth - “I’ll be sure to be there.”
Archbishop - “Excellent my son.” He then turns and leaves.
Jones - “I’m sure lying to an Archbishop has got to be a sin.”
Chadsworth - “I wasn’t lying. I actually was tied up...”
May 1713, London
Jones - “Austria has reared their ugly head and declared war on us. They bring with them Spain, the Knights and Cataluyna. We of course have Brandenburg, Wurtemburg and Portugal in our alliance.”
Chadsworth - “I knew this day would come again. Good thing we are prepared for this eventuality. Keep our efforts to a minimum. Send our French coast forces into Hessen.”
Jones - “Ok sir. We should also make sure that Spain doesn’t do much damage to Portugal. Personally I’m a big fan of continued large vassal payments from the Portuguese.”
Chadsworth - “Good point. Use our fleets to patrol the waters around Iberia and sink any Spanish ships we come across. Knowing the Spanish they won’t realize they can just walk into Portugal.”
Jones - “I’ll have the ships out to sea by tomorrow sir.”
September 1713, London
Jones - “Austria has once again sent all their troops into Wurzburg. Fortunately we recently completed level 5 fortifications there. Now 125,000 troops are sitting outside an impregnable fortress.”
Chadsworth - “Capital Jones. Capital. How are things progressing elsewhere?”
Jones - “Apparently the Portuguese are taking out 300 years of repressed rage on the Spaniards. Portugal has started cutting a swath across the Spanish empire.”
Chadsworth - “How have our sea efforts against the Spanish been going?”
Jones - “They have been very successful sir. We’ve already stopped a landing in Poitou by chasing off Spanish fleets. We also have won several other naval battles with them.”
Chadsworth - “Good, good.”
A messenger enters. “Sirs I have a very important message for you. Count Chocula is dead. He was found collapsed over a bowl of his favorite breakfast cereal. At first everyone thought he had died of natural causes, but when they noticed his head had swelled up to 3 times his normal size they suspected poison.”
Chadsworth - “Thank you, that will be all.” The messenger leaves. “Count Chocula? He was from Cornwall right?”
Jones - “That is true sir. He is actually descended from a line of Wallachian Counts who came to England many centuries ago. He also had a large stake in the cocoa fields of South America.”
Chadsworth - “I suppose we will have a drop in stability as a result of this.”
Jones - “Of course sir. And I have no idea how I’m going to explain this situation to his dear old mother, Mrs. Frankenberry.”
January 1714, London
Jones - “We have two letters sir, one from Spain and one from Austria.”
Chadsworth - “Give me the Spanish letter first.” Jones hands him the letter. “’We as Spain have reached a crossroads. A Portuguese controlled crossroads. We would rather not have that happen. So here is 275 Ducats, please go away. Spain.’”
Jones - “That’s good news. Here is the Austrian letter.”
Chadsworth - “’Once again we seem to have sent our boys to war against you mean spirited aggressors. Yet we find they can no longer fight. Your supremacy will end some day, yet sadly for Austria today is not the day. We will offer you 325 Ducats for peace. Austria. P.S. What did you do to that fortress in Wurzburg? That thing is impossible to take!’”
Jones - “Excellent sir! We barely had to fight and we make a little bit of money out of the war. All in all a very good thing.”
Chadsworth - “These European wars just don’t excite me anymore. All sound and fury signifying nothing.”
Jones - “Well, if we weren’t so dedicated to our goal, we could have a lot more fun in Europe, but we are already treading a fine line when it comes to international relations. So we pretty much have to toe the line in the rest of the world.”
Chadsworth - “Ah well. Ah well.”
December 1714, London
Jones - “This is strange sir. We have a letter from Persia here. And an accompanying package.”
Chadsworth - “That is weird. Let’s see...’We greatly regret that things have been so strained between us over the last few years. Here is a package of tea to show our appreciation. It is our special blend. Persia.’”
Jones - “It looks interesting.”
Chadsworth - “Fire up the tea set, we have to try some of this.”
Sometime later
Jones - “Is it just me or is this the worst tea you have ever had?”
Chadsworth - “It tastes a lot like horse manure.”
Jones - “I think we have been had by the Persians. This wasn’t a gift, it was an insult.”
Chadsworth - “And even if it wasn’t intentional sending tea this bad is tantamount to a diplomatic insult. They shall pay for this. Prepare the troops, we are going to war.”
Jones - “I’ll have them informed sir.”
January 1715, London
Jones - “The Jacobites are rebelling sir!”
Chadsworth - “Whatever for?”
Jones - “They want a restoration of the Stuart dynasty. James Stuart better known as the ‘old pretender’ has been making attempts to raise Scotland against us and depose our Hannoverian friend, King George.”
Chadsworth - “That is unacceptable. Intolerable. I chose William for a reason, he was a very good ruler. I am not going to grant power back to the Stuarts. They almost ran this great land into the ground.”
Jones - “So we should smash their rebellion attempts and quell any further uprisings?”
Chadsworth - “You understand. We are to close to the goal and the time is too dear to have to deal with petty rebellions. We are all British here. That is what is important.”
Jones - “In a bit of good news sir, a center of trade has opened up in Table.”
Chadsworth - “That is good news.”
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In March of 1715 my inquisition in Isfahan was successful. One giant Muslim province down, more to go.
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October 1716, London
Jones - “Persia has accepted our peace offer. Nuyassabin goes to Brandenburg, and Fars and Hormuz to us.”
Chadsworth - “Finally, we are done with the Persians. I am so sick of the wars with them. They don’t change any of their tactics. They don’t even try to stop us from overrunning their territory. It hasn’t been any fun since the first one.”
Jones - “Well isn’t it better if these countries stay beaten down?”
Chadsworth - “Not really, we never get into any of those defensive wars I keep hearing about. Everyone just shies away from the might of the British empire.”
Jones - “That could be because we haven’t lost a war in about 200 years.”
Chadsworth - “I guess. I think it is some sort of international conspiracy. The international community knows I love to go to war, but will they fight me? Nooooo.”
Jones - “I disagree, I strongly think it’s all the butt kicking we’ve been doing. There is no international conspiracy.”
Chadsworth - “That’s like saying their is no Illuminati!”
Jones - “But their isn’t an Illuminati.”
Chadsworth - “I know for a fact their is an Illuminati! I was a founding member of the London chapter!”
Jones - “Wait, What? You’re a member of the Illuminati?”
Chadsworth - “I shouldn’t have said that...they’re probably listening. I hope I don’t get upbraided at the next meeting.”
Jones - “How in the world did you keep that a secret from me? You’re horrible at keeping secrets! Last year when Helga was planning a surprise party for me, every time you looked at me you started giggling.”
Chadsworth - “Well, that’s because it wouldn’t be a Secret society if everyone knew about it.”
Jones - “But I’m your closest friend and confidant!”
Chadsworth - “I tried to get you in, but they said no. They said you weren’t dastardly enough.”
Jones - “You ever have one of those days where your entire world view comes crashing down around you? I think I’m having one of those days now.”
Chadsworth - “Nope, my world view is pretty much intact. I’m pretty sure it is impenetrable.”
January 1720, London
Chadsworth looks down over his large scale model of the world. All along the tea route massive fortification models are everywhere. Except in a few places in eastern Europe and where in the middle east conversion attempts are on going. Badboy is high and there are many territories left to go in order to connect London to Nanching. He doesn’t fret though. He’s too busy playing soldiers with a Swedish soldier and a Russian soldier. It looks like the Swedish soldier is going to win this round. The sounds of ‘Pchew! Pchew!’ can be heard over the rising hiss of steam coming from the tea pot. It’s almost time for some more tea.
Middle East/ income
North America
Military tech
Naval tech
Religion
If anything will get the tea route completed I'm sure it will be Chadsworth's impenetrable world view!
I also liked Count Chocula and his "large stake in the cocoa field sof South America", and the Spanish who "won’t realize they can just walk into Portugal". Great update!
:rofl:
Great update , like allways!
How abaout some nativebeating?
And the french probably have some nice colonies in NA, maybe you should take them...
I don't think I quite realised how large a swathe of North American the French have managed to get.
Talkingdonkey said:
Terrific writing Talkingdonkey.
Congrats on the awaards. Well deserved.
Duke of Wellington: Thanks. Considering how many misionaries I send out, some of them are bound to work.
Farquharson:Thanks. He hasn't been stopped yet. And hopefully that time will never come. The real test is the fact that 2 countries will have to be force annexed. Jodhpur and Bengal. Both requiring 2 wars each. Here is hoping someone trims them down to size before I get to them.
J. Passepartout: All he ever wanted was to to munch on his delicious chocolate flavored marshmallows in peace.
Ciçatrix: Thank you. I wanted to actually make a drawing of the situation, but then I realized that I have absolutely no artistic talent whatsoever. So I scratched that plan.
Iche_Bins: Thanks. They're aren't many natives left actually. The Cherokee and the Huron. If I ever get a random CB against them, sure, but I haven't seen one yet.
stnylan: That's mostly a new thing, they love fighting wars in north america and colonizing there. It seems to be about all France ever does nowadays.
stickman: Thank you.
Thanks for voting me favorite EU 2 comedy AAR for Q1, I really appreciate it. Also thank you for making Chadsworth your favorite character in an AAR. I have completed playing the next section. It will range from 1720-1733. I hope to have the AAR for it ready this weekend, but don't hold your breath. I don't want you to die.
Farquharson:Thanks. He hasn't been stopped yet. And hopefully that time will never come. The real test is the fact that 2 countries will have to be force annexed. Jodhpur and Bengal. Both requiring 2 wars each. Here is hoping someone trims them down to size before I get to them.
J. Passepartout: All he ever wanted was to to munch on his delicious chocolate flavored marshmallows in peace.
Ciçatrix: Thank you. I wanted to actually make a drawing of the situation, but then I realized that I have absolutely no artistic talent whatsoever. So I scratched that plan.
Iche_Bins: Thanks. They're aren't many natives left actually. The Cherokee and the Huron. If I ever get a random CB against them, sure, but I haven't seen one yet.
stnylan: That's mostly a new thing, they love fighting wars in north america and colonizing there. It seems to be about all France ever does nowadays.
stickman: Thank you.
Thanks for voting me favorite EU 2 comedy AAR for Q1, I really appreciate it. Also thank you for making Chadsworth your favorite character in an AAR. I have completed playing the next section. It will range from 1720-1733. I hope to have the AAR for it ready this weekend, but don't hold your breath. I don't want you to die.
Who need a cb against a native?
just take you what you want, thats what they are there for
just take you what you want, thats what they are there for