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    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

Grauuu

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Last Update - 30th of December, 2013


Prologue: In August 1919, the opportunistic and quite good looking Emir of Jebel Shammar, Saud ibn Abdul Aziz Al Rashid (lovingly referred to as Azuzi by his sentient black shadow, Black Shadow) could look back at the previous five years with great pride. He had expanded rapidly, from controlling just a poor desert land to taking down his biggest rival, Abdul-Aziz ibn Abdul-Rahman Al Saud, the Emir of Nejd. It was from this seat of power Azuzi bravely confronted the crumbling Ottoman Empire, which had lost the Great War not long ago. By his side were his trusty shadow, Black Shadow, and his camel, Camel.
The war did not favour the brave Jebel Shammarians for long, and the conflict soon turned against the Emir and his companions. In desperation, he assembled a team of the most brilliant minds in all of his Emirate and tasked them with a simple task: Invent a working time machine from sand, cactuses and cooking gear.

The plan worked, reversing world history six years, Azuzi and his Jebel Shammarians landed in 1913's Switzerland. Within a year, the people of Switzerland were conquered and enslaved, and the entire state turned into Emir Saud ibn Abdul Aziz Al Rashid's personal realm. Not all is well though, as the time travel caused severe changes to the world as we know it, the magnitude of these not yet known.

It is in this twisted world that Azuzi must rule and from his new seat of power he now seeks world domination. It's...



An Emir's Guide to World Domination
The Tale of Emir Saud ibn Abdul Aziz Al Rashid

Special thanks to Gukpa, who was the one that made this possible by patiently waiting six months for this, and not letting me give up.

In case you're confused, this AAR is a follow-up to this old AAR of mine. If you can't be bothered to go through ten pages of typos, bad jokes and quite terrible writing, and I don't blame you, then just know that some silly stuff happened and Azuzi is cool.

Chapter One
A new Europe, a new Jebel Shammar and a new Great War on the horizon

Emir Saud ibn Abdul Aziz Al Rashid sat in his brand new palace in Bern.
What a truly magnificent place he had found himself to be the ruler of. Or forced himself on.
With mountains plentiful, a subjugated population and absolute control, the Emir found himself in heaven.

A sudden knock on the door drew the Emir's attention. "Enter!" Boomed his voice, as his shadow entered the room, carrying what appeared to be several documents.
"Azuzi, I-"
"Ahem!" Interrupted the Emir. "Remember my new title."
"Eh, right... Honoured Overlord of the Subjugated Heathens of Switzerland, Time Travelling Genius and..."
"And...?" He looked at his shadow intensely.
The black shadow sighed. "And Emir of all Shadows, Camels and People on Earth."
"Much better!" The Emir clapped his hands approvingly. "Though you really need to learn the whole thing without any pauses, Black Shadow. This won't do when I become the actual ruler of the planet."
"I understand, but I came for a different reason... You wanted to prepare for the coming Great War?" The shadow tapped the documents with his finger.
"Ah, yes! You brought the maps? I love maps!"
Black Shadow nodded, placing a map in front of him.



"Ahh! Jebel Shammar!" exclaimed Azuzi.
"Switze- I mean, yes. Jebel Shammar." The shadow cleared his throat. "As you can see, our industry is very respectable for our size, due to our enslavement of the Swiss people. However, our standing army, or should I say lack thereof? It just doesn't seem ready for the Great War"
The Emir nodded slowly. "We just need to arm the people. Begin the creation of several divisions at once!"
"Very good, Azuzi." The shadow continued. "Now, as you're aware, our time travel had some... consequences... We've been able to pinpoint quite a lot of them." He brought out several pictures.




The Emir instantly filled with rage. "THAT BASTARD! SPINELESS COWARD! He proceeded to stare intently at the pictures, as the shadow cautiously carried on.
"Y-yes, it seems several clone Abdul-Aziz ibn Abdul-Rahman Al Saud's-" Azuzi's eye twitched. "- have been spread around Europe. We don't know how many there are, but we're constantly finding more. We estimate there could be thousands, but we're not sure."
The Emir said nothing, still staring at the pictures of Abdul-Aziz ibn Abdul-Rahman Al Saud.
"Azuzi? Are you there?" In lack of a response, Black Shadow pulled out more pictures.



"These are some of the... weirder effects. The German Royal Family has apparently been turned into sheep, the Russian Tsar is a cactus and the Austrian Emperor... He's a monster truck."
Emir Saud ibn Abdul Aziz Al Rashid looked on silently. He knew this could be troublesome for him. A monster truck, would you believe it?! He finally broke the silence. "Can we talk about something else? My head hurts."
His shadow nodded in relief. "As you know, you've handed out government posts to your closest advisors... That is yourself, me and Camel."
"That's right. I need a team I can trust!"
"Yes," continued Black Shadow. "But are you sure on your decision of Camel as foreign minister? I mean... he's a camel."
"I have utmost trust in Camel, Shadow." The Emir said defiantly. "I'll hear no more of this!"
The shadow sighed. "As you wish, Azuzi..."



"By the way, are we ready for my great technological breakthrough plan?" Azuzi looked at his shadow intently.
"Indeed, my Emir! We've created several technological teams for research, you should have a look."



"Hrmm... Yes. Focus on military technology. We must build up immediately! New Infantry, Artillery. New doctrines!" The Emir's arms flew about as he gave the orders.
"Certainly, Azuzi. I'll get right on it." The black shadow gathered up his papers and headed for the door.
"Oh, and Black Shadow?"
"Yes, Azuzi?"
"Try and learn that title of mine."
The shadow nodded and left the room.
 

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Kaiser_Mobius

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Oh my god this is priceless! And so random! The Saudi's rule all of Europe, Russia is ruled by a fraking cactus, and Austria-Hungary is now under the rule of a monster truck!?!?!?!

More!
 

Gukpa

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OH MY GOD! BEGINS! I THINK MY HEART WILL EXPLODE! IS SO AWESOME! YAHOOOO!!!Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

 
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unmerged(271387)

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This is awesome.Will be following!
 

Duke of Awesome

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I god damn lost it when you said the Austrian emperor was a monster truck. This is amazing.
 

Asalto

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It's so nice to see that continuing in DH! And my land is ruled by monster truck, how cool is that?
 

Miihkali

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There aren't too many plain crazy world conquest AARs for DH. Great to have one!
 

Milites

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Everything from the skin to the dialogue to the camels to the Emir to Switzerland to Europe under the Saud clones to the comic to the mother****ing monster truck is absolutely beautiful.
 

GulMacet

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The tech teams are awesome! Only some sort of camel breeding association is missing... I'm sure Camel will get right on that! In fact, he might even volunteer. :rolleyes:
 

Gukpa

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My game unexpectedly crashed, so expect the next update some time tomorrow. In the meantime, have a comic.

This made my day YAHOOOOO :D
 

Weserübung

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I was feeling somewhat down tonight - but THIS, I mean THIS ...!!!!

You picked me right up was the core of my message here :)
 

H.Appleby

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And you win AAR writing.
 

whatguts

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I'm reading your old AAR, I really like your sense of humor. Some have it, some don't