An Andrew McIntosh's Writing Appreciation Thread

[Kereminde]

Mainly it's that the characters each only have one note. Victoria is fanatical. Ostergaard is angry. Kamea heroically suffers for her people. Alexander is loyal. This feels deliberate, and is what I mean about bad decisions made about the direction of the story. Just because it's a sci-fi video game it doesn't mean the audience can't handle it.

It's . . . harder than that, I mean there's other notes involved in the songs of their lives. But these notes do come out so strong it's like Geddy Lee's voice - you really get sucked in by one thing, often, and don't notice the rest.

Kamea heroically suffers for her people, but she is pushing this war too fast, she is overextending, she wants to finish it quickly and winds up paying for the lack of planning. She isn't comfortable doing this, but she knows it must be done and the longer the war goes on the more she is willing to sacrifice to get to Coromodir with the Founding Houses behind her.

Ostengaard is angry, but he's a man who has nothing left now other than that anger. He is a bitter shell of a man ruined and lashing out, because there is nothing left for him without his pride and joy. Sadly, he is underdeveloped and we don't get a chance to see what's going on here; this is for the best, as it would VASTLY distract from our current predicament.

Victoria is fanatical, or rather she is as loyal as Alexander and just on the wrong side. She is a berserker on the field of battle because she cannot allow herself to lose. She is chasing the sunk cost fallacy, and she deep down knows it. All that keeps her going is the belief it must mean something.

 

[BrianDavion]

While Victoria and Ostergaard had good moments, the problem was the Directorate being completely undeveloped. It's just instant atrocities and war crimes motivated by... Kamea and her father not becoming brutal militaristic dictators out of nowhere. Civil War storylines only work when someone could actually believe in both sides. Since the only thing the Directorate ever did was have it's armed forces kill their comrades, massacre civilians, and establish concentration camps, you can see the problem. Somehow we're supposed to buy Victoria's fanatical devotion to this Strong Vision.

Mainly it's that the characters each only have one note. Victoria is fanatical. Ostergaard is angry. Kamea heroically suffers for her people. Alexander is loyal. This feels deliberate, and is what I mean about bad decisions made about the direction of the story. Just because it's a sci-fi video game it doesn't mean the audience can't handle it.

I'll address the how's and why's of the directorate, because it IS only vaguely noted. but it's noted all the same but is minor eneugh that unless you're thinking right you might miss it.

The CORE of the argument between Kamea and her uncle, was bringing the house guards of the founding houses under the central authority. Now, taking some guesses about the structure of the coalition, based off this (we'll see how close to the mark I am when the sourcebook releases in March) the Coalition is likely a confederation, with a central cordinating body but with each house having considerable autonomy. Esprinosia clearly moved to centralize and moved FAST, but this would have met with resistance, (at the very least from the other houses) hence why he chose the coronation to act. every house would have had high level members, if not their leaders, present for the coronation. To Curry favor, make proposals etc. thus by striking when he did, Esprinosa ensured hostages against the misbehavior of the other houses. When it became clear that others would also resist, well best scoop them up too. this would have necessitated a place to store them, a "gulag". Esprinosa no doubt would have justified quick decisive action in this case by pointing to the troubles of the Warrior's Cabal within the federated suns. Esprinosa only ruled for about 5 years or so (assuming a 2 year main campaign) which isn't very long to bring in major changes, but even then he did seem to make a differance by making life on the capital more comfortable (this furthers the idea of increased centralization as the capital would benifit from this) presumably Esprinosa's long term plan was to strengthen the coaltion to eneugh of a degree that the TC and MOC wouldn't simply annex their worlds when the Inner Sphere finally touched off another series of sucession wars (everyone knew another war was coming it was inevitable) His goal seemed to be a strong secure state that would be seen as a partner to the Taurians and not "a potential coloney"

None of these things are explained in depth, but if you listen carefully it becomes clear.

 

[Havamal]

I won't argue with the opinions or tastes of others as there will always be divergent and numerous, but I will do as the thread title says.

Thank you Andrew.

The story IMHO was excellently done. It is crafted such that it reintroduces the IP well in a war tale that allows an easy access point to many for this first game.
It functions well both superficially in its main thrust and is also able to be taken in detail despite the necessity of the shorter "screenplay". And this tale could have clearly imho hosted even deeper character interactions if only it wasnt limited by the format, which goes to good story arc planning.
I'd like to see it "writ large" one day actually, perhaps the house arano book goes some way towards doing that.
That the Devs of Shadowruns Returns Dragonfall and Hong Kong were able to lay out such a tale on the template of the limited story missions in the tactical game campaign ina way that allows the random to integrate too and that the primary critique from many is it leaves them wanting the kind of details you would see in an RPG length script says a lot of good for it.
It's very hard to get the kinds of details you'd want out of a War and Peace in such a short opportunity that had to drive its narrative in such a mission count so it's hardly surprising when such must be truncated much more than a novelization or RPG game.

With this story and cast as the base line opener to the form I can't wait to see what directions subsequent editions branch out to in their storytelling.

I am absolutely hungry for another new campaign.

Ymmv

 

[BrianDavion]

I feel rather then compare the story in this game to SR Dragonfall, and SR Hong Kong, we should rather be comparing it to past Battletech video games. where it blows them out of the water

 

[Havamal]

I feel rather then compare the story in this game to SR Dragonfall, and SR Hong Kong, we should rather be comparing it to past Battletech video games. where it blows them out of the water

Yep. Rpgs have far more text .Thus more opportunity to work with for a story.

This game did very well for itself so far. Imho.

 

[Stuckenschmidt]

While Victoria and Ostergaard had good moments, the problem was the Directorate being completely undeveloped. It's just instant atrocities and war crimes motivated by... Kamea and her father not becoming brutal militaristic dictators out of nowhere. Civil War storylines only work when someone could actually believe in both sides. Since the only thing the Directorate ever did was have it's armed forces kill their comrades, massacre civilians, and establish concentration camps, you can see the problem. Somehow we're supposed to buy Victoria's fanatical devotion to this Strong Vision.

Mainly it's that the characters each only have one note. Victoria is fanatical. Ostergaard is angry. Kamea heroically suffers for her people. Alexander is loyal. This feels deliberate, and is what I mean about bad decisions made about the direction of the story. Just because it's a sci-fi video game it doesn't mean the audience can't handle it.

Very good post, Deag. Unfortunately there are only cardboard villains and heroes. Nothing, that motivates me to play the Campaign a second time. Fortunately the sandbox is there to keep me playing.

 

[ronhatch]

First of all, and the problem for me above all the others, is there's no branching. There's not even meaningless branches which shift and flow back into the main storyline. This makes the story very linear, and can kill some of the replay value of the Campaign itself. The game? Oh no, Career Mode will have me back and forth a few times. Campaign? I'm not even talking about things like "oh I'd want to work for the Directorate instead" or "I just bug out and go ignore the Restoration entirely". There's no points where a decision must be made, and it affects something. Even so much as "should we drop at night when they won't expect us?" or something similar would have given a branch which may be interesting. But here's another option - what if the story had your heritage actually be the power who backs Kamea into the Restoration movement? Your family is from the Federated Suns? House Davion sends Justin Allard to stir a pot. Deep Periphery? Jaime Wolf has something he wants looked into about supposedly a lost prototype DropShip . . .

I couldn't agree more.

This is why I've been so excited for Flashpoints... from the very moment I simply heard the phrase "branching storyline" associated with it. I do think the Arano campaign is a very well-written monologue, but it is still a monologue. It serves as an excellent introduction to the setting for new players, IMO. Perhaps it could have been less black-and-white to fit the setting better... but personally if I'm going to be working for one particular faction in the storyline, I want it to clearly be the good guys. If you're going with shades of grey, then you'd better give me the right to walk away from all of the factions involved. (This is also why I've never chosen a favorite great house.)

 

[BrianDavion]

I couldn't agree more.

This is why I've been so excited for Flashpoints... from the very moment I simply heard the phrase "branching storyline" associated with it. I do think the Arano campaign is a very well-written monologue, but it is still a monologue. It serves as an excellent introduction to the setting for new players, IMO. Perhaps it could have been less black-and-white to fit the setting better... but personally if I'm going to be working for one particular faction in the storyline, I want it to clearly be the good guys. If you're going with shades of grey, then you'd better give me the right to walk away from all of the factions involved. (This is also why I've never chosen a favorite great house.)

I'd say the level of grey in the campaign fits Battletech JUST FINE you have two sides, one lead by a well intentioned individual whose claim to the throne is legitimate, on the other side you have a mustache twirling usurping bad guy, whose madly persuing power and is happy to do it over the corpses of his entire nation, sure there are justifications built up for them after it, and we're told "ohh yes, some people support them because they belive, somehow, this is simply the legit government" but it's really pretty black and white to any outside observer. I mean... stop me if we've seen this plot AT LEAST twice before.

 

[ThatGuyMontag]

I feel rather then compare the story in this game to SR Dragonfall, and SR Hong Kong, we should rather be comparing it to past Battletech video games. where it blows them out of the water

The thing is that while the overall story doesn't have enough text to compare directly, the character arcs have a similar feel and some similar themes which I think is worth teasing out.

 

[Bishop Steiner]

Those of us who followed the development know that poor Andrew McIntosh, HBS's Lead Writer for Battletech, had the unenviable problem of needing to get his storyline to fit the narrative demands of this game, where the expectation was for the story to take a back seat to the demands of the mission. The result was a story which has to hint at its depths rather than really explore them: I for one would love to learn more about Otto Karosas and what he went through under Directorate imprisonment, or what he was thinking as he betrayed Kamea and I'm on the record as saying Victoria Espinosa is my favourite HBS character, just for the development in that last battle.

I'm currently on mobile procrastinating in a pub, so I can't really go into detail on my own thoughts more broadly than this, but this is a thread to invite all of you fans of HBS's storylines discuss what I think are some very clear themes that have come out of Andrew's writing for HBS. I think referencing previous games is probably going to be important for really getting the best out of this discussion, so please feel free to talk Shadowrun while you're here as well.

I had a small bit of correspondence with Andrew on one of the Flashpoints, and found him eminently open and easy to work and converse with. With all the limitations already in place due to canon lore, and their desire not to step on canon, it does make something of a fine dance. Still, he seems rather concerned with presenting the best story he can, and I am more than delighted with the results of our conversation. Everyone I have dealt with from HBS has been similarly open, and passionate about the IP.

 

[Havamal]

I had a small bit of correspondence with Andrew on one of the Flashpoints, and found him eminently open and easy to work and converse with. With all the limitations already in place due to canon lore, and their desire not to step on canon, it does make something of a fine dance. Still, he seems rather concerned with presenting the best story he can, and I am more than delighted with the results of our conversation. Everyone I have dealt with from HBS has been similarly open, and passionate about the IP.

That's wonderful. Thanks for sharing that Bish'
Agreed.

 

[Bishop Steiner]

That's wonderful. Thanks for sharing that Bish'
Agreed.

I just hope everyone enjoys the Flashpoint as much as I did getting to spitball and theorycraft part of the backstory on it. One of the coolest things ever to see that conversation made digital reality! If I wasn' already an HBS fan for life, this definitely made one.

 

[ThatGuyMontag]

I had a small bit of correspondence with Andrew on one of the Flashpoints, and found him eminently open and easy to work and converse with. With all the limitations already in place due to canon lore, and their desire not to step on canon, it does make something of a fine dance. Still, he seems rather concerned with presenting the best story he can, and I am more than delighted with the results of our conversation. Everyone I have dealt with from HBS has been similarly open, and passionate about the IP.

Man, that is legitimately awesome. Thanks for telling us!

 

[Bishop Steiner]

Man, that is legitimately awesome. Thanks for telling us!

I just dunno how much I am supposed to say, and don't want to take undue credit! (plus don't wanna give spoilers). Andrew still wrote it. I was just a canon fact check/idea guy. But it was prety cool to see my suggestions incorporated! Studios that reach and and use their community, tend to build better games and communities, IMO.