Alternate Ukrainian Madness!

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I'm an inexperienced EU player. I've tried a Grand Scenario, but was baffled by the large number of other states that wanted me to enter into marriages -I am married!- or to take part into shady alliances, or whatever it was they wanted me to do. Along with everything else EU expects me to do, that was too much. So I decided to disregard diplomacy altogether for a while, with foreseeable stabbing-in-the -back effects.

I then thought that it would be nice to start without any diplomatic ties at all, so I could learn to use them slowly. The EU generator seemed perfectly suitable for this, as all states start equally in this game. After a few tries, I set the number of states to about 65, as the game gets boring at lower values: you simply never meet anyone, so it's colonize, colonize, colonize, ad nauseam. I set the number of 'active players' to only four, as the concept of annexing states appealed to the megalomaniac in me. One of the choices was Ukraine, which looked promising. Here is an acount of the rise (and fall?) of alternate Ukraine, located in Kurland. I'll continue if comments are positive, and if I manage to post some maps etc.

Note that most nations in such scenarios end up orange. I will therefore post some additional maps that allow more colours.

We, the power behind the Ukrainian throne, have just had a splendid idea. The year 1492 will mark the end of an era! No longer will our state be confined to one province only. We shall march forth and subject other provinces to our benevolent rule, or any other form of rule, as necessity dictates. We whisper into the king's ear (loudly, he seems somewhat dense) and make him think it's his idea. He agrees, the simpleton (should we have chosen better stock to breed future monarchs?), and we prepare. The map shows only us. I wonder who lives beyond our borders? Never mind, all will go well for us, I'm sure. The only thing that could possibly go wrong is for others to get the same idea, but that is unlikely...

Hahahahaa!!

 

[Mariani]

OOOOH! SNAZZY COLORING MAP!!!

 

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1492-1525

We sent our armies to the four directions of the compass. Along the coast all went well: we encountered simple peasants gaping at our might (although some put up a resistance). We fulfilled our 'mission of civilization' and quickly established some colonies to better their lives. To the south, we encountered pagans speaking in an incomprehensible tongue armed with awfully big swords. They seem to consider themselves 'Nipponese'. We decide to raise some small armies and march forth elsewhere in search of new provinces. Alas, other princes have also thought to broaden their horizons. In the north we meet the Union of Kalmar and in the east, north of the Nipponese, there are Catalunyans. Both are catholics, and are therefore not as bad as pagans, but not much good either. In 1497 Kalmar has an alliance with Prussia (who are they?) and the Catalunyans are allied with Moldavians, another unknown. We still have no idea what the Nipponese are saying, but they certainly seem to dislike everyone. Do they deserve to be in our way?

After 1503, we have decided to form an alliance with Catalunya as well as Kalmar, and they both accepted. We devote our time to developing our trading posts into colonies, and to boldly go and seek out new civilizations. We find Prussians, Moldavians, and people to our south-west called Teutonic Knights. What a silly name! Still, we go on and develop our lands peacefully. By now, there are probably no more provinces left without 'owners', so we will now devote our time to culture and leisure.

However, in 1513, our plans go awry and the unthinkable happens: the %^*@#$ Teutonic Kinghts declare war on us!! No provocation! Are they mad? What do they think to gain? Still, there are hardly any troops in their way. We take a loan and send all troops south immediately. The troops are slaughtered, but keep their ground. The Teutons conquer a Catalunyan coastal province (they had one?), and burn their trading post. Damn these impudent barbaric semi-heathens! We take out another loan, and another, and another, until no more loans can be taken. Our valiant troops, and Kalmarian and Catalunian forces, die like flies, but we shall never give way to guttural hordes of sausage-eaters! We reconquer what we lost, and even take the province the Catalunyans lost. We immediately send in some traders of our own (Well, the Catalunyans should have reacted quicker, shouldn't they?) The war is long, bloody, and ends in a stalemate. We're exhausted and in debt...; no doubt, the beer guzzlers are exhausted too. W thank our allies, who same unfazed by their crippling losses, and lick our wounds. Never will we trust Teutons! Who lives on their other side? We need allies there, to crush them in case their perfidy raises its head again!!!

There is no more easy ground to be gained, so we send ships abroad in search of allies. We found a colony in Sweden, and find that our ships tend to sink one by one on long missions. No explorers, no conquistadors, just mediocre commanders everywhere. AAAARGH!

This is where we are in the year 1525. We're out of debt, but what shall we do next? How to defeat the Teutons?