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Director

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You know, I could have sworn I put some compliments in after your first post. But since I can't find them, let me congratulate you now - this is a brilliant beginning.

I especially like the way you introduce elements of the background by mentioning them in passing and allowing them to be defined by their context. As an alternative to large blocks of expository prose, this has the disadvantage of taking longer to write but the advantage for us that we soak up the - dare I say it? - the milieu rather than have it spoon-fed to us.

As for keeping it all together... there are two ways to be successful with a story like this one, I think. One is meticulous planning, deep advance plotting and thorough preliminary development of characters. The second is a looser, 'jazzier' technique - winging it, to a degree. I am convinced you have done your research and have a good idea of where all this is going. I am equally convinced you have the authorial ability to 'wing it' some, and I think you'll be delighted with the results.

This is one for the short-list of 'must-read' AAR's, folks. :)
 

Storey

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Coz1 makes some very good points about the novel as opposed to the serial style of writing and I agree.

You’ve created an aura of fear that works because of the lack of information that the reader has about the world you’re writing about. If you were writing about mere humans then I could understand the fear, which would diminish it, that Sergio has for Choronides. A powerful man who could have his underlings kill Sergio at any time. But in this world the reader has to wonder if Choronides would just rip Sergio apart and feast on his blood. The puzzlement on how things are done as well as why will keep the readers scratching their heads for some time if I'm not misstaken. Now the trick is how to keep the reader off balance as you reveal more and more information. A most enjoyable read stnylan. :cool:

Joe
 

stnylan

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First off, thank you all for reading. Let me repeat again that I welcome all comments and criticism, and that you can PM me if you don't want to do so in public (for that matter feel free to IM me on AIM or MSN).

Suvorov Matter of fact was one of the things I was aiming for in the fight. It's nice to hear it came through.

King Yngvar Thank you. The night is full of conflict, so I think it is safe to predict that was not the last time Sergio will end up in a scrap.

coz1 That is a very interesting point you raise that I had not really thought specifically about. When I can think of something intelligent to say I'll post it over in the SolAARium, since I think it is a matter worthy of more general discussion.

Incidentally, for that line you have to thank Blockbuster, which fired my brain cells when I was renting a VHS recently.

Amric Thank you very much. It is a bit daunting, taking on this task, I must admit. Oh well, we'll all see what happens, one way or another.

Kurek One of my big uncertainties in that update was how detailed to make Sergio's reactions. Next update soon.

nalivayko By all means, enjoy. I suppose I should say that I welcome comment, criticism, ad encouragement. ;)

Director I am very much writing with an onion-effect in mind. As for exposition, that's a topic I'll post in the SolAARium about. I think I generally agree with your point about forward planning, though in a while I'll feel more able to comment.

And thank you for the endorsement.

Storey Thank you! An interesting comment about information. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing? Certainly one of the challenges of this 'onion' style of writing is figuring how to work out the layers. We'll see how that goes.

Sapphire Thank you for reading, but nervous? How?

Warspite Gratias. Down to the onions again. I am sure some of the details you notice are even entirely deliberate ;)

Choronides
Since there was so much comment on Choronides I decided to group my feedback here. One adjective I had not thought as immediately applicable to Choronides was 'creepy', but now that it has been mentioned I can understand the point. 'Imposing' was more the angle I was thinking at first, but really I suppose they are viewing the same thing from slightly different places. In any event he has proven to be a tricky customer to write.

Next installment as soon as I've completed the final typo-sweep.
 

stnylan

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As Choronides led him through the maze-like house Sergio took the opportunity to look about properly for the first time. The moment he did so the unrelieved austerity hit him like a blow to stomach. There was nothing that softened the plain severity of the walls, ceilings, and floors. There were not even any places where art might have been placed. It was as if Choronides had ordained that there should be nothing in the house to distract the mind. Sergio looked at the back of the Elder, and he realised that thought Choronides’ clothes were made of the finest cloth, there were entirely functional and utterly unadorned. Sergio tried to imagine Sebastos’ tutelage under this creature, but his thought was unequal to the task. It was simply too far outside his experience to comprehend.

They entered a small, cluttered, underground room, dominated by two large stone tables in the centre. One wall was nearly taken up by huge fireplace, in which a blaze burned briskly. Sergio assumed that there had to be some sort of chimney, because the room was surprisingly smoke free. The other walls were riddled with racks and recesses that contained scroll-cases, books, urns, jars, bags, pouches, and many things that Sergio could not fine a name for. The grey-stone floor was dissected by a number of small furrows, through Sergio could not see to where they went. Three coffins were piled beside one of the empty tables, on which Sergio could see the possessions of the bandits, laid out in neat lines. A fourth, open, coffin was alongside.

On the other table was the body of one of the bandits, stripped and on its back. From where he stood Sergio could tell which one it was, and neither at that moment did he terribly care. “Father. Sergio!” Sebastos face had lit up with joy at seeing them enter. Beside Sebastos was another man, hunched over the body, his fingers probing.

“Choronides, it has been some time since last you needed me. I was beginning to think that I had outstayed my welcome.” The Thanatologist, Sergio presumed, spoke with a tone of studied indifference.

Choronides walked towards the table. “I have been busy Ioannes.”

“Really? I have not especially noticed.”

“Ioannes, be reasonable. A great deal has happened recently.”

Sergio looked at Sebastos, and stepped carefully along one side of the room to near the end of one of the tables.

“So I am learning. Your childe has been most … fulsome in his account of the event. Ah. Tweezers.”

Sergio realised a servant stood beside Ioannes when a figure handed the Thanatologist what he asked. Ioannes took the instrument, and carefully positioned it. Sergio craned his neck to try to see precisely what Ioannes was doing, but the man effectively obstructed any viewpoint. Only Choronides, now standing opposite the hunched figure, might be able to see anything. It seemed as if another was now taking place. Ioannes tugged, and then straightened, dropping something into a jar the servant was proffering, before surrendering the tweezers as well. Sergio noticed that a triangle of skin had been pulled up and was crudely stitched to the body to keep it in place. Looking more carefully he saw two other places on the body where triangle-cuts had been made, but were now sewn neatly shut.

Ioannes turned out to be a rather tall man, pale, with great eyebrows that shadowed his deep-set eyes that were now studying Sergio in return. His hair was short and grey, though a few rebellious wisps floated erratically as he moved his head. He dressed very much like a priest might during Lent. In fact, now that he thought about it, Sergio remembered it was Lent.

“So this is Sergio, Sebastos has mentioned you often. You do not look as tall as he makes you out.”

“My Lord, I am as the Lord made me.” Sergio deemed it wise to presume that Ioannes was also an Elder, his easy manner with Choronides spoke for itself.

“Indeed you are, but perhaps you might be able to answer a query of mine? Why is that men like you, be they Latin or Greek, insist to use perfectly good swords as little more than glorified crowbars? It seemed entirely waste to sharpen a blade if all one is going to do is hack, as you did to one of those there gathered.” Ioannes pointed at the coffins.

It took Sergio a few moments to frame a reply, as the question caught him entirely by surprise. “My apologies, my Lord, but at the time matters of style were not foremost in my thoughts.”

“Evidently.”

Choronides raised his hand to interrupt. “Enough Ioannes. We do not have time for a disputation on the subject, interesting though it would be. Have you been able to learn anything that might help explain the attack upon my childe and his companion?”

Ioannes turned to Choronides, and chuckled. “I have learnt many things old friend, most of which would weary you. Although rot had begun to set it, it was not so advanced as to pose me any difficulty. More troublesome was that, due to the injury one had sustained in the fight, and because two were drained, only one body, this one, was in a fit state for more than a cursory examination. In the event I do not think it to be of much consequence, though I would be far happier if I had a somewhat broader basis for some of my conclusions. Please Sebastos, don’t object. I know the realities better than you, but that does not mean I have to like them.”

Ioannes paused, and selected some needle and thread from the tray the servant held up he started to sew back together the flap of skin from where he had been working. “Generally, I can tell you that each of them had spent some time before they attacked your childe bound hand and foot. If you examine the wrists closely you might be able to see the marks the bonds left. The same is true, though harder to discern, on the ankles. The backs of all four also showed signs of recent beatings. They all also show signs of being somewhat under-fed, though this one had a full stomach when he died.”

Sebastos shifted uneasily “It seems to me that that they are just as much victims as we were.”

Choronides looked sharply at his childe, though his voice was softer than his countenance. “Perhaps my childe, but there is nothing unusual about that. Most people are little more than victims, and it would do you wise to remember it.”

“Father.” Sebastos lapsed back into stillness, and Choronides nodded for Ioannes to continue.

“As your childe says my friend, they were victims. The truth of that statement is borne out by the marks Sergio discovered on their heads and weapons. There was an obvious link between the two, and it does surprise me Sergio that you did not puzzle it out.”

Ioannes seemed to be expecting some kind of response. “Time was pressing on my Lord, and haste was our chief object after we discovered the marks. I did wish for the chance for a more detailed examination, but I felt that I could draw no further conclusions, regardless of what else I might have uncovered.”

“As I suspected. But you should have taken a moment to more fully examine the bodies. Please, take a look at this man’s right palm.”

Sergio walked around the table to near Choronides. The man’s fingers were curled tightly, and it took a moment before he gently unwound them. At first the vagaries of the light made it difficult to see. Ioannes barked an order to the servant, who grabbed a lamp and held it to provide Sergio with enough light. He leaned in close, knowing what he was going to see.

“There are the same marks in the palm. Fainter than on the head, but definitely there. I wonder … the weapon?”

“As you say Sergio, the weapon. When one places this man’s sword in his hand, the marks on the hilt snugly fit against the marks on his palm. However, there is a final piece to this particular puzzle, and that is the carvings on the weapons themselves. There are made with far more care than either the palm or head scratches. I think the cuts were made within a few days of death, though on that point I cannot be certain. But the markings on the weapons are older. Moreover, stained in them, though it was difficult to tell, is the blood of a Cainite.”

A momentary silence fell. Choronides looked grave. “Sorcery is a bad business.”

“I agree, but there is little doubt in my mind, though of what kind I can only hypothesise. It is my belief however of exerting influence over these unfortunate vermin. This would explain the differences between the various marks. Each man is a unique being, if similar to other man. Therefore it would follow that the marks that were most effective at control would be similar, but not the same.”

"Well my childe, I think this rules out any attack aimed directly at you or your Companion. You only have one enemy, and he would not stoop to this, and I would be very surprised if Sergio has managed yet to acquire enemies of such class."

Sergio seemed happier for a moment, before he frowned again. "Perhaps Father the attack was aimed through me to you. It would not be the first time such a message has been sent."

"Indeed not. But it is still a distinct possibility that this attack was actually aimed at someone else, and you two just happened to spring it.”

Ioannes finished his sewing, and stood again, returning the needle and thread to the servant. “My friend, if I can interrupt? Sergio, I understand you recovered a coin from one of the cloaks. I would very much like to examine that.”

Sergio fished the coin out of his pouch and handed it over. “You suspect something?”

“Naturally. A gold coin in the cloak of a man who, not two days before attacking you, was himself a captive. Do you not think it reeks of suspicion?” Ioannes held the coin close to the lamp, one eyes closed he turned it over once, again, and again. He ran his fingers over both surfaces, and around the edges. “This has not changed since you first saw it?” Sergio simply shook his head.

Ioannes turned to Choronides. “With your permission?”

“Please. I would rather we knew something than be left in ignorance.” Ioannes nodded, and placed the coin in his left palm. He held his right hand in a fist over his chest, and he knelt before the fire, holding his left hand forward slightly. Above the fire Sergio saw a simple wooden crucifix. Ioannes murmured loudly, but Sergio could not tell what he was saying, but he sounded like he was praying. He moved his right hand over his left, and then unclenched his fist. He made the sign of the cross, and then repeated that sign over the coin itself. And then he touched it.

A cold wind blew through the room. Suddenly Ioannes hissed through fanged teeth, standing and throwing the coin onto the fire as he did so. The room seemed to darken. Sebastos hunched, and Sergio found himself holding tightly onto the stone table, fighting a sudden, inexplicable fear. Only Choronides seemed unmoved.

The moment passed, the fear leeched away, and light returned. Ioannes, breathing heavily, turned around once more in control. “If I had any doubt, it has now been banished.”

“Is there anything we should know?”

The Thanatologist leant against the table for its unyielding support. “Essentially the coin was a focus, probably allowing the owner to keep track of and control his subjects, in particular these four. It had some protection that I triggered. I should have been more careful! But we need not worry now. The fire will melt the metal, and that will break the spell. Unfortunately it was our only link to the immediate perpetrator.”

Choronides waved that aside. “We are better off without a possible spy in our midst. Could you glean any clue regarding the attacker?”

“Only that it was a Latin. Nothing else.” Ioannes was still taking air in great breathes. "I am sorry."

“Well, we have done all we can here for now.” Choronides turned to Sebastos and Sergio. “I expect you both to be cautious and watchful in Athens. It may that there you will be able to find something out.” He paused, and then smiled. “There is one small formality. Sergio. You may consider yourself free to travel through my Domain, and you have the liberty of Thebes. Now, I expect you both need a few nights to recuperate, and then you must be on your way. I will tell Demos of your coming. You are dismissed.”

Sergio bowed his head, and was nearly pulled off balance by Sebastos who had grabbed his arm and was heading at speed to the door. “My apologies,” he said on the other side, “but at moments like these my sire appreciates haste rather than manners.”

“Sebastos, when we arrived, did you know your sire might kill me?”

Sebastos hesitated. “I knew it to be a risk, but I do not ask your pardon for not telling you. Nothing I could have said would have done any good. Father stands athwart the land route to Athens, and there are few indeed that make the journey without his permission. Travelling with me was the only advantage I could give.”

Sergio took a deep breath. “I do not understand this land.”

“Why should you? You have been in the Empire all of, three and a half months? Now, let us attend to more important matters, and find something to eat.”
 

stnylan

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So ends Chapter 1.

Now, a direct question, for those that are inclined to answer it. As I stated above the problem with slowly trying to reveal bits and bobs is knowing what and when to reveal stuff. To help me ascertain how I've done, I'd like to know what people think of Sergio.

I also note an a degree of episode creep that I'll have to try to limit in Chapter 2. I hope you all enjoy.
 

coz1

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After going back and reading the tale from the start once again, I can say that Sergio has thus far been developed as well as I believe you have intended. Once again, given the nature of what you are writing, there are certain aspects that we are not yet meant to realize, so we are sure to have certain questions.

I have definitely noticed that Sergio has shown both knowledge (and thus a certain security) from his travels and obvious life "before" this as well as a certain respect for what he does not yet know (mostly shown through his encounter with Choronides, but also expressed by his earlier expereince at the Gathering.) I think the layers that you have developed so far are, like Sergio himself, exposed just enough to allow us to get the drift of what you have planned, or at least give us the, dare I say, taste ;) for what will transpire next. This, of course, only serves to keep us coming back for more. :D

Overall, I cannot gloat enough about this fantsastic endeavor. There are still plenty of questions, but at this point, it surely seems worth it to allow you to reveal this wonderful "onion" of yours for as long as you are willing to write it. :)
 

Storey

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To answer your question I’ll use an old cliché. At this point you’ve taken a blank canvas and applied the background color for your painting. You’ve yet to apply the first stroke to the main subject of the painting. Why do I say this? Well look at Sergio. At first blush he appears to be the protagonist of your story. However we know so little about him that if you were terribly devious at heart you could be setting the reader up for a major surprise. Sergio turns out to be a villain and Sebastos turns out to be the real protagonist? I say this not because I believe it but to show that you really haven’t committed yourself to any story line yet. So my first reaction is that Sergio is intelligent and is someone who can handle himself in a wide range of circumstances. Not a super hero per-say, more like the average vampire that the reader can identify with. :D :D

Joe
 
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This is so far the best AAR I have read in this forum (I have not read them all, but still...), by my oppinion it should be the next week's showcase. Sergio is a villain, he is a brutal warrior, but I still feel that he is a good man and he makes a great main character for a story. My only question is, will he join the service of Manuel Comneus (this is the beginning right)? And will he do anything to indirectly prevent the decline of the empire?
 

stnylan

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coz1 The one problem with onions is that they made my eyes water ;) Interesting thoughts though, and thank you.

Storey I suppose I had that one coming. Certainly a different perspective.

King Yngvar Well, I would not call it the best my any means, and I certainly think that comparing different styles of aar is difficult at best. Still, read more! Thank you for your thoughts on Sergio. As for your questions: I hope the precise time of the aar will become clearer in the coming chapter, but you must forgive me for not answering the others. A lot of course will depend on how the game plays out, since I do intend to stay faithful to the game. And, although I have played the first few years, I don't want to play too far ahead.

Next update soon.
 

stnylan

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Chapter 2
ARRIVAL IN ATHENS

Thou famous Athens, divine city;
shining, violet-wreathed pillar of Hellas
- Pindar​



Sergio first saw Athens at sunset. They had taken shelter for the day in an empty farmhouse that Sebastos seemed to know about. Sergio was beginning to suspect that this country was riddled with places where a travelling Cainite might sleep. At that time, with the dawn imminent, he had not troubled about the view. Now he stood at the eastern window, watching in wonder, and the Sun’s final rays caught a rocky prominence that jutted majestically up from the plain. For some minutes they lingered there, glorifying this jewel of nature, before surrendering the precipice to the night.

“It is a wonderful sight.” Sergio had not realised Sebastos had joined him. The other man smiled. “I never tire of looking at it, especially when at a distance. When I walked the under sun I never paid it that much attention, and now all I can see are these glimpses. I think that is the only thing that has ever given me pause about the current situation.”

Sergio nodded slowly. “For me, it is one of many.”

They stood there a moment in silence, each with their different thoughts. Sergio recalled what proved to be his last sunrise. It was etched into his mind, as the dawn-light shafts caught the tops of the domes and minarets that gleamed golden, while below the city had already begun to wake. He shook away the beguiling image, and looked again at the now darkened mount. From about it the night-lights of a city were just visible. Sebastos turned.

“Come, we should not tarry. We ought to reach the city this night. My Sire in his message will doubtless have told of the date of our departure, and Demos will wonder if we are late.”

Sergio turned from the window, and together they went to the stable. “Do we have a means of entering the city during the hours of darkness?”

“Of course. The Piraeus gate is always open, unless there is some danger. There are many that reside in Athens that do business in Piraeus, and not all return by nightfall. One must possess or permit, or a suitable bribe.”

Sergio raised an eyebrow. “A bribe? So much for the honour of the Athenians that you were telling me about.”

Sebastos laughed, and they started out on their way. It took them roughly a couple of hours, or so, before they were approaching the gate. The Akropolis now seemed paradoxically smaller than it had, partially blotted out by the city’s walls. As a guard called out, and Sebastos stated their business, Sergio took a long look at the stonework. The gate, and wall nearest him were solidly constructed and well maintained, but the signs of age were upon them. The stones were weathered, and the mortar in some places had wasted away.

“Sergio.” Sebastos voice brought him back from his reflections. “This man will lead us to a place where we can wait until we are received. It is nearby.”

First the man, a guard of some sort, directed them to a stable, where Demetrios and Juan were to wait with the horses. Then he led Sergio and Sebastos to a small house, just a couple of doors away. The man showed them to a pleasant, room within, and then he withdrew, bowing.

“So what now?” Sergio asked, looking around. A generous selection of chairs, couches, and stools were scattered about the room. In each corner was a full-size statue, and in two of the walls there were several niches that contained delicated peices of art. Above the ceiling was decorated with a fresco from a mythic scene that Sergio could not identify, and below the floor was made of polished marble.

Sebastos took a seat, and put his feet up on a stool. “Now, we wait. I imagine a messenger has been sent to inform the authorities of our arrival. I suppose it was not strictly necessary, we could have snuck in, but it is easier this way. Avoids any possible unpleasantness.”

Sergio turned his attention to a small bust in one of the niches, beautifully carved, though he could not guess the name of the subject. He strummed his fingers on the little ledge. He saw Sebastos watching him, and smiled. “You must forgive me a few nerves. After all, you are hardly the outsider here.”

“Well, I’m not precisely an insider either, but I take your point. Shall we try out more of your Greek to pass the time?”

Sergio chuckled. “I should probably practice. We have done little since the attack. Your grammar is most strange.”

An hour passed, or perhaps a little more, and Sebastos was just finishing what Sergio suspected was a rather embellished tale from his mortal days, trying to demonstrate various word-forms, when the door opened. Sebastos continued, but Sergio ceased to pay attention and looked at the newcomer.

He stood at about Sergio’s own height, though he seemed a little slighter in build. A somewhat weathered face with steely grey eyes turned left and right, taking a glance about the room. Short, greying black hair, perhaps a day’s growth of beard on his chin, and down-to-earth clothes completed Sergio’s initial impression. Sebastos realised that he had lost his audience, and turned around to see the competition.

“Sebastos. As ever fond of your own voice?” The figure smiled slightly, and he spoke Greek with a slight accent that Sergio could not place.

Sebastos stood chuckling. “David, it is by far the most pleasant thing to listen to around here. Sergio here has a reasonable tone, but his Latin heritage betrays him, alas.”

The newcomer turned towards Sergio. “So you are Sergio? I am David, the Warden of Athens.”

Sergio frowned. “Greetings. Forgive the query, what is a Warden, precisely?”

David smiled. “I see our Sebastos has not provided you with the fullest of educations has he. Well, no matter. As Warden I do many things to help manage the city, and one of those is to meet our newest arrivals if they have the courtesy to enter Athens properly, as you have.”

“As I said Sergio, helps keep us out of trouble. So David, can we go to see Timeon now? Or has Sergio here induced Demos himself to venture out of his lair?”

“No Sebastos, Demos will not come forth just to greet a Latin from the west, not matter how intriguing he might be. We are to go to Timeon, if you are ready.”

“Ready! David, your man puts us in a room with nothing to keep us entertained. We’re bored, of course we’re ready.”

David raised an eyebrow. “You seemed to have made yourself comfortable enough.”

“Why be both bored and uncomfortable?” Sergio asked. “I am no Simon of Cyrene to shoulder unnecessary crosses, and I am certain that Sebastos is the same. However –.”

“Of course.” Sebastos cursed quietly, “I have forgotten about Timeon too. Sergio, Demos is the Master of Athens, but most of the business of the Domain he leaves to Timeon.”

David shook his head in disbelief, “Sebastos, I know you mean well, but perhaps instead of demonstrating the Subjunctive you might have considered telling your companion a little about the city into which he was arriving.” Sebasots looked profoundly embarrassed, but David let the matter lie, and addressed the question.

“Sergio, Timeon is what you might call a Regent. He effectively has full authority in Athens. So, from your point of view, you need to know that if you fail to match up to Timeon’s standards you could be ejected from the city or sent up to greet the dawn.” He paused a moment, and then added with a smile, “Not that I think that likely. Now come, let us collect your Servitors and be on our way.”

It took only a few moments to gather up Juan and Demetrios, though they left behind the horses for the time being. The walked through Athens. At first Sergio was more tense, but seeing Sebastos’ ease he started, however unwisely, to relax.

The streets were far emptier than Sergio had been expecting. For a moment he thought he might have misjudged the time, but after a moment he discounted that. The stars had not moved far enough for it to be much later than midnight. Ahead Sergio noticed a prostitute, or so he judged. She looked pretty enough, with raven-dark hair that spilled down onto her shoulders, but she also looked a little thin. Perhaps business had been slow over the winter. She was looking the other way, bored probably. Hearing their footsteps she turned, a willing smile on her face. Then she saw them, and the smile quickly turned into a gasp. She stumbled backward into the shadows, and down an alley out of sight.

“I see that the night-life know you,” Sergio murmured to David.

David kept on walking unconcerned. “After a fashion.”

“Quite a looker,” Sebastos commented. “Perhaps I will pay her a visit some-night”

Sergio chuckled. “If she is not dead from hunger, thirst, disease, or the predation of another, I’m sure she would be delighted.”

“All the more reason to see her sooner rather than later wouldn’t you say.” Sebastos grinned, and then asked, “David, where precisely are you leading us?”

“To where Timeon said to take you of course. But if you want a more definite answer, we call it the House of Attilus. It is not far now.”

Sergio looked up, and saw again the Akropolis. It dominated the city, a black mark against the night-sky. Now that he was closer Sergio could see that it was fortified, a great citadel perched on the rock. He could just make out small pricks of light, torches he guessed, at intervals along the walls.

David stopped them before a modest, walled house, not at all like Choronides’ grand dwelling or Lord Septimus’ palatial abode. Turning back to the others he said simply, “We are here.”
 

coz1

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Very nice descriptions in that. I wonder why I feel like the Akropolis might play a slightly larger role? Could just be me looking too much into things. Either way, it sets the scene nicely. And the interplay between Sergio and Sebastos is well done. Great update.
 
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rahlus

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Beautiful read thus far.

Thank you.
 

unmerged(12680)

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This is kewl, or was that phat? I forgot. :eek:o

Anyway, I'm still pining for the fj-, an update from the MonAARstery, just so you know. :p
 

stnylan

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I have a slight confession to make. Part of the reason for the delay in updating this week has been due to the fact that I have been playing a computer game. Alas I have been enthralled once again by the wiles of Europa 1400: The Guild. However, I think I may now be in the process of convalesence, we can but hope.

King Yngvar I actually found it quite a tricky update to write, or more precisely, to begin. I rewrote that became the first paragrath something like a dozen times.

coz1 Shall we just say that the Akropolis is unlikely to be ignored? ;)

rahlus Welcome to the boards. And thank you for reading. Knowing that people do read this is one of the things that makes me want to write more of it.

anti_strunt There will be a MonAARsteries update, someday. Trust me. I didn't hunt through to find an old EEP patch so that I could play the save-file again for nothing.

Suvorov You can, just as soon as I finish the final edit ;) If you're very lucky I might also get one up tomorrow, it all depends on how my characters behave. Currently they're bogged down in chit-chat, but I'll try to get them to say something relevant somewhere along the line.
 

stnylan

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David knocked on the door twice, and a small shutter opened. There were words, but Sergio could not catch them. A moment later the door swung open.

The hallway was bland. The floor had a simple geometric design, an inoffensive landscape mural covered most of one wall, and overhead was repeated patterning. Several doors led off to right and left, and ahead the hallway clearly opened into a courtyard.

An elderly, ascetic man was waiting for them. His neat greyed hair did not so much as tremble as he bowed in one fluid, practised motion. “Greetings gentlemen. Welcome to the House of Attilus. My name is Appian. You are expected. Please follow.”

David nodded, and with that the man turned and walked into the small courtyard. Sergio saw that each side of the square had a corridor that opened onto it. Appian waited for a moment for them to catch up, and then he took them into the left hallway. Like the entrance hall this was a simple corridor with doors leading off left and right, though instead of opening onto the street there was a further door at the end. It was to this one that Appian went. He bowed again, and opened the door. David strode in, Sergio and Sebastos a few steps behind. Appian closed the doors behind them, remaining outside.

The room was larger than Sergio had suspected, and a much more richly decorated than the hallways. The walls and ceilings were decorated with intricate carvings of flowers and figures. The floor was a place where colours played with one another, all bound up in some complicated geometric pattern that Sergio more sensed than saw. To one side of the room there was a big, heavy, oaken table; and set about it were half a dozen grand chairs with straight, high backs. In one of these, at the table's head, someone was sitting. Sergio only registered that presence as his attention was drawn to the man standing in the centre of the room, with his back to them. He looked tall with thick grey hair that ran in curls back to his broad shoulders. He seemed to be studying a tapestry, a fantastic riot of shapes and shades, but Sergio could not tell what it was.

David had stopped halfway to the figure, and nodded briskly. Sebastos waved for Sergio to stop, and together they waited a couple of paces behind David.

“Greetings David. Thank you for bringing us our guests.” The man’s voice was a pleasing tenor, and the sound of it seemed to fill the room, even though he was not speaking loudly. “Remain, for what passes here will concern you.” Silently David moved over to the table, leaving Sebastos and Sergio standing alone. The man in the chair raised a hand in welcome to David, and then the standing man spoke again.

“It has been too long Sebastos since your Sire last had occasion for you to visit us. Now that he has relented, we look forward to enjoying a lengthy exposure to your company. You are in our keeping for your education, and we trust that we will be able to return you to your Father in a state far beyond his expectation.”

Sergio glanced towards Sebastos. His companion was staring at the static figure; his jaws clenched and eyes wide, breathing lightly and quickly. David was still standing, his hand on the back of one of the chairs. The other man was looking in his direction, but the glance afforded him nothing else, before the speaker continued.

“Sergio.” Suddenly Sergio found all his attention directed to the speaker. “We have been awaiting your coming since the missive sent by Father Zacharias arrived nearly a week ago. Alone this would have been sufficient to attract our interest. Now we have received another communication, this time from Choronides of Thebes, and our curiosity has been heightened. It may well be the first time that a Latin has received words of such praise from him.” Sergio found listening to the man’s voice to be like running his fingers through the finest silk. How easy it would be to lose himself in those alluring, mellifluous tones that threatened to overwhelm all sense completely, and send him to a languid limbo. “So we became eager to see this creature that had somehow caused an Elder to forget centuries of hate.” Nearly too late Sergio realised he was slipping into a stupor. He clenched his fists, savouring the tiny pricks of pain as he nails dug into his skin. He took in a deep breath, expelled it, and drew breath again. “And what do we have? A Latin, of no great proportion, but of great potential.” With two quick controlled movements the speaker turned about. He was an old man, his face creased with many lines of ancient care, his short-cropped beard snow-white, and he had piercing blue eyes that started out from perfect sockets. He smiled, and Sergio’s mind cleared, like sun burning through summer mist.

The man walked without hindrance the few steps to stand before him “I am Timeon, and on the behalf of Demos, I welcome you,” and with that he held out an aged hand.

Faced with little alternative Sergio took the proffered hand. Timeon’s skin felt dry and papery, but there was no lack of strength as the vice-like grasp that Timeon returned amply proved. For a moment he floundered as he fought to say something suitable.

“I am … deeply honoured, my Lord. You are kind beyond mere words.”

Timeon released Sergio, and waved the compliment aside. “Enough. Platitudes mean little to me.”

He paused a moment, looking first at Sergio, and then at Sebastos. “The question is, what are we to do with you? We cannot let young things like you go to waste. For that reason David will take you under his wing for the moment, a situation to be reviewed after you have both been formally presented to Demos. Also, for the time being, you may both reside here, in this house. The steward – Appian – is well versed in the needs of our kind and he should be able to assist you in many ways.”

He glanced over at the table. “I am certain Evagoras and David would be happy to answer any other queries that you might have, but I must now depart. I commend the night to you, and wish you the well of it.” A moment later and he had left, leaving an uncertain silence in his wake.
 

unmerged(14689)

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As always, I am greatly impressed by your characterizations. You seem to have no trouble at all painting us a detailed picture, be it of a person or of dead matter (like the interior of the various rooms your heros have already entered in this AAR). A very good update.