Difficulty: everything set to normal
Starting date: 1453
Patch: 2.1
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Ah, England. A nation of stuck up people and annoying accents. They invented buggery, madrigals and dubious throne claiming. But what is it they hide from the world? How is England *really* like? Thanks to revolutionary Swedish engine Europa Universalis III, we can finally find out. Join me, then, in this journey through the fanciest country in Europe, and, most importantly, its people.
We begin our tale at the Regency Council's meeting room. Mighty England is losing the Hundred Years War. We used to be winning it, but then an insane cross dressing french girl drove us away. Even worse, the reason we need a Regency Council is because King Henry VI is raving mad. Why, just last night he broke into the chapel in an attempt to marry one of the plant vases from the palace.
A Duke: Gentlemen, this country has hit an all-time low. The people are unhappy, we are outnumbered by the French and our King believes his name is Poo Poo von Tinckletrousers. I propose that we make peace with the French.
An Earl: Well yes, but what kind of peace?
A Duke: I feel that if we hold on to any claims on the French continent we'll only be in trouble. I propose we give Gascony and Calais to the French and renounce our claims on all their territory.
A Viscount: That's humilliating! Everyone knows we are entitled to the French throne!
A Duke: But notice that if we give them our continental holdings, they're much more likely to get into a scramble with Burgundy, which would turn their attention away from us.
An Earl: But without our French territories, what are we going to do to expand ourselves? Our inflation is steadily increasing, even with the least minting possible!
(The King enters)
Henry VI: Eh-eh-eh!
A Viscount: Oh God, the King is here.
A Duke: Now now, Mr. Von Tinckletrousers. We are in a very important meeting and would be very appreciated if you left.
(The King opens his arms, revealing large wings glued to them.)
An Earl: Oh, you want to fly, is that correct?
Henry VI: Eh-eh-eh!
A Duke: Good! I think we can arrange for that, can't we?
A Viscount: Most definitely!
An Earl: We'll get you to the roof, your Highness.
---------------
Bordeaux is a lovely city. It is, in fact, the only lovely city in France. The others are just sexually attractive.
Lou: Say, officer Andy, isn't that our main fleet heading towards the port?
Andy: Yeah I know.
Lou: I wonder why they're here... there haven't been any French ships around here... oh! Maybe peace has been signed! Maybe we're getting out of here!
Andy: I don't like it.
Lou: Why wouldn't you like it? It's peace - we won't have to fight anymore!
Andy: It's boring.
Lou: But Andy, I thought you said war was the most shameful of all human behaviours, a manifestation of jealousy and greed and therefore a reprehensible action in all its aspects!
Andy: Yeah I know.
Sailor: All aboard, soldiers!
Lou: Let's go then, officer Andy.
Andy: I don't want to!
Lou: *sigh*
Starting date: 1453
Patch: 2.1
--------------
Ah, England. A nation of stuck up people and annoying accents. They invented buggery, madrigals and dubious throne claiming. But what is it they hide from the world? How is England *really* like? Thanks to revolutionary Swedish engine Europa Universalis III, we can finally find out. Join me, then, in this journey through the fanciest country in Europe, and, most importantly, its people.
We begin our tale at the Regency Council's meeting room. Mighty England is losing the Hundred Years War. We used to be winning it, but then an insane cross dressing french girl drove us away. Even worse, the reason we need a Regency Council is because King Henry VI is raving mad. Why, just last night he broke into the chapel in an attempt to marry one of the plant vases from the palace.
A Duke: Gentlemen, this country has hit an all-time low. The people are unhappy, we are outnumbered by the French and our King believes his name is Poo Poo von Tinckletrousers. I propose that we make peace with the French.
An Earl: Well yes, but what kind of peace?
A Duke: I feel that if we hold on to any claims on the French continent we'll only be in trouble. I propose we give Gascony and Calais to the French and renounce our claims on all their territory.
A Viscount: That's humilliating! Everyone knows we are entitled to the French throne!
A Duke: But notice that if we give them our continental holdings, they're much more likely to get into a scramble with Burgundy, which would turn their attention away from us.
An Earl: But without our French territories, what are we going to do to expand ourselves? Our inflation is steadily increasing, even with the least minting possible!
(The King enters)
Henry VI: Eh-eh-eh!
A Viscount: Oh God, the King is here.
A Duke: Now now, Mr. Von Tinckletrousers. We are in a very important meeting and would be very appreciated if you left.
(The King opens his arms, revealing large wings glued to them.)
An Earl: Oh, you want to fly, is that correct?
Henry VI: Eh-eh-eh!
A Duke: Good! I think we can arrange for that, can't we?
A Viscount: Most definitely!
An Earl: We'll get you to the roof, your Highness.
---------------
Bordeaux is a lovely city. It is, in fact, the only lovely city in France. The others are just sexually attractive.
Lou: Say, officer Andy, isn't that our main fleet heading towards the port?
Andy: Yeah I know.
Lou: I wonder why they're here... there haven't been any French ships around here... oh! Maybe peace has been signed! Maybe we're getting out of here!
Andy: I don't like it.
Lou: Why wouldn't you like it? It's peace - we won't have to fight anymore!
Andy: It's boring.
Lou: But Andy, I thought you said war was the most shameful of all human behaviours, a manifestation of jealousy and greed and therefore a reprehensible action in all its aspects!
Andy: Yeah I know.
Sailor: All aboard, soldiers!
Lou: Let's go then, officer Andy.
Andy: I don't want to!
Lou: *sigh*