Ignore the tanks in the background. The Fuhrer demands it!
Nuremburg, December the 30th, 1935
It's a crisp winter day, and the German army is conducting field exercises and parades for cheering crowds of Germans, and a group of senior Nazi officials. Among them are the usual suspects.
HITLER: Vat ein lovely day! It's gut to see so many of ze people out here getting nice red cheeks in preparation for ze upcoming conflicts.
GOERING: (Shivering) Yes sir.
Some infantry walk past, brandishing rifles. They attack a collection of straw men and street mimes, dismanting them quickly. The crowd cheers.
HITLER: Hmm. Decent, but I could zee better. Who's next?
GOEBBELS: Looks like Panzers, mein Fuhrer.
HITLER: Eh. Zey'd better be gut.
The Panzers roll past and engage in mock duels with other tanks, knocking over barbed wire. Several break down in clouds of smoke. One accidentally opens fire on the crowd but it's weak 1mm cannon bounces off even the least Aryan viewer. The crowd boos.
LUDWIG BECK: Vell, zat vas pretty scheisse.
HITLER: Next?
GOERING: Looks like ze cavalry. On... vat are zose mounts?
HITLER: Mein Gott! Zey look like...
Cavalrymen zoom past on motorbikes, doing wheelies and driving along on one wheel. They race past targets, blowing them up with grenades and shooting them with pinpoint accuracy.
As one the group stops in front of Hitler and his men. They dismount, and a thumping backbeat blasts out of the nearby speakers.
One cavalryman takes centre, with dozens of SS men flocking to crowd behind him in a rough chorus.
(To the tune of 'Montage' from Team America)
CAVALRYMAN: (Singing) Ha!
The hour's approaching to give it your best,
Your troops have gotta move fast,
That's when you need to put your tanks to rest,
And kick some serious ass,
We're gonna need a MOTORBIKE
SS TROOPS: Motorbike!
CAVALRYMAN: Ooh, it takes a MOTORBIIIKE
SS TROOPS: Motorbike!
CAVALRYMAN: Kill lot of Poles, French people too,
Remind everyone of who's master race
SS TROOPS: Who's master race?
CAVALRYMAN: And with every division add some cool arty guns,
And blast them upside their face
That needs some MOTORBIKES
SS TROOPS: Motorbike!
CAVALRYMAN: Yeah, we want a MOTORBIKE
SS TROOPS: Motorbike!
CAVALRYMAN: In any war if you want style points,
SS TROOPS: Ooh, ooh
CAVALRYMAN: From fighting in fields to strip joints,
You need a MOTORBIKE!
Even the Italians use MOTORBIKES
SS TROOPS: Motorbike!
The music thumps away for several seconds, and the Nazis find themselves tapping along to the beat. Ludwig Beck is already writing a formal letter demanding an army of motorised cavalry.
CAVALRYMAN: In any war if you want style points,
SS TROOPS: Ooh, ooh
CAVALRYMAN: From fighting in fields to strip joints,
You need a MOTORBIKE!
SS TROOPS: Motorbike!
CAVALRYMAN: Ooh it takes a MOTORBIKE!
Always attach brigades to a Motorbiike...
If you add brigades you kick more ass with a motorbiiike...
The music fades out. Hitler seems stunned.
HITLER: Disbant... ze armee.
BECK: VAT?
HITLER: I vant... kavalry. Mit motorbikes.
The crowd goes WILD.
