• Crusader Kings III Available Now!

    The realm rejoices as Paradox Interactive announces the launch of Crusader Kings III, the latest entry in the publisher’s grand strategy role-playing game franchise. Advisors may now jockey for positions of influence and adversaries should save their schemes for another day, because on this day Crusader Kings III can be purchased on Steam, the Paradox Store, and other major online retailers.


    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

unmerged(51002)

Contra-Vice-Double Colonel
Nov 25, 2005
2.199
1
This is a DD AAR, '36 GC, Normal/Normal, as Germany.

I will only build Cavalry and brigades for my land army. I will garrison with cavalry. I will defend with cavalry. I will attack mountains with cavalry. Only German ardour shall win through!

Update being written as you read this, until I post it. Then it's written.

Playlist:

1 - Motorbike (to the tune of Montage, Team America)
2 - So you Wanna be a Biker? (to the tune of So you Wanna be a Boxer? Bugsy Malone)
3 - This Boy's Born to be a Fascist (This Boy's Born to be a Bureacrat, Futurama)
 
Last edited:

unmerged(51002)

Contra-Vice-Double Colonel
Nov 25, 2005
2.199
1
crim1.jpg

Ignore the tanks in the background. The Fuhrer demands it!

Nuremburg, December the 30th, 1935

It's a crisp winter day, and the German army is conducting field exercises and parades for cheering crowds of Germans, and a group of senior Nazi officials. Among them are the usual suspects.

HITLER: Vat ein lovely day! It's gut to see so many of ze people out here getting nice red cheeks in preparation for ze upcoming conflicts.

GOERING: (Shivering) Yes sir.

Some infantry walk past, brandishing rifles. They attack a collection of straw men and street mimes, dismanting them quickly. The crowd cheers.

HITLER: Hmm. Decent, but I could zee better. Who's next?

GOEBBELS: Looks like Panzers, mein Fuhrer.

HITLER: Eh. Zey'd better be gut.

The Panzers roll past and engage in mock duels with other tanks, knocking over barbed wire. Several break down in clouds of smoke. One accidentally opens fire on the crowd but it's weak 1mm cannon bounces off even the least Aryan viewer. The crowd boos.

LUDWIG BECK: Vell, zat vas pretty scheisse.

HITLER: Next?

GOERING: Looks like ze cavalry. On... vat are zose mounts?

HITLER: Mein Gott! Zey look like...

Cavalrymen zoom past on motorbikes, doing wheelies and driving along on one wheel. They race past targets, blowing them up with grenades and shooting them with pinpoint accuracy.

As one the group stops in front of Hitler and his men. They dismount, and a thumping backbeat blasts out of the nearby speakers.

One cavalryman takes centre, with dozens of SS men flocking to crowd behind him in a rough chorus.

(To the tune of 'Montage' from Team America)

CAVALRYMAN: (Singing) Ha!

The hour's approaching to give it your best,
Your troops have gotta move fast,
That's when you need to put your tanks to rest,
And kick some serious ass,

We're gonna need a MOTORBIKE

SS TROOPS: Motorbike!

CAVALRYMAN: Ooh, it takes a MOTORBIIIKE

SS TROOPS: Motorbike!


CAVALRYMAN: Kill lot of Poles, French people too,
Remind everyone of who's master race

SS TROOPS: Who's master race?

CAVALRYMAN: And with every division add some cool arty guns,
And blast them upside their face

That needs some MOTORBIKES

SS TROOPS: Motorbike!

CAVALRYMAN: Yeah, we want a MOTORBIKE

SS TROOPS: Motorbike!


CAVALRYMAN: In any war if you want style points,

SS TROOPS: Ooh, ooh

CAVALRYMAN: From fighting in fields to strip joints,

You need a MOTORBIKE!

Even the Italians use MOTORBIKES

SS TROOPS: Motorbike!

The music thumps away for several seconds, and the Nazis find themselves tapping along to the beat. Ludwig Beck is already writing a formal letter demanding an army of motorised cavalry.

CAVALRYMAN: In any war if you want style points,

SS TROOPS: Ooh, ooh

CAVALRYMAN: From fighting in fields to strip joints,

You need a MOTORBIKE!

SS TROOPS: Motorbike!

CAVALRYMAN: Ooh it takes a MOTORBIKE!


Always attach brigades to a Motorbiike...

If you add brigades you kick more ass with a motorbiiike...

The music fades out. Hitler seems stunned.

HITLER: Disbant... ze armee.

BECK: VAT?

HITLER: I vant... kavalry. Mit motorbikes.

The crowd goes WILD.
 

unmerged(47162)

Missing my avatar
Aug 4, 2005
7.251
0
:rofl: :rofl: motorbikes! soon we will have the hells angel motorbike division...and divs will now be called biker gangs! :p
 

unmerged(17581)

AARlander
Jun 12, 2003
8.591
8
Visit site
You. Stole. My. Idea. From. Two. Years. Ago.
 

unmerged(44784)

Who is John Galt?
May 28, 2005
4.238
0
They should be called the Reich Bikers! :D
 

unmerged(51002)

Contra-Vice-Double Colonel
Nov 25, 2005
2.199
1
You. Stole. My. Idea. From. Two. Years. Ago.

Calm down.

I did? Was it that Austria AAR? I'd actually forgotten it existed, but if you're offended I'm sorry.
 

unmerged(17581)

AARlander
Jun 12, 2003
8.591
8
Visit site
Alexus said:
Calm down.

I did? Was it that Austria AAR? I'd actually forgotten it existed, but if you're offended I'm sorry.
No, you calm down! Why are people always asking me to be calm when I'm calm, and not when I need calming?

It never really got off the ground, since I was going to start it after my DoG I AAR got finished and it never did, but I was going to play Germany through the ages with using only cavalry-type troops.
 

unmerged(51002)

Contra-Vice-Double Colonel
Nov 25, 2005
2.199
1
No, you calm down! Why are people always asking me to be calm when I'm calm, and not when I need calming?

But I'm calm as well.

It never really got off the ground, since I was going to start it after my DoG I AAR got finished and it never did, but I was going to play Germany through the ages with using only cavalry-type troops.

How the hell was I supposed to know about it then?
 
Mar 2, 2005
659
0
W0000T! Seems like something worth following! I can't wait to see all those motorbiker divisions turned to Die Hellikoptertotenkopferabteilungs! Now THAT will be something cool! Not that Barbarossa with PureCav wasn't, though. The coolest thing of all is, however, the fact that you'll have COSSACKS in your army from almost the beginning!!11 :D
 

L'Afrique

Punk incorporé
79 Badges
Nov 29, 2005
2.295
19
  • Europa Universalis IV: Pre-order
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Europa Universalis IV: Res Publica
  • Victoria: Revolutions
  • Europa Universalis: Rome
  • Semper Fi
  • Sengoku
  • Victoria 2
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Victoria 2: Heart of Darkness
  • 500k Club
  • Europa Universalis III: Collection
  • Europa Universalis IV: El Dorado
  • March of the Eagles
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Europa Universalis IV: Common Sense
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • Europa Universalis IV: Cossacks
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mare Nostrum
  • Stellaris
  • Stellaris: Galaxy Edition
  • Stellaris: Galaxy Edition
  • Stellaris: Galaxy Edition
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Cadet
  • Europa Universalis 4: Emperor
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Hearts of Iron II: Armageddon
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: Sunset Invasion
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Darkest Hour
  • Deus Vult
  • Arsenal of Democracy
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Divine Wind
  • Europa Universalis IV
  • Europa Universalis IV: Art of War
  • Europa Universalis IV: Conquest of Paradise
  • Europa Universalis IV: Wealth of Nations
  • Europa Universalis IV: Call to arms event
  • For The Glory
  • Hearts of Iron III
  • Heir to the Throne
There was a Soviet AAR a while ago with nothing but militia, right? Someone should do D-Day with only garrisons...
 

unmerged(17581)

AARlander
Jun 12, 2003
8.591
8
Visit site
You won't be able to undertake any offensives...

What about only HQs?
 
Mar 2, 2005
659
0
-Delta- said:
We've already seen HQs smash the Soviets in 44 didn't we? *g*
There was like 19 HQs and some 250 other divisions (if it is Von Who's AAR you're talking about, right?) so it's rather hardly comparable.
 

unmerged(51709)

Captain
Dec 15, 2005
312
0
Now I thought it would be clear that I'm not 100% serious about that remark but I guess it wasn't ;)

Still it was quite impressive to see what a huge pile of HQs can accomplish
 

LM+

Surreptitious Son of Serendip
7 Badges
May 28, 2004
1.356
98
  • Hearts of Iron II: Armageddon
  • Hearts of Iron III
  • Victoria: Revolutions
  • Victoria 2
  • 500k Club
  • Rise of Prussia
  • Hearts of Iron IV Sign-up
You know what? I can actually see some serious butt-stomping going on here. In the mid-late war, cavalry do get chewed up a bit, but before about '43 they can do amazing things. I hope you're allowing yourself HQs and airplanes, right?!?

My one concern is amphibous invasions; horses hate transports. But, seeing as how you're playing Germany, you can do quite a lot before having to worry about that. If you do start getting bogged down, try building a huge navy and inflict a 100% shore bombardment penalty on the fools who try and stop you. Go with either carriers or advanced destroyers (the ones that get 2 shore bombardment, not 1).