A long time ago in a universe far, far different…
The German Panzerschiffe KMS Admiral Graf Spee cruised through the roiling waters of the North Sea, tiny chunks of ice bouncing off her hull. A single reconnaissance plane lifted off from her catapult and banked to head for the coast of Norway twenty miles away.
The small Messerschmitt glided over the fjords and mountains, and crashed into a snow drift with a shower of tiny ice crystals.
There was muffled German swearing from inside.
**************
Winston Skyhill rode through the blizzard on his Yak, a creature the Allies had transplanted there to function in the terrible cold of Norway.
He raised his radio and said. “Echo Three to Echo Seven. Hans old buddy, do you read me?”
“Loud and clear, kid. What's up?”
“Well, I finished my circle. I don't see any people.” Winston stared out as far as he could in the snow. Was that smoke in the distance?
“There isn't enough life on this ice cube to fill a battlecruiser. The radar antennae are placed. I'm going back.”
“Right,” Winston replied, “I'll see you shortly. There's a meteorite or something that hit the ground near here. I want to check it out. It won't take long.” Hans responded with a click over the radio. Winston’s Yak made Yak noises.
“Hey, steady girl,” he said, patting her neck, “What's the matter? You smell something?”
A polar bear rose up from the storm.
**************
”Eden!” Hans yelled at Anthony Eden, his hairy mechanic and copilot. He struggled out of his cold-weather goggles. Eden growled.
“Alright, I’ll be back in a second to give you a hand!” Hans turned and left the icy hangar that the Allies had hacked out of the mountainside.
**************
After a short walk through snowy passageways, Hans entered the makeshift command centre. Radios and Radar screens filled the room, wires running everywhere.
“Olo?” asked the charismatic General Rieauchinleck. He held out a gloved hand and took a piece of paper from one of the Radar operators.
“No sign of life out there, General. The antennae are in place. You'll know if anything comes around.”
“Commander Skyhill reported in yet?”
“No. He's checking out a meteorite or something that hit near him.”
“With all the meteor activity and storms recently, it's going to be difficult to spot approaching ships,” replied the General, indicating the Radar screen.
Hans took a deep breath. “General, I've got to leave... I can't stay anymore.” Rieauchinleck frowned at him.
“I'm sorry to hear that,” he replied.
“Well, there's a price on my head,” Hans replied, “If I don't pay off Hermann the Hutt, I'm a dead man.”
“A death mark's not an easy thing to live with. You're a good fighter, Olo. I hate to lose you.”
Hans saluted uncomfortably. “Thank you, General.” He started to leave, then turned to Queen Wilhelmina, the young beautiful queen of occupied Holland. “Well, Your Highness, I guess this is it,” Hans said, awkwardly.
“That's right,” she replied, as flatly as possible.
“Well,” Hans replied sarcastically, “don't get all mushy on me! So long, Queenie.”
Wilhelmina ran after him in the corridor.
“Hans!” she yelled.
He stopped and turned to face her. “Yes, Your Highnessness?”
“I thought you decided to stay,” she said.
“Well, the bounty hunter we ran into in Belgium changed my mind,” Hans told her, leaning back to allow a technician to pass.
“Hans, we need you!” the Queen urged.
“We?”
“Yes!”
“Oh,” Hans replied, smirking with ineffable smugness, “what about you need?”
“I need? I don't know what you're talking about!”
“You probably don't.”
“And what precisely am I supposed to know?” He folded her arms and scowled at him.
“Come on!” Hans retorted, “You want me to stay because of the way you feel about me.”
“You're imagining things,” she said, blushing.
“Am I?” He said, tersely, “Then why are you following me? Afraid I was going to leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?”
“I'd just as soon kiss a Swede!” she blurted out.
“I can arrange that,” Hans said angrily, turning away and heading down the corridor. “You could use a good kiss!” he shouted.
**************
Sethrepio Mulholland-Jones, the effeminate British reporter walked up to Hans as he stalked off to the hangar. ”Might I have a word with you, please?” he ventured.
“What do you want?”
“Well, it's Queen Wilhelmina, sir…”
“I don't want to talk to her,” Hans replied, elbowing past an engineer.
“Oh. Well, Queen Wilhelmina is wondering about Master Winston. He hasn't come back yet. She doesn't know where he is.”
“I don't know where he is.”
“Nobody knows where he is,” Sethrepio replied, darkly.
“What do you mean, ‘nobody knows’?” Hans queried. He looked out of the hangar door to the setting sun. Night would soon fall, and with it the temperature would sink.
“Well,” Threpio stammered, “uh, you see...”
Hans walked away from the reporter and over to a man swathed it woolen clothing who was supervising the stacking of some ammunition crates.
“Deck Officer,” Hans asserted, and when he wasn’t heard he shouted, “Deck Officer!”
“Yes, sir?” the Deck Officer replied.
“Do you know where Commander Skyhill is?”
“I haven't seen him. It's possible he came in through the South entrance.”
“It's possible?” said Hans, folding his arms over his chest, “Why don't you go find out? It's getting dark out there.”
“Yes, sir.”
**************
The Deck Officer ran back from the South entrance, and saluted. “Sir,” he wheezed, “Commander Skyhill hasn't come in through the south entrance. He might have forgotten to check in.”
“Not likely,” said Hans, and pinched the bridge of his nose to stave off tiredness. “Are the Mosquitoes ready?”
“Not yet. We're having some trouble adapting them to the cold.”
“Then we'll have to go out on Yak,” Hans said, heading for a pair of the furry beasts. He swung up into the saddle.”
“Sir, the temperature's dropping too rapidly!”
“That's right, and my friends out in it.”
“Your Yak'll freeze before you reach the first marker!” yelled the Deck Officer over the noise of the wind outside and passing troops.
Hans took up the reins of his Yak. “Then I'll see you in hell!” he shouted, and rode off into the snows.
**************
AAR WARS
Episode V
THE AXIS STRIKES BACK
It is a dark time for the Allies. Although the Bismarck has
been destroyed, Axis planes have driven the Allied high command from
their carrier base and pursued them across the ocean.
Evading the dreaded Kriegsmarine, a group of Allied soldiers
led by Winston Skyhill has established a new secret base on the remote
ice country of Norway.
The evil lord Darth Hitler, obsessed with finding young Skyhill,
has dispatched thousands of recon planes into the far reaches of
Europe...
Episode V
THE AXIS STRIKES BACK
It is a dark time for the Allies. Although the Bismarck has
been destroyed, Axis planes have driven the Allied high command from
their carrier base and pursued them across the ocean.
Evading the dreaded Kriegsmarine, a group of Allied soldiers
led by Winston Skyhill has established a new secret base on the remote
ice country of Norway.
The evil lord Darth Hitler, obsessed with finding young Skyhill,
has dispatched thousands of recon planes into the far reaches of
Europe...
The German Panzerschiffe KMS Admiral Graf Spee cruised through the roiling waters of the North Sea, tiny chunks of ice bouncing off her hull. A single reconnaissance plane lifted off from her catapult and banked to head for the coast of Norway twenty miles away.
The small Messerschmitt glided over the fjords and mountains, and crashed into a snow drift with a shower of tiny ice crystals.
There was muffled German swearing from inside.
**************
Winston Skyhill rode through the blizzard on his Yak, a creature the Allies had transplanted there to function in the terrible cold of Norway.
He raised his radio and said. “Echo Three to Echo Seven. Hans old buddy, do you read me?”
“Loud and clear, kid. What's up?”
“Well, I finished my circle. I don't see any people.” Winston stared out as far as he could in the snow. Was that smoke in the distance?
“There isn't enough life on this ice cube to fill a battlecruiser. The radar antennae are placed. I'm going back.”
“Right,” Winston replied, “I'll see you shortly. There's a meteorite or something that hit the ground near here. I want to check it out. It won't take long.” Hans responded with a click over the radio. Winston’s Yak made Yak noises.
“Hey, steady girl,” he said, patting her neck, “What's the matter? You smell something?”
A polar bear rose up from the storm.
**************
”Eden!” Hans yelled at Anthony Eden, his hairy mechanic and copilot. He struggled out of his cold-weather goggles. Eden growled.
“Alright, I’ll be back in a second to give you a hand!” Hans turned and left the icy hangar that the Allies had hacked out of the mountainside.
**************
After a short walk through snowy passageways, Hans entered the makeshift command centre. Radios and Radar screens filled the room, wires running everywhere.
“Olo?” asked the charismatic General Rieauchinleck. He held out a gloved hand and took a piece of paper from one of the Radar operators.
“No sign of life out there, General. The antennae are in place. You'll know if anything comes around.”
“Commander Skyhill reported in yet?”
“No. He's checking out a meteorite or something that hit near him.”
“With all the meteor activity and storms recently, it's going to be difficult to spot approaching ships,” replied the General, indicating the Radar screen.
Hans took a deep breath. “General, I've got to leave... I can't stay anymore.” Rieauchinleck frowned at him.
“I'm sorry to hear that,” he replied.
“Well, there's a price on my head,” Hans replied, “If I don't pay off Hermann the Hutt, I'm a dead man.”
“A death mark's not an easy thing to live with. You're a good fighter, Olo. I hate to lose you.”
Hans saluted uncomfortably. “Thank you, General.” He started to leave, then turned to Queen Wilhelmina, the young beautiful queen of occupied Holland. “Well, Your Highness, I guess this is it,” Hans said, awkwardly.
“That's right,” she replied, as flatly as possible.
“Well,” Hans replied sarcastically, “don't get all mushy on me! So long, Queenie.”
Wilhelmina ran after him in the corridor.
“Hans!” she yelled.
He stopped and turned to face her. “Yes, Your Highnessness?”
“I thought you decided to stay,” she said.
“Well, the bounty hunter we ran into in Belgium changed my mind,” Hans told her, leaning back to allow a technician to pass.
“Hans, we need you!” the Queen urged.
“We?”
“Yes!”
“Oh,” Hans replied, smirking with ineffable smugness, “what about you need?”
“I need? I don't know what you're talking about!”
“You probably don't.”
“And what precisely am I supposed to know?” He folded her arms and scowled at him.
“Come on!” Hans retorted, “You want me to stay because of the way you feel about me.”
“You're imagining things,” she said, blushing.
“Am I?” He said, tersely, “Then why are you following me? Afraid I was going to leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?”
“I'd just as soon kiss a Swede!” she blurted out.
“I can arrange that,” Hans said angrily, turning away and heading down the corridor. “You could use a good kiss!” he shouted.
**************
Sethrepio Mulholland-Jones, the effeminate British reporter walked up to Hans as he stalked off to the hangar. ”Might I have a word with you, please?” he ventured.
“What do you want?”
“Well, it's Queen Wilhelmina, sir…”
“I don't want to talk to her,” Hans replied, elbowing past an engineer.
“Oh. Well, Queen Wilhelmina is wondering about Master Winston. He hasn't come back yet. She doesn't know where he is.”
“I don't know where he is.”
“Nobody knows where he is,” Sethrepio replied, darkly.
“What do you mean, ‘nobody knows’?” Hans queried. He looked out of the hangar door to the setting sun. Night would soon fall, and with it the temperature would sink.
“Well,” Threpio stammered, “uh, you see...”
Hans walked away from the reporter and over to a man swathed it woolen clothing who was supervising the stacking of some ammunition crates.
“Deck Officer,” Hans asserted, and when he wasn’t heard he shouted, “Deck Officer!”
“Yes, sir?” the Deck Officer replied.
“Do you know where Commander Skyhill is?”
“I haven't seen him. It's possible he came in through the South entrance.”
“It's possible?” said Hans, folding his arms over his chest, “Why don't you go find out? It's getting dark out there.”
“Yes, sir.”
**************
The Deck Officer ran back from the South entrance, and saluted. “Sir,” he wheezed, “Commander Skyhill hasn't come in through the south entrance. He might have forgotten to check in.”
“Not likely,” said Hans, and pinched the bridge of his nose to stave off tiredness. “Are the Mosquitoes ready?”
“Not yet. We're having some trouble adapting them to the cold.”
“Then we'll have to go out on Yak,” Hans said, heading for a pair of the furry beasts. He swung up into the saddle.”
“Sir, the temperature's dropping too rapidly!”
“That's right, and my friends out in it.”
“Your Yak'll freeze before you reach the first marker!” yelled the Deck Officer over the noise of the wind outside and passing troops.
Hans took up the reins of his Yak. “Then I'll see you in hell!” he shouted, and rode off into the snows.
**************