• Crusader Kings III Available Now!

    The realm rejoices as Paradox Interactive announces the launch of Crusader Kings III, the latest entry in the publisher’s grand strategy role-playing game franchise. Advisors may now jockey for positions of influence and adversaries should save their schemes for another day, because on this day Crusader Kings III can be purchased on Steam, the Paradox Store, and other major online retailers.


    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

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A long time ago in a universe far, far different…

AAR WARS
Episode V

THE AXIS STRIKES BACK

It is a dark time for the Allies. Although the Bismarck has
been destroyed, Axis planes have driven the Allied high command from
their carrier base and pursued them across the ocean.

Evading the dreaded Kriegsmarine, a group of Allied soldiers
led by Winston Skyhill has established a new secret base on the remote
ice country of Norway.

The evil lord Darth Hitler, obsessed with finding young Skyhill,
has dispatched thousands of recon planes into the far reaches of
Europe...

The German Panzerschiffe KMS Admiral Graf Spee cruised through the roiling waters of the North Sea, tiny chunks of ice bouncing off her hull. A single reconnaissance plane lifted off from her catapult and banked to head for the coast of Norway twenty miles away.

The small Messerschmitt glided over the fjords and mountains, and crashed into a snow drift with a shower of tiny ice crystals.

There was muffled German swearing from inside.

**************

Winston Skyhill rode through the blizzard on his Yak, a creature the Allies had transplanted there to function in the terrible cold of Norway.

He raised his radio and said. “Echo Three to Echo Seven. Hans old buddy, do you read me?”

“Loud and clear, kid. What's up?”

“Well, I finished my circle. I don't see any people.” Winston stared out as far as he could in the snow. Was that smoke in the distance?

“There isn't enough life on this ice cube to fill a battlecruiser. The radar antennae are placed. I'm going back.”

“Right,” Winston replied, “I'll see you shortly. There's a meteorite or something that hit the ground near here. I want to check it out. It won't take long.” Hans responded with a click over the radio. Winston’s Yak made Yak noises.

“Hey, steady girl,” he said, patting her neck, “What's the matter? You smell something?”

A polar bear rose up from the storm.

**************

”Eden!” Hans yelled at Anthony Eden, his hairy mechanic and copilot. He struggled out of his cold-weather goggles. Eden growled.

“Alright, I’ll be back in a second to give you a hand!” Hans turned and left the icy hangar that the Allies had hacked out of the mountainside.

**************

After a short walk through snowy passageways, Hans entered the makeshift command centre. Radios and Radar screens filled the room, wires running everywhere.

“Olo?” asked the charismatic General Rieauchinleck. He held out a gloved hand and took a piece of paper from one of the Radar operators.

“No sign of life out there, General. The antennae are in place. You'll know if anything comes around.”

“Commander Skyhill reported in yet?”

“No. He's checking out a meteorite or something that hit near him.”

“With all the meteor activity and storms recently, it's going to be difficult to spot approaching ships,” replied the General, indicating the Radar screen.

Hans took a deep breath. “General, I've got to leave... I can't stay anymore.” Rieauchinleck frowned at him.

“I'm sorry to hear that,” he replied.

“Well, there's a price on my head,” Hans replied, “If I don't pay off Hermann the Hutt, I'm a dead man.”

“A death mark's not an easy thing to live with. You're a good fighter, Olo. I hate to lose you.”

Hans saluted uncomfortably. “Thank you, General.” He started to leave, then turned to Queen Wilhelmina, the young beautiful queen of occupied Holland. “Well, Your Highness, I guess this is it,” Hans said, awkwardly.

“That's right,” she replied, as flatly as possible.

“Well,” Hans replied sarcastically, “don't get all mushy on me! So long, Queenie.”

Wilhelmina ran after him in the corridor.

“Hans!” she yelled.

He stopped and turned to face her. “Yes, Your Highnessness?”

“I thought you decided to stay,” she said.

“Well, the bounty hunter we ran into in Belgium changed my mind,” Hans told her, leaning back to allow a technician to pass.

“Hans, we need you!” the Queen urged.

“We?”

“Yes!”

“Oh,” Hans replied, smirking with ineffable smugness, “what about you need?”

“I need? I don't know what you're talking about!”

“You probably don't.”

“And what precisely am I supposed to know?” He folded her arms and scowled at him.

“Come on!” Hans retorted, “You want me to stay because of the way you feel about me.”

“You're imagining things,” she said, blushing.

“Am I?” He said, tersely, “Then why are you following me? Afraid I was going to leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?”

“I'd just as soon kiss a Swede!” she blurted out.

“I can arrange that,” Hans said angrily, turning away and heading down the corridor. “You could use a good kiss!” he shouted.

**************

Sethrepio Mulholland-Jones, the effeminate British reporter walked up to Hans as he stalked off to the hangar. ”Might I have a word with you, please?” he ventured.

“What do you want?”

“Well, it's Queen Wilhelmina, sir…”

“I don't want to talk to her,” Hans replied, elbowing past an engineer.

“Oh. Well, Queen Wilhelmina is wondering about Master Winston. He hasn't come back yet. She doesn't know where he is.”

“I don't know where he is.”

“Nobody knows where he is,” Sethrepio replied, darkly.

“What do you mean, ‘nobody knows’?” Hans queried. He looked out of the hangar door to the setting sun. Night would soon fall, and with it the temperature would sink.

“Well,” Threpio stammered, “uh, you see...”

Hans walked away from the reporter and over to a man swathed it woolen clothing who was supervising the stacking of some ammunition crates.

“Deck Officer,” Hans asserted, and when he wasn’t heard he shouted, “Deck Officer!”

“Yes, sir?” the Deck Officer replied.

“Do you know where Commander Skyhill is?”

“I haven't seen him. It's possible he came in through the South entrance.”

“It's possible?” said Hans, folding his arms over his chest, “Why don't you go find out? It's getting dark out there.”

“Yes, sir.”

**************

The Deck Officer ran back from the South entrance, and saluted. “Sir,” he wheezed, “Commander Skyhill hasn't come in through the south entrance. He might have forgotten to check in.”

“Not likely,” said Hans, and pinched the bridge of his nose to stave off tiredness. “Are the Mosquitoes ready?”

“Not yet. We're having some trouble adapting them to the cold.”

“Then we'll have to go out on Yak,” Hans said, heading for a pair of the furry beasts. He swung up into the saddle.”

“Sir, the temperature's dropping too rapidly!”

“That's right, and my friends out in it.”

“Your Yak'll freeze before you reach the first marker!” yelled the Deck Officer over the noise of the wind outside and passing troops.

Hans took up the reins of his Yak. “Then I'll see you in hell!” he shouted, and rode off into the snows.

**************
 

Lt Hilsdorf

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Allright! Looks to be the same quality of the last episode. Can't wait for more updates!
 

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very nice! Hermann the Hutt :rofl:
 

GrimReaper

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Hmm, I wonder what substitutes the Super Star Destroyer in this episode :D

Excellent start! Keep it up!
 

GeneralHannibal

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This is one of the Funniest AAR's I'v ever read

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
 

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Clever start. I could almost see the words scrolling across the screen...
 

Lord E

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Brilliant, the new episode has begun. Just as great and funny as the last one, jolly nice start :D
 

unmerged(51002)

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**************

This is what happens to Winston Skyhill as he lies in the snow of Norway, wounded by bear claws, frostbitten and delirious. You almost imagine you can hear a voice call your name. ”Winston... Winston…” the voice is familiar.

“Neville?” you manage to force between cracked lips.

Again that familiar voice, and is that the ghost of a robe in the blizzard? “You will go to Brazil.”

“Brazil?”

“There you will learn from Stresemann, the Doctrine Master of the SDP who instructed me.”

“Neville… Neville…” you plead, as your strength is ebbing. There is a reply that rings in your ears as you slip into unconsciousness.

“Winston! Winston! Don't do this, Winston. Come on, give me a sign here!” But it isn’t Neville Kechamberlain, it’s Hans Olo.

**************

As the sun rose, two balsa ‘Wooden Wonder’ Mosquitoes raced across the endless snows of Norway, banking so their pilots could stare out of the sides of the cockpit.

In the cockpit of one Mosquito, the pilot picked up a small blip on his radar. He flicked on his radio. “Echo Base,” he said, “I've got something! Not much, but it could be a life form.” His fighter banked left and toward the blip.

“This is Rogue Two. this is Rogue Two. Captain Olo, so you copy? Commander Skyhill, do you copy? This is Rogue Two.”

There was a sharp crackle of static, then a faint voice said, “Good morning! Nice of you guys to drop by.” It was Olo, and Rogue Two could see him emerging from a woolen tent carrying Commander Skyhill.

“Echo Base...” Rogue Two said into the radio, “this is Rogue Two. I found them! Repeat, I found them!” He grinned and made preparations to land.

**************

Winston sat up in a recovery-room bed, weak but smiling. He was scarred from fighting off the bear, but alive. Sethrepio and Arty entered, Arty barking as loudly and happily as he could.

“Master Winston, sir,” said Sethrepio, “it's good to see you alright again.”

Arty yapped and ran around in circles.

“Arty seems to think so, as well.” Hans walked in and grinned at Winston.

“How are you feeling, kid?” he said, “You don't look so bad to me. In fact, you look strong enough to pull the ears off a Canadian!”

Winston smirked. “Thanks to you.”

“That's two you owe me, junior,” Hans replied. Another person walked into the now-crowded room. It was Wilhelmina.

“Well your Worship,” Hans said, smirking, “looks like you managed to keep me around for a little while longer.”

“I had nothing to do with it,” the Queen replied haughtily, “General Rieauchinleck thinks it's dangerous for anyone to leave the country until we've activated the radar stations.”

“That's a good story,” replied Hans with every ounce of smugness he could muster, “I think you just can't bear to let a gorgeous guy like me out of your sight.”

“I don't know where you get you delusions, bullet brain.”

Eden laughed. “Laugh it up, fuzz ball,” Hans said defensively, “But you didn't see us alone in the south passage. She expressed her true feelings for me.”

Wilhelmina flushed. “Why, you stuck up... half-witted... scruffy-looking... Swede-herder!”

“Who's scruffy-looking?” Hans replied. The Queen gasped as she tried to come up with a response. Hans turned to Winston. “I must have hit her pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh, kid?”

“Well, I guess you don't know everything about women yet,” said Wilhelmina. She leant over and kissed Winston on the lips and stalked out. Winston folded his arms behind his head and grinned smugly.

“Headquarters personnel, report to command centre,” announced the tannoy.

“Take it easy,” said Hans, uncomfortably, and left.

**************
 

unmerged(47162)

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brazil huh? Stresemann as Yoda lol
 

GrimReaper

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Gustav Stresemann? :D

This is getting better and better.
 

unmerged(51002)

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**************

Hans rushed into the command centre right behind Wilhelmina. ”Queen...we have a visitor,” Rieauchinleck said, turning away from a radar screen. “We've picked up something outside the base in zone twelve, moving east.”

“It's probably metal,” said the radar officer, “there’s what could be a man next to it.”

“Then it couldn't be one of those creatures that attacked Winston,” said Wilhelmina.

“It could be a speeder,” Hans offered, “one of ours.”

“No,” replied the officer, tersely. “Wait -- there's something very weak coming through.” He flicked a switch and the radio crackled.

“Ich bin nahe der verbündeten Unterseite. Wenn Sie dieses lesen können, sind Sie deutsch, oder setzen Sie dieses in ein Übersetzung Programm ein. Ist dieses Recht? Alle Arbeit und keine Spielmarken Jack ein stumpfer Junge. Scheisse!”

“A German scout,” Rieauchinleck said, darkly.

“It’s a good bet the Axis knows we’re here,” Hans replied. The General nodded.

“We’d better start the evacuation,” he said.

**************

KMS Graf Spee slid through the waves, engines rumbling. Another Panzerschiffe drew level, and another. Bf109 fighters roared past, and then a shadow was cast on the ships and the planes.

Hundreds of metres of KMS Scharnhorst rumbled past, the Kriegsmarine’s newest vessel, a deadly weapon of war. Dozens of large cannons and smaller AA guns were liberally coated on the surface. A dozen more fighters screamed overhead.

On the bridge, all was activity. Dozens of officers were gathered over radar screens and radio reports. “Sir,” one officer called. An older man made his way over.

“Yes, Colonel,” said General Heinrich Himmler.

“I think we've got something, sir,” replied Colonel Paulus, “The report is only a fragment from a recon pilot in Norway, but it's the best lead we've had.”

“We have thousands of men searching the world,” blustered Himmler, “I want proof, not leads!”

“The photographs he sent by carrier-pigeon indicate life readings.”

“It could mean anything. If we followed every lead...”

Paulus summoned his last reserves of politeness. “But, sir, Norway is supposed to be all but empty.”

“You found something?” a deep voice intoned behind them, making them both jump.

“Yes, my lord,” said Paulus, handing the man the photographs.

“That's it. The Allies are there.”

“My lord, there are so many uncharted parts of Norway,” said Himmler, “It could be smugglers, it could be...”

“That is the country,” Darth Hitler insisted, “And I'm sure Skyhill is with them. Set your course for Norway!” He turned to the General who had been standing nearby. “General Guderian, prepare your men!”

**************
 

GrimReaper

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Excellent! :D

Keep 'em coming!
 

Jopi

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Great going, this is just as good as the other!