"A wehraboo and a hat in charge of Italy" A story AAR

[El Pip]

Welcome back!

That is some incredible counting by Paradox, but our Wehraboo did at least get his beloved Rommel so he might be slightly happy even if still has PASTA and the IA to deal with. Admittedly he's now probably got more Armoured units than North Africa infrastructure and the Italian supply system can support, but that is part of the fun.

I'm sure that if we get you and @roverS3 together, you can come up with an excellent presentation format. And then get @Bullfilter to pare it down to a usable UI and we'll have a nice GUI stew going!

I nominate Lord @El Pip to be in charge of South American cabinets of course. And of course the German economy unless we actually plan on selling this?

I accept that nomination. As I tell the minions, there are two ways to stand out; 1. Exceptional and back breaking effort combined with natural talent OR 2. Make sure you are being compared to idiots. As Paradox have set the bar on South American and the German economy so very low, anything I do cannot help but look amazing in comparison.

 

[Cromwell]

It's very thoughtful of you to push out a post from the barracks. You have the thanks of this grateful readAAR.

 

[Farsky]

Dear Lord it had been a long time...yes i thought this was dead as well...will explain why and how i am back later...for now UPDATE!
(if you see some things being different than they were i will explain in the next message why)

-+-

LAND WAR JUNE 6 tO SEPTEMBER 4

THE PIZZA AWAKENS!

Now that I knew what I had to deal with I knew I would have to make Italy into a strong Nation...not just a hard underbelly to protect Germany.

I would have to build an empire able to carry Germany on its back!

“That's impossible, you are playing Italy”,you say?”

“But Boss i didn't say anything!”

“Shut up Pasta you are interrupting my inspiring monologue to the void...now where was I..” I scratched my chin.
"Ah right! That's impossible you say?NOTHING is impossible to a student of WW2 German Tactics!”

“But you barely know anything real about…”

“Pasta order the Ethiopian Army to ttack and wipe out all the Brits in the area!”

“Ummm….army?You mean the rubble we have supporting the couple of regulars down there?”

“They are all rubble Pasta, they are Italians!But the Brits have a bunch of half equipped Indians down there so not much better. So tell him to attack or i will have his head on a NOODLE!”

Ethiopian Offensive

“Boss Boss good news! We broke through on the Suez!”

I got my head of the book i was reading describing the great victories of the Wehrmacht

“What how?We made 39 attempts,including trying to fill the canal with meatballs and it all failed!”

“Well apparently a part of the line was defended by some people from...Irab? Piraq?”

Weird FInest Hour you have there

“Some forgotten hellohole of the British empire that will never be important or cause war and controversies probably. So we beat them and crossed??”

“Nah we offered them some food and they just let us through and now we are rolling the British defensive lines”

I sighed..if its stupid but it works…

“Well that will prepare the ground for Rommel nicely at least.You know Pasta i had an idea”

“Oh dear”
“We need to make Italy stronger..and what is the best way to make the country stronger?”

“Peacefully developing it?”

“What OFC NOT! You just need to push around smaller countries and steal THEIR stuff!”

“So we are ATTACKING GREECE!”

A PERFECT PLAN! NOTHING COULD GO WRONG.

Look we are already winning the first battles!

“Ah boss news from Germany?”

“Did they finally declare war on Yugoslavia to come help us?”

“No apparently the are invading Norway”

I jumped up in panic!

That Italian guy leading Germany wasn't so bad to be capable of landing half the mechanised units of the Wehrmacht stuck and starving in the mountains of Norway right?!

RIGHT??

“Oh THANKS Rommel!”

Apparently Intelligenzo Artific was sleeping or something cause the invasion was an orderly and well planned affair… Quite refreshing to see really!

“Speaking of Rommel boss, we are ready to transport him to africa”

“Good,good...i see the security cordon is good”

“Did we really need to send all 3 fleet to protect him, boss?We are wasting so much fuel!”

“Fuel does not matter!If a single panzer gets lost due to a naval attack,I will use the Emperor Tiger to sink every single italian ship myself!”

“That ship is doing that regardless thought...oh look Rommel is safe and sound in Alexandria.”

Africa Corp arrives in Egypt...by ship this time.

“Oh yes Rommel is in Africa...oh yes LOOK AT HIM IN HIS DESERT UNIFORM...SO HANDSOME!”

“Ahem...Boss?”

“GO MY DESERT FOX! Roll over the Brits and the… Ibrakis… Ikakis..? WHATEVER! GO MY PRETTY GO.”

“Well boss you finally created a historical situation.”

“Yes, Rommel is winning so har..”

“Not that..i mean that Rommel is pushing and we are out of convoys so he will run of supplies”

“...”

“...”

“Well shit…..BUT HEY LOOK GREECE IS GOING WELL!”

“see??See??Italy under the command of Wehrmacht vetaran CAN invade Greece!”

“When did you become a veteran of anything other than foroum warfare boss?And anyway I think the tanks we made with the industry we stole from the French might have helped a tad.”

“Does industry matter thought?”

“Sigh...at least the Germans didnt fuck up the Invasion of Norway..and hey look GREECE capitulated..now maybe put some of that new industry to work on some convoys boss?”

“But i want heavy taaaaanks” i said...ok maybe i whined a bit.”

“We can get tanks later boss...you do still want your memories of the werhamt right ?

“Fiiine...at least my rabble down in Ethiopia beat the british rabble there…”

“Oh hey boss remember Yugoslavia?The Artifico woke up declared war on them!”

I turned and looked at Pasta… “But why?we already beat Greece...shouldn't they save their strength for the USSR?”

“Well boss we are not sure..but i do have a copy of the German declaration of war here.”

“Well give it to me”

From German Leader the Glorious Intelligenzo Artific
To:Whoever Random smuck is in charge of your state

“Hippity Hoppity
Your Piece of the Balkans
Is now my PROPERTY!”

End Message.

“Well shit...here we go again” i sighed

I seemed to be sighing more and more lately...​

 

[Farsky]

So hello for everyone who is gonna read this..i should explain the GIANT gap bettewn updates.

After i came back from the army i discover that my desktop was ....fried.

Not sure how it happened..i moved my pc and other valuables to my parents house since i didnt want to leave that stuff in a house tha would be empty for 9 months

But after i got it back and tried to open it...it didnt...long story short the HDD had been magnetically wiped clean....NO IDEA HOW... NO IDEA WHY...but it happened..

Now i had my pictures from the AAR (since i had played ahead a bit) on my laptop...BUT i didnt have the save..and while i automatically backup my vital files on a cloud i had not done that with the SAVE FILES.

So that was it right?save is gonne,i am busy looking for new work... AAR dead!

EXCEPT! Remember somehwere during the aar i wrote that i had computer problems...well i had apparently backuped my files then in a usb drive...which i had forgotten inside a suitcase...and i found that a week ago while on the way to belgium for job matters.

MINOR PROBLEM THOUGHT....the save was from February(in game).

So i did the only logical thing... I REPLAYED the February -June period enough times that i forgot how many it was...until i got a situaton that was similar enough to the previous one to continue...and thus.. here we are!

Some fun situation you guys will never see in this since they happened in the previous one:
-Germany Invading Casablanca with 2 full armor corps
-Finland encircng and killing 3 Soviet tank divisions

But we have new craziness to enjoy in this new reality...so enjoy!

 

[Bullfilter]

Welcome back! I’ll read through and comment on the latest ep a little later (am in the middle of publishing my own next chapter of Talking Turkey) but just wanted to say hi!

PS: and well done getting it to rise from the ashes.

 

[Farsky]

Welcome back! I’ll read through and comment on the latest ep a little later (am in the middle of publishing my own next chapter of Talking Turkey) but just wanted to say hi!

Thanks man! I have to catch up to so many AARs now..it gonna e heaven!

 

[Wraith11B]

Glad that Erdogan didn't muck up your service period... back to the real efforts of AAR writing!

 

[nuclearslurpee]

"Ah right! That's impossible you say?NOTHING is impossible to a student of WW2 German Tactics!”

“But you barely know anything real about…”

I really have missed this little AAR.

“Nah we offered them some food and they just let us through and now we are rolling the British defensive lines”

I sighed..if its stupid but it works…

In all seriousness this would have worked better in OTL than whatever nonsense the actual Italians were trying to do...

You know Pasta i had an idea”

“Oh dear”
“We need to make Italy stronger..and what is the best way to make the country stronger?”

“Peacefully developing it?”

“What OFC NOT! You just need to push around smaller countries and steal THEIR stuff!”

No, no, he has a point, he has a--

“So we are ATTACKING GREECE!”

A PERFECT PLAN! NOTHING COULD GO WRONG.

--never mind.

Apparently Intelligenzo Artific was sleeping or something cause the invasion was an orderly and well planned affair… Quite refreshing to see really!

This is easily the most shocking thing that has happened in this AAR. We can only hope the AI finds some new and imaginative way to cock it all up later.

“Well boss you finally created a historical situation.”

“Yes, Rommel is winning so har..”

“Not that..i mean that Rommel is pushing and we are out of convoys so he will run of supplies”

Brilliant line, this one!!

“Does industry matter thought?”

Spoken like a true wehraboo.

I turned and looked at Pasta… “But why?we already beat Greece...shouldn't they save their strength for the USSR?”

And there's the Paradox AI we all know and love, still somehow even stupider than real-life Nazis after all this time.

Glad you're back, even with the whirlwind of computer problems preceding you've gotten an update out and that is what matters.

 

[Surt]

Welcome back!

 

[Idhrendur]

Welcome back, and good work restoring the AAR!

 

[Bullfilter]

That's impossible you say?NOTHING is impossible to a student of WW2 German Tactics!

Nice line. Just don’t mention Stalingrad, Kursk etc. Best ignored like a real Wehraboo.

That Italian guy leading Germany wasn't so bad to be capable of landing half the mechanised units of the Wehrmacht stuck and starving in the mountains of Norway right?!

Apparently Intelligenzo Artific was sleeping or something cause the invasion was an orderly and well planned affair… Quite refreshing to see really!

This is easily the most shocking thing that has happened in this AAR.

Agreed. My extremities remain numb from the shock to the system.

oh look Rommel is safe and sound in Alexandria.

And by Italian ship - oh, the shame.

Not that..i mean that Rommel is pushing and we are out of convoys so he will run of supplies

and hey look GREECE capitulated

Without German help. Almost as shocking as the Norway non-debacle.

And there's the Paradox AI we all know and love, still somehow even stupider than real-life Nazis after all this time.

And that takes some doing.

 

[Cromwell]

Great to see this back, and good that you are back safe. The competent and orderly invasion of Greece was a shock to see from Italy! I'm looking forwards to seeing what the future holds for the brand new Roman Empire!

 

[guillec87]

glad you are baaaaack!

 

[roverS3]

I'm glad to hear you managed to salvage this game despite that pesky fried desktop computer. Thanks for reminding me to back up my own game.

I do have to say, those Italian victories in both North and Eastern Africa are quite disconcerting, though off course they are tempered by Germany's hamfisted approach to the war.

Great to be back, great to have you back.

 

[Farsky]

I'm glad to hear you managed to salvage this game despite that pesky fried desktop computer. Thanks for reminding me to back up my own game.

I do have to say, those Italian victories in both North and Eastern Africa are quite disconcerting, though off course they are tempered by Germany's hamfisted approach to the war.

Great to be back, great to have you back.

honestly the greek campaign in that last attempt was so...weird...the Greeks just left the mainland at one point and went down to the peloponese..

 

[El Pip]

Glad to see this back and that the story (and you) have survived the army, random magnetism and the treacherous flatness that is the Former Low Country of Flanoonistan (Belgium).

Pasta is getting all the best lines in this, as others have said the Rommel supply line bit was wonderful and his general lack of respect for his wehraboo boss makes me smile.