"A wehraboo and a hat in charge of Italy" A story AAR

[nuclearslurpee]

Convoy situation is looking quite dire indeed... even if we can build more, they'll keep being sunk faster than we can build them if we can't get the Allied subs out of the Mediterranean. That means we either need to develop better ASW capabilities yesterday, or take out Gibraltar and the Suez...also yesterday.

“Well how was I supposed to know that Italians need some comfort to fight a war?? Proper German troops would be just fine without supplies!”


“Do you want to talk about Stal//”


“OH LOOK MORE VICTORIES!”

“No they are bombing Germ...you know what nvm… Yes we have to save the Italian Heavy Pasta Industry.”

Reallly loving the Wehraboo flavor for comedy value in this AAR!

“WHAT THE HELL IS THE MAIN FLEET DOING THERE??”


“Ah yes the Duce ordered them to do a pass through the Ethiopian front to raise Morale”


“GET THEM BACK IN THE MEDDITERENEAN IMMEDIATELY!!”

I too look forward to this growing confrontation with Il Douche. Will be interesting to see as a readAAR if there is a negative influence from his character on the player's performance, or if he's merely a narrative device to explain stupid decisions.

 

[Farsky]

Who needs convoys when you have transport planes. Time for the great Libyan Airlift !

I am already doing that...but with one transport plane its kind of difficult to supplys over 15 divisions in all of Africa

Thankfully the supplies already in Africa seem to be able to hold for a month that i need

Given that huge chunks of the RN and MN have been sunk for basically no important Italian losses (convoys are, in the scheme of things, cheap to replace), the evidence suggests that even an inept fanboy is able to easily beat the AI.

The depressing thing is that i STILL dont know how to use my fleet optimallu and when i started i barely knew at all...as showcased by my loss of most patrol groups of ships throught the battles....sent them to patrol agressively before i realized that was stupid..

And the ai is still losing terribly becuase.....well bad compositions and seer stupidity...

And if you had properly invested in interceptors, or multirole fighters, they would be tearing those CAGs to shreds. CAGs are one of the few units in the game which are far easier to eliminate completely.

My fighters are not terrible but yeah they are 1936 tech with 1938 doctorines right now..when you sink half your research into ships thats what happens

I too look forward to this growing confrontation with Il Douche. Will be interesting to see as a readAAR if there is a negative influence from his character on the player's performance, or if he's merely a narrative device to explain stupid decisions.

Things will start to change after the fall of France...cause it happened in a very interesting way...but i am gonna keep my cards close to the chest on that one..

As for the stupid desicions part...I have NO idea what my fleet was doing here...i think i clicked it on interecept onje square to far on the left and since i controlled the suez now they wanted to pass throught all of Africa and go to the other side of spain.

Might as well name them 2nd Italian Pacific squadron next time!

 

[Farsky]

DAMN this one took a while..i tried something different hope you guys enjoy it.
=======================================================================

LAND WAR FEBRUARY-7TH OF APRIL


CARRYING THE AXIS ON OUR BACK


The Tunisian and the French front were progressing well.

And Both were facing the French

Coincidence?

I think not

The Egyptian front had been an utter disaster...we won so hard that Rommel might not even bother to come!

And the Ethiopian Front..


GOD DAMN BRITISH MARINES!

At last after almost a month of hard fighting we were able to repel them from the port,securing our rear.


In the meantime the pocket around the Alps continued to squeeze tighter and tighter

“You know PASTA i may be talking bad about the Italians but let's be honest they have done decently well...for Italians”


“Oh boss you sweet talker you”


“Okay okay enough...and stop doing heart signs! How are the other fronts going?”


“All are going well..thought the battle for Toulouse is especially fierce”

“That poor General..what a name...And the Push towards Vichy?”


“Going well so far boss!”


“Of course it is since there is no resistance!We need that airport!Tell them to hurry up!”


“Should I promise them schnitzels again?”


“Umm..no better do due to our convoys ceasing their existence we don't really have many of those.”


“. . . “


“And speaaaaaaking of schnitzels...what is Germany doing?”


“Well boss….have you heard of the novel ”All is quiet on the western front ``?''


“DID YOU AT LEAST ask them to send some units to support our breakthrough?”


“Oh that I did!”


“And the answer?”


A piece of paper suddenly appeared on his newly acquired hands..wait how was he reading that stuff anyway?”


“To the leader of Italy

Our leader is currently taking a nap.Will inform you about his decisions when he wakes up.

Best Regards OKW”


As he was reading it i noticed something scribbled in the back of the paper..but i was sure it was there by accident


After all why would the German High Command scribble “HELP US” on the back of the paper?


“But hey boss they at least promised us some industrial support!”


“Well that's something i guess..”

“Oh and we have something else coming from the Franco-German border as well!”


“THEY SENT ROMMEL?FINALLY!!”


“Hmmm...sorry to disappoint you i meant from the other side of the border”

“FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!Tell our troops to close the Alps Pocket as fast as possible!And order the tanks to stop their advance and take defensive positions!”


The closing of the pocket started with the French Armored Divisions offering some resistance

But thanks to their disorganized retreat they were divided and forced to surrender by the next day.


And none too soon cause i desperately needed more forces in the north.

Thankfully after some initial defeats and with more forces moving north the front stabilized


“Dios mios,that was close hah boss?”


“Now is not the time to relax PASTA we need to counterattack!Any news from Germany?”

The series of battles around the Taraze Area were some of the toughest of the campaign.



“LEFT LEFT..NO GO RIGHT !...YOU GUYS ,SUPPORT THEIR ATTACKS YOU FOOLS!!”


“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE SUPPLIES??I DON'T CARE JUST BAYONET THEM IF YOU HAVE TO!”


“WERE YOU CRETINS ASSIGNED TO THE 33 CAUSE THAT'S HOW MANY MINUTES IT TAKES YOU TO CROSS 100 METERS? GO FASTER!”

“GO ITALY GO! GO ITALY GO!”



“PASTA STOP THAT STUPID CHEERLEADING ROUTINE AND HELP ME OUT HERE!And what is Germany doing?”


“Umm...moving troops from Denmark?”

“What?why now what the hell are they thinking… NO YOU PIZZA LOVING DUMBASS ATTACK ON THE LEFT!”


“NEVER MIND THAT ONE IS LOST! YOU GUYS FALL BACK ! SENT THE TANKS FORWARD!”

“Boss they are also trying to take the airfield in Vichy!”


“You handle that PASTA i am busy! IN THE NAME OF ROMMEL HOLD AT ALL COSTS!!”

Suddenly as things just started going well the screen beneath me depicting the world froze.


“Ummm what the hell?”


A small window popped up


==============================

HOI3-DIVINE-EDITION.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING


PLEASE WAIT WHILE WE RESTART

==============================

"Ummmm"

And then a second window

==============================

AND WHILE YOU WAIT


HERE'S A MESSAGE FROM OUR SPONSORS

THE GERMAN BUREAU OF TOURISM!

==============================


“Ehh wha…”


An image appeared in the screen And a narrator had started talking.

+----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------+

“Did you ever wanted to safely visit an active war front?OF COURSE YOU DID! And now you CAN!”


“Introducing the French front!The most peaceful active warzone in the world!”


“Look nothing has changed in an entire month!”

“Visit the trenches!

Enter the bunkers!

And gaze upon the soon to be German land on the other side of the temporary border!”


“And all that for the low low price of 10.000 reichmarks!”


“Call us now!”


*The Bureau is not responsives for any injuries caused by snipers,airstrikes,sudden artillery barrages or random landmines.All prices are subject to changes according to inflation rates which changes hourly


+----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------+



Before i could overcome my shock the world map reappeared and i was back to screaming orders trying to stabilize the line


Thankfully by the start of the next month everything was safe...or at least safe-ish

Sitting down and trying to stop gasping for breath i looked at PASTA


“What w...what was that?”


He hovered left and right putting his hands behind him.


Even as a faceless hat he looked mighty uncomfortable


“Umm well boss...Maintaining an entire world is not cheap and the developing costs are rising..So even GOTI needed some sponsors”


“...At least tell me there are no...”


“NOO!We have NO loot boxes!!”


“And thanks Rommel for that I guess..”
​

 

[roverS3]

DAMN this one took a while..i tried something different hope you guys enjoy it.

A while is definitely a relative concept. You delighted us with an update yesterday, and here you are again, with another one. That kind of fast paced update delivery is a rarity in AARland. (though, to be fair, some do pull it off.)

Quite the funny picture, I'm sure they're having a lot of fun, or possibly they're testing out a new delivery method for Falmschirmjäger... There is one small inaccuracy though: I'm quite certain that massive gun and bunker was part of the Atlantic wall. Source: I visited it on holiday a couple of years ago. Sadly, the gun isn't there anymore, but the main bunker has been turned into a museum, and they parked a rather large German railway gun next to it. Definitely worth a visit. The museum is called "Musée du Mur de l'Atlantique - La Batterie Todt", and is located just outside of the coastal town of Ambleteuse. It used to be part of a complex of 4 bunkers, counting a total of 4 380mm Naval Guns with a max range of ca. 42 km. The guns being located a mere 29 km from the English coast, they could lob shells across the channel. This wasn't the only battery, but until the Lindemann battery became operational in 1943, it had the biggest guns. The initial British reply to the installation of these, and other guns that could shoot across the channel, was to grab a pair of 14" guns they had lying around from the KGV Battleship programme, mount them on rudimentary mounts, and shoot back. They were called 'Winnie' and 'Pooh'. All of that is to say: If the Germans are actually on the channel coast, and they've already built this massive battery, they have every right to chill a bit... and there is something wrong with your map... Just kidding. I thought you might like the added information, the picture is certainly thematically appropriate.

“And all that for the low low price of 10.000 reichmarks!”
“Call us now!”

This has to be the bargain of the century, only 10.000 reichsmarks, that's nothing! Count me in.

 

[Bullfilter]

A piece of paper suddenly appeared on his newly acquired hands..wait how was he reading that stuff anyway?”

A very good question - will the hat grow zany eyes next? The kind that hang down from springs, with jiggly eyeballs?

And order the tanks to stop their advance and take defensive positions!”

That sounds a bit more Italian. But then they didn’t retreat the moment the pressure built - very wrong.

Any news from Germany?”

“Umm...moving troops from Denmark?”

The German timepiece runs very strictly and precisely. You have moved on France early, while they have their little routine of taking down minor countries before they launch on France itself. You hotheaded Italians just need to get into lockstep with the Fatherland. Mussolini should be used to doing that with Hitler. Who deserve each other.

“Introducing the French front!The most peaceful active warzone in the world!”

 

[Farsky]

This has to be the bargain of the century, only 10.000 reichsmarks, that's nothing! Count me in.

Thank you for your call sir!We are sorry to inform you that due to soaring inflation rates your 10.000 reichmarks can only buy a loaf of bread now and the Grand tour of the front is prized at 1000000000003.7 reichmarks

Also while i knew the guns were from the Atlantic wall i didnt know all those detail that was super interesting thanks for sharing!

But yeah that photo was just TOO good not to include

 

[Farsky]

I forgot about this Yesterday

SITUATION AT ALL FRONTS AT 7TH OF APRIL.

​

 

[Wraith11B]

One didn't show for me.

 

[Bullfilter]

One didn't show for me.

Nor me

 

[Farsky]

I dont know why its doing that...there is NOT third picture..and when i tried to edit it there is nothing there

Edit. Okay i deleted everything and then posted everything again that fixed it

 

[Bullfilter]

I forgot about this Yesterday

SITUATION AT ALL FRONTS AT 7TH OF APRIL.

​

so this is all I see for that post - a title and nothing else

I dont know why its doing that...there is NOT third picture..and when i tried to edit it there is nothing there

Edit. Okay i deleted everything and then posted everything again that fixed it

Not sure what you’re referring to here

 

[El Pip]

I see two pictures showing four fronts. So maybe that is working?

Anyway I am delighted to see Paradox's AI living down to it's abysmal reputation. It is amazingly amusing how badly it copes with any slight deviation from the railroad.

In this case I believe the German AI is confuse by not being at war with Belgium/Netherlands and France. The AI script works hard to force the AI through the low countries, mostly by making Germany refuse to attack the Maginot Line. So if there is no route to France other than the Maginot, the German AI just stares the French out and waits for someone else to do something.

I have seen Germany try and send forces around through the Franco-Italian border and invade from the south up, but if the player country is Italy that tends not to happen. Being generous it could be a deliberate feature to stop the AI ruining an Italian players game by having Germany randomly show up and charge through.

EDIT:
That's a point, maybe things have gone so badly off the rails the Deliberately Rubbish French AI hasn't been triggered. I accept even a Paradox 'best effort' AI is poor, but maybe France will not be as crippled as it is normally.

 

[nuclearslurpee]

I see two pictures showing four fronts. So maybe that is working?

Anyway I am delighted to see Paradox's AI living down to it's abysmal reputation. It is amazingly amusing how badly it copes with any slight deviation from the railroad.

In this case I believe the German AI is confuse by not being at war with Belgium/Netherlands and France. The AI script works hard to force the AI through the low countries, mostly by making Germany refuse to attack the Maginot Line. So if there is no route to France other than the Maginot, the German AI just stares the French out and waits for someone else to do something.

I have seen Germany try and send forces around through the Franco-Italian border and invade from the south up, but if the player country is Italy that tends not to happen. Being generous it could be a deliberate feature to stop the AI ruining an Italian players game by having Germany randomly show up and charge through.

EDIT:
That's a point, maybe things have gone so badly off the rails the Deliberately Rubbish French AI hasn't been triggered. I accept even a Paradox 'best effort' AI is poor, but maybe France will not be as crippled as it is normally.

Generally, it's less that Germany refuses to attack the Maginot line, but the military AI in general will not attack defending units in heavily-fortified provinces unless it feels that it has a truly overwhelming advantage.Of course, a player is smart enough to deploy dedicated anti-fort units, such as there are, and break through anyways if he is suitably stubborn, but the AI for some reason was never taught how to correctly use specialized units, and sadly this is the part of the AI which is inaccessible to modders.

However, what's also probably at play here is that the German AI is still stuck in their script at the part where they invade Denmark and Norway, as the Norway invasion in particular has a tendency to go spectacularly badly and the German AI can be stuck here quite often and tries to aim most of their troops in that direction. With any luck, come May the AI will trigger the usual BeNeLux DoWs and proceed with business as usual.

 

[Farsky]

so this is all I see for that post - a title and nothing else

That was quite funny cause even in your quote i could see the 2 pictures i had posted

Anyway it should be fixed now i remade the pictures and reposted them so whatever problem you had should be fixed. There should be 2 pictures showing 4 fronts

So if there is no route to France other than the Maginot, the German AI just stares the French out and waits for someone else to do something.

Funny you would say that...

That's a point, maybe things have gone so badly off the rails the Deliberately Rubbish French AI hasn't been triggered. I accept even a Paradox 'best effort' AI is poor, but maybe France will not be as crippled as it is normally.

Yeah the French counterattack was pretty good.If their divisions had at least arrtilery in them it would have been realy hard to stop them especially since my Armor divisions were still triangular divisions at that point

But damn that was a nice battle

 

[Farsky]

business as usual.

As you will soon see there is NO SUCH THING in this playthrought...

 

[Bullfilter]

That was quite funny cause even in your quote i could see the 2 pictures i had posted

Anyway it should be fixed now i remade the pictures and reposted them so whatever problem you had should be fixed. There should be 2 pictures showing 4 fronts

That’s fixed it, can see them now. But not in that quote box, which still shows empty to me. I think the German AI from your game has somehow hacked the various servers involved to try to cover up its lack of action against France.

As I mentioned earlier and agree with subsequent posters, I think it’s game clock/script related. Could you try DoWing Benelux to see if that would get the Germans moving?

 

[Surt]

I like the new German Sturm-falschirmjäger-deployer!!!

 

[Farsky]

7TH OF APRIL TO 6TH OF JUNE

PUTTING OUR TRUST IN OUR IRON WALLS



The rest of April passed fairly quitletly


A few scattered successes still happened here and there thought

But without many convoys few things happened.We had no reasons to put our navy (and more specifically our precious Emperor Tiger) in danger so we stayed back and repaired.


But as April rolled into May the first few convoys started rolling out of their shipyards.


So it was time to reinforce the occupied Territories in Africa with Garrison and some…”Compliance”

Units


After all we DONT WANT more British marines to appear!

The Main fleet covered the transport but suddenly our planes spotted something more important…

“BRITISH CAPITAL SHIPS!”


Taking a deep breath i did my best raspy voice


“Huuunt them doooown...Kiiiiiill them..Maaaake theeeem Suuuuffeeer”


“Umm boss you okay?You want a mint?”


“It's a reference to...sigh never mind why am I even trying with you..”

“Hey they learned how to use fire control systems boss!”


“Almost a year at war more than 80 naval battles and you just learn how to do that..at least now they will STOP SHOOTING OUR OWN SHIPS!”


Regardless it was time to activate operation IRON WALL


Mission:Blockade Malta and then BOMB IT TO THE GROUND!


The PLAN: Rotate blockading fleet outside of Malta while the other 2 fleets would hunt down as many ships and guide them to Malta.Then we would bomb them back to the STONE age

The aircraft carriers were easily maneuvered into the port and blockaded


And then as the British tried to relieve their carriers..the party Begun


QUE THE CLOWN MUSIC


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jedLe GcfE

AND oh look the French came out to play!

Why are you RUNNING??


Oh wait right...French..sorry i forgot


Nice more French..and these French CAN'T RUN

“And we keep on singing and we keep on singing..:”


“Ummm boss your singing is causing morale problems”


“Oh shut it...How are our bombers doing?”


“Well..we had a BIG success!”

“That's it?That ship was a floating WRECK when it entered port...what the hell is our bombers using if they can't sink any other ships?”


“Well….Rock meatballs!”


“...”


“...”


“They don't have bombs??BUT WE HAVE THEM RESEARCHED!!!”


“Well boss we need time to build them and send them to them you know..we only researched the design..we need the tools to make them and the modifications to use them and..”


“Wait you are telling me that designing something does NOT mean you can build it immediately???”


My mind was blown.
​

 

[Farsky]

So i am sorry to say the AAR will enter a hiatus for 9 months after next week for the same reason this update was so slow to come:i got called in the Army which mean i will be without computer for the next nine months.I will try to deliver the next land update to leave the AAR in a good point.But no promises since i have a lot of preparation with leaving my work and preparing the paperwork and my stuff for all that time

Thanks for all the support and the interesting comments.It was a fun experience and an AAR i hope to complete when i am back next winter!

 

[Bullfilter]

Good luck with the call up. Were there pictures with the last update? If so, none were visible to me.