Italy is fun to play! Even a Generalissimo Zero is a god when he is backed by that many Black Shirts 
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I am enjoying this one immensely. I cannot wait to see what horrors emerge from the Italian Heavy Tank programme, werhaboo logic and priorities combined with WW2 Italy's famed talent for weapon development and precsion engineering could produce something very special.
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New room,new puppet,new wars in the neighborhood
While i was trying to organize the rest of the army in a semi-capable force the advance on Ethiopia continued
Surely even the italian would not fuck up with that kind of numerical supperiority...But the advance was slow for some reason…
No supplies?? BAH!! God damn Italians can't fight without their pizza or something!!
Nevertheless the advanced continue quite successfully...Finally things were going well!!
ME AND MY BIG FUCKING MOUTH!
I called the officer in charge of the battle on the radio
“So mister I-don't-care-about-your-name how did you lose the battle when you outnumbered them enemy 2-1?”
“Well sir there was this river”
“Annnnd?”
“And we don't have any engineersto make bridges over it cause they all quit and went to work on the pizza factories...so we had to swim”
“........wonderfull…..carry on..”
The advance was slow but steady
meanwhile I was almost done with the army reorg when i heard a voice behind me
“Yawn ,that was a nice nap how are you doing ...MAMA MIA why are you eye bags the size of peperoni??”
I lunged and grabbed the stupid hat from its stupid feathers.
“DO YOU KNOW HOW TIRING WAS TO BE ALL ALONE IN A WHITE SPACE AND TRYING TO REORGINIZE ALL THE STUPID ITALIAN BINARY DIVISIONS??”
“Wow wow calm down there!Also why is it still white here you could have anything you wanted!”
I stopped shaking the hat around “You mean i can make a room in here?”
“A room a mansion a castle whatever you fancy really...GOHi might be harsh but he still has to provide basic amenities to those suffering divine punishment...otherwise he would be hounded by the Union of Punished Idiots day and night!”
I focused on visualizing my ideal room
THIS IS PERFECT
I heard a retching sound coming from PASTA but I am sure it was just due to shock cause by the beauty of the room.
As for the army it was finally organized.
On the left facing the French there are 2 divisions per tile.
I also moved 1 corp on the African Front facing the british and named it appropriately
As I was sitting in my amazing new room finally relaxing news arrived that my forces in Ethiopia finally had enough supplies for the final assault
Some would say this is overkill.Those people have not seen Italians fight ...poor choice of words NO ONE has seen Italians FIGHT.
Soon the last Ethiopia forces were in full retreat and they had no other choice but to surrender.
AND THERE DEFINITELY WASN'T ANY USE OF ANY KIND OF POISON GAS.
DEFINITELY
But just as I was ordering the demobilization of all of our forces a new war erupted...and it was a messy one..
Spain apparently had a bad case of Communist flu.
“Hey Boss”,PASTA said,” we have a telegram from the Spanish Nationalists asking for help”
“Eh they can deal with their own pro..” I stopped as a sudden flash of brilliance overcame me
“Wait...sent them help.. But make sure THE STUPID TANKETES GO FIRST!!”
“You got it boss.Gonna sent my babies to save the day ha?”
“Ummmm...yeah sure..thats the reason..”
Later in the month as i was eating some snitchels a new telegram arrived.together with a photo
From Generalisimo Franco. To leader of Italy. FUCK YOU. End message.
It was the first time since assuming control of Italy I felt fully happy.
While i was trying to organize the rest of the army in a semi-capable force the advance on Ethiopia continued
Surely even the italian would not fuck up with that kind of numerical supperiority...But the advance was slow for some reason…
No supplies?? BAH!! God damn Italians can't fight without their pizza or something!!
Nevertheless the advanced continue quite successfully...Finally things were going well!!
[
ME AND MY BIG FUCKING MOUTH!
I called the officer in charge of the battle on the radio
“So mister I-don't-care-about-your-name how did you lose the battle when you outnumbered them enemy 2-1?”
“Well sir there was this river”
“Annnnd?”
“And we don't have any engineersto make bridges over it cause they all quit and went to work on the pizza factories...so we had to swim”
“........wonderfull…..carry on..”
The advance was slow but steady
meanwhile I was almost done with the army reorg when i heard a voice behind me
“Yawn ,that was a nice nap how are you doing ...MAMA MIA why are you eye bags the size of peperoni??”
I lunged and grabbed the stupid hat from its stupid feathers.
“DO YOU KNOW HOW TIRING WAS TO BE ALL ALONE IN A WHITE SPACE AND TRYING TO REORGINIZE ALL THE STUPID ITALIAN BINARY DIVISIONS??”
“Wow wow calm down there!Also why is it still white here you could have anything you wanted!”
I stopped shaking the hat around “You mean i can make a room in here?”
“A room a mansion a castle whatever you fancy really...GOHi might be harsh but he still has to provide basic amenities to those suffering divine punishment...otherwise he would be hounded by the Union of Punished Idiots day and night!”
I focused on visualizing my ideal room
THIS IS PERFECT
I heard a retching sound coming from PASTA but I am sure it was just due to shock cause by the beauty of the room.
As for the army it was finally organized.
On the left facing the French there are 2 divisions per tile.
I also moved 1 corp on the African Front facing the british and named it appropriately
As I was sitting in my amazing new room finally relaxing news arrived that my forces in Ethiopia finally had enough supplies for the final assault
Some would say this is overkill.Those people have not seen Italians fight ...poor choice of words NO ONE has seen Italians FIGHT.
Soon the last Ethiopia forces were in full retreat and they had no other choice but to surrender.
AND THERE DEFINITELY WASN'T ANY USE OF ANY KIND OF POISON GAS.
DEFINITELY
But just as I was ordering the demobilization of all of our forces a new war erupted...and it was a messy one..
Spain apparently had a bad case of Communist flu.
“Hey Boss”,PASTA said,” we have a telegram from the Spanish Nationalists asking for help”
“Eh they can deal with their own pro..” I stopped as a sudden flash of brilliance overcame me
“Wait...sent them help.. But make sure THE STUPID TANKETES GO FIRST!!”
“You got it boss.Gonna sent my babies to save the day ha?”
“Ummmm...yeah sure..thats the reason..”
Later in the month as i was eating some snitchels a new telegram arrived.together with a photo
From Generalisimo Franco. To leader of Italy. FUCK YOU. End message.
It was the first time since assuming control of Italy I felt fully happy.
Welcome!And believe me while searching on the topic of Italian heavy tanks i have seen some true horrors...which i will be happy to share when the time comes
Welcome!
ALSO in general the update schedule will be very chaotic due to my work.I actually make these during work since we are allowed to bring a computer to do whatever we wish since our job require as to be on stand by for 12 hours a day.Problem is that when we are actually called its all hands on deck and the problem might take days to solve.
And for the first time in history, somebody actually wished to be French, as the output from the baguette factories would have been a far more practical substitute for the lack of bridges.
If you hear a faint sound in the distance which sounds like the voice of Katey Sagal sighing "Oh Lord...", it's not a Futurama rerun, it's me.I focused on visualizing my ideal room
THIS IS PERFECT
Nonsense! There was quite a row at the pizza factory last week, when management tried to push this new "pineapple-on-pizza" on the workers. I tell you, too many more corporate blunders like that and we'll all be calling each other "Comrade" sooner than later...
Truly, Italy at her best here: "helping" her "allies" to the best of her abilities!Later in the month as i was eating some snitchels a new telegram arrived.together with a photo
From Generalisimo Franco. To leader of Italy. FUCK YOU. End message.
It was the first time since assuming control of Italy I felt fully happy.
But then what would we fire out of our submarine tubes?
The words Pinnaple on pizza are enough to plunge the entire country of Italy into complete Civil war
i will try to do one more today we shall see
We're Italians, the question of what we should fire is quite far removed from the reality of whether or not we can even fire at all!
- 1
When i google "wehraboo room" that was EXACTLY what i had in mind...i just dint expect the damn thing to actually EXIST!!
Also i just researched the SH battleships and HOLY SHIT are they complete and utter trash...gonna sit down and make the update now.
Also anyone knows why i keep having my fuel "traded away" when i am not selling it to anybody?
Considering how HOI3 works, they may be waiting for a long time. Sure, the German AI usually sends over expeditionary forces to Libya, but it's not hard-coded for it to send over Rommel... Maybe the Wheraboo will get lucky, maybe not. I guess we'll see.
Before I scrolled down to the actual picture, I thought you might use a picture of the nazi HQ in 'Blues Brothers'. But somehow, the room you picked had a lot more German memorabilia in it.
Yes, but they are Yuuuge (Just imagine Trump saying it). Has to count for something...
There could be several reasons for this. One could be that you have units that use fuel in foreign territory, probably Cavalry in Ethiopia. The way the game handles troops in allied territory is to supply them from the ally's stockpile and then to 'refund' said ally with the amount used. Another possibility is that the game is somewhat confused, and that it is counting some, or all, of the fuel you're shipping to your colonies as outward trade. Considering the supply convoy system and the seaborne trade system are basically the same, I wouldn't rule out the possibility of such a bug.
I expect that civil war would be rather short-lived, as the pizza-traditionalists would vastly outnumber the Pineapple proponents. I can guarantee you that it wasn't an Italian who came up with the monstrous idea of putting pineapple on pizza. In my experience, the vast majority of traditional Italian places (that are actually run by Italians) don't offer it as a topping.The words Pinnaple on pizza are enough to plunge the entire country of Italy into complete Civil war
Amazing designs and some peace and quiet
After Ethiopia's surrender the forces in the area were reorganized under one army
The goal of those forces would be to occupy the British forces in the area and keep as many forces away from Rommel when its his time to roll up North Africa
Some other forces were also redeployed either to italy or in western Libya facing against French tunisia
And to not face another incident were a little bit of water stopped more than 20 thousands troops on their tracks we brought some engineers back in the army with the good old fashioned technique of “JOIN OR DIE”
With more industrial might finally coming online it was time to start improving our forces as well.The first 2 battleships were ordered.
Allthought their names were stupid and italian i could fix that later.
“Hey boss good news!!Our boys over at the design bureau finally came up with heavier armor designs”
“Truly Pasta?Best news i heard since...well ever really!!”
“Right!Lets see what our boys came up with”
“You will love it boss man it's amazing!Best tank i ever saw!!”
I felt a chill pass through me when i heard those words
“What was the previous best tank you had seen Pasta?”
“Why the L35 of course!!”
Filled with dread, I looked at the design of the first medium tank at our disposal.
Fiat 2000 Medium tank of the Italian Army
I stared silent in the design while Pasta oohed and aahed.
“Pasta?”
“Yes boss?You want me to order this bad boy mass produced?”
“No.But sent a message to the tank design bureau.Tell them they have all volunteered for service in the Spanish Civil war.”
Drinking some good german beer i managed to recover from the shock.At least a message coming from the French made my mood
As if the french could have popular ANYTHING!
But just as I was starting to relax i heard PASTA called me again
“Hey boss our boys in the light tank designs have come up with a new model...although I still say its not cute enough”
I sighed and went to see what new monstrocity the italian scientist were going to create.
L6/40 Light tank of the Italian Army
I blinked a couple times and pinched myself just to make sure I wasn't dreaming.
“That looks...that looks surprisingly ok…”
“Eh i still say in need some more machine guns..also its too tall!”
Ignoring Pasta,something that became more and more common as time went on i ordered the conversion of all cavalry divisions to divisions of light armor.
Until I could finally design something half as good as the King tiger they would have to do.
The effort to bring the Italian army out of its emo WW1 phase had begun
And then something AMAZING HAPPENED. 3 good pieces of news arrived
First our spies bribed a french Naval designers with Pizza...and considering the food the french usually consume that was enough for him to give us the designs of something amazing
This intelligence coup opened up all kinds of...interesting possibilities.
After that the designs for our very own super heavy were completed!
The new battleships with 20 18 inch guns was immediately put into production
It was strong.It had super heavy armor.It had big guns.It also had A LOT of guns.
It was perfection incarnate
The Royal navy won't know what hit them.
As for the last bit of good news.
“Hey boss something interesting was found inside the archives...its called Atomic Theory”
I stopped playing with my king Tiger miniature
“What did you say?”
After Ethiopia's surrender the forces in the area were reorganized under one army
The goal of those forces would be to occupy the British forces in the area and keep as many forces away from Rommel when its his time to roll up North Africa
Some other forces were also redeployed either to italy or in western Libya facing against French tunisia
And to not face another incident were a little bit of water stopped more than 20 thousands troops on their tracks we brought some engineers back in the army with the good old fashioned technique of “JOIN OR DIE”
With more industrial might finally coming online it was time to start improving our forces as well.The first 2 battleships were ordered.
Allthought their names were stupid and italian i could fix that later.
“Hey boss good news!!Our boys over at the design bureau finally came up with heavier armor designs”
“Truly Pasta?Best news i heard since...well ever really!!”
“Right!Lets see what our boys came up with”
“You will love it boss man it's amazing!Best tank i ever saw!!”
I felt a chill pass through me when i heard those words
“What was the previous best tank you had seen Pasta?”
“Why the L35 of course!!”
Filled with dread, I looked at the design of the first medium tank at our disposal.
Fiat 2000 Medium tank of the Italian Army
I stared silent in the design while Pasta oohed and aahed.
“Pasta?”
“Yes boss?You want me to order this bad boy mass produced?”
“No.But sent a message to the tank design bureau.Tell them they have all volunteered for service in the Spanish Civil war.”
Drinking some good german beer i managed to recover from the shock.At least a message coming from the French made my mood
As if the french could have popular ANYTHING!
But just as I was starting to relax i heard PASTA called me again
“Hey boss our boys in the light tank designs have come up with a new model...although I still say its not cute enough”
I sighed and went to see what new monstrocity the italian scientist were going to create.
L6/40 Light tank of the Italian Army
I blinked a couple times and pinched myself just to make sure I wasn't dreaming.
“That looks...that looks surprisingly ok…”
“Eh i still say in need some more machine guns..also its too tall!”
Ignoring Pasta,something that became more and more common as time went on i ordered the conversion of all cavalry divisions to divisions of light armor.
Until I could finally design something half as good as the King tiger they would have to do.
The effort to bring the Italian army out of its emo WW1 phase had begun
And then something AMAZING HAPPENED. 3 good pieces of news arrived
First our spies bribed a french Naval designers with Pizza...and considering the food the french usually consume that was enough for him to give us the designs of something amazing
This intelligence coup opened up all kinds of...interesting possibilities.
After that the designs for our very own super heavy were completed!
The new battleships with 20 18 inch guns was immediately put into production
It was strong.It had super heavy armor.It had big guns.It also had A LOT of guns.
It was perfection incarnate
The Royal navy won't know what hit them.
As for the last bit of good news.
“Hey boss something interesting was found inside the archives...its called Atomic Theory”
I stopped playing with my king Tiger miniature
“What did you say?”
- 1
I am not above abusing the console commands in the name of comedy and drama
Also this is the last update for today and propably tommorow as well.Do let me know if you prefer the new all centered format or not guys.Enjoy and may our lord and Savior Rommel save us all.
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He is still in Italy currently so he is not a traitor yet.He will work for the glory of the German Army!
I swear, I think that SH Battleship will sink under the weight of its guns and armor... to be fair, I doubt that Italy has a drydock big enough to build them in.... @El Pip might know.
I think the main concern is the entire ship rolling over if it ever tries to fire a broadside.
You are also correct it is never going to fit. Biggest 30s Italian drydock was in Genoa and it could take ships up to 270m x 33m x 11m draft. Ish on all those numbers except length, as the Liner SS Rex was hard limited to that length by the Genoa dock. It was also a civilian dock, but I'm sure it could easily be 'acquired' by the state if required.
I don't think you can even fit that many turrets on that length of hull and it definitely needs to be wider, so things are looking worrying if they ever need to go in for a repair. There were plans for a real monster dock in Taranto that could probably take that ship. But as it took till 1942 till a Littorio could just about drydock at Taranto (and they were 40,000t babies in comparison) I wouldn't hold your breath on those works being done much before the early 1950s.
On tanks, I'm mildly concerned that Italy is regressing back to WW1 tank designs. At this rate the next 'breakthrough' will be armoured knights, or perhaps even Cataphract cavalry.
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Yeah when i found that design thats exactly what i thought...but i found it hillarious so i included it anyway
It perfectly fit the definition of a wehraboo about what is "powerfull"On the subject of tanks i am following what tank the HOI3 engine assignes to me to far.... and now you know after which company the God of historical Innacuracies is modeled after