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Dear readers of this A-A-R,
You have impressed me much so far
By writing elegant replies
In verse so pleasing to the eyes.
Now I will make a true reply
To every question that went by,
Though I admit this format may
Prove much too difficult to say.
I first tell of the great explorer;
We sent him off, and none the poorer.
He mapped the entire Caribbean,
Soon settled by this European.
A few years later more men came
To go for Spain and make their name.
These efforts go on as I write,
With explorations in my game last night.
I hinted one time that the French
Amidst my plans once threw a wrench.
To tell the truth, it wasn't bad.
I'll tell the story, don't be sad.
In fourteen hundred forty-nine,
Navarra's fate was on the line.
As Spanish allies pressed them hard,
Navarra played their final card.
The French attacked with Richemont;
When asked to fight him, most said "Don't!"
Even de Luna, to his shame,
Could not prevent the sea of flame
Which swept across the countryside
As French marauders made their ride.
Against these foes the Spanish fought,
And each side gave as well as got.
But the French could only do so much;
They found the Spaniards no soft touch.
In time their great commander fell;
Their sieges were reversed as well.
As battles turned against the Frogs,
They turned their tails and ran like dogs.
This left Navarra to its fate;
The next war then dissolved their state.
Finally, I must admit,
It pains me much to see the wit
With which my readers write with sin
Against Enrique's poor Katherine.
There is no need to be unkind;
Just ask Enrique, he doesn't mind.
The truth is that he loves her so,
When Kathy asks, he can't say no.
But Enrique is not a mere milquetoast;
Above her things Kate loves him most.
The two of them are so in love,
They fit together, hand in glove.
And Katherine so pleases him,
Enrique allows her every whim.
They both believe the wealth of Spain
Won't go completely down the drain.
You have impressed me much so far
By writing elegant replies
In verse so pleasing to the eyes.
Now I will make a true reply
To every question that went by,
Though I admit this format may
Prove much too difficult to say.
I first tell of the great explorer;
We sent him off, and none the poorer.
He mapped the entire Caribbean,
Soon settled by this European.
A few years later more men came
To go for Spain and make their name.
These efforts go on as I write,
With explorations in my game last night.
I hinted one time that the French
Amidst my plans once threw a wrench.
To tell the truth, it wasn't bad.
I'll tell the story, don't be sad.
In fourteen hundred forty-nine,
Navarra's fate was on the line.
As Spanish allies pressed them hard,
Navarra played their final card.
The French attacked with Richemont;
When asked to fight him, most said "Don't!"
Even de Luna, to his shame,
Could not prevent the sea of flame
Which swept across the countryside
As French marauders made their ride.
Against these foes the Spanish fought,
And each side gave as well as got.
But the French could only do so much;
They found the Spaniards no soft touch.
In time their great commander fell;
Their sieges were reversed as well.
As battles turned against the Frogs,
They turned their tails and ran like dogs.
This left Navarra to its fate;
The next war then dissolved their state.
Finally, I must admit,
It pains me much to see the wit
With which my readers write with sin
Against Enrique's poor Katherine.
There is no need to be unkind;
Just ask Enrique, he doesn't mind.
The truth is that he loves her so,
When Kathy asks, he can't say no.
But Enrique is not a mere milquetoast;
Above her things Kate loves him most.
The two of them are so in love,
They fit together, hand in glove.
And Katherine so pleases him,
Enrique allows her every whim.
They both believe the wealth of Spain
Won't go completely down the drain.
Chapter 7
After the expulsion and conversion of the Moors (different ones in each category, of course) Enrique was very happy. Torquemada did the dirty work and Enrique got all the benefits. This is what his heartbeat looked like:
http://www.ecglibrary.com/norm.html
But then Katherine told him she was going shopping again. Enrique turned pale and his heartbeat changed to this:
http://www.ecglibrary.com/af_fast.html
With growing alarm and despair he rushed to Gibraltar to seek out the magic fish. Standing on the cliffs, he looked out to sea and shouted these words:
Fishy, fishy in the strait,
I must avoid this awful fate.
When Kathy takes a shopping trip
My heart begins to race and skip.
We're losing money quickly now;
She spends it fast, don't ask me how.
We must acquire greater wealth
To save my life and keep my health!
A beautiful fish sailed high into the air, hung for a moment, and spoke this reply:
Do not despair, you will not die;
O King, your reign still rises high.
Hear what this true advisor says:
Attack the nearby land of Fez.
The Berbers simply can't withstand
The armies which your men command.
And their two provinces will buy
For Kate a very rich supply.
The fish executed a graceful half twist and dove into the water with only a tiny splash. But Enrique missed this virtuoso diving performance as the light bulbs went on his head. Of course! With the infidel stamped out in the Spanish homeland, he was now free to attack them in their original homelands across the strait! Rushing back to Madrid, his orders were no sooner said than done, and the lands of Fez now belonged to Spain.
After the expulsion and conversion of the Moors (different ones in each category, of course) Enrique was very happy. Torquemada did the dirty work and Enrique got all the benefits. This is what his heartbeat looked like:
http://www.ecglibrary.com/norm.html
But then Katherine told him she was going shopping again. Enrique turned pale and his heartbeat changed to this:
http://www.ecglibrary.com/af_fast.html
With growing alarm and despair he rushed to Gibraltar to seek out the magic fish. Standing on the cliffs, he looked out to sea and shouted these words:
Fishy, fishy in the strait,
I must avoid this awful fate.
When Kathy takes a shopping trip
My heart begins to race and skip.
We're losing money quickly now;
She spends it fast, don't ask me how.
We must acquire greater wealth
To save my life and keep my health!
A beautiful fish sailed high into the air, hung for a moment, and spoke this reply:
Do not despair, you will not die;
O King, your reign still rises high.
Hear what this true advisor says:
Attack the nearby land of Fez.
The Berbers simply can't withstand
The armies which your men command.
And their two provinces will buy
For Kate a very rich supply.
The fish executed a graceful half twist and dove into the water with only a tiny splash. But Enrique missed this virtuoso diving performance as the light bulbs went on his head. Of course! With the infidel stamped out in the Spanish homeland, he was now free to attack them in their original homelands across the strait! Rushing back to Madrid, his orders were no sooner said than done, and the lands of Fez now belonged to Spain.
It seems that Aragon has been best
At taking land without rest
So soon you will surely find
A length of land that should be kind
But watch your neighbor to the east
Provence, it seems, is not deceased
And France will soon inherit for sure
Building armies and threatening the poor
But your excellent rhyme continues apace
And enjoy it I do with a smile on my face
Keep it up and congrats on your win
And all thanks to a fishes fin...or mouth...ummm...
At taking land without rest
So soon you will surely find
A length of land that should be kind
But watch your neighbor to the east
Provence, it seems, is not deceased
And France will soon inherit for sure
Building armies and threatening the poor
But your excellent rhyme continues apace
And enjoy it I do with a smile on my face
Keep it up and congrats on your win
And all thanks to a fishes fin...or mouth...ummm...
Coz, I think you're really getting into this! That was really very good! Except for the last line, of course. Gotta work on that.
Yes, Aragon did a lot of dirty work for me. France did inherit Provence in the mid 1400s at the usual time, but later fell into revolt and turmoil with Provence reappearing as you saw.
By the way, this picture also shows the Habsburg Empire as of 1498 -- consisting of the two provinces Vienna and Franche Comte (I apologize for an error in an earlier post in which I said they had Luxembourg instead. Bad memory). But Austria inherited Bohemia -- complete with even more of Germany than you see here -- in 1526, and Hungary in 1540. So the Habsburgs dodged the bullet once again, the dogs.
Except for the last line, of course. Gotta work on that.Yes, Aragon did a lot of dirty work for me. France did inherit Provence in the mid 1400s at the usual time, but later fell into revolt and turmoil with Provence reappearing as you saw.
By the way, this picture also shows the Habsburg Empire as of 1498 -- consisting of the two provinces Vienna and Franche Comte (I apologize for an error in an earlier post in which I said they had Luxembourg instead. Bad memory). But Austria inherited Bohemia -- complete with even more of Germany than you see here -- in 1526, and Hungary in 1540. So the Habsburgs dodged the bullet once again, the dogs.
That's terrific. In fact, this whole AAR is a treat.
I have to agree with you when you say that playing minor countries can be exhausting. If I ever wrap up my game as Wallachia, I think I'll try someting bigger myself.
Seems you have Spain's destiny well under control. Good luck in the New World - and in the Old.
One question, though... Enrique and Katherine. Hmmm - Henry Fonda and Katherine Hepburn, perhaps?
Many thanks, Director. Regarding playing majors vs. minors, I have to admit it is a pleasure to get all the leaders Spain has. At one time I had 8 conquistadors!! I really couldn't use even half of them effectively at the same time.
True confessions: my models for the King and Queen were Henry VIII and Catherine of Aragon. I did not intend to have my characters take on their personalities, far from it, but they are a historical couple with the names I chose.
stnylan, I'm not sure what your question means. If it's how late into the game the poems go or will go, I intend to follow this format for the entire AAR. And I still have several verses prepared for significant upcoming events. But then I also have to write new ones, for example the one about Fez, which I didn't plan beforehand. If it's how long it takes to write the AAR itself, I think it's actually shorter this way because I am painting Spain's history with a very broad brush, going into almost no detail at all. So the narrative part, which for me is normally the main part of an AAR, gets only a very quick treatment in each chapter.
True confessions: my models for the King and Queen were Henry VIII and Catherine of Aragon. I did not intend to have my characters take on their personalities, far from it, but they are a historical couple with the names I chose.
stnylan, I'm not sure what your question means. If it's how late into the game the poems go or will go, I intend to follow this format for the entire AAR. And I still have several verses prepared for significant upcoming events. But then I also have to write new ones, for example the one about Fez, which I didn't plan beforehand. If it's how long it takes to write the AAR itself, I think it's actually shorter this way because I am painting Spain's history with a very broad brush, going into almost no detail at all. So the narrative part, which for me is normally the main part of an AAR, gets only a very quick treatment in each chapter.
Chapter 8
The riches of Fez -- to say nothing of the indemnity paid by their former ally, Algiers -- did suffice for several years. And Enrique settled down to a happy, tranquil life style with no heart problems.
But then Katherine excitedly told him of a new wave of fashions from Rome and Paris. All the noble ladies of Italy and France were wearing them, so of course Katherine needed to as well. As for Enrique, he kept calm and wished his dear wife good fortune with her shopping. Then he took his friend Juan on a trip, first to Andalusia and then out to sea for a fishing cruise. Two nights later, seeking solitude with a quiet walk around the deck, Enrique spotted a fish gliding just under the surface of the water. So once again he called out for advice:
Fishy, fishy in the ocean,
Katherine has got the notion
That she needs to buy some more
Expensive things from every store.
Now Kathy really is a cutie,
And these clothes make her a beauty.
But our money's running low,
And I don't know which way to go.
And once again the kind fish answered him, ever so patiently:
O King, you need not travel far
Nor wish upon the nearest star.
Stay close to home and you will find
New riches there that can be mined.
This treasure does not come from gold,
But from the trade goods bought and sold.
Just build it there and you will fill
The trading center of Seville.
With renewed hope Enrique finished the cruise and returned to Andalusia. Waiting for him there was a delegation of merchants, with the following request:
"Your Majesty, we tire of the necessity of going to Lisbon, Paris, or Liguria to conduct our business. Is it not time for Spain to establish its own trade center right here at home?"
Enrique needed but a moment's thought to concede the point. "And what do you gentlemen require in order to bring this to pass?"
"Your Majesty, just build the facilities. We'll take care of the rest."
Remembering the fish's advice, Enrique did just that. Quickly Spain's balance sheets showed a striking increase in her income.
The riches of Fez -- to say nothing of the indemnity paid by their former ally, Algiers -- did suffice for several years. And Enrique settled down to a happy, tranquil life style with no heart problems.
But then Katherine excitedly told him of a new wave of fashions from Rome and Paris. All the noble ladies of Italy and France were wearing them, so of course Katherine needed to as well. As for Enrique, he kept calm and wished his dear wife good fortune with her shopping. Then he took his friend Juan on a trip, first to Andalusia and then out to sea for a fishing cruise. Two nights later, seeking solitude with a quiet walk around the deck, Enrique spotted a fish gliding just under the surface of the water. So once again he called out for advice:
Fishy, fishy in the ocean,
Katherine has got the notion
That she needs to buy some more
Expensive things from every store.
Now Kathy really is a cutie,
And these clothes make her a beauty.
But our money's running low,
And I don't know which way to go.
And once again the kind fish answered him, ever so patiently:
O King, you need not travel far
Nor wish upon the nearest star.
Stay close to home and you will find
New riches there that can be mined.
This treasure does not come from gold,
But from the trade goods bought and sold.
Just build it there and you will fill
The trading center of Seville.
With renewed hope Enrique finished the cruise and returned to Andalusia. Waiting for him there was a delegation of merchants, with the following request:
"Your Majesty, we tire of the necessity of going to Lisbon, Paris, or Liguria to conduct our business. Is it not time for Spain to establish its own trade center right here at home?"
Enrique needed but a moment's thought to concede the point. "And what do you gentlemen require in order to bring this to pass?"
"Your Majesty, just build the facilities. We'll take care of the rest."
Remembering the fish's advice, Enrique did just that. Quickly Spain's balance sheets showed a striking increase in her income.
It was the second question I was after - poorly phrased question on my part.
I dread to think what will happen to Enrique's heart when Kath says that she wants to start a fashion.
I dread to think what will happen to Enrique's heart when Kath says that she wants to start a fashion.
Easy come and easy go
Its time for Kathy to go slow
If she hollers make her pay
One fine dress for every day
That she pouts and cries her tears
Until she stops and gives her prayers
To one so strong and firm as you
Before you leave and bid adieu
When she sings to your renown
Only then buy her another gown
Time for Enrique to put his foot down.
Joe
Its time for Kathy to go slow
If she hollers make her pay
One fine dress for every day
That she pouts and cries her tears
Until she stops and gives her prayers
To one so strong and firm as you
Before you leave and bid adieu
When she sings to your renown
Only then buy her another gown
Time for Enrique to put his foot down.
Joe
Good updates, though phyiscally I cannot smile right now (surgery), and it is hard to read and type, but they were some good updates. Spaining is forming nicely into a grand empire.
Storey -- I'll pass your advice on to Enrique. We'll see what happens.
Mr. C -- Yikes! I wish a speedy recovery! Glad you're able to follow along anyway.
zacharym -- More on the New World coming up. I'll see if I can post a screenshot there after another two chapters or so. Basically, Spain gets a whole flock of explorers but the conquistadors are delayed a few years. Also my naval tech at the time was rather primitive, so explorations were slow. Once I established some bases in the Caribbean it went better, but still I had to count on the explorers being lucky enough to find land and not just water. That can be surprisingly difficult at times.
Mr. C -- Yikes! I wish a speedy recovery! Glad you're able to follow along anyway.
zacharym -- More on the New World coming up. I'll see if I can post a screenshot there after another two chapters or so. Basically, Spain gets a whole flock of explorers but the conquistadors are delayed a few years. Also my naval tech at the time was rather primitive, so explorations were slow. Once I established some bases in the Caribbean it went better, but still I had to count on the explorers being lucky enough to find land and not just water. That can be surprisingly difficult at times.
Chapter 9
With the higher revenues from the new trade center at Andalusia, Enrique's ministers stepped up the pace of their colonization efforts in the newly discovered sugar islands of the Caribbean. In addition to the sugar, well known to the Spanish from their city in the Canary Islands, one of Spain's explorers brought back to Madrid a strange but delightful new substance the local Caribs had bought from an unknown people on the mainland to the West. It was called chocolatl and, in only tiny quantities, mixed with sugar, one could make any number of sweet yummy treats that everyone liked. Women, especially, went nuts over this stuff, as the explorer noted wryly to Enrique.
So Enrique resolved to try it out himself. After sampling some, he casually offered it to Katherine. The result was a wild night of passion such as they had not had in years. The explorer's promise was, if anything, understated.
The next morning, Katherine pleaded with her husband, "O Darling! You've got to get more of this chocolatl!"
"Actually, my dear, we have a good supply. I am told you only need a little bit of it, because its flavor is so strong. What we really need to make it work is more sugar."
"But aren't our new islands just full of sugar?"
"True, most of them anyway, but there are many islands and only a few Spaniards. Other nations are beginning to eye this territory and cast greedy ambitions there."
"Well, we should have them all!"
"Really, my dear, there is only so much we can do and so little time to do it. How can we keep all of these islands to ourselves?"
"If you love me, Darling, you'll find a way. Promise?" And she kissed him tenderly.
"Very well, I'll see what I can do."
But, as he explained later that day to Juan, just how was he supposed to accomplish that?
"Maybe you need to go there yourself, Enrique, and see this territory personally. Perhaps you will think of something."
So Enrique agreed and sailed West to the Caribbean. He landed at Spain's new colony of Tortuga. Wandering some distance from the settlement in the hills (with escort, of course, for potentially hostile natives lurked almost everywhere), he descended to a marshy area along the coast. As he watched the shorebirds searching for small fish, he came upon a larger channel of water. An elegant looking silver fish was swimming gracefully there. So, as he had done many times before, Enrique explained his troubles to the fish:
Fishy, fishy in the swamp,
I just want to smash and stomp
My enemies; for they're to blame
For taking lands I wish to claim.
My Kathy wants more sugar cane,
And that requires me to gain
The islands of this sparkling sea.
Can't they be reserved for me?
The fish calmly poked its head out of the water and replied:
Indeed they can, O King, it's true --
These islands are reserved for you.
There is no need to fret or mope,
You have assistance from the Pope.
He wrote the Tordesillas treaty,
It is sure to please your sweetie.
Just sign here on the dotted line,
Then shout to Kathy, "It's all mine!"
As the fish dropped back into the water and Enrique walked away, he thought to himself, "The Pope? Personally assisting me? No kidding?" But when the king returned to Spain some months later he found out it was no joke. The treaty was real; Spain and Portugal now had legal claim to practically the whole world.
"Pope," thought Enrique with a smile, "you're really a cool guy."
With the higher revenues from the new trade center at Andalusia, Enrique's ministers stepped up the pace of their colonization efforts in the newly discovered sugar islands of the Caribbean. In addition to the sugar, well known to the Spanish from their city in the Canary Islands, one of Spain's explorers brought back to Madrid a strange but delightful new substance the local Caribs had bought from an unknown people on the mainland to the West. It was called chocolatl and, in only tiny quantities, mixed with sugar, one could make any number of sweet yummy treats that everyone liked. Women, especially, went nuts over this stuff, as the explorer noted wryly to Enrique.
So Enrique resolved to try it out himself. After sampling some, he casually offered it to Katherine. The result was a wild night of passion such as they had not had in years. The explorer's promise was, if anything, understated.
The next morning, Katherine pleaded with her husband, "O Darling! You've got to get more of this chocolatl!"
"Actually, my dear, we have a good supply. I am told you only need a little bit of it, because its flavor is so strong. What we really need to make it work is more sugar."
"But aren't our new islands just full of sugar?"
"True, most of them anyway, but there are many islands and only a few Spaniards. Other nations are beginning to eye this territory and cast greedy ambitions there."
"Well, we should have them all!"
"Really, my dear, there is only so much we can do and so little time to do it. How can we keep all of these islands to ourselves?"
"If you love me, Darling, you'll find a way. Promise?" And she kissed him tenderly.
"Very well, I'll see what I can do."
But, as he explained later that day to Juan, just how was he supposed to accomplish that?
"Maybe you need to go there yourself, Enrique, and see this territory personally. Perhaps you will think of something."
So Enrique agreed and sailed West to the Caribbean. He landed at Spain's new colony of Tortuga. Wandering some distance from the settlement in the hills (with escort, of course, for potentially hostile natives lurked almost everywhere), he descended to a marshy area along the coast. As he watched the shorebirds searching for small fish, he came upon a larger channel of water. An elegant looking silver fish was swimming gracefully there. So, as he had done many times before, Enrique explained his troubles to the fish:
Fishy, fishy in the swamp,
I just want to smash and stomp
My enemies; for they're to blame
For taking lands I wish to claim.
My Kathy wants more sugar cane,
And that requires me to gain
The islands of this sparkling sea.
Can't they be reserved for me?
The fish calmly poked its head out of the water and replied:
Indeed they can, O King, it's true --
These islands are reserved for you.
There is no need to fret or mope,
You have assistance from the Pope.
He wrote the Tordesillas treaty,
It is sure to please your sweetie.
Just sign here on the dotted line,
Then shout to Kathy, "It's all mine!"
As the fish dropped back into the water and Enrique walked away, he thought to himself, "The Pope? Personally assisting me? No kidding?" But when the king returned to Spain some months later he found out it was no joke. The treaty was real; Spain and Portugal now had legal claim to practically the whole world.
"Pope," thought Enrique with a smile, "you're really a cool guy."
Tis always handy to use the treaty
That allows you to be greedy
And share the new world with your neighbor
Until such time as they are out of favor.
Are your explorations true
To history and nothing new?
Or do you plan to venture elsewhere
To stop the English when they get there?
That allows you to be greedy
And share the new world with your neighbor
Until such time as they are out of favor.
Are your explorations true
To history and nothing new?
Or do you plan to venture elsewhere
To stop the English when they get there?
coz1 said:
Unless you are of German origin
Then all they leave you is tin
You must remain in the Hister
And they tell you, "Look here mister"
Your might is large, but your land so small
You armies await you every call
From France to Russia you call your own
The flag of Prussia will be flown!
Good update
Coz1 -- Very nice. I've kept pretty much to traditional Spanish areas. To tell the truth, there is no way I can colonize the Caribbean plus the Eastern US, and make headway into Central and South America, too. I did use the TOT several times to take trade posts from England and Sweden (!!) Nobody else attempted to settle in that area (as of about 1550, anyway).
Mr. Capiatlist -- The Germans can colonize freely if they want to. Not my problem. Their ports have been taken over by other opportunistic powers, however, notably Denmark and Portugal.
stnylan -- Kathy is way ahead of you. She will not share the dental fate of QE1.
I've kept pretty much to traditional Spanish areas. To tell the truth, there is no way I can colonize the Caribbean plus the Eastern US, and make headway into Central and South America, too. I did use the TOT several times to take trade posts from England and Sweden (!!) Nobody else attempted to settle in that area (as of about 1550, anyway).Mr. Capiatlist -- The Germans can colonize freely if they want to. Not my problem. Their ports have been taken over by other opportunistic powers, however, notably Denmark and Portugal.
stnylan -- Kathy is way ahead of you. She will not share the dental fate of QE1.
Chapter 10
With the new Treaty of Tordesillas in place, Enrique was delighted with the money coming in from the Caribbean colonies. And Katherine for her part was delighted with the sugar and chocolate, though she was careful to keep her teeth clean and avoid the dental problems to come to a future Queen of England.
Eventually, however, Katherine said she wanted to go shopping again. Enrique was furious:
"My dear, I love you truly, but no! No, no a thousand times no! You don't need any new clothes!"
"Of course not, silly, I wouldn't dream of it," she replied impishly. "It's time we acquired a reputation for culture, Darling. In France and Italy they boast of all the fine art they collect. So I found this great catalog of wonderful paintings we can get. Look at this one:"
This is Art?
"There must be some mistake, dear -- did the poor artist's two year old child vandalize his painting?"
"O Darling, I'm shocked at you! Of course not! This is fine art, I tell you. And this one is even better:"
Are you kidding?
Enrique was incredulous. Taking his silence for approval, Katherine showed him one more:
No accounting for taste
All Enrique could say was "Oh my God." But Katherine was determined.
"Actually, Darling, I already bought these, and many more. Now all we need is a place to put them..."
Enrique just walked away sadly. The next day, he went out for a walk. But instead of calming him down, he became more and more angry. Not really paying attention to where he was going, he strolled out of the central city into the country. The fresh air was beginning to soothe him as he came upon a duck pond with a pretty little stream flowing into and out of it. Hoping the magic fish would hear him, he called out:
Fishy, fishy in the pond,
In holy marriage I've been conned.
For Kathy only lives to spend,
As though our money had no end.
She has acquired higher taste
Though I consider all a waste.
She purchased many works of art,
And warned me this is but a start!
The fish heard his lament and answered him thus:
Go west, O King, across the sea;
Pass by the islands, leave them be.
Find the land called Yucatan;
There disembark with every man.
The people there are just the Maya --
Conquer them; then Kate can buy a
Splendid palace for her art.
She'll love you then with all her heart.
With these words from the ever faithful fish Enrique returned to the palace and summoned his best commander, known simply as El Gran Capitan. Hearing his king's orders, Cordoba quickly set the plans in motion:
Several months later, the Maya nation was part of Spain, and Enrique gave Katherine the best birthday present she ever had:
http://www.artic.edu/
With the new Treaty of Tordesillas in place, Enrique was delighted with the money coming in from the Caribbean colonies. And Katherine for her part was delighted with the sugar and chocolate, though she was careful to keep her teeth clean and avoid the dental problems to come to a future Queen of England.
Eventually, however, Katherine said she wanted to go shopping again. Enrique was furious:
"My dear, I love you truly, but no! No, no a thousand times no! You don't need any new clothes!"
"Of course not, silly, I wouldn't dream of it," she replied impishly. "It's time we acquired a reputation for culture, Darling. In France and Italy they boast of all the fine art they collect. So I found this great catalog of wonderful paintings we can get. Look at this one:"
This is Art?
"There must be some mistake, dear -- did the poor artist's two year old child vandalize his painting?"
"O Darling, I'm shocked at you! Of course not! This is fine art, I tell you. And this one is even better:"
Are you kidding?
Enrique was incredulous. Taking his silence for approval, Katherine showed him one more:
No accounting for taste
All Enrique could say was "Oh my God." But Katherine was determined.
"Actually, Darling, I already bought these, and many more. Now all we need is a place to put them..."
Enrique just walked away sadly. The next day, he went out for a walk. But instead of calming him down, he became more and more angry. Not really paying attention to where he was going, he strolled out of the central city into the country. The fresh air was beginning to soothe him as he came upon a duck pond with a pretty little stream flowing into and out of it. Hoping the magic fish would hear him, he called out:
Fishy, fishy in the pond,
In holy marriage I've been conned.
For Kathy only lives to spend,
As though our money had no end.
She has acquired higher taste
Though I consider all a waste.
She purchased many works of art,
And warned me this is but a start!
The fish heard his lament and answered him thus:
Go west, O King, across the sea;
Pass by the islands, leave them be.
Find the land called Yucatan;
There disembark with every man.
The people there are just the Maya --
Conquer them; then Kate can buy a
Splendid palace for her art.
She'll love you then with all her heart.
With these words from the ever faithful fish Enrique returned to the palace and summoned his best commander, known simply as El Gran Capitan. Hearing his king's orders, Cordoba quickly set the plans in motion:
Several months later, the Maya nation was part of Spain, and Enrique gave Katherine the best birthday present she ever had:
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