Excellent begining jwolf, and rather amusing I must say.
Fishy fishy in the brook
Whose wife has that spendthrift look?
Fishy fishy in the brook
Whose wife has that spendthrift look?
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Let's try this again...
So trade has come unto thee
And money will increase, one, two, three
But for how long will it last
And you find yourself a richman in past?
Best look to the seas to find your riches
In the dark land they say it twitches
For it is there that you will surely find
That which will keep Katherine so kind.
Nah...not much better.
But that doesn't mean I'll stop. (Woe unto you.)
So trade has come unto thee
And money will increase, one, two, three
But for how long will it last
And you find yourself a richman in past?
Best look to the seas to find your riches
In the dark land they say it twitches
For it is there that you will surely find
That which will keep Katherine so kind.
Nah...not much better.
But that doesn't mean I'll stop. (Woe unto you.) 
Thanks to all for your interest. I see I touched a poetic chord in many fellow forum members.
I finally worked out the technical snags with my screenshots. I have added a picture to each of the first three chapters. Enjoy!
I finally worked out the technical snags with my screenshots. I have added a picture to each of the first three chapters. Enjoy!
Chapter 4
Enrique felt pleased about Castile's improving economy. But then he and Katherine began to discuss plans for the annual Royal Ball.
"O Darling! These catalogs have such great ideas for new dresses! How many of them do you think I should buy?"
"You mean, besides the ones you already have?"
"Darling, you know I can't wear those anymore. People have already seen me in those dresses."
"And you looked lovely, too. They'll want to see you in them again."
"No, no, silly, it doesn't work that way. Men can get away with that, but ladies must constantly look different. It would be a terrible scandal to be recognized wearing a used dress."
"Urk."
"And just look at how pretty these new designs are!"
"Pretty they may be, but did you see the prices? Are they serious?"
"But Darling, they come from the best designers in France and Italy. They have to be expensive."
"But the cost..."
"Oh promise me, Darling, that you'll let me buy them. Please?" And she gave him her best hug and smile.
"All right, my dear, I guess we'll work it out somehow."
The next day, Juan instantly recognized the signs of depression in his old friend. He suggested another fishing trip. Enrique agreed, hoping once more to be saved by the magic fish's advice. Settling by a little river in the hills near Toledo, he was not disappointed. A shiny fish splashed about in a tiny pool, then lifted its head toward the king as if awaiting an inquiry. Enrique took this as the signal and explained his problem:
Fishy, fishy in the stream
I thought my Kate would be a dream.
And truly she's a joy to me
If we don't end in poverty.
She constantly buys evening gowns
And though our funds have ups and downs
The trend of late is negative
We scarcely have enough to live!
To this the fish replied,
O King, you seek too much to labor
On your own, without your neighbor.
Diplomacy is what you need;
The time is right for some great deed.
Sage and parsley, thyme and tarragon;
Church bells ring, unite with Aragon.
With greater base of tax support
Kate will be glad, and all her court.
"That may be good advice," Enrique thought as he walked away sadly, "but how am I supposed to be able to do that?" So he returned to Madrid with a heavy heart. Katherine ran out to meet him.
"Darling! I have a wonderful idea!"
"What is it?"
"Our steward, Isabella, is very pretty. And you've seen yourself how talented and smart she is. Wouldn't she make a good catch for some lucky young man?"
"Ah, so now you want to be matchmaker, do you? Still, you are right, it's a shame she hasn't found her true love yet."
"I have the solution. Our friends in Aragon also have a young steward, very capable, very talented -- and single, too. Isabella and Ferdinand would be a perfect couple."
"And how do you know that?"
She smiled coyly at him. "We women always know these things. Trust me, Darling, you won't regret this move."
"Very well, I'll see to it."
"One more thing, Darling -- Ferdinand is also very rich. He will bring his money into the deal, too."
Suddenly it all became clear! "The fi -- er, I mean, the finish of our problems! My love, you are a genius!"
And with that, Enrique swept Katherine off her feet and they embraced for a long time.
Enrique felt pleased about Castile's improving economy. But then he and Katherine began to discuss plans for the annual Royal Ball.
"O Darling! These catalogs have such great ideas for new dresses! How many of them do you think I should buy?"
"You mean, besides the ones you already have?"
"Darling, you know I can't wear those anymore. People have already seen me in those dresses."
"And you looked lovely, too. They'll want to see you in them again."
"No, no, silly, it doesn't work that way. Men can get away with that, but ladies must constantly look different. It would be a terrible scandal to be recognized wearing a used dress."
"Urk."
"And just look at how pretty these new designs are!"
"Pretty they may be, but did you see the prices? Are they serious?"
"But Darling, they come from the best designers in France and Italy. They have to be expensive."
"But the cost..."
"Oh promise me, Darling, that you'll let me buy them. Please?" And she gave him her best hug and smile.
"All right, my dear, I guess we'll work it out somehow."
The next day, Juan instantly recognized the signs of depression in his old friend. He suggested another fishing trip. Enrique agreed, hoping once more to be saved by the magic fish's advice. Settling by a little river in the hills near Toledo, he was not disappointed. A shiny fish splashed about in a tiny pool, then lifted its head toward the king as if awaiting an inquiry. Enrique took this as the signal and explained his problem:
Fishy, fishy in the stream
I thought my Kate would be a dream.
And truly she's a joy to me
If we don't end in poverty.
She constantly buys evening gowns
And though our funds have ups and downs
The trend of late is negative
We scarcely have enough to live!
To this the fish replied,
O King, you seek too much to labor
On your own, without your neighbor.
Diplomacy is what you need;
The time is right for some great deed.
Sage and parsley, thyme and tarragon;
Church bells ring, unite with Aragon.
With greater base of tax support
Kate will be glad, and all her court.
"That may be good advice," Enrique thought as he walked away sadly, "but how am I supposed to be able to do that?" So he returned to Madrid with a heavy heart. Katherine ran out to meet him.
"Darling! I have a wonderful idea!"
"What is it?"
"Our steward, Isabella, is very pretty. And you've seen yourself how talented and smart she is. Wouldn't she make a good catch for some lucky young man?"
"Ah, so now you want to be matchmaker, do you? Still, you are right, it's a shame she hasn't found her true love yet."
"I have the solution. Our friends in Aragon also have a young steward, very capable, very talented -- and single, too. Isabella and Ferdinand would be a perfect couple."
"And how do you know that?"
She smiled coyly at him. "We women always know these things. Trust me, Darling, you won't regret this move."
"Very well, I'll see to it."
"One more thing, Darling -- Ferdinand is also very rich. He will bring his money into the deal, too."
Suddenly it all became clear! "The fi -- er, I mean, the finish of our problems! My love, you are a genius!"
And with that, Enrique swept Katherine off her feet and they embraced for a long time.
A new Jwolf AAR, and I've missed it all this time. And looking at yor sig, I haven't read your Ukraine AAR. I'm so far behind.
The fishy poems made me think of a classic Dr. Seuss book
The fishy poems made me think of a classic Dr. Seuss book
Ahhh...
A classic move to unite your kingdoms
In order to help your monetary freedoms
And in the process you gain a name
That will surely help you win the game
But Katherine is not so free with affection
Except for the occasional election
To give your King a kiss and a hug
When he'd probably prefer a rub and a ...I digress
A classic move to unite your kingdoms
In order to help your monetary freedoms
And in the process you gain a name
That will surely help you win the game
But Katherine is not so free with affection
Except for the occasional election
To give your King a kiss and a hug
When he'd probably prefer a rub and a ...I digress
My goodness, coz, what's on your mind? I tried to keep the story G rated, if you follow my meaning. I assure you that Enrique and Katherine have consummated their marriage -- many, many times.
Troggle, glad to have you on board. I suppose being compared to Dr. Seuss isn't too bad, but I had aspired to a more noble level. Shakespeare, anyone?
I tried to keep the story G rated, if you follow my meaning. I assure you that Enrique and Katherine have consummated their marriage -- many, many times. Troggle, glad to have you on board. I suppose being compared to Dr. Seuss isn't too bad, but I had aspired to a more noble level. Shakespeare, anyone?
Great update, but what happens, ahh.... you know..... when Enrique 'shoots the coop'? Fishy Monarch time! :rofl:
This all reminds me of one of the the "reasons" why ships are female. I believe the line went, It is not the initial expense that keeps you, it's the upkeep.
Fishy fishy help me please
I come to you upon my knees
I can’t keep up with Katherine's dreams
Of sugar plums and fancy ice creams
Spend she does and I pay the dough
But where is comes from I don’t know
Is it time for her to leave
Or do I do the dirty deed
Six feet down she must rest
So she’ll no longer be a pest
Just a suggestion mind you.
Joe
I come to you upon my knees
I can’t keep up with Katherine's dreams
Of sugar plums and fancy ice creams
Spend she does and I pay the dough
But where is comes from I don’t know
Is it time for her to leave
Or do I do the dirty deed
Six feet down she must rest
So she’ll no longer be a pest
Just a suggestion mind you.
Joe
Glad to be onboard. I spent most of my morning reading this AAR and your Ukraine one, when I should have been working. Shame on you for providing such compelling content and trying to get us fired
Aha, the Iberian wedding. Now you've got keep Aragon's warmongering in check so they can be properly inherited in 1516 (I refuse to embarrass myself by attempting to say that in verse).
Mr. Capiatlist -- my Enrique and Katherine will be eternal. This is, after all, a lighthearted tale, so I am free to take such liberties.
stnylan -- well put, and I can't dispute that. But women bring such sparkle, too. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.
Storey -- You win the prize for fan poetry most closely following my meter! Simple, yet elegant. But yikes! Joe, I'm only on chapter 4 and already you want to murder poor Katherine! Where is your gentlemanly chivalry? What would Mrs. Storey think? Still, strictly enter nous, although Enrique himself would never entertain such a horrible thought, there may be less scrupulous characters in Madrid who would endorse extreme strategies to deal with budget crises. But not now.
Troggle -- I'm sure you can work it somehow. Keep your job and enjoy the story!
zacharym -- You're right in that Aragon has been rather aggressive. Portugal, too, though, and that really surprised me. As for the verse, don't be ashamed; I spent weeks thinking up most of these verses. But I'm starting to run out of bodies of water.
stnylan -- well put, and I can't dispute that. But women bring such sparkle, too. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.
Storey -- You win the prize for fan poetry most closely following my meter! Simple, yet elegant. But yikes! Joe, I'm only on chapter 4 and already you want to murder poor Katherine! Where is your gentlemanly chivalry? What would Mrs. Storey think?
Still, strictly enter nous, although Enrique himself would never entertain such a horrible thought, there may be less scrupulous characters in Madrid who would endorse extreme strategies to deal with budget crises. But not now.Troggle -- I'm sure you can work it somehow. Keep your job and enjoy the story!
zacharym -- You're right in that Aragon has been rather aggressive. Portugal, too, though, and that really surprised me. As for the verse, don't be ashamed; I spent weeks thinking up most of these verses. But I'm starting to run out of bodies of water.
Chapter 5
With extra revenue from Aragon flowing into the treasury in Madrid, Enrique and Katherine were happy for many years. Eventually, however, Katherine's shopping once again outstripped the kingdom's resources. In despair Enrique turned to his friend Juan.
"Juan, what can I do? We're running out of room for expansion. And I certainly don't want to fight the French again."
"Amen to that, Enrique. What we need are new lands to exploit -- er, I mean take over and settle. For years we've heard rumors from our Portuguese neighbors, but they won't tell us the details. There must be rich lands out there somewhere, just waiting for us."
"And how do you propose we find them? I can't solve our budget problems by wishing for new territory to pop up out of nowhere."
"My friend, I sense your frustration. You need another fishing trip."
So Enrique followed his friend's advice. Traveling from Madrid toward Lisbon, he settled one evening along the banks of the Tagus and, overcome with sorrow, he mourned his fate:
Fishy, fishy in the river
I've lost my sword, and bow and quiver.
I sold them all to pay the bills
While Kathy's shopping bags she fills.
She dresses up to look her best,
And truly, Fish, I am impressed.
She's prettier than e'er before,
But I can't pay for all she wore!
He hadn't really noticed that a fish was there listening to his complaint. The fish sighed deeply and replied,
O King, do not lose heart so fast,
Your riches still have time to last.
Cristobal Colon waits to go;
When asked to pay him, don't say no.
He will discover rich new lands,
With gems to grace your dear wife's hands.
Establish Spanish cities there,
And from their taxes take your share.
Enrique hadn't heard of this Colon fellow, but the fish had never been wrong yet. So he rushed back to Madrid with renewed hope. Isabella and Ferdinand ran out to meet him when he arrived.
"O King," said Isabella, "please do not be angry with us for taking action while you were gone."
"Certainly not, my young friends. But what did you do that you are so agitated about?"
Ferdinand answered, "Time was of the essence, Your Majesty. Senor Colon required a decision immediately, and you were away at a place we knew not."
Colon? Was that the name the fish gave? "Tell me more, Ferdinand."
"He is a brave ship's captain. He asked for funding for a mission of exploration across the Western Sea."
Isabella continued, "We could not let such an opportunity pass by. So I sold my jewelry to make the required payment."
Enrique was amazed. "You sold your own beautiful jewels?"
"O King, how could we not? All our happiness we owe to you. We could do the same thing ten times over and still be in your debt." And the two young lovers embraced and smiled at each other.
"Ferdinand and Isabella, I promise you your sacrifice will not be in vain. What you have given up willingly, I swear it will be repaid in double when we hear of Colon's adventures. And in all the history of Spain, no names will be held in higher regard than yours. Now go in peace -- and I still need to greet my lovely Katherine."
With extra revenue from Aragon flowing into the treasury in Madrid, Enrique and Katherine were happy for many years. Eventually, however, Katherine's shopping once again outstripped the kingdom's resources. In despair Enrique turned to his friend Juan.
"Juan, what can I do? We're running out of room for expansion. And I certainly don't want to fight the French again."
"Amen to that, Enrique. What we need are new lands to exploit -- er, I mean take over and settle. For years we've heard rumors from our Portuguese neighbors, but they won't tell us the details. There must be rich lands out there somewhere, just waiting for us."
"And how do you propose we find them? I can't solve our budget problems by wishing for new territory to pop up out of nowhere."
"My friend, I sense your frustration. You need another fishing trip."
So Enrique followed his friend's advice. Traveling from Madrid toward Lisbon, he settled one evening along the banks of the Tagus and, overcome with sorrow, he mourned his fate:
Fishy, fishy in the river
I've lost my sword, and bow and quiver.
I sold them all to pay the bills
While Kathy's shopping bags she fills.
She dresses up to look her best,
And truly, Fish, I am impressed.
She's prettier than e'er before,
But I can't pay for all she wore!
He hadn't really noticed that a fish was there listening to his complaint. The fish sighed deeply and replied,
O King, do not lose heart so fast,
Your riches still have time to last.
Cristobal Colon waits to go;
When asked to pay him, don't say no.
He will discover rich new lands,
With gems to grace your dear wife's hands.
Establish Spanish cities there,
And from their taxes take your share.
Enrique hadn't heard of this Colon fellow, but the fish had never been wrong yet. So he rushed back to Madrid with renewed hope. Isabella and Ferdinand ran out to meet him when he arrived.
"O King," said Isabella, "please do not be angry with us for taking action while you were gone."
"Certainly not, my young friends. But what did you do that you are so agitated about?"
Ferdinand answered, "Time was of the essence, Your Majesty. Senor Colon required a decision immediately, and you were away at a place we knew not."
Colon? Was that the name the fish gave? "Tell me more, Ferdinand."
"He is a brave ship's captain. He asked for funding for a mission of exploration across the Western Sea."
Isabella continued, "We could not let such an opportunity pass by. So I sold my jewelry to make the required payment."
Enrique was amazed. "You sold your own beautiful jewels?"
"O King, how could we not? All our happiness we owe to you. We could do the same thing ten times over and still be in your debt." And the two young lovers embraced and smiled at each other.
"Ferdinand and Isabella, I promise you your sacrifice will not be in vain. What you have given up willingly, I swear it will be repaid in double when we hear of Colon's adventures. And in all the history of Spain, no names will be held in higher regard than yours. Now go in peace -- and I still need to greet my lovely Katherine."
Jwolf,
real magic there, a nice light touch, a nice happy story (yet with the dark undercurrent of carefree female spending) certainly a pleasure to read
Heretic
real magic there, a nice light touch, a nice happy story (yet with the dark undercurrent of carefree female spending) certainly a pleasure to read
Heretic
Chapter 6
A few years later, Katherine surprised her husband when she said she wanted a new house:
"But my dear, we already have this great palace right here in Madrid."
"Yes, of course, Darling, but we need a summer home, too."
"We do? We've managed for years without one."
"So it's high time we corrected that shortfall. All the great kings have one. Do you think the King of France just sits in Paris all the time? No! He has fancy houses all over the country. And I just want one more."
Conceding to the inevitable, Enrique asked, "And where would it be?"
Smiling, Katherine replied, "Near the Pyrenees. A real estate agent there gave me some great tips. We don't need a large house, just a modest vacation home, like this one:"
http://www.lakegenevawi.com/stone.jpg
"H-- how much does it cost?" asked Enrique nervously.
With a wide grin, Katherine answered, "If you have to ask, it's too much. So don't ask." With that she kissed him lovingly and turned to leave, but then she stopped and said, "Oh, by the way, as long as we're getting a new house I may as well buy some new clothes to go with it." And with a bright smile she left the room.
Enrique sought out Juan for advice.
"Enrique, you need more money from your people, somehow. But I don't know the answer. I think it's time for you to get going -- fishing. Try the Bay of Biscay. They have excellent fishing tours."
So Enrique traveled to Cantabria and climbed aboard a fishing boat ready to sail into the bay. Two hours later, a magnificent shiny little fish jumped out of the water, looked Enrique straight in the eye, and asked him, "What seems to be the matter?" The king answered with this lament:
Fishy, fishy in the bay,
I come to you with great dismay.
Kathy wants to buy a house,
Three skirts, a jacket, and a blouse.
To buy these things, it then occurs,
I need more money from the Moors.
Taxation there does not work well,
Because they trust a wicked spell.
And the fish made this reply:
O King, you have a problem, true,
And this is what you need to do:
Assign your servant Torquemada
To the people of Granada.
He excels at making change
In others' faith, however strange.
The Moorish lands will be converted,
Though some sites may be deserted.
Encouraged by the prospect of converting the stubborn Moors, Enrique rushed back to Madrid. Summoning Tomas de Torquemada to his presence, the latter bowed deeply and asked, "How may I serve my King?"
"Tomas, I have a special task for you. You are just the man I need..."
A few months later, there were no Moslems left in Iberia.
A few years later, Katherine surprised her husband when she said she wanted a new house:
"But my dear, we already have this great palace right here in Madrid."
"Yes, of course, Darling, but we need a summer home, too."
"We do? We've managed for years without one."
"So it's high time we corrected that shortfall. All the great kings have one. Do you think the King of France just sits in Paris all the time? No! He has fancy houses all over the country. And I just want one more."
Conceding to the inevitable, Enrique asked, "And where would it be?"
Smiling, Katherine replied, "Near the Pyrenees. A real estate agent there gave me some great tips. We don't need a large house, just a modest vacation home, like this one:"
http://www.lakegenevawi.com/stone.jpg
"H-- how much does it cost?" asked Enrique nervously.
With a wide grin, Katherine answered, "If you have to ask, it's too much. So don't ask." With that she kissed him lovingly and turned to leave, but then she stopped and said, "Oh, by the way, as long as we're getting a new house I may as well buy some new clothes to go with it." And with a bright smile she left the room.
Enrique sought out Juan for advice.
"Enrique, you need more money from your people, somehow. But I don't know the answer. I think it's time for you to get going -- fishing. Try the Bay of Biscay. They have excellent fishing tours."
So Enrique traveled to Cantabria and climbed aboard a fishing boat ready to sail into the bay. Two hours later, a magnificent shiny little fish jumped out of the water, looked Enrique straight in the eye, and asked him, "What seems to be the matter?" The king answered with this lament:
Fishy, fishy in the bay,
I come to you with great dismay.
Kathy wants to buy a house,
Three skirts, a jacket, and a blouse.
To buy these things, it then occurs,
I need more money from the Moors.
Taxation there does not work well,
Because they trust a wicked spell.
And the fish made this reply:
O King, you have a problem, true,
And this is what you need to do:
Assign your servant Torquemada
To the people of Granada.
He excels at making change
In others' faith, however strange.
The Moorish lands will be converted,
Though some sites may be deserted.
Encouraged by the prospect of converting the stubborn Moors, Enrique rushed back to Madrid. Summoning Tomas de Torquemada to his presence, the latter bowed deeply and asked, "How may I serve my King?"
"Tomas, I have a special task for you. You are just the man I need..."
A few months later, there were no Moslems left in Iberia.
Colon takes ship and travels far
And soon you will surely be on par
With France, Austria and England too
And Kathrine waiting for something knew.
But before I noticed you lightly mentioned
A possible war or some such tension.
What was it that happened with the French?
Did you just get tired of their stench?
It really doesn't get any better, but I feel I must try anyway. I'll be sure to keep it clean from now on.
And soon you will surely be on par
With France, Austria and England too
And Kathrine waiting for something knew.
But before I noticed you lightly mentioned
A possible war or some such tension.
What was it that happened with the French?
Did you just get tired of their stench?
It really doesn't get any better, but I feel I must try anyway.
I'll be sure to keep it clean from now on.
I like how our fish politely brushes over Torquemada's methods "though some sites may be deserted." So you've thrown the Moriscos out of Iberia, what has Colon found on his westward journeys?
I like this AAR, updates are almost daily, just like the newspaper, except these stories are positive and happy....
Katherine really has gone too far,
She's as persistent as a deranged star.
You know she will want new homes,
in Toulon and Genoa, then in Rome.
One would think her closet's had its ilk,
of goods from Venice or the Road of Silk.
Even should Columbus fill his hold
with precious metals such as gold,
I don't think your king can meet her demand,
of owning all the luxuries in the land.
Oh mighty king, to save your mind
before financial distress drives you blind,
I believe you have only two
courses left open to you.
First you could send her to distant shores,
beyond the reach of goods and stores.
The first way to cure her malaise,
is to send her anywhere: Perhaps Calais?
Your second option chances fate,
for it could destroy your entire state.
However, if she's still your dear,
then this is the only way to keep her near.
It's possible she doesn't know the harm she's done,
the lives she's sealed, the victories undone.
So if you can't balance the budget, why,
Give her the keys and let her try!
She's as persistent as a deranged star.
You know she will want new homes,
in Toulon and Genoa, then in Rome.
One would think her closet's had its ilk,
of goods from Venice or the Road of Silk.
Even should Columbus fill his hold
with precious metals such as gold,
I don't think your king can meet her demand,
of owning all the luxuries in the land.
Oh mighty king, to save your mind
before financial distress drives you blind,
I believe you have only two
courses left open to you.
First you could send her to distant shores,
beyond the reach of goods and stores.
The first way to cure her malaise,
is to send her anywhere: Perhaps Calais?
Your second option chances fate,
for it could destroy your entire state.
However, if she's still your dear,
then this is the only way to keep her near.
It's possible she doesn't know the harm she's done,
the lives she's sealed, the victories undone.
So if you can't balance the budget, why,
Give her the keys and let her try!