A Song of Wine and Venison

[Neoteros]

A Song of Wine and Venison​

Cyvasse
Giants, Cripples and Bastards
Byford
Stannis, Stannis...
Daughters and Hammers​

A new Hand, a new King​

Prologue​

We won the war, and I was crowned. Robert Baratheon, the First of His Name, King of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, Protector of the Realm. Quite a fancy name, they gave me. But I feel like I lost that bloody war. Lyanna...

I remember the duel I had with Rhaegar Targaryen during the war, and now I realize that he died a death too honourable for him... slain by my hammer, in battle... he had to fucking be tortured to a slow and painful death, that silver-haired son of a bitch! Lyanna... she was a strong, fierce woman, a warrior in all but name... and beautiful. Who I had to marry instead? A woman even more beautiful, maybe... but cold, slimy, false, and worse. She seems to have all the flaws of her father, but none of the qualities.

I hate her... but they say: Your Grace, the Iron Throne needs an heir! That's when wine comes in. Only when drunk I manage to find her remotely palatable... you can guess what comes after. Apparently, I have even called her "Lyanna" during our wedding night... it could have been because of the alcohol, but I can't believe it... I would never, never insult my beloved's name like that, comparing her to a Lannister whore...

And if my personal trials and tribulations weren't enough, bloody Balon seems to be getting kind of restless lately... may he rot forever in his thrice-damned islands. His people never did anything good in centuries, only burning, raping and pillaging as if it was the only meaning for a man's life. Have they ever tried hunting? I doubt it. There's nothing more satisfying than facing a big, strong boar...

Seven Hells... will I survive?

 

[Neoteros]

Chapter I: Cyvasse​

Just days ago, I met a girl from Crakehall. It was a stormy day, a day in which venison prefers to hide from the weather: hunting them while they cannot give you a serious challenge is not a deed worthy of a great hunter like myself, so I had to remain in my rooms, with nothing to do except drinking some good old Dornish wine. I was probably drunk, and I do not remember the "how", "where" and "when", but this Crakehall girl certainly thought I needed something to do except getting shitfaced, so she told me that she could teach me a game from the Eastern Continent called "cyvasse", in order to kill time. I laughed at her, the only board game I ever played, and would ever play, is the one I played during the war, looking at a miniature of the battlefield and the soldiers, and discussing the best course of action with my men. I was pleasantly surprised when I discovered that this game of the Free Cities is, really, not so different. I learned the game quickly, imagining two clashing armies, the sound of swords, the sight of blood... topping that, the maid was good looking... but i seriously doubt she was a proper maid, for we were about to fuck until that bloody Maester had to call me... apparently, the Council needed me.

...​

I had to still be hard after my encounter with the Crakehall girl, since my wife is pregnant. Have we ever fucked around that time? Bloody wine... anyway, that girl's name is Brella. Our cyvasse matches became more frequent since that day one month ago, but I soon realized that she was more interested in me than in the game. Well... that whore Cersei hates me, and i hadn't fucked a woman since the Age of Heroes... i mean, while sober. She's not Lyanna, but at least she loves me, and in this bloody den of vipers, it's a nice change. I got her laid, of course. Turns out that she's as skillful in bed as next to a cyvasse board.

As you can easily guess, I am playing as Robert Baratheon with the latest version of the GoT mod, right after his crowning. Since I am the sovereign of an entire continent, I think there will not be many wars: my aim will be, to make Robert's reign better. He'll still be a drunkard and an unfaithful husband bitter over the loss of his true love, but hopefully I will be able to keep him from becoming the lazy, fat pig he became.

 

[addsub]

Good AAR, I shall be following this! Looking forwards too the next part.

 

[daddytorgo]

Chapter I: Cyvasse​

As you can easily guess, I am playing as Robert Baratheon with the latest version of the GoT mod, right after his crowning. Since I am the sovereign of an entire continent, I think there will not be many wars: my aim will be, to make Robert's reign better. He'll still be a drunkard and an unfaithful husband bitter over the loss of his true love, but hopefully I will be able to keep him from becoming the lazy, fat pig he became.

There can still be wars - particularly if you play him with a personality instead of just appeasing everybody to stay in power. Ohhh there can still be wars!

 

[Deaghaidh]

There can still be wars - particularly if you play him with a personality instead of just appeasing everybody to stay in power. Ohhh there can still be wars!

Robbert in general did try to appease people. Well itd be more accurate to say he pretty much let everyone do as they eased, so long as they didnt disturbe his amusements.

If you believe the government is best that governs least, Robert was the greatest King ever, az he hardly governed at all.

 

[Machiavellian]

I am enjoying the feel of this one so far.

 

[Neoteros]

Chapter II: Giants, Cripples and Bastards​

Cersei gave birth to two twins just weeks ago, whom I named Rickard and Rhonda. My sons. However, that bitch had to do fuck up even my heir, since Rickard is clubfooted. He'll not grow up to be a man of war, I fear... Rhonda, though... that girl is as huge as an aurochs' pup, probably she took after me: that's why I sent a letter to Ned, asking him to consent to a betrothal between Rhonda and his newborn son.

...​

Guess what? The name of Ned's newly acquired brat is Rickard too! We know each other too well, me and Eddard... Too bad that the joyous news of the betrothal between our sons has been kind of ruined by... no, it has not been ruined by Brella herself, rather by the fact that she gave birth to the fruit of our passion... Cersei kind of hated it. That's why I legitimized the boy, Steffon: he may be a bastard, but he isn't clubfooted, and has not a drop of fucking lion's blood in his veins. I just sold it to the Council as the byproduct of a pity fuck she gave me after Lyanna's death... Seven Hells, the thought of killing that blonde whore and marrying Brella kind of tempted me lately.

...​

What I was thinking? Killing a Lannister... they would probably recruit half the known world's sellswords and shove some metallic sharp weapons up my arse. And i don't want to stop fucking Brella.

 

[Neoteros]

Chapter III: Byford​

It happened again. Cersei got pregnant without me remembering anything, and whelped out a girl she named Belandra, while Brella and I enjoyed the result of all too vivid fucks in the form of another baby girl, whom I named Myrcella. I betrothed them right away to Jon Arryn's new son, whose name I can't even remember, and to that young lad, Loras Tyrell. I need the wealth of the Reach if I want to avoid... unpleasantness from the lions, and Loras seems to be growing up nicely. A charming boy, who seems to be born for the sword. Yeah, maybe too charming, he has the same tastes of a bloody Tyroshi when it comes to dressing... but what a warrior he'll become. Also, I'm going to take part in a tourney at Byford! Finally I can taste the adrenaline of duels and fights again...

...​

Fuck. The tourney has been an all-around defeat for me, maybe I should devote less time to fucking. At least, Balon's dead. An accident, they say... Usually, this means "successful conspiracy", but whatever. I hope he's having fun deep in the sea with his bloody Drowned God, all but hearing him talk about iron, salt and shit like that. Rodrik's the new lord in the Iron Islands now.

...​

Finally! My new Master of Whisperers, whose name's really not that important, discovered that Cersei, may she rot in the deepest of the Seven Hells, had been putting up a nicely crafted conspiracy to kill his brother the Imp. I bet my balls that Tywin's involved, he never liked his youngest son. This means I have a legitimate reason to imprison the bitch...

...​

She managed to escape. To the Shadow Tower. But I have made contacts with a few people there who could help me, Cersei Lannister will die! And I'll marry Brella...

...​

The only good Lannister whore, is a dead Lannister whore. Bitch has been murdered, and no one suspects my involvement! Right now, Brella's naked in my bed, wearing Cersei's crown: i have married her, and made her Queen. Some mead to celebrate, please! And tomorrow, we'll hunt boars!

 

[-Rodri-]

Excellent. Loving it.

 

[Neoteros]

^ next chapter coming soon!

 

[Neoteros]

Chapter IV: Stannis, Stannis...​

Apparently, the smallfolk calls me "Robert the Drunkard" now. If I find who first called me this, I'll feed him to my hounds. Because I am not a drunkard at all. Anyway, Brella and I have had two other sons, Brus and Ravella. Long story short, all my sons are betrothed to each of the great houses, so to ensure stability to the Seven Kingdoms. Except the Lannisters, I'll never mix my successors' blood with theirs... poor Tywin, he's a son of a bitch, but if compared to his sons he's fucking Baelor the Blessed. Something must be wrong with them...

I almost forgot. I don't know who is the oaf who is puppeting little Renly, but he has declared war to Stannis over a claim on Dragonstone. Let them fight, I'm out of this. I don't want to be considered akin to a kinslayer or shit like that. Even though Stannis, with all his "i'm the legitimate ruler of the Stormlands" talk, is getting on my nerves... have you forgot who is the older brother here?

Also, a great man left this world recently. Ser Barristan. He died of old age, while sleeping... I confess, I was about to cry when I heard that. A true knight, he was. Not only a fierce and fearsome warrior, but also a man true to his words, and to his oath. Not like fucking Jaime Lannister. Maybe I should kill him too. I have appointed Ned as the new Master-at-Arms, and Winterfell's being looked upon by Benjen Stark. Fuck... it seems that the Mountain Clans are challenging my rule over "their" lands...?

...​

Problem solved. But Jon Arryn died in battle... and the Vale's under the rule of a suckling babe. Maybe that's why Yohn Royce has... occupied Lord Petyr Baelish's holdings without anyone doing nothing? I wonder what did Lady Catelyn find amusing about that. She couldn't stop giggling. Ned too. Why in the Seven Hells did I call Ned here? His job is training troops, not laughing.

...​

Brella wants to kill RICKARD?! My son?! Wait... is he the clubfooted one? Cersei's? All right, then... I never liked him, and he has Lannister blood in his veins. Steffon's better, too. Brella? How can I help you?

 

[consortium11]

Enjoying this a lot.

 

[Deaghaidh]

I have to say, your Robbert is a bit... harsher.

 

[Rafinius]

Your portrayal of Robert of a heartless uncaring drunkard is... weird.

 

[Neoteros]

Your portrayal of Robert of a heartless uncaring drunkard is... weird.

Drunkard, he surely was. Heartless and uncaring, that's what comes with actually ruling the state instead of giving every power to the Small Council. Not to mention that his former lover and new wife, Brella, has the "Rude" and "Arbitrary" traits. She has surely influenced Robert...

 

[Neoteros]

Chapter V: Daughters and Hammers​

I noticed that Rhonda hardly eats anything as of late. Just when I thought to turn to Maester Nymos, Ned gave me the answer to the question: he said that she does so in order to not become as fat as Dad. Suddenly, the moniker of "Drunkard" with which the smallfolk called me, started to make more sense. I need to give a good example to my children. So, I accepted to enter a tourney, and began practicing in order to not seem as unprepared as in Byford. And I quit drinking.

...​

It was a failure. But at least, less of a failure than Byford. In other news, Renly defeated Stannis, and married Arianne Martell. I don't know why, but I don't trust her. And, I have a new daughter, Leonette. WH- RENLY AND STANNIS ARE AT IT AGAIN?

 

[Neoteros]

Chapter VI: A New Hand, a new King​

Cersei's death has had its toll on Tywin's mental sanity, I think. He died of "stress", but I know he was heading towards madness. I have made his son Tyrion my new hand, and his wife, Lysa, came here in King's Landing with him and his son. Poor woman... Jon was a great man, it's true, but a bit too old for her. And now that he's dead, she had to marry a dwarf. Since she came here, she's been looking at Eddard and Catelyn as if she wished to be like them.

Also, I was forced by the Council to put Brella under arrest... the whole "kill Rickard" plan had not been so secret, I guess... Eddard even called me a kinslayer in the making. I freed her three days after, under the promise that she wouldn't kill anyone.

...​

Father took part in a tourney, a while ago. He said, "when I fight, I don't drink". But he ended up jousting against Gregor Clegane. They call him the "Mountain that Rides"... he's a giant, he's incredibly strong... and his strength was too much for Father. The Mountain's lance literally went through armour, flesh and bones before it even broke. Before my very eyes. Father was almost a stranger to me, but he was a great man. He didn't deserve to die that way. No. And Clegane has got away with it, since it was a tourney, and in a tourney deaths are to be expected sometimes. If I weren't lame and crippled, I'd kill him.

...​

My name is Doran Martell. I have been chosen as the regent of the Seven Kingdoms until His Grace comes of age. This means that, due to my health problems, Sunspear is, for the time being, the Council's seat. I just couldn't make it to King's Landing. What they don't know, is that I'll do everything in my power to crush that kid. Half a Lannister... Brella needed to kill him. I've sent Tyrion back to his castle in the Westerlands, choosing Stannis Baratheon as the new Hand. I have a nice trick up my sleeve: Rickard, being Cersei Lannister's firstborn son, has a legitimate claim on the Rock, more so than the Imp's. If Rickard was to declare war to Tyrion, many will die. That dwarf will be outnumbered, but his bloody mind could make up for thousands of soldiers and knights. A realm torn by war... people will beg for the dragons to return, and they will.

 

[Deaghaidh]

Vengance, justice, fire and blood!
Is there any way in the game to carry out the Targaryen loyalist plots? I've tried betrothing Arianne Martel to Viserys at the start of the Crowned Stag scenario, but he and Dany always "die" shortly afterward.

 

[Neoteros]

^ Viserys dead? Somehow, I think that Khal Drogo's involved... idk about Dany

 

[Deaghaidh]

^ Viserys dead? Somehow, I think that Khal Drogo's involved... idk about Dany

Happens every time, about a couple of months into the game.

Interesting note on your game: Young King Rickard I "Baratheon" (probably an inbred Lannister) wanted to kill Ser Gregor Clegane, the Mountain That Rides. As it happens, that's the same monstrous knight who brutally murdered the new regents sister and her children.