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    The realm rejoices as Paradox Interactive announces the launch of Crusader Kings III, the latest entry in the publisher’s grand strategy role-playing game franchise. Advisors may now jockey for positions of influence and adversaries should save their schemes for another day, because on this day Crusader Kings III can be purchased on Steam, the Paradox Store, and other major online retailers.


    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

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Aethis

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This game looks crazy! :D
 

Sarganto

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Aethis said:
This game looks crazy! :D
Yeah, the random scenarios are always fun. I've kept playing the fixed dai viet game, but I won't continue the AAR of dai viet. The King will stay in Austria


But in this game, between me and two other nations has started, to gobble up as much uncivilized nations in Asia as possible. So my yellow empire has grown almost all over north asia, russia and some parts of india, while the other two nations hold most of china and southeast-asia. It's only a matter of time, until hell breaks loose in asia :D
Great fun, but as I have too much fun playing this, it takes too much time to report about all the stuff happening. So I will stick to the white Blob for reporting.

Next update coming in the next hour or so.
 

Sarganto

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The Emperor: I know we have built some more steel factories, to make more cash. But what is this?

The King: I WANT TO TAKE A BATH IN IT!
Emperor: In steel?
The King: Nothing else is hard enough...


While still being at war with the Oranje, the Metis Confederacy declared war on the CSA, to expand their colonies we sold them.


Of course we honour our alliance, as we have no direct land-border to them...or do we? The one black province with rebels in it is still ours and the Metis Confederacy freed it from the rebels. After that, they gave us 3 expeditionary divisions, so we even started invading their lands from this one province.

Meanwhile, the Oranje offered peace:

The King: Tell their leader, that we will NEVER accept!
Emperor: I've already accepted.
The King: Then tell him, he's an arsehole.
Emperor: Well it seems we won't get any further anyway this time. But we will take'em out later.
The King: Well, there are enough other non-yellow countries to conquer left.

Shortly after that, the CSA also offered peace:

The King: They must be rather stupid. We have not conquered a single province yet.
Emperor: And this time I will set up a new division in these lands to keep em free from rebels.
The King: White or black, who cares? Yellow is all that counts!

So after a few years doing nothing than fighting wars, our economy lies on the floor. We don't make any profit at the moment, so we have to reduce our army budget to zero, to save cash to build some more factories.


We build some more fabric, steel, and lumber factories until...
The King: Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooring! Building factories is fucking boring. But I will change that. Ha!
Emperor: Wtf? What have you done?
The King: As you would refer to it: blobbing.


The King: I even feel a little bit bad. They only have 2 divisions of non-yellow soldiers.
Emperor: We also don't have any yellow-soldiers in our divisions.
The King: Don't tell me things, I don't want to hear.

The battle for the capitol of Anhalt:


Emperor: Well this war is going quite better than the last.
The King: And rather unexciting. We should have stayed at building factories...
Emperor: I will send the leader of Anhalt a peace offer, he can not resist...



The King: ANNEX! Go for it!
Emperor: Not yet, I will leave them with some provinces and a humiliation. But at least you will get your access to the sea.
The King:


This is what the Blob looks like in the north now:


So far for today. But there are more challenging wars waiting. So don't miss the next episode :D

All hail the Blob!
 
Last edited:

Taylor

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It's going great! Now you can finally build ships to sail to the yellow kingdom :p.
 

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The King: Now that we finally have access to the sea, the next step of my plan can begin.





The King: Now stuff our troops into the boats and we will free my kingdom of the redlings influence!
Emperor: There are other things, we have to take care of first. Did you notice the other red country next to our blobby Empire?
The King: Of course, the japanese redlings are here to mock me, because my Dai Viet Kingdom was taking over all of their lands in the other savegame. So it's also their fault, that I'm no real King anymore!
Emperor: Then maybe you will be happy to hear, that we will declare war against them.
The King: Now that is good news!


So we started to build some more divisions and even had a new general leading our armies:


The King: This guy will from now on be know as the "Redling-Smasher".
Emperor: As long as he is taking some provinces, while smashing the redlings, I don't care what you call him.
The King: Then let's now wait. We will declare war today!


The King: That's more wars, than I expected. I like

Emperor: What happened? I thought they had no allies?
The King: It seems to be a little bit complicated. France guaranteed the independence of Japan and France is allied to Oranje and Oranje is allied to Panjab. And well, because they declared war on us, after we declared war on Japan, all our allies and allies of our allies joined the war.
Emperor: Ok, this seems manageable. We will send some troops, to hold the line in the south and rush through the japanese territory and take them out, as fast as we can.
The King: Sounds great. We will do it like that. And we don't care about the revolts!
Emperor: Huh? What? Revolts?
The King: Did I say something?



While making good progress in japanese territory, these damn rebels took almost half of our white blob. So we had to take the first peace offer, the japanese made, because we desperately needed the troops to fight the rebels.





While we were still bashing the rebels, Cambodia got pwned in their homelands in north Spain and lost a lot of prestige, making it easier for us, to blob them later. At the same time, Oranje offered us a speperate white peace.



The King: If you ask me, I would not accept.
Emperor: But I am not asking you. This will help us, to concentrate on Panjab.

So peace was made again with Oranje, leaving the Blob at war with France and Panjab, but France has no land connection to us and no navy, to start amphibious assaults.



Emperor: As if they smelled something. Engage on all fronts!



Emperor: Excellent, try to rout as many of them to Novi Sad and then encircle them there!

 

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Brave Soldier: My Sire, the encirclement went was you planned. Every single panjabian soldier has been blobbed. The siege of the capitol has started. The enemy is retreating on all fronts.
Emperor: I guess the Panjabs also notice, that they don't stand a chance against our supernatural armies.



The King: That's not enough yet! We stalled the reconquista of my kingdom for this shit, so make it worth the time!
Emperor: I know that this is not enough, we will keep fighting.



...1 week later...



Emperor: This should be enough. They will lose enough prestige, to make redeclaring war easy.
The King: Whatever, now ship your troops over to Australia!
Emperor: Not yet. We have to restore peace first.




The Blob was once again at peace, had gained 7 more provinces in this last war but also a high level of revolt risk everywhere...



Emperor: That's only because I always listen to your stupid ideas!
The King: Wait a second, this last war wasn't my idea. I said ship all your troops to Australia and free my kingdom, but you didn't listen. That's what you get for not listening to me once again.
Emperor: Maybe I should just send you out to the marketplace, to explain your plan to my people.
The King: Uuuhhh you know what, that's a great idea. Sadly, I am allergic to white blobby people. What if I just stay here and....eumh...watch you, while you blob the next nation on your agenda?

Who will be the next nation?
Will they ever invade the yellow australian Dai-Viet?
Is the King really allergic to white blobby people?

This and more, in the next episode :D

(btw. feel free to leave a comment, a lot of hits, but few comments :( thanks to everybody, who has already left a comment :) )
 

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Those rebels looked scary for a moment, but now you seem to have the situation under control again.

Those guys in the southwest of your last screenshot have a lot of troops!
 

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Taylor said:
Those rebels looked scary for a moment, but now you seem to have the situation under control again.

Those guys in the southwest of your last screenshot have a lot of troops!
Those guys are Paraguay and Guatemala and they are uncivilized. I have a rather high percentage of uncived nations in this game, 50-60% I guess. That's probably too high, because it makes expansion too easy. On the other side, the cived cpu nations are also expanding veeery fast, so you will have epic wars in the end. Maybe I will give you a look at the fixed Dai Viet game, as it developed the situation of a few superpowers pwning the world and I am one of them.

In the blobby game, France is the only real threat in Europe at the moment. They have 27 divisions, I have 21 and the Nr.1 "Ruthenia" has 46 divisions, but is located at the Caspian Sea, so we will only have to deal with them later, if ever.
At the moment, I have to figure out, how to stop the damn revolts, maybe promoting Capitalists and then go for a liberal party with laissez-faire.
Don't know yet. At one time, I had about 8 revolting divisions in my territory and I don't want to keep too many of my divisions hunting revolts.
 

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The King: These revolts are pain in the arse. But at least, they are under control now. Let's search a new victim.
Emperor: I already marked two options on the map. The yellow option is...
The King: TAKE TEH YELLOW OPTION!!!111

Emperor: That would be Mecklenburg.

Mecklenburg is allied to Anhalt, but this alliance is invalid against...us

With their 3 infantry divisions, they didn't stand a chance.

Emperor: But obviously, I will do the opposite.


The King: Always ignoring my advises has brought you in trouble in the past and it will bring you into trouble in the future.
Emperor: Stop whining, kingdomless King.



The King: At last. But wait, what is Hamburg doing?



Emperor: They are taking what rightfully belongs to the Blob, while we are occupied elsewhere. This shall be revenged in the future.
The King: Just mark it yellow in one of your plans.
Emperor: Oh, one of my lieutenants has marked something else yellow in my masterplan. The Mecklenburg dregs were allied to Texas, that is located somewhere in south Africa and Indonesia, but now they have started to invade us and we have no troops to stop them.
The King: Just send our revolt-stoppers. They will deal with them.

Emperor: Or we let the revolts handle the problem.



The King: That's odd. How far are we in Mecklenburg?
Emperor: Almost done. They only had 3 divisions, so no real resistance there. Let's watch the last fight in their capitol.



The King: Oh look, my yellow uber-cavalry soldiers are also participating.

Emperor: I want to make an order: one BigMeck, MeckPeace-Menu and extra large portion fries, please.
The King: Coming up!




Emperor: We are still at war with Texas and they won't accept white peace.
The King: They tried to come to the Blob, now bring the Blob to them.
Emperor: They shall all hail the Blob!
 

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The King: Ok, we anyway need a bigger navy for my reconquista, so let's start to build an oldschool Man-o-War and 4 more Clipperflippers. Oh, and drive out the Texans from my property.
Emperor: Aye aye sir!....hold on, waaait a second, I'm in command here.
The King: Oh yeah of course, like women are in command in the kitchen.







Yoda: Begun, the invasion of Madagascar has!
Emperor: Where is he coming from?
The King: This little greenling jumped out of your savegame-screw-machine. Seems like you were playing Empire at War lately?
Emperor: Whatever, he can't stay here!
Yoda: Sending away, you can Yoda not! With me, the force is!
The King: It think he's cute. Can I keep him as a pet? Oh pleeeaaaase!
Emperor: Oh my god, now I have an incompetent manic kingdomless King and Yoda as advisors. Can there be anything worse?
Barbara Streisand: Well, hi folks....
*pulls a gun shoots the Streisand in the head*
Emperor: We won't let THIS happen.
The King: My heaaart will goo ooooooonnn.... *singing*
Yoda: Cleaning the floor, I not will.


If you thought, this was odd, take a look at his:



The King: It's an everlasting battle. Is our Man-o-War not ready yet?
Emperor: Everlasting? Is this some kinda magic or just stupidity?
Yoda: The force, it is!



Emperor: Are they trying to stop our invasion, by drawing all our clippers into everlasting battles?
The King: If that's their plan, it seems to work.
Yoda: Our Battleship, completed it has.





The King: Now the way is free to invade their african provinces. I will lead the attack with my Crazy Horzez!
Empire: I don't know if that's a good idea. They already start getting free infantry divisions via partisans.
The King: Nonsense, they will fear my sword and then the partisans will stop to pop out of nowhere.
Yoda: Sympathy for the rebels, I have.
Emperor: Silence, you serve the Empire now!



Yoda: Losing Madagascar we will.
Emperor: I can see that myself. And they don't accept any of our peace offers.



Emperor: Scheisse.
Yoda: Bad news, more there are.



Emperor: Scheissdreck. Why is this always happening in the worst moment?
Yoda: Because the dark side, strong within you it is.
The King: Don't blame me this time, I'm off slaughtering texans. Yeeehaaww!

Will this be the end of the Blob?
Where does Yoda's speech defect come from?
Can the WHITE Blob really be from the dark side?

This and more, in the next episode!
 

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Sarganto said:
Yoda: Sympathy for the rebels, I have.
Emperor: Silence, you serve the Empire now!
lol:rofl:!

edit: The blob can easily handle them all. They will all be blobbed for their insolence :).
 

Sarganto

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Emperor: We are now at war with half of the world I guess. Let's take a look on the map, where our new enemies are from...



What didn't look like a big problem at all, started to really piss the Emperor off, because the King's troops already started, to invade the texan provinces in Africa. So the dregs from Bremen started to reconquer the texan provinces from the south.



And more problems keep flocking in...



Emperor: Seems like the danish are now allied with our rebels to take our coastal provinces. They shall pay for heresy.
The King: What if you first get me out of this goddamn Africa? My sword is already rusty because of all the texan blood on it. And now they send in more troops, accompanied by a frigate.
Emperor: Our Man-o-War should defeat them easily.
Yoda: Our Manowar, the fight lost it has.
The King: Their Fleet-Tactics are far better than ours.
Emperor: What tactics? It's 1 MoW vs. 1 frigate, go and shoot it. No need for tactics.





So while the Texans were getting free infantry divisions all the time, they did not accept any peace offer we made, probably because their military score was about ~40, and ours was like 29, but they had most of their divisions at their capitol somewhere in Indonesia. The situation in Madagascar was fierce and we eventually had to retreat from the island, to rescue the situation in Africa.



After a few more tries, they accepted our white peace offer, with us gaining a small amount of prestige.



Even with all of our troops back in the Blob and 7 new divisions, we had no chance to keep fighting, because our war exhaustion was already above 25%.



The King: This whole war was bullshit. I didn't even make a reference to the Texans being red and all this stuff.
Emperor: Indeed, I hoped we could get at least 1 or 2 provinces in Africa, for further expansion there.
Yoda: Focus on Europe, you should, young padawan.
The King: He's right, there is a country, we haven't fought for too long...
 

VILenin

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Wow, the random generator sure creates chaos throughout the world. Too bad there aren't more un-civs nearby, these little 3 province peace deals are slowing down your blobification. The blob must grow! :D
 

Davisx3m

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:cool:
 

Sarganto

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VILenin said:
Wow, the random generator sure creates chaos throughout the world. Too bad there aren't more un-civs nearby, these little 3 province peace deals are slowing down your blobification. The blob must grow! :D
I have to watch my BB, as it is relatively high, because of the wars and gains against Panjab, Japan and Mecklenburg, and the annexion of 4-provinced Anhalt. So I have to find new uncived targets nearby, as there are still enough left, that should be no problem.

I'll post a new update later or tomorrow.

Thx 4 the comments so far :)
 

Sarganto

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The King: You know, your people hate us.
Emperor: If I may correct this: They hate YOU.
Yoda: The dark side, never succeed it will.
The King: Stop being so pessimistic, you damn green midget.



Emperor: Well, with plurality at 25%, this is no wonder.
The King: You simply didn't suppress them enough.
Emperor: We have to change something, but what?
Yoda: Suffrage, what they want is.
The King: They want to suffer? That should be no problem.
Emperor: This ain't a easy decision. But we can't fight any more wars with this many revolts at home. I guess, we have to do it. This will bring up other problems, but they are solveable.
The King: Whoat? You want to castrate yourself?
Emperor: I knooow....I don't like the idea of elections too. At least, I want a foreseeable result and let only the wealthly guys vote.





The King: So the Blob is a constitutional monarchy now? I would rather say a castrated monarchy. OH, this means you can sing veeery high now, does it? Like the castrated boy singers. C'mon, sing "o sole mio" for me!
Emperor: I will show you, how castrated I am.



The King: HEY! That's now how I planned it!
Emperor: See? It's still me giving the orders here.
Yoda: Start singing, you should.
Emperor: I AM NOT CASTRATED YOU RETARDS!



After the declaration of war, the bulgarian territory was overrun by our blobby armies. The target of the war was, to get at least one more province, that borders oranje, so we don't have this kind of bottleneck, like the last time. We also wanted to humiliate them, for later expansion.



Yoda: Deep in debt, we are.
Emperor: Thanks Captain Obvious.
The King: Don't you think, you have to explain that? At least to our readers? Because I don't give a damn.
Emperor: Setting up a more complicated election system than in the U.S. wasn't too cheap. And we had to build some factories, before we lost our state capitalism, because we have no capitalists yet. This means, we can only expand existing ones, until we promote some capitalists. That's not too bad, because we already have all needed factories and can expand them easily.
The King: Oh by the way, my Horzez have conquered the last province of Bulgaria yesterday. I have send them the offer of complete annexation.
Yoda: Not all of their land, we have conquered.
Emperor: That's why we settle with a little bit less, than complete annexation.





After that, France also signed a white peace. Anyway, a war without any sense, because it was a colonial war, and none of us had any colonial provinces.

Emperor: Time for the next step in our plan.
The King: The step I've been waiting for sooooooooo long...
 

Taylor

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That Oranje looks a bit like Serbia (in WW1 for example). You know, red, with lots of military units and a hostile Austria to their west. But unlike Serbia, they WILL be blobbed.
 

Sarganto

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The King: My Horzez will take the capitol in a week!

Emperor: As Panjab and Oranje are allied to each other and Panjab has ~-120 prestige, we will dow them and hope for the best.
Yoda: Flawless, your plan is not!
Emperor: Can someone PLEASE remove this pessimist from my throne room?





Emperor: Victory IN YOUR FACE ugly greenling!
Yoda: The rebels, never give up they will.
Emperor: I'm getting more and more the feeling, that you have been sent to the wrong side.
The King: Unlike me. I always like to be where the slaughter is.



The King: I swear by god, that I will kill you if you accept.
Emperor: That's not what we want.
The King: What excactly?
Emperor: Both.



The King: Send me in! I will lead the decisive strike against the red baztardz!



The King: DON'T YOU! I'M NOT DONE YET!!!



Yoda: The battle for the capitol, lost it is.
Emperor: What do you mean by "lost"?
The King: I think, he's talking about our enemy. Don't you think, he's a little bit suspicious?
Emperor: He's from an other savegame. He can't be more suspicious than you.
The King: But he is green...and only 1 meter tall.



The King: Revenge is mine!
Emperor: Our plan, to focus first on Oranje, worked pretty good. Now let's see, what we can get from them.
The King: Don't forget the humiliation!




Emperor: White power!
The King: Dude, you shouldn't say something like that. Even I know that.
Emperor: But saying "Yellow power! is perfectly ok?
The King: Yep.
Emperor: In what kinda sick world do we live?
 

Sarganto

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Emperor: Now let's finish Panjab quickly. I have more important things to do.
The King: Like what?
Emperor: Making the Blob look more like a Blob.
The King: Sounds reasonable.








Emperor: This seems to be enough. I don't want to raise our badboy too high, because almost everyone in the world already thinks we are arseholes.
The King: And you still have to conquer my yellow empire. Don't forget that!
Emperor: Let's see first, what we've got out of this peace deal.



Yoda: Factories, the environment they pollute!
Emperor: If our provinces stay in this clean white colour, I don't mind if they are polluted.
The King: They are anyway polluted, when they're not yellow.
Emperor: Let's take a look at our superclean white Blob.



All hail the clean white Blob!

---


So far for today. This took me like forever ~~
My laptop is in repair (all hail Dell!) and I have to use my old desktop-pc again.