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    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

WingedLion14

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interesting idea! looking forward to see what the world looks like by 1453...

and does the Celtic faces pack give all men the same exact mustache? :laugh:
 

tnick0225

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Part 1.5 - Cornwall

@WingedLion14: I thought it was, CatKnight kind of served as my inspiration for this, with his AAR in EUIV...I'm really interested in what the world will look like as well when I export it over to EUIV in 1444 :) Haha the mustache is in the Genetic code! At least its better than the potato heads of the Medi face pack, those make me want to puke whenever I see them.

But without further ado time for our next update on the adventures of Clan Cerneu...



Part 1.5 - Cornwall​



With a second claim on another county in Gwynedd made I slowly begin saving some coins up so that I can hire a mercenary regiment to speed up the conquests. Don't want to jump into war too awful soon. So I bide my time...

Apparently I have a crazed mayor that has a hard-on for dueling someone. He wants my permission, I guess I can't blame the guy for seeking guidance, so I allow it just because I'm surprised someone would ask permission to play with their swords and see how the measure up to one another.


So the mayor is happy with us which is usually always a good thing, because in my experience Mayors can be awfully evil when they're unhappy.

I then get the wonderful book events. I don't know why these usually happen ingame but the sequence has gotten old and dull, perhaps PI should add some spice to this event chain sometime...


Then our lovely Queen B shows her fertility off to the world once more by becoming pregnant again.


All of sudden as usually happens when I declare war or come close to declaring war the damned Vikings decide its high time to come and perform some raping and pillaging upon my lands. I haven't really said anything of these raids as they've been insignificant and honestly really more annoying than the damn rebel problems. I only mention it this time because I capture the annoying Viking Chieftain that thought Cornwall was a land of plenty.

Yep that's right Gotland I captured your damn Jarl!


I keep him imprisoned for a little while, but relent when I realize he's worth 70 gold. Luckily this Viking can fund our hiring of some Mercenaries, so the Viking raid was more a blessing than a scourge.

It's then I decide to declare war against the teenage Queen of Gwynedd.


Just so everyone knows I can't remember if I mentioned this but I decided I'd kill King Arthfael II of Deuhebarth, the plotters decided a bomb of cow-shit (kind of like my Welfs killed Kaiser Lothar von Rheinfelden in that other AAR of mine). Apparently CKII thinks I have a cow-shit fetish.

But regardless Arthfael apparently smelled it from a mile away, I guess fresh cowturds aren't the best weapon. My plotters shall learn from this amateurish mistake though.


Why resort to the gamey tactic of assassinations though??? Well I want the truce timer gone. Sooo killing Arthfael and reinstalling his pops upon the throne means no more truce timer. Gamey kind of, but it works so I'm doing it.

With that our wonderful and magnanimous King Ricat of Cornwall marches to war and does so well in the Welsh mountains he becomes a Mountain fighting expert.


So obviously the next screenshot showing victories shouldn't be all that surprising.


And then Queen B gives birth and for the first time I realize us Cornish peoples have a weird genetic inclination towards twins. Queen B has given me two children a boy and a girl. Not sure why but eh, wish it'd been two girls getting tired of noisy rambunctious sons.

Anyways the son I name Glenn mab Ricat and my daughter is Heodez verch Ricat.


With the birth of two kids the siege of Mathrafal is complete and the war i nearing completion when in December only seven months after Queen B gave birth to twins she once more announced she was with child. How this keeps happening I don't know, but apparently our wonderful Countess of Gloucester/Queen of Cornwall has an extremely fertile womb.

In January of 893 Llangollen falls and the Queen of Gwynedd raises the white flag in surrender. Handing over both Counties to my care.


Here's the other reason I waited till I had two claims against her. First its better to take two counties than just one, but I needed two of her three, so I could usurp her ducal tier title. Why?

So I could form the Kingdom of Wales!

Yeah that two duchy requirement thing. So I usurp the Duchy of Gwynedd, leaving its former Queen in humiliation as a lowly Countess.


With the capturing of these two lands, I go a bit above my demesne limit and turn over the County of Gwent to my brother-in-law Klaoda mab Dumnarth, my half-brother. This is a mistake I will live to regret as he will become a rather sharp pain in the ass in the future. But I love landing family so that's what I do.

And then another son is born little Ewen mab Ricat Cerneu.


In November of 893 the cow turd trick finally works on its second try.


The new year brings with it a prego Queen B, the Rise of the Shi'a (part 2) didn't this happen earlier? I think it did no idea why it fired a second time unless the previous one was the Sunni...

I don't remember and don't care to go back and read, so the Rise of the Shi'a II - Invasion of Egypt is coming to a Sphinx near you.

This time I get a daughter, and only a daughter, no hidden little boy in there this time.

I name her Erwana.


895 proves to be a very very very interesting year in European Affairs. For the Karling King Karlmann is entrusted with the lofty title as Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire by the Pope. Think it was Sylvester II. So it appears we will have a solidified Central Europe for the rest of the game, perhaps even a huge Gray beast spanning the entire continent, because the HRE Karlmann is forming is going to be quite the behemoth.


So why haven't I formed Wales yet? I meet all the requirements and such. The answer, I needed more gold. I used up quite a bit usurping the Duchy of Gwynedd so had to stockpile some more and knock off some more Viking raiders. But come the year 897, on Febraury 28 to be exact I hit the button and voila! King Ricat mab Dumnarth Cerneu of Cornwall goes from mere Petty King to true King of Wales.


With King Ricat of Wales greatest triumph complete all I have to do is steal the remainder of de jure Welsh territory and my goal for this 50 years will be complete. I have 20 more years left, so I'm pretty sure it will be doable.

So all hail King Ricat of Wales!
 

Morosaurus

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What's the goal now? Conquer Ireland? Just stay alive and consolidate?
 

Stuyvesant

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Apparently I have a crazed mayor that has a hard-on for dueling someone. He wants my permission, I guess I can't blame the guy for seeking guidance, so I allow it just because I'm surprised someone would ask permission to play with their swords and see how the measure up to one another.
Little boys measuring their 'swords'. Phnaargh! :p

Yes, that's exactly the kind of thing that will draw me to an AAR. ;)

Congrats on becoming king of Wales. Does that mean you can now make sure those poor people will have names that can actually be pronounced, going forward? Not that all of your Cornish names are all that easy on the tongue, either...

Good luck with the rest. I can't believe there is an assassination plot in the game involving a manure pit. I guess it's meant as a precursor to the modern-day fertilizer bomb?
 

tnick0225

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@mike the knight: Finally right? :) At least there will be a Wales, whether it lasts for a while or not who knows lol...but hopefully it will stay around a few centuries.

@Morosaurus: The goal now is to capture the rest of de jure Wales, so basically consolidate and spread the family out a little bit more, other than that not a whole lot else to do in this area. I would go after Ireland, but I don't have boats yet so that's not going to be possible sadly.

@Stuyvesant: Had to throw an innuendo in there ;) lol...But yeah much easier to pronounce the names of the Cornish thankfully, as a matter of fact the Emperor of the new HRE is a Breton as well!!! :) Wonder how long that will last. But anyways, the manure pit is the one that seems to pop up the most for me in assassination plots. It always makes me laugh too. And yeah you're probably right that its meant as a precursor to the fertilizer bomb. Actually never of thought of that until you mentioned it!
 

Morosaurus

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With the announcement of the Play Random Character button will you be retooling the way the AAR works?
 

tnick0225

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I had no idea they were adding that to be honest...I will wait and see how it works before making a decision....speaking of which I should update this it's been a little while since I have.
 

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Well, just an hour and a half ago, I found this wonderful forum full of AARs. Had no idea what AARs were, but I was googling something else for CKII and it came up. I've read the beginning of your Welf AAR and just finished what you have so far, for this one, and I have to say, it is funny and very interesting. Subbed. Please, keep up the excellent work! :)
 

Neoteros

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I love these random character AARs... it won't be easy to leave Cornwall/Wales to its destiny though, since wars and incompetent rulers might undo what you have done. Hopefully, you will leave a Wales strong enough to stand against the Anglo-Saxon and Norse kingdoms on its own.
 

tnick0225

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Part 1.6 - Wales

@Dredcor: Well Welcome to AARland!!!! I discovered this little place a few years ago when I was thinking about buying CKII...in fact it was AARland that convinced me to buy the game :) Glad you are enjoying this one though, sorry its taken forever to put up another update. And well I hope you get a chance to catch up on the Welf AAR there's a lot of chapters to that one though so hopefully you can catch up on that one and enjoy it as well.

@Neoteros: The Random games are entertaining to be honest. I've been enjoying Catknight's over on the EUIV AAR forum, and that's sort of what made me decide to do this, as kind of a break from serious writing that I do on my Welf and Milan AARs. But you're right Wales may not last sadly. But hopefully they'll be in a good enough position to put up a good fight. I will be keeping track of how Wales and the Cerneu's fare throughout the world periodically though throughout this AAR.

With all that said thank you much for all the support....love comments and once again apologize for taking so long to update this. The Welf's and my Milan game have kind of sidetracked me. But without further ado here is the next update!



Part 1.6 - Wales​



So the Kingdom of Wales has been formed, I'm now the first guy who has been crowned as an ACTUAL king on the isles. Although there is that Danish King who is making moves up in what used to be Scotland (yeah Scotland has been destroyed or something cause it isn't up there anymore).

Bishop Brigacos ends up dying finally. The connoisseur of Norse prisons will be his most lasting legacy. In fact I believe he wrote a book in Welsh or some such perhaps Latin, about the Isle's Top Ten Prisons as far as comfort and such.

Moving on though just because there isn't a screenshot for such things.

My spymaster finds out someone is a homosexual. I hate this event, seems like whatever option I pick that sounds the "funnest" my spymaster always gets killed! But we choose blackmail him anyway. I mean Spymasters dying is better than Spymasters killing me.


Oddly enough he doesn't die, nor really accomplishes anything. Apparently the world already knows that that lord is a homosexual and has erotic flings with every stableboy in the realm. All I know is I'd hate to be his squire and holding that man's sword all the time...

I then have Bishop Pascueten teach me how to read Bishop Brigacos's thesis on the Isle's Best Prisons.


And the good Bishop is kind to me and teaches me for a while. Until my ADD kicks in and the Bishop goes on a tirade about crazy shit in Latin.


So I had my Chancellor over in Dyfed for a little bit. Not fabricating claims this time. Instead I was trying to get the damned King over there to like me enough to bend his knee. I didn't want to start wars and wait out a truce timer so vassalage would be amazing!!! But it won't work just another waste of time. However the King over there does apparently like me a lot more. Perhaps because I'm not a homosexual like one of his vassals.


Then we get amazing news. My half-brother Koulizh is now of age and can finally be sent off to far off southern France to marry the Duchess Judith de Poitou. This is great stuff, because it gets rid of a half-brother (those are always a pain in the ass) and it sets up a Cerneu for inheriting that duchy should the newly-weds have babies.

Yes, Cerneus will potentially be ruling Poitou and Aquitaine.


A year would pass in which I sat there staring at the screen wondering what I should do to further consolidate Wales, when in 900 some well bad news would happen. It seems that the Stawell family that had taken over the petty kingdom of Wessex is a rather ambitious lot. The son of Eadric Stawell it seems was an ambitious man and quite the skilled diplomat. In fact he was so ambitious he did not enjoy the fact that Wales was the only true Kingdom in existence.

So what did Eadric's son and heir do?

Well he formed the Kingdom of England. Which is horrible because that means the Stawell's now have the ability to go on a march to claim every county in de jure England. So in other words, Mercia and Jorvik are in deep deep trouble now.


Luckily my son is still the heir to my wife's land over there so perhaps the rise of England will be stagnated once that inheritance passes through.

Meanwhile the year 903 occurs in which I've gotten tired of waiting and declare the war for Perfeddwlad (such an ugly name for a County). Its a simple de jure war so my enemy the former Petty Queen will become a vassal if we win which will result in a little bit of trouble over there in Northern Wales, but I need it so off to war we go.


I accomplish the ambition to amass wealth and a few months later my son Prince Dumnarth mab Ricat Cerneu comes of age and so does his lovely betrothed. And I announce their wedding. Just who does he marry? None other than the Emperor of the HRE's sister Hemma Karling.


Did I mention her brother Emperor Bernez is a Breton? And therefor a member of our culture? If not well we may potentially never have a German HRE...in fact there is potential that it stays as Breton. Which made me smile and ROFLMAO when I realized this.

Nine months after I declare war it is won. It was such an insignificant war there are zero screenshots of anything besides the disgraced Countess (former Queen) asking for peace.


Once that is announced I wait a few months and decide to press my half-brother Count Klaoda's claim for Glamorgan (at least that is an easier name to say).


This war gets off to a good start.


We then get word that Pope Sylvester II has died and Pope Anicetus II has been elected.

And on April 15, 905, our enemy King Arthfael III surrenders Glamorgan.

 

mike the knight

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Well written and well played, I look forward to the next installment. Will much be changing with SoA/2.0?
 

Stuyvesant

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Bishop Brigacos ends up dying finally. The connoisseur of Norse prisons will be his most lasting legacy. In fact I believe he wrote a book in Welsh or some such perhaps Latin, about the Isle's Top Ten Prisons as far as comfort and such.
The Rough Guide: Ten Pagan Gaols You Must See Before You Die, something like that? :)

Apparently the world already knows that that lord is a homosexual and has erotic flings with every stableboy in the realm. All I know is I'd hate to be his squire and holding that man's sword all the time...
Must. Restrain. Self. Will not. Go. There. This time. :p

So, you're now all buddy-buddy with the great, Breton(?) Karling Holy Roman Emperors, right? Time to show those upstart 'English' who's the real once and future king of this island!
 

Richards840

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Now I have to ask:
How did Emperor Bernez end up as a Breton?
I assume there is no Elective Sucession in HRE when it is formed in a TOG campaign, so I assume he is the son/grandson of Emperor Karlmann mentioned in the update before that. Was he raised by a Breton mentor? (That's the only plausible explanation for me)
 

tnick0225

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@mike the knight: It is a nice alliance! Hopefully it stands firm :)

@klingon13524: I'm not really sure how SoA and 2.0 will change things to be honest. I mean it will add in new things to do, and if that random character/nation button someone mentioned above works well then I will use that instead of a RNG. But as far as the current Welsh/Cornwall part of this it won't change anything I completed the 50 years as them prior to the launch of SoA/2.0.

@Stuyvesant: Yes exactly like The Rough Guide: Ten Pagan Gaols You Must See Before You Die!!!

Stuyvesant said:
Must. Restrain. Self. Will not. Go. There. This time.
Why not go there? I couldn't resist with the sword holding innuendo ;)

Yeah for now I'm all buddy buddy with our friendly neighborhood Breton HRE Emperor. Whether he is of any help or not remains to be seen...

@Richards840: Emperor Bernez's mom was a Breton, married to Karlmann. In fact I think for a while she ruled some land over their in Brittany but not 100% sure on that. But my guess is she raised Bernez or something like that. I don't really know how it happened but I found it rather hilarious when I noticed it and had to share :)

But you're right in the TOG campaign start HRE when formed starts as agnatic-gavelkind. I'm actually interested in seeing how long the Breton Emperors rule over the HRE, because that will be one funny world to play in later :p
 

tnick0225

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People have repeatedly assured me that I should act my age - even if it is no more than a very poor attempt at acting - so I try. ;)
Haha, I guess there is that. Doesn't help that when I write the updates for this one I've had a few drinks so some things just tend to jump out there.
 

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Part 1.7 - Wales

Part 1.7 - Wales​



Now that King Arthfael III of Deheubarth has surrendered Glamorgan, I can usurp his duchy from him. Getting rid of these Welsh petty kings one by one you know. So I usurp the Duchy and to make my wondrous half-brother happy I grant him the title of Duke. I know powerful family members = BAD! But I enjoy landing family, so eh oh well.

This won't turn out very happy in the end.

But moving on. Now that I have taken the Duchy title and there is one little chunk of land still out of my reach, I have to wait ten years once again to take it. This puts us a little close to the end of our 50 years. So I have to do some tactical decision making to speed the process up.

No not truce breaking.

Rather the time honored tradition here in the CKII forum of killing children. Yep, that's right we're going to have the little former boy King Arthfael III assassinated. So up goes my plot, and I start looking for co-conspirators. What I find is something rather suspicious. Only the women want to kill Arthfael!


I don't understand why this is, apparently the boy king has shunned all of those would be cougars. Or perhaps he's a peeping tom and has been caught a few times. I don't know but this is one of the many thought provoking incidences that occur in these games that make you say "Hmmmmm...".

That's when I receive the message that my Chaplain has died. Not surprising as being Chaplain to us Welsh is usually means you will be going on the Brigacos Pilgrimage (sight-seeing all of the Norse prisons).


My new Chaplain is average so he's a good candidate for being incarcerated.

In June of 906, another of my sons comes of age as does his betrothed. And thus I send my little lad off to Burgundy to marry another Karling. Yes, the Karlings will one day be known as Cerneu if this trend continues. But the daughter-in-law in question is the Duchess of Burgundy, so she was a jewel I couldn't resist.


That's when our friendly neighborhood Breton Kaiser calls us into war against Flanders. I accept naturally. I mean we still have no boats so our purpose in this war is to spectate from afar.


See he really is a Breton

Here's the bad thing about all women in a plot to assassinate a former boy king. They gossip...and gossip a lot! That hasn't changed in 1100 years and has probably been the case since the first cave man started grunting.


She was at the hair salon probably kicking it with her girls and out slipped our little secret. So this is a lesson to never trust these sorts of secrets with the females.

Although, I am a glutton for punishment because my plot still is completely female...can't wait till the next one goes to get her nails done.

A year of waiting for some more people to help me kill this little boy passes, with zero fun things happening when I notice my oldest son Dumnarth has given me my first grandkid. A daughter named Daniela verch Dumnarth...thankfully a daughter not named Dub, or some crazy name that the wife Queen B has.


And that is when the evil female plot to end little Arthfael's life comes to fruition.


Or not.

See this is the problem women back then they didn't really hunt. So this plot failing isn't much of a surprise. They should have used the snake or carried the boy up the castle wall and "accidentally" drop him. But no they decide to take him hunting. And well it is a little suspicious that women would take a young boy hunting to begin with.

Then another event fires in the spring of 908.


See they took my advice. Who would have thought the boy king couldn't fly like a bird?

With that bit of business out of the way I learn that some grown man succeeds to the County in the wake of Arthfael splattering on the ground. And lucky us no more Truce!

While I wait a few more months saving some pretty coins, my twins Glen and Heodez come of age. Meaning more brats to send away in marriage.

In fact we don't even have to wait to send Heodez off. She is destined to live in Ireland, and becomes the King of Munster's new wifey.


With that little bit of happiness, I declare war on Count Cai of Dyfed.


Two minor battles ensue...


After the destruction of his army Cai discovers being count sucks, plus the additional fact that he can no longer trust women as it seems the ladies of Dyfed are all murderous psychopaths.


I pat him on the back and send him on his way. Not sure what court he goes to in exile. Don't really care either. Just glad to see that Wales is 100% united now. Our mission of consolidation is complete.

Now what to do? We have eight years left. Hmmm....

Looking around the world I don't really know.

That's when I get a message that my son Briac Duke of Burgundy is seeking to kill his brother Dumnarth. This is how things will surely unravel when we leave Wales to the AI. When I saw this pop up my thought was damn all that hard work and the AI is going to screw it all up.


So I decide to do what any king would do and hold a tournament. Maybe Dumnarth will get killed there instead of assassinated.


Unfortunately he survives or just didn't fight. But King Ricat actually won second place in the melee, not too happy with the guy that beat us though, really thought about throwing him in prison and executing his ass.

That's when Glen's betrothed officially reaches the age of 16 and I send little 18 year old Glen off to another foreign land to marry another Karling girl. This time he is marrying the Duchess of Orleans.


And as an added bonus I send Princess Erwana off to marry Duke Amedee de Bomporto of Apulia.


That is when some interesting news from Jorvik reaches us in 912. My Chaplain has actually been allowed to stay! This violates the sacred trust of all former pilgrims on the Brigacos Pilgrimage. But it does add some interesting possibilities if he is able to successfully convert the Norse in Jorvik.

Meanwhile during that proselytizing nonsense, I send another son off to Europe. Prince Ewen won't be marrying a Karling though. Instead I found a Duchess of the Billung dynasty. The only surviving ruler of that dynasty and well there are no more males! Goodbye Billungs.

So Prince Ewen is sent off to marry the Duchess of Koln.


This is when I say screw everything and switch from Gavelkind to Elective. I know the AI will seriously screw everything up with Elective, so perhaps I should have went Tanistry or something weird. But I chose Elective, gamey yes, but still.

And then I make Dumnarth Duke of Gwynedd in good measure, and make him sole heir to the Kingdom of Wales.

I'm sure the AI will choose Briac's kids or something crazy and we'll have Wales in southern France. But hey it'll make things entertaining!


This is when everything seems on the verge of falling apart. For Duke Klaoda my wonderful half-brother decides to do the brotherly love medieval style thing and try and claim the Kingdom of Wales. Yeah he wants to steal my title. Damned brothers.

I click the arrest button.

It fails...


Off to war we go.
 
Last edited:

Stuyvesant

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It wouldn't be CK without a nice spot of intra-familiar homicide. :) Perhaps it's payback for your efforts to have the Welsh witches kill that poor little boy...

You have a son named 'Klaoda', by the way? I'd be mad at my parents too, if I were stuck with such a rubbish name. :p