Epdisode IV: A Weird Dream conitinued...
[Ok, Just to clarify thing for people, cause i am unsure if people know it, but anyhting in italic has nothing to do with actual game, stuff if regular text does. So the Jan 1 1492 stuff will be in regular text. The story of Yabba, Mwahaha and Doobya will be in Italic. I will try, of course to tie it in, but it will be more like "Yabba travels to province x, there is no one there. Who is doing this?(Of course, it is the Mighty Ethiopian Army, thats who
)
Or, Yabba climbs aboard a 4 humped camel, rides slipshod across the desert.Sorry, just wanted to clarify. Now(drumroll please, on with the Dream...]
Episode IV: A Weird Dream
When last we left Yabba, he had been introduced to Mwahaha, a talking monkey, and Doobya, a simple Maccaw. They were trapped somewhere, somewhere dark, where the walls were spongy. Yabba starts to climb, with Doobya and Mwahaha clinging to his back.
"Do you really have to cling so tightly to my back?" Yabba whines.
"What? You are 3 times our size. Obviously you are better equipped to cary us, than we you, hmm?" Mwahaha answers.
Yabba grumbles to himself, but continues to climb. After what seems like an eternity, he finally reaches the top. The light is closer now, closer, closer. The ground is firm, yet spongy. Yabba, Mwahaha and Doobya all start to run towards the light. The light grows ever larger, larger, larger still. Yabba notices on the ceiling what looks like strange white outcroppings. They look almost like...TEETH! Yabba grabs Mwahaha and Doobya, and sprints to the opening. He jumps through just as it begins to close. He and his companions land in a heap in front of Yeega. Yeega has a toothpick, and is picking his teeth. He is startled to see Yabba and the others. He tries to get up, but is too bloated to do so.
Yabba, with Monkey and Maccaw in hand, runs off. Yeega shakes a bloated fist at him. Yabba rushes off, into the desert. Anywhere is better than the stomach of his uncle!
Several hours later, when the three travellers feel they cannot travel any farther, they slump to the ground. Yabba thinks he sees a man in a brown robe, riding a 4 humped camel. Yabba, thinking he must be dreaming, falls to the ground, sighs, and waits to wake up...
[And now for something completely different...]
1492-
Jan 1: Orders go out throughout our realm. Forts shall be increased,and Afars Ogaden,and Issas will have settlers sent there.
Our Conquistador, Noah, will set out with 10000 men, heading to Issas. He will split up the army he has, leabing half in Issas, and the other force will head for Mogadiscio.
Mar 1: Success in Ogaden, but failure in Issas and Afars. A merchant is sent to Alexandria.
July 4: Noah arrives in Mogadiscio. He awaits a settler to be sent. All forces in our great country have been sent to the capital. It is decided, they will attack those Nubians to the north, if possible. As such, 1000 warriors will be called up in each province.
Sept 1: Setterls are sent to Mogadiscio. Hopefully, they can set up there, allow Noah to move on.
Nov 4: Failure in Mogadiscio. Noah decides to eliminate the natives in the province.
Nov 27: Noah has lost a battle in Mogadiscio. He heads for Ogaden in shame.
1493-
April 15-21: Noah, refusing to be beaten, returns to Mogadiscio, and slaughters all the natvies.Onwards to Mudugh, thence to Somalia
May 4: We took a loan. Settlers are sent to Afars and Ogaden.
June 1: We beat back the fools in Mudugh. Onwards to Somalia
July 22: We have cleared out Somalia
Aug 21: 4 merchants are sent to Alexandria. The army in Axum awaits word thye may attack Nubia.
1494-
Jan 1: A new monarch rules over the lands of the Ethiopians. He is called Na'od. His first act is to mobilize the army. Nubia has to many provinces. We in Ethiopia should "help"ourselves to them.
Feb 11: Noah arrives in Malindi. He engages the natives.
Feb 25: A New Nation! Byzatium, which has heard of our exploits, asks for a royal marriage. They send one of their lovely daughers[Here is our Leia
].
March 1: The First War of Expansion...
Our forces, led by a strong young man, Jakob, march into Nubia. 25000 strong are they. They hope to make this a quick victory. If so, we will double the size of our kingdom.
April 22: We arrive in Massawa, and it capitulates without even so much as a shrug. But the Nubian army, it is heading towards us.
May 15: Because of the war, Noah is recalled to Ogaden, to protecet our lands.
June 7: The Great Alliance
Our new friends, these Byzantines, must truly love us. They offer us entrance into a massive alliance, some 6 nations large. Byzantium, Venice, Wallachia,Moldavia, Georgia and Serbia. We would be fools to ignore it. We agree, and only hope this leads to greater things.
June 12-17: We arrive in Bisharin, and meet the might of the Nubian Empire. We engage them in glorious battle, and are beaten back, losing only half our forces. But the Nubians do not fare well. They manage to save only 5000 of their original men.
Aug 4-11: The Nubian fools rush after us, and are caught in our trap. They are wiped out.
Oct 26-Nov 6: Our forces are cutting thorugh the Nubians like a hot fire. We assault their fortress at Bisharin, and take it with ease. The pathetic Nubians offer us Masawa, but we refuse
Dec 14: We assault their capital. Maybe this will force them to capitulate sooner
1495-
Jan 2: Their capital falls,but we are down to 8000 men. 3000 recruits, who had been guarding Axum against any attacks, is sent to help out Jakob.
March 20: They arrive in Batn Al Hajar, and immediately assault it. Thanks in part to the quick thinking of Jakob, it falls farily quickly(March 24). Onward, as one province is left
June 7-15: The last province, Nubia, falls quickly. We sue for total annexation. They agree. On June 15, 1495, Nubia ceases to be. We have doubled our size, but there is worry. We need to quell any riots that may occur in our new lands. But is a loan the best idea?We pray to our God, and hope that things will work out.
1496- Our prayers are answered, but not in the way we wanted...
Jan 2: 2 loans are taken out, bringing our total to 3 now. But, we are able to send out settlers to every nubian province save Masawa. As well, we are able to send 4 merchants to Byzantium[damn, again with the loans. I smell massive infaltion soon
]It is hoped that these new colonists will be able to quell any hard feelings our bloody conquest might have caused.
March 2: Success throughout. We now have more converts to preach to. Excellent news.
June 12: Noah has left again, this time arriving in Kenya
June 25: Kenya is ready for settlers, as soon as we can afford it.
1497-
Feb 10: After several weeks of travel, Noah arrives in Tanga. He is disheartened to see 4000 hostile natives ready to attack him. On Feb 21, there are no more natives.
June 16-29: Noah arrives in Rufiji, and is attacked almost immediately. He slaughters all of the hostile natives.
Dec 13-20: Noah arrives in Lindi, kills everyone he sees. Onwards, ever oneards.
1498-
April 18-24: Noah arrives in Mtawa. Again, slaughter, destruction, mayhme.All in a day's work.
Sept 9-13: Niassa. A barren place, where the natives are evil, nasty creatures. Noah slaughters, slaughters, always slaughters.
1499-
March 12-21: Noah arrives in Nampuia, slaughters again. He is getting weary of all this slaughter.
Aug 4-8: Zambezia, just like the others
1500-
Feb 8-16: Inhambane, again, like the others. Noah is seriously getting bored with all of this "Run Away! Run Away!" coming from the natives. Oh well. It is a dirty jo, but somone has to do it.
April 10: Our diplomats, ever the charmers, manage to convince a country we know nothing about to like us even more[+25 rel with Thurigen
]
June 18: One of the Nubian princes, in an attempt to placate us, gives us a generous gift. Hmm, kill him anyways. Then no need to send a thank you letter [
]
July 3: Noah reaches Natal, and a settler is sent there. As well, 6 merchants are sent to Byzantium. We need more money!
Nov 18: Settlers arrive in Natal, and a new colony is begun. But, more are needed, if we are to have any chance at all.
Nov 21: Another 2 loans are taken out. We are maxed out on loans[
]
But, settlers, who were awaitng monies to be able to set out, head to Transkei and to Natal. They must succeed.
1501: The year of Bankruptcy!
March 4: We went bankrupt![Mwahaha! Mwa ha ha! Mwaaa haaa haaaa
] And as such, our inflation jumped from 3% to 26%!
Nov 22: When it rains, it pours. The Marmeluks declare war on us. Not good. Not good at all.
Howeer, all of our allies joined in this holy war aginst the cursed Marmeluks. Luckily, the forces we have stationed in Nubia should be enough
1502-The war with the Marmeluks...
Well, This is wonderful. All of the troops we had split up, so that they could guard our new possessions, they have to be reunited in Nubia, as the army there foolishly attacked the nile, and was beaten back badly [
]
August 22: All of our forces arrive in Nubia, some 11000 warriors. They march for Nile.
Oct 7: Well, I guess war isn't all that bad. 4 new warships arrive in Issas, so we now have an Ethipoian Navy.
1503- The war continues...
The Nile falls quickly, no forts guard it. Howeever, in the Cataract, there is a tiny fort. The first assault fails, but the second succeeds. There are still over 10000 warriors. Alexandria is next.
April 1: Arrival in Alexandria. Several small parties sent by the Marmelukes are beaten back. An assault is attemptd. 3000 new warriors, called up in Batan al Hadjar and Sudan are to be sent as soon as possible
April 3: Failure, the assault fails miserably. The only hope is that our allies can keep the enemy busy for a little while longer. Hopefully, we can take some provinces and sue for peace.
July 6-Sept 30: We siege the city, and on the 22 Sept, one final assault. It falls,and the Marmelukes must be getting nervous. They offer us Cataract. We refuse. We move now to Egypt.
Oct 13-March 30(1504): We lay siege to Egypt, and although we number only 10000 warriors, we are led by Jakob. He will elad us to victory. On Aril 1, Egypt fall. We discover that Venice has taken a few provinces from the Marmelukes. It is decided that we should sue for peace, ask for Nile and Alexandria.
1504-1507 The final push:
During these years, one Marmeluke province after another falls to our forces. Finally, with the help of the Turks, we force the Marmelukes to accept our offer of Annexation. We are a major power now.
June 23 1507: This is a day all Ethiopians will remember. This is the day the Annexation of the Marmelukes occurs. Great joy in the land, great sadness for all those warriors(Ethiopian of course) who fell. Now, it is time for regrouping. Now, it is time for prayer...
[And now, back to our Story. I wonder how Yabba is doing...]
Yabba awakens, to find himself in a desert tent. The hooded man, he sits beside him, and Mwahaha and Doobya drink some water. What has happened? Where is he? Who is this hooded man?He tries to get up,but cannot. He feels numb from the neck down.
"Do not try to get up. You are still suffering from heat sickness. Please, have some water." The hooded man gives Yabba a water flask. Yabba is unsure. What if this water is poisoned?No, no, why would this stranger save him from the heat, only to poison him? Yabba takes a long drink of water. It rushes down his throat, and he gives an appreciative belch. He smiles at this man, asking him
"Tell me, why do you wear a hood? We are in shade now. I would know the face of the man who saved me..."
The hooded man falters for a second, hesitating but then takes off the hood. Even Doobya gasps"Meeee" when he sees the face of this hooded man. He is hideous, with 2 noses, and one ear. One eye is lower than the other, and the mouth is only half way open. And, worst of all, there is no bump under his nose! Yabba starts, then starts to speak
" Wh-what are you? Are you like me? What happened to your face?"
The hideous man, trying to smile ,looks frightening, like a pez dispenser that cannot fully open all the way. He speaks...
"My name is Ugly Ban Canoogly. I am a hermit. I help travellers who are caught out in the desert. As i helped you and your friends. You would be wsie to accept any help you can get. Especially if you are on the run."
Yabba, startled, looks at this 'Ugly Ban' and sighs. He knows that this thing is right. He motions to Mwahaha and Doobya...
"These are my two companions. We are on the run from a blotaed monstrosity. We thank you for your help, but really, we have to leave. We are thinking of heading to Egypt, to escape." Ugly Ban stares at Yabba, maing Yabba very uncomfortable. There's that smile again.Ugghh! Yabba shudders, and continues" What are you looking at, Ban? Why are you smiling?"
Ban lloks at Yabba, and has a vision. This is the chosen one. This is the one who will lead the people to a new Era. Ban must make sure that this one not leave his site. Ban ponders for a second, and then has an idea...
" What if i were to help you get to Egypt? You cannot possibly take it there by yourself.You nearly died when you tried to get away before. We can use my Camellacam to get you there faster. So? What do you say? I can get us to Masawa, then get us transport to Egypt. Well, will you let me come with you? We can head out right away, travel in the evening, when it is cooler. Will you? Hmm? Hmmm?"
Ban looks intently at Yabba. Yabba knows that he will not survive alone. He is stuck with this Ban. Reluctantly, Yabba nods his head in agreement. Ban claps his hands. Hands? More like flippers!
The four travellers gather together, climbing up on the Camellacam. With a click of his tongue,the beast lurches forward. Faster, faster, faster still. Soon, the land is flying by. After several hours, they reach a small oasis. Thye stop for the night, and in the morning continue. For several days, they repeat this routine. After a week of travel, they reach the outskirts of Masawa. At the entrance, they find several of Yeega's goons. Yabba tries to get away, but Ban motions for him to be calm. As they approach, the goons move their spears to block the travellers.
"Halt! Do you have any papers? This land is under the guard of Yeega the Monstrously Copulent."The goons look carefully at Yabba, Mwahaha, and Doobya. Ban, on the other hand, is ignored. Ban senses Yabba's fear, and speaks to the goons...
" Hello. These aren't the people you are looking for."Ban motions with his hand.
"These aren't the people we are looking for."the head goon tells the others.
"We have already shown you our papers" Again, Ban motions with his hand.
"They have already shown us their papers" The head goon responds.
"We will not cause any problems" Again, Ban and his hand(flipper)
"They will not cause any problems" The goon responds
"Move along, move along" Ban waves his hands above his head
"Move along, move along" The head goon motions for them to move on.
After several minutes, Yabba looks at Ban, and asks him how he just did that.
"Well, in time, I will tell you all. For now, there are some who have power over the weak minded, over the slow, the stupid. I am one of those people." They arrive in front of a rowdy bar, 'The Desert Oasis'
Ban dismounts his beast, and helps the others as well. Doobya hops to the ground, and Mwahaha jumps on his back. They hop over to the entrance of the bar. Yabba turns to Ban, and smiles.
"Thank you for your help. What now?"
"Go into the bar. Wait for me there. I will go and see if I can find transport to Egypt." Ban heads off, towards the centre of town. Yabba, Mwahaha and Doobya head into the bar...
They are greeted by the most despicable, evil, unsavoury characters ever assembled in one place. 'The Desert Oasis' should be called 'The Den of thieves' as most characters in it were criminals of one type or another. Yabba, Mwahaha, and Doobya move to the bar. The barkeep motions to Mwahaha and Doobya.
"We don't allow their kind in here"
"Who? My friends?" Yabba asks.
"Yeah, no animals in here. They have to wait outside" The bar keep moves to throw Mwahaha and Doobya out. But Yabba stops him.
"Wait outside, it is better, hmm?" Yabba gives a troubled smile to Mwahaha and Doobya.
"Oh sir, I quite agree. We shall wait outside for you and Master Ban."
Mwahaha gives Doobya a slight kick, and they leave.
Yabba moves to the bar, and motions for a daquirri. A huge man sits next to him. Yabba gives a freindly smile, and for some reason, this huge man takes it the wrong way.
"Waddya think you are doing? Huh?" The huge man bellows
"Nothing, nothing. Sorry" Yabba quickly apologizes.
"You'd best be careful, me and my friend here"he motions to a midget sitting nect to him, " are wanted in several provinces. We face death in over 14 countries!" The huge man bellows
"Sorry, I won't bother you anymore" Yabba moves to leave, but the huge man grabs him
"You'll be dead!" The huge man laughs, evilly, sinister.
Ban enters the bar, sees Yabba's trouble, and moves in between the two.
"Hello. What seems to be the probelm?" Ban tries to give his best smile.
"Nothing old man! Watch yourself, or you'll be sorry!" The Huge man and the small midget laugh out loud.
"Please, let me buy you a drink" Ban pleads.
What happens next, literally happens in the blink of an eye. The Huge man and the midget pulls out long daggers, and Ban, with a speed surprising for a man like Ban, pulls out a pole. With a 'snap-hiss' the pole lighs up. It is a hollow tube, with what look like fireflies or something similar inside. He strikes at the Huge man, slicing his arm clear off, and beheads the midget. The patrons pause for a second, and then go about their business. Ban pushes a button, and the pole dims.
"Whta the hell was that?!" Yabba asks, some blood from the Huge man on his face.
"It is something i created. A light pole, i call it. The bugs inside are a special breed of firefly. Thye generate tremendous heat, and can survive tremendous stress.The pole heats up super quick, and acts like hot steel. So, a clean cut." Ban smiles, and puts the light pole in his cloak.
Yabba is now more intrigued than ever by this Ugly Ban Canoogly. They sit at the bar, and sip daquirri's. Now, all they need is transport to Egypt....
[What, you thought i would introduce Han and Chewwy already
Tune in for the next installment.
And here is a map of Ethiopia's land. Kind of confusing, as it is same colour as Algiers. It inlcudes Nubia, Ethiopia and most of Marmelukes.
