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A King Without A Country: A Carlist AAR

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Oct 28, 2005
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THE CAST OF PRIMARY PLAYERS FOR ACT I

INFANTE CARLOS, COUNT OF MOLINA: The King's Brother
ISABELLA II OF SPAIN: The King's Daughter and Heir Apparent
MARIA CHRISTINA OF THE TWO SICILIES: The King’s Wife and Queen Regent
DON PEDRO DE BISCAY: Carlos’ General and Leader of the Basque Independence Movement
INFANTE CARLOS, COUNT OF MOLINA II: Carlos’ son
DOCTOR FERDINAND: Doctor, Confidante, and Financial Minister to Carlos

Penned By: THE HONORABLE SCRIBE SIGLARK

Act I (1836-1838)
Scene I
Scene II
Scene III
Scene IV
Scene V

Act II (1851)
Scene I
Scene II
Scene III
 
Last edited:
Act I Scene I

Lights come up on a small farmhouse in Estella, circa 1836. The walls are covered in expensive looking and useless dressing (reflecting Carlos' position in life), partially covering up the squalid conditions of the house. Outside the window we can see the Basque countryside. CARLOS stands center stage behind a small wooden desk. PEDRO enters from a door upstage left.
Carlos_Maria_Isidro.jpg

Carlos

PEDRO: Sir.
CARLOS: (looks up from the desk) Pedro. Pedro, I need your help. I have here a letter for the unlawful queen. Will you listen to it for me?
PEDRO: Of course sir, but we must go over the most recent battle-
CARLOS: Hush! Have you no tact? The letter begins: Evil Isabella, I regret deeply the day you were born.
PEDRO: (to audience) I am the tactless one?
CARLOS: You have ruined everything that I once was and I intend to make you pay for it. If my men and horses cannot destroy your pretender government, my indomitable desire for your death will.
PEDRO: Sir
CARLOS: Yes, Pedro
PEDRO: You realize, sir, that Isabella is six years old
CARLOS: Pedro. If you must learn one thing about rule, it is that you must accept no gambits for sympathy. I have seen enemies break their legs to garner sympathy from me, but I have learned to ignore it all.
PEDRO: You suggest that she is forcing herself to be six, sir?
CARLOS: A clever little twat, she is. My only problem is what else I can write to her that I haven’t already in all of the letters I have written her since her birth. What do you suggest, Pedro.
PEDRO: (deadpan) Add “Love, Your Uncle.” That will lull her into thinking that you are considering a truce.
CARLOS: I can always count on you, clever Pedro.
PEDRO: You surely are receptive
CARLOS: (marks on the letter, then puts it in an envelope and hands it to Pedro) Send this immediately. Now, what did you want to tell me?
PEDRO: We need your input on the battle plans
start.jpg

CARLOS: You know my stance on this war, Pedro
PEDRO: Yes, sir, but I was thinking that you would provide some slightly more... realistic plans.
CARLOS: (picks up his blue pen and marks on the paper)
battleplans.jpg

Deliver these to the field generals immediately.
PEDRO: As you wish sir. (Exit Pedro)
CARLOS: And so, in my niece's fortune, I have
Been left nothing of the great ruler
I once was. But I have mourned myself
For much too long and now I find that, like
The sun that rises each morning despite
Its previous night’s great failing, I too
Must make for myself a new kingdom
Forged from my deep rage and fi’ry ambition
 
That was quite excellent! Well-crafted humor.
 
excellent start, I look forward to more :rofl:
 
Marvellous! I await the entrance of Doctor Ferdinand with baited breath!
 
Scene II

Lights go up on a room with only one piece of furniture, a single, enormous bed (center stage). Along the back wall we can see expensive ornamentation. We cannot see walls on either the left or the right side, indicating that this is indeed a huge room. ISABELLA lies in the bed and MARIA stands left stage, facing away from her daughter.

ISABELLA: Mother... (no response) Mother? (Maria makes no indication that she heard her daughter) (shouts) MOTHER!
MARIA: (exhausted from weeping) Yes my dear. (continues to face away)
ISABELLA: Why am I queen?
MARIA: That is only your title, dear. I am the real queen, until you’re old enough
ISABELLA: What is a title?
MARIA: It is a set of words that only one person can have, and it makes them feel important, even if the words don’t mean anything
ISABELLA: What about the liberals?
MARIA: The who?
ISABELLA: Someone told me that our government is controlled by liberals. But the liberals don’t have titles, so how can they feel important like us?
MARIA: Oh, the liberals. They believe that people should choose their rulers, not God. They make themselves feel important by getting people to write their names on little pieces of paper that men count and then say who is the most important. We get our power from God, while the liberals get their power from little sheets of paper.
ISABELLA: I want lots of people to write my name on little sheets of paper. Does that make me a liberal?
MARIA: No, it just makes you a member of the government. (she sits on her daughter’s bed and hugs her)
ISABELLA: Read to me, please
MARIA: I shall read you your uncle’s most recent letter.
ISABELLA: But those always seem to be a bit nasty and rude.
MARIA: That’s because your uncle is a bit nasty and rude, dear.
ISABELLA: But a year ago, he was one of your closest friends. I mean, you two spent hours together, alone, behind closed doors, with strict orders not to be interrupted...
MARIA: That is quite enough dear. I told you already that those were play dates.
ISABELLA: Like, with toys?
MARIA: Sometimes...
(Enter a MESSENGER from stage left)
MESSENGER: Queen Regent, we need you immediately
ISABELLA: Will you come back soon, mother?
MARIA: Of course dear (kisses her on the head)
(Exit MARIA and MESSENGER)
ISABELLA: I love my mommy so. She always invites
Men to visit at the house, and they oft
Bring me presents, but always tell me not
To tell my dad that they are here. But from
What my mother tells me, I can only
Guess that they are nicer to her than the
Constitution-loving liberals.
Still, I would like my name written upon
Lots of people’s pieces of paper.
 
Scene III

Lights go up on Carlos’ base of operations, this time only occupying 2/3 of the stage (stage left). Again, the only furnishing inside of the farmhouse is the desk, and again CARLOS stands behind it. Outside, PEDRO stands, whistling. There are two or three trees outside. FERDINAND enters from stage right, and nods at PEDRO.

PEDRO: Morning
FERDINAND: Suppose so. (enters the farmhouse)
CARLOS: What is it, Ferdinand? Can’t you see that I am composing a letter?
FERDINAND: I apologize, sir, but we have just received 2,000 ducats-
CARLOS: Wow!
PEDRO: (simultaneously runs inside and shouts) WAIT!
FERDINAND: -From Prussia and Austria, and it came with a letter-
PEDRO: (grabs FERDINAND’s arm) Come outside with me for a moment
FERDINAND: -and it says-
PEDRO: (drags FERDINAND outside) are you crazy? Don’t read that to Carlos
FERDINAND: Do you know why they are congratulating us for conquering Bilabo?
PEDRO: It’s something of a long story
FERDINAND: While Carlos specifically ordered you to conquer Madrid?
PEDRO: He doesn’t know what he wants
FERDINAND: He is your king
PEDRO: Last week he put an order on the world market to buy as many yaks as possible
FERDINAND: So?
PEDRO: Where are they going to graze? They are large animals!
FERDINAND: I hear that they are cuddly
PEDRO: He thinks that Isabella is forcing herself to be six years old to garner sympathy.
FERDINAND: She certainly isn’t doing anything to stop herself from being so
PEDRO: He thinks that Maria Christina is a hottie
Mariacristina.jpg

FERDINAND: Oh my, that is serious
PEDRO: Now go in there and tell him that the money is... uh... inheritance... um... from his great uncle.
FERDINAND: (enters the farmhouse) The letter says: “Your Great Uncle is, unfortunately, dead, and this is your inheritance.
CARLOS: OH GOD! (wailing) Great Uncle Jimenez! You were like a father to me. (crying, then points sword to FERDINAND’s throat) Who killed him, I must have my revenge.
FERDINAND: No, not Great Uncle Jimenez.... it was um... (backs up to the door and whispers outside) name, any name.
PEDRO: Elton Fishbananna
FERDINAND: It was your Great Uncle Elton Fishbannana. (whispers outside) Elton Fishbannana? (PEDRO shrugs)
CARLOS: Who? (turns away) Oh, wait... NO (wailing again) Not Elton! He was like an uncle to me! (points sword at FERDINAND again) How did they find him? He was living in Tibet. They could have only found him if someone gave away his location.
FERDINAND: No, not him either. It was Great Uncle Gilbert Fruitbat.
CARLOS: Oh, okay. That guy was a dick. (puts sword away)
FERDINAND: Have a nice day. (steps outside. Lights go down in farmhouse) That man has strangely named relatives. Now, tell me about the war effort.
PEDRO: This is the current state of affairs:
wareffort1837good.jpg

FERDINAND: Well, that doesn’t look bad.
PEDRO: What kind of accent do you have?
FERDINAND: It’s Basque. I was born near here.
PEDRO: Do you realize what that means?
FERDINAND: I don’t fake having a lisp?
PEDRO: Yes, but also, we are brothers
FERDINAND: My only brother was lost at sea many years ago. Unless... Is that you Billy?
PEDRO: I mean figuratively. We are part of the same cause. We must fight together for a free Basque!
FERDINAND: I’d be happy to bask in the sun with you, but there’s no reason to fight for that because it’s already free.
PEDRO: No, we must use our influence over the king to give freedom to our people
FERDINAND: I cannot betray my God-given king.
PEDRO: I don’t mean for you to betray him, just abuse his trust at a critical moment. Are we together?
FERDINAND: I suppose so. (they clasp forearms) I await your signal. (Exit stage right)
PEDRO: And so, indeed the trap is set. My king,
The foolish, hungry bear, will let his taste
For sweet revenge outstretch his grasp and then
Will fall to his close friends, both locked in hate
Against his mauling, heavy-handed hate,
And will be trapped, his skin (and title) mine
To use. The Basque will rise once more.
 
I love this!

Please continue. It's a beautiful AAR
 
It is as beautiful as Maria Christina is not! :D
 
anonymous4401 said:
It is as beautiful as Maria Christina is not! :D
Click to expand...

Hey! She's dead sexy and you know it!
 
siglark said:
PEDRO: I don’t mean for you to betray him, just abuse his trust at a critical moment. Are we together?
Click to expand...
He's sly Pedro I'll give him that, but as Carlos is quite clearly mad (and hence very amusing) I do hope he survives.
 
I like this! :D
 
siglark said:
PEDRO: Yes, but also, we are brothers
FERDINAND: My only brother was lost at sea many years ago. Unless... Is that you Billy?
PEDRO: I mean figuratively. We are part of the same cause. We must fight together for a free Basque!
Click to expand...

Heh. :D

Very funny AAR.
 
Thanks

Next update coming Sunday. I'm looking forward to posting it, but it is a deal more serious and shakespearian that this AAR has been so far. Thank you for your comments and hope that they continue.

anonymous4401: I love your work (it was a bit inspiration for Scene III) and am quite touched that you enjoy my humor.
 
Scene IV

Night. CARLOS sits in his farmhouse (stage left), drinking from a nondescript bottle. His son, CARLOS II sits on the floor to his right, playing with dolls. The farmhouse wall bisects the stage. FERDINAND sits in the garden, among two bushes. The lights brighten and dim according to which side of the stage the actors are talking on.

FERDINAND: Oh lord, how can I hide like this in here,
So close to the good king that you have crowned?
Just wait for me out in the garden, that
Is what good Pedro said, but did he know
How tempted I would be to foil the plot?

CARLOS II: Father?
CARLOS: Yes?
CARLOS II: Will I live forever?
CARLOS: Is that what you wish to do, son?
CARLOS II: I want it so bad I would give me life for it
CARLOS: As would I
CARLOS II: Will I be king when you are dead?
CARLOS: You will if God keeps his promises
CARLOS II: Did he promise that I will be king?
CARLOS: He promised that to my great-grandfather
CARLOS II: I am not your great-grandfather
CARLOS: But I am your father, and it is time for you to sleep
CARLOS II: Will I see you when I wake?
CARLOS: I’m as sure that you will as I am that God will make me king
(Stage left light dim. Stage right lights brighten CARLOS II exits stage left)

FERDINAND: (looking into the farmhouse through a window)
Sitting here, watching my king with his child
Is enough guilt to drive my conscience wild.
I’ve made up my mind, so to him I’ll say
My evil plan, but hark, who comes this way?
(he hides behind a bush)
(Fool enters stage right and enters the farmhouse)
(from behind the bush) I do not think he saw that I was here.
Hark, here comes one more. Lord I need a beer.
(PEDRO enters stage right. Stage right light dim. Stage left light brighten)

CARLOS: Fool, I see you where you are
FOOL: And I you, but your wit is gone from sight.
CARLOS: I need you to cheer me. I need some pleasure in this dark time
FOOL: But King, no amount of cheering will put you right. And jokes all day cannot turn on a light. But perhaps I can help to ease this blight. King, do you think that in your head there is an evil sprite?
CARLOS: Leave that to a Doctor, Fool. Tell jokes. Tell riddles.
FOOL: Very well, what is a man when he tries to be polite?
CARLOS: What is he, Fool?
FOOL: More fool than me, in that I can delight. What’s more, pubic comparisons, he does invite.
CARLOS: Where is the joke in that?
FOOL: I only mean to share with you his plight. Being the king, sitting at such a height, problems such as these must be beyond your sight.
CARLOS: No, I am often forced to be polite.
FOOL: Then you must stiffen when greater men excite. But these jokes grow tired; something is strange tonight. (Suddenly turns head to the window sharply. Stage left lights dim. Stage right lights brighten)

PEDRO: Kill him. Doctor, you must.
FERDINAND: I must not
PEDRO: But how can we have freedom in our lands?
FERDINAND: A corpse cannot bring anything of the kind
PEDRO: But if we control the office he possessed-
FERDINAND: And spend our lives obsessing on a child? Besides, how can you be sure that his office can bring any freedom anyway?
PEDRO: Because of this:
borderssecured.jpg

The borders are secure
FERDINAND: And so they are. But what will God think of my breaking the natural order?
PEDRO: He will know that this order was not ordained by nature.
FERDINAND: Very well, but at least fulfill his last request. Try to take Madrid.
PEDRO: And jeopardize our fledgling nation?
FERDINAND: Promises stay warm longer than bodies. (Stage right lights dim. Stage left lights brighten)

CARLOS: What do you hear?
FOOL: A cuckoo muttering to a wolf half hid from light (see footnote)
CARLOS: What strange company
FOOL: As strange as a madman and a knight, or a madman as a knight.
CARLOS: You confuse me, Fool. I fear it is my age
FOOL: Your ageing breath, the flames of dissent, ignite. That they die down, you had better pray for with all your might. But if you are deposed, I know I will be all right. Being one fool too many in this court is a crime one can me fairly indict.
CARLOS: But Fool, will I be all right?
FOOL: No, King, your time is at an end
CARLOS: Dear Fool, you’ve lost your humor.
FOOL: Dear King, what you’ve lost should be of greater concern. (Stage left lights dim. Stage right lights brighten)

FERDINAND: When should I do it?
PEDRO: Tomorrow night. Deliver the news of the fall of Madrid, and then kill him.
FERDINAND: What should I kill him with?
PEDRO: You are the Doctor, not me. Perhaps you should inject him with something.
FERDINAND: Perhaps...
PEDRO: So it is decided. I will meet you here tomorrow night.
FERDINAND: Fare well, Pedro. (FERDINAND exits stage right)
PEDRO: Better, I hope, than the others near me.
Now Carlos’s son is all I’ve left to own. (Exit Pedro stage right. Stage right lights dim. Stage left lights brighten)

CARLOS: Stay and comfort me, Fool. I am afraid.
FOOL: The fear of the great wolf sharpens its will to
Fight, and the fear of the tree frog lets out
Its poison. And for you too, your fear is
All that you have left to stay alive. Good night. (Exit Fool stage right. Lights dim)


Footnote: A cuckoo pushes other birds’ eggs from their nests before laying their own
 
Interesting to see Carlist AAR. I will follow this. Isabella is worthy adversarie for Carlos.
 
Maybe you could have the stage instructions follow the Fool's speaking patterns, too? Dim stage left lights, bright stage lights right!
 
anonymous4401: In truth, the fool either wraps simple things in complex language (to fit the rhyme), or forshadows. The first exchange between Carlos and the fool centers on a penis joke, and in the second, he insults the king, calling him a fool and warning him about the danger he faces.
 
Haha nice update! :)
 
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