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Ashantai

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Me too! I want one time for him to utterly succeed...to Chaos' amazement.
 

Avindian

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Aye, it's a shame. But, his was so labour intensive to write that in the end it became impossible for him to do. It's a shame that the most artistic and original ones are the hardest to create.

But don't knock yourself down; this is one of the funniest and whackiest AARs I've read! :)

Very, very true. And thanks, as always, for the support and kind words!

I wanna see Daniel lead a country into glorious, absolute victory for once. Just me personally, though. :p

Me too! I want one time for him to utterly succeed...to Chaos' amazement.

Once, maybe twice! But for some reason failing gives much more hilarious scenarios.

I have to admit, I am getting kind of a perverse pleasure at failing, but I will certainly try to help him succeed (not that I haven't been trying before, of course ;))
 

CivandEUIII

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I wanna see Daniel lead a country into glorious, absolute victory for once. Just me personally, though. :p

the day that happens will be the day chaos sends boring people back in time.
Oh wait...
Soon.
 

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the day that happens will be the day chaos sends boring people back in time.
Oh wait...
Soon.

I miss the rofl smiley; it would be entirely apropos at this point.
 

Avindian

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Sakura_F

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If Daniel got stuck in the body of a woman, I will laugh my ass off and then cackle.

UPDATE SOON PLOX.
 

Avindian

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Avindian

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Champa: Hardly the Champ-a of south east Asia*​

*Sorry about the pun. Wait a minute, no, I'm not. You came here to laugh, and what's funnier than puns?

...

Yeah, I know, pretty much everything. Let's just move on, shall we?

When we left Daniel last time, he was teleported from Byzantium shortly before that Empire's demise. Now he was in the southeastern jungles of Champa. He immediately noticed the drastic climate change. He was sweating all over his body, from his --

Hmm. Those were new.

"Chaos? What's going on?"

Oh, not much. I just had a few people over, some beers, and football. Just like any other Thanksgiving.

"Glad to hear it. What I meant, though, was that I appear to be, ah --"

A girl, Danielle?

"Well, yes. And a particularly buxom one at that."

If you're going to be a girl, you might as well go whole hog, I'd say.

"Is there any way I can trade?"

Why? Do you miss being a goat?

Daniel (or perhaps Danielle) thought for a few moments, then decided at least he was human, which was an improvement.

"Let me guess, I'm supposed to seduce the king?"

Don't be absurd.

"Oh, thank --"

It's a Regency Council. You'll have to seduce them all.

Danielle blinked. "Um, how exactly do I do that? I've never been a woman before."

You could have fooled me!

Danielle waited patiently for Chaos to finish laughing hysterically.

Anywho, I'm happy to do the seducing for you. It wouldn't be the first time. You just focus on running this mighty country.

That statement shocked him more than the laughter. "Wait. You're actually helping me?"

Sure, Danny-kins. Why wouldn't I?

Danielle decided discretion was the better part of valor and let it go at that.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He awoke from Chaos's possession a few hours later.

Wakey wakey, sleepy head! You're in good with the Regency Council now. And by good, I mean very good. Chaos winked lecherously.

"Er, thanks. Did you get me a map and some data to study?"

Of course not. You're a woman, remember? Knowing how to read would probably get you burned at the stake or whatever it is they do to heretics here in Champa.

"Good point."

Oh, and I'm almost certain you're pregnant. It's not like you didn't try hard enough, you trollop.

"Oh dear."

I did you a solid, though. I spilled something on the map and got you some data to look at; I have perfect mental recall and I'm sharing that with you.

champamapandecon.jpg


"Your spill is exactly in the shape of a circle, around Champa?"

What can I say? It's good to be a demon sometimes.

"I guess so."

So, you've got three allies, but none of them are all that great. I gave you a softball for your first mission, too.

champamissionsanddecisi.jpg


"That's suspiciously considerate. What are you inflicting on me?"

Aw, you know me too well now. Half pay for the army again.

Danielle sighed. "At least we can't declare war with a regency council."

It's not like I didn't try. Apparently, even your charms won't entice the council to break the law.

"Well, I'll have time to build up our economy and military. Who's the head of the Regency Council?"

I call him Steve. I have no idea what his actual name is, but he seems okay with being called Steve.

"Okay."

Then again, Steve is way nicer than any of the things he called you.

Danielle rolled her eyes and walked towards the Regent's tent.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Er, Steve?"

The Regent grinned the moment he saw Danielle. "Ah, yes, my love! Are you eager for more?"

"Not right now. Say, could we disband two regiments of the army to get under the force limit, move the free subjects slider closer to free subjects, and devote our entire income to the treasury, uh, sweetie?"

Steve's eyes narrowed. "How does a pretty little thing like you know all about that?"

Smooth move, dummy.

Danielle thought fast. "Er, my brother told me about it?"

"Since when do you have a brother?"

"A girl has to keep her secrets, doesn't she?" Although he (she?) felt ridiculous, Danielle batted her eyelashes.

It worked. Steve grinned and ordered her changes to be made. "Now that that's done, my sweet, would you like to...?"

"Uh, not right now. Female troubles, you understand."

Steve's eager hand jerked back as if it were zapped by lightning. "Of course. You may return to your tent."

"Oh, thank you, darling!"

champasliders.jpg

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By seducing a few dockworkers, Danielle convinced them to start building up the Champan navy, hoping to finally complete one of Chaos's missions. Thankfully, Chaos had been wrong earlier, and Danielle was not pregnant, a part of being a woman that the accountant hoped to avoid.

Yeah, I was kidding you earlier, buddy. Unless I let you, you can't get pregnant, and that would seriously complicate the tremendous time I'm having.

"As long as one of us is thrilled."

Well, if it makes you feel any better, I don't think you'll be doing too much more seducing.

"I get another body?"

No, I'm actually pretty sure the last dockworker was diseased. I can't prevent the disease, but at least you won't die from it.

"Thank heavens for small blessings. How do I influence events now?"

I convinced Steve that you're a seer. Plus, nobody else wants to get infected, so you'll get a wide berth.

"Very well. Any important news?"

We're at war, but it's nothing too traumatic. We might even win!

champawar1.jpg

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For a while, it looked like Chaos was right. Brunei couldn't invade Champa without getting past the new navy Danielle had built. For the first time in a long time, he felt confident that he wasn't going to destroy another country.

champavictoryfornow.jpg


In December 1423, the first carrack in the Champan fleet was finished, the Amaravati. Danielle was not welcome on board -- her disease notwithstanding, most sailors think women are cursed -- but she did get to see the massive sailing ship glisten in the sun, a point of tremendous pride.

So far, the war had gone swimmingly. By May 1424, the war completed successfully. Champa didn't get any territory, but had earned some prestige thanks to a couple of successful naval battles. Even Chaos seemed impressed. This was the single most successful stretch since Daniel Carlson had traveled back in time with Chaos.

Of course, it had to end.

Bad news, babycakes. We're at war again.

"Pah! I feel invincible! Nobody could possibly defeat us!"

Lan Xang declared war on us, and your new buddy Khmer stabbed us in the back.

"That's not too bad."

They also called Manchu.

"No problem! Manchu is far to the north, and would have to invade us by sea, where we are still superior."

You sure are taking this well. I'm proud of you, my dear.

Danielle smiled.

Now, there's one more country that joined, but I can't remember. I'm sure it isn't important.

The thrill of victory had completely distracted the former tax lawyer. He had learned much from Chaos, but never seemed to remember the most important lesson.

If Chaos says it isn't important, it almost always is.

champawar2.jpg


champaohcrap.jpg

Hint: the file name for this picture is "champaohcrap.jpg"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Danielle caught one break -- her former lover and regent Steve became king.

champaking.jpg


In a moving ceremony, Danielle was proclaimed Queen, as her condition had cleaned up. That, of course, meant she had to produce an heir, but Chaos assured her he'd take care of everything.

Of course, that didn't include the war.

Not so invincible any more, are you?

"Shut up."

How many armies have you completely destroyed now?

"Shut up."

Even your vaunted navy failed!

champatonkinloss.jpg


"Why won't you shut up?"

And now, of course, I have to make sure you get pregnant, with a boy.

"Look, I'm going to stop listening."

Here's my favorite part: you've turned Champa into an OPM, with a nice fleet and practically nothing else.

champamingspoundofflesh.jpg


champalanxangspoundoffl.jpg


"Hey! At least I completed your stupid mission!"

That you did. Of course, you only completed it by literally halving your naval force limit.

"I also completed two more missions!"

Naval races against Malacca and Brunei? You're hardly a genius with those accomplishments.

Danielle soon found one of the bright spots about becoming a woman in 15th century Champa, and learned something interesting about demons.

They're just as vulnerable to crying as men.

Er, wow. Gee, I'm sorry, just, uh, stop crying. Come on. Quit it!

Danielle sniffed.

"B-but you said all kinds of mean things about m-me! It isn't easy being a woman, you know!"

You're right, you're always right, and I'm sorry I ever did this to you. Look, no more women, okay?

Danielle brightened immediately. "I'll hold you to that. Did you hear that, Order?"

Loud and clear.

Chaos looked into the sky accusingly. You two set me up! Just for that, I'm going to let you experience the miracle of birth yourself, Danielle. Enjoy your Christmas present.

All of a sudden, Danielle realized that she'd gone too far.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
January 1, 1431. Thanks to skillful diplomacy, shrewd military decisions, and not a little dumb luck, Daniel/Danielle had won the day. Well, not so much won as not lost. Well, not so much not lost as not lost as spectacularly. Well, survived. He also had a new appreciation for women since he/she gave birth, in 15th century southeast Asia. He'd also won a small victory against Chaos, forcing the demon to never make him a woman again.

"So where are we off to next?"

Münster. You get three provinces this time.

"What fun."

Before the transportation began, Chaos muttered, Oh, and there are far worse things to be than a woman, you misogynistic jerk.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So there's Daniel's experience as a woman. I think this is an excellent time to mention that neither Daniel nor Chaos is an accurate reflection of me or my beliefs. So yeah.

We'll be in the Holy Roman Empire next update, so maybe I won't lose any land! We can only hope.
 

Ashantai

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That was awesome! Danielle...that was great.

Loved it!
 

Rendap

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Great update - Still launghing here... :D
 

Sakura_F

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Applause is all I can give. Too bad it won't happen again. It was so awesome.
 

tamius23

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From Chaos's last remark there may be more odd situations for Daniel to be in. He might be reincarnated as a meatball, for example.
 

Avindian

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That update was hilarious, I can't stop laughing XD

Lmao demons vulnerable to crying! That is hilarious XD!
And Munster is pretty cool country to play is. I'm looking forward to it :D!

That was awesome! Danielle...that was great.

Loved it!

Great update - Still launghing here... :D

Applause is all I can give. Too bad it won't happen again. It was so awesome.

Thanks for the kind words everyone!

From Chaos's last remark there may be more odd situations for Daniel to be in. He might be reincarnated as a meatball, for example.

Well, he can only be reincarnated as a living thing, so no meatballs, but apart from that? Anything is fair game :D