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Sakura_F

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Avindian

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Yeah, I agree with the OP. That was kind of rude.

Maybe he just really liked Republic of Russia? In any case, I know what will boost my spirits -- an update!
 

Avindian

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Bulgaria: Fear 1337-thuania!

bulgariaeconomy.jpg


bulgariamapmission.jpg


Normally, when Daniel Carlson awoke after traveling to a new country, he felt woozy and disoriented, but this seemed a bit excessive. It seemed like he was falling, and at an alarming rate...

"Um, Chaos? Why does it feel like I'm plummeting to the ground? Is that a normal side effect of the teleportation?"

Chaos appeared disinterested. Falling, you say? How odd. That certainly isn't the teleportation. Although, it's funny you mention it, I remember there was something I was supposed to tell you. It's on the tip of my tongue...

Daniel's eyes finally cleared, and his worst suspicions were confirmed. The ground got closer every second. "Now would be a good time!"

Chaos grinned evilly. Sorry, it's this darned memory of mine. Plays tricks on me. Do you know how many tongues I have? The cube root of -74. That's right, an imaginary number! What do you think of that?

A few seconds later, a sickening thud announced Daniel's crash into the ground. Chaos snapped his fingers, or claws, or whatever. That's right! I remember now! You're an eagle in mid-flight. Well, you were in mid-flight...

Daniel opened one menacing eye; he would have stared balefully into Chaos's eye, but have you ever tried to stare into your own head?

(Note: Please do not try to stare into your own head.)

A vicious screech erupted from Daniel's mouth instead; confirmation that he was, indeed, an eagle. He got back to his feet, and found that he wasn't that badly hurt. "How far did I fall?"

About ten feet.

"It felt like something cushioned my fall. Is that right?"

Yeah, probably. Who cares?

Daniel craned his neck and looked around. "So this is Bulgaria?" He studied the maps provided for him by Chaos. "Wait, we don't actually control Bulgaria?"

Nope. Golden Horde has it.

"And you want me to declare war on Austria to retake Silistria?"

Of course not, you silly birdbrain. (HA! Birdbrain.)

"Whew, you had me worried there for a --"

We're already at war with Austria, I expect. You landed right on the Austrian Emperor's cousin.

The only thing fouler than what came out of Daniel's mouth is what typically comes out of an eagle's other end.

bulgariawar.jpg


bulgariadoom.jpg


(Author's note: I finally got a "3" in the random roll!)

Cheer up, buddy. At least Lithuania is paying you to fight them. They might be even stupider than you!

bulgariawha.jpg


Daniel let out another frustrated screech rather than respond.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Daniel decided to take a closer look, to see if he might influence things in the battle. He saw a great defeat at the Battle of Burgas, which was hardly a surprise.

bulgariaburgas.jpg


As if to mock Daniel, the gods even bestowed Claims on Our Rivals to Bulgaria, twisting the dagger already in Daniel's ribs.

bulgariaclaims.jpg


However, Daniel saw something very odd. The Lithuanians were just standing there. He swooped down and caught a snippet of the conversation between the Bulgarian and Lithuanian Kings:

bulgariageniusoflithuan.jpg


"Lithuania's speech is... strange."

Chaos groaned. It's one of the less successful LELFs. I should have known by his pronunciation of Lithuania. Meet 1337 h@x0r.

"I'm sorry, what?"

See, to make things interesting, the PELFs occasionally employ a specific class of LELF called an "Artificial Intelligence." Sometimes, they're really bright. This one is not. He tries to sound smart by using unconventional spellings and internet memes to explain himself and his actions, but he just sounds like he can't speak properly.

"I see. So why isn't he invading?"

He's probably distracted by the shininess of the river. Please, don't ask why he didn't notice it the first time. I really don't know.

"If he's that dumb, I'll use my mind control to convince the Bulgarian army to retake Burgas. We may win yet!"

bulgariadoomagain.jpg


Nice try. Your consolation prize is that you were outsmarted by the stupidest LELF in existence. Actually, that's not much of a prize, when I think about it. Like when you pick the wrong door on Let's Make a Deal and end up with a year's supply of cabbage instead of a car.

"I suppose we should retreat to Nis and await our doom like warriors... now wait a minute, he's stopped again?"

bulgariamaybelessdoom.jpg


"Why is he shouting the number one?"

Just don't. Just... don't. Bohemia's offering you a peace; I suggest you take it.

bulgariabohemiaover.jpg


"So... we didn't get annexed?"

It would seem not.

"Then we won!"

I wouldn't go that far. Let me draw you an analogy. Some turkeys are so stupid that they'll drown in rainwater because they haven't got the sense to close their beaks. Your 'victory' is like that turkey surviving simply because it stops raining.

(Author's note: I have authentic second-hand evidence this actually happened; my wife saw it when she was younger. Strange but true!)

With no retort, Daniel decided to try hunting from the air. He spotted a tasty squirrel and dive bombed it. Unfortunately, Daniel was actually no eagle, and ended up smacking into a tree so hard that it left an eagle-shaped imprint in the bark.

My point exactly.
-----------------------------------------------------------
By November 1545, Daniel felt brave enough to strike a blow for all eaglekind. He telepathically ordered the King of Bulgaria to attack Croatia, betting that Lithuania would stay home out of sheer stupidity and that Austria would be too busy laughing to answer the call.

bulgariacroatiawar.jpg


Daniel wanted to reclaim Bulgaria and take Serbia, but didn't have the time, as both Croatia and Montenegro had hungry armies that would dive upon any weakness. If he attacked one, the other would strike back. In the end, he settled for Serbia, hoping that once Croatia lost, he could quickly strike at Bulgaria.

bulgariacroatiawin.jpg


Unfortunately, Wallachia snuck in and grabbed Bulgaria before Bulgaria could react. Bulgaria had only one course of action. Bulgaria had to invade Bulgaria for the greater glory of Bulgaria!

(Author's note: Sorry about that last sentence.)

bulgariawallachiawa.jpg


"Our victory is assured! We shall need a quick victory, Chaos, as Bohemia grows ever stronger."

bulgariatrollemia.jpg


I wouldn't be so sure. Montenegro has a friend now.

"Who would possibly help Montenegro?"

Milan. Also, most of the rest of Europe.

bulgariatot2.jpg

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Daniel's brilliant gamble -- seizing Bulgaria as quickly as possible -- ended in a giant standoff. It was, of course, only a standoff in that the AI never cooperates in EU 3.

bulgariathestandoff.jpg


Still, there is only one 1337-thuania, and Milan was much more competently led. After Tuscany captured Burgas (oh the irony!) Milan felt mighty enough to strike at Bulgaria in Bulgaria. The Bulgarian army was quickly defeated, and Bulgaria fell shortly afterwards.

bulgariadead.jpg


Croatia took Serbia back; Bulgaria was returned to the Golden Horde, while Bulgaria was annexed by Milan.

Expecting to be teleported, Daniel prepared for the unpleasantness, but nothing happened.

"Chaos? Shouldn't we be going?"

Are you that lazy? I am not going to teleport you to your next destination. You can fly, after all. We aren't going far.

"Oh? Where are we going then?"

Bosnia. You get to stay an eagle for now, but I have a feeling it won't be for long. Bosnia is an OPM, after all.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tune in next week for more adventures with Daniel and Chaos!
 

CivandEUIII

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Bosnia? It exists? Where?
Oh, it's in Bosnia. Hooray for that.
Great update, especially with 1337uania :p
 

Avindian

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LordTempest

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Maybe he just really liked Republic of Russia? In any case, I know what will boost my spirits -- an update!

I did like it, but didn't you suspend the AAR because of conversion issues? It just seems odd to me that you're contemplating completing a second conversion AAR despite having canceled one due to conversion issues. (unless of course those issues have been fixed)
 

tamius23

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The cube root of -74 isn't an imaginary number (it's -4.2 or thereabouts).
 

Avindian

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I did like it, but didn't you suspend the AAR because of conversion issues? It just seems odd to me that you're contemplating completing a second conversion AAR despite having canceled one due to conversion issues. (unless of course those issues have been fixed)

Oh, I see you're what saying. First of all, AHD will enable multi-core support, which should fix the speed problem. As for managing large empires, if I'm only doing it for 10 years (maybe 5, so we get a greater variety in Vicky 2), it's no big deal.

The alternative would be, of course, starting a vanilla game of what will assuredly be AHD and go from there.

Once I see how chaotic the world is in 1821, I'll make my decision.

The cube root of -74 isn't an imaginary number (it's -4.2 or thereabouts).

I thought any root of a negative number was imaginary? Shows what I know. :rolleyes:
 

Vrael_1492

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I thought any root of a negative number was imaginary? Shows what I know. :rolleyes:

It's the square root of negative numbers that are imaginary. ;) Sorry if I am picky :rolleyes:
 

tamius23

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It's the square root of negative numbers that are imaginary. ;) Sorry if I am picky :rolleyes:

More specifically, the even roots. The fourth roots of negative numbers are imaginary too.
 

Willum

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Who's next?

.... Egypts gonna get one too.... Damn, now I'm going to have that in my head the rest of the day....


Edit: Oh yeah, Bosnia, I'm blind as a traffic-cone!
 

Ashantai

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(Sorry, Ashantai. That's the last one, I swear )

You are forgiven for the awesomeness of these two updates! :)

Lovely work!
 

Avindian

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It's the square root of negative numbers that are imaginary. ;) Sorry if I am picky :rolleyes:

More specifically, the even roots. The fourth roots of negative numbers are imaginary too.

I have learned something. I'm going to leave it as is and just claim that Chaos isn't very good at math.

1337-thuania is awesome! :D

Thanks!

Who's next?

.... Egypts gonna get one too.... Damn, now I'm going to have that in my head the rest of the day....


Edit: Oh yeah, Bosnia, I'm blind as a traffic-cone!

That's okay, I didn't bold it or anything.

You are forgiven for the awesomeness of these two updates! :)

Lovely work!

Whew! That was a close one! :p
 

Avindian

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Bosnia: Making the world simpler, one OPM at a time

Order stared at the TV, watching Daniel and Chaos argue about wars in Bosnia. Chaos wanted Daniel to attack Austria, while Daniel insisted that was suicide; they could try getting to the sea through Croatia.

bosniamapmission.jpg


Order gestured at the bartender for another round. Bill glared, as he feared he would never get paid (which, in all fairness, was not paranoid, since Order last paid his bill roughly 6 million years ago, or 55 trillion drinks ago. Yes, I'm quite aware that means he drinks just under 10 million drinks a year. He's a thirsty guy), but dispensed the booze anyway. Death climbed onto the stool next to Order.

Hey, Order.

Hi Death. How's life in the underworld?

Death stretched. Same ol', same ol'. Did you know Chaos's bet has actually reduced the number of dead flowing into my halls?

You don't say? Maybe Mr. Carlson is a positive influence.

Death rolled his eyes. Sure, that's it. Or, he's so busy keeping track of the human he doesn't have the time to get into mischief. How're they doing in Bosnia?

Order shrugged. About as well as you'd expect. Poor Mr. Carlson really has no chance with an OPM. He thought Transylvania would be a safe target, since Bohemia probably wouldn't intervene, but Croatia and Transylvania combined were more than a match.

bosniawar.jpg


bosniabosnia.jpg


The AI cooperated for once? That's a bad sign.

For Mr. Carlson, certainly. Although he has done pretty well, considering, over the past 150 years.

Death tipped his glass and conceded the point. You know, I wonder Chaos will do with him in 1821? If he loses, he'll be pretty mad and probably take it out on Daniel. If he wins, he'll be so ecstatic he'll go on a murdering rampage, which most likely would also include Daniel.

Order thought that one over. I really don't know. Can't you protect Mr. Carlson? I've grown kind of fond of him.

I can't keep him alive indefinitely. That's not fair to him; humans just aren't meant to live that long.

Order sighed, then brightened a bit. You know what might help? Let's give him Chaos's powers and strip Chaos of his own powers. That would make for some entertaining watching, way better than watching Daniel lose again.

Death chuckled. That would be pretty fun. Can we do that, though? Even if both of us cooperate?

Sure we can. Plus, this is only temporary.

Death's brow furrowed. Isn't change for the sake of change more Chaos's thing?

Order also frowned. Hmm... you might be right. On the other hand, that twerp is getting out of hand.

Very true. Okay, I'm in. Chaos has no powers, except the telepathy. That should be fun.

Probably more fun than this update, anyway.

bosniadead.jpg

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know what will distract you. Maps of Europe in 1550!

bosnia1550map.jpg


And a world map!

eu3mapbos1550121.jpg


In all seriousness, I'm having a hard time working with OPMs. I either sit still and do nothing, which makes for long, boring updates, or I take stupid risks, which makes for short, boring updates. Kind of lose-lose. Oh well, the more Daniel does, the fewer OPMs there will be.

Of course, we won't have to worry about an OPM next time. Super-Daniel is off to Ming!
 

GooSquirrel

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The only thing I can think of that could ruin his time there would be if europe attacks.... all of it.....
 

Avindian

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The only thing I can think of that could ruin his time there would be if europe attacks.... all of it.....

I wouldn't put it past the game at this point.
 

Ashantai

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MING! Awesome!

I can't wait for Daniel to get Chaos' powers...that will be worth reading! Loved the update!
 

Avindian

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