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    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

Avindian

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Sakura_F

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Daniel must assertain to absolute victory.

Give him a fool proof country soon. Maybe a Japanese Daimyo?
 

Avindian

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Daniel must assertain to absolute victory.

Give him a fool proof country soon. Maybe a Japanese Daimyo?

An interesting thought. However, it's all up to the RNG!
 

adamclason

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Wow this AAR is... Fantastic! Such a genuinely entertaining read.
btw, rather unlucky with the French-Bohemian Union. Kind of like having an Austrian-Bohemian Union when you're playing as Salzburg, trying to expand...
 

Avindian

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Wow this AAR is... Fantastic! Such a genuinely entertaining read.
btw, rather unlucky with the French-Bohemian Union. Kind of like having an Austrian-Bohemian Union when you're playing as Salzburg, trying to expand...

Glad you like it, and welcome aboard! I don't know what's scarier -- a French-Bohemia PU or... Bohemia inheriting France!

This is possibly the most crack headed thing i have ever seen... and i respect that :3

:D
 

Avindian

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Württemburg: An interlude​

I'll be honest -- this was easily the most boring ten years I've ever played in EU 3. How boring was it? I had three wars and not one was screenshot worthy. I completed a bunch of missions that involved royal marriages, improving relations, etc. In fact, I completed so many missions, that the game actually ran out of missions for me to have. I built some stuff, kept the country a 2PM, and so forth. I've decided, therefore, to present you this following update. It has Order in it, and we'll explore more of the twisted philosophy of this universe. Is it our universe? I can't say. No screenshots in this post. However, I've finally got a lucky roll (kind of), so this next update should be chock full of good stuff. Enjoy!

Hello, Mr. Carlson.

"Wait, where am I? Aren't I supposed to be in Württemburg?"

Normally, yes. However, I thought you'd be more interested in spending some time with me. Chaos is just going to slaughter most of the population like he always does.

"Ummm.... aren't you going to stop him?"

Nah. He'll tire himself out. I remember the first time he triggered an apocalypse! He didn't stop laughing for weeks.

Daniel looked around. "You didn't answer my question, sir."

Oh, right. You're in the Bar that Time Forgot.

"Really?"

Sort of. See, you're officially suspended outside of time, and can re-enter it wherever you like. Well, not wherever YOU like, but at least wherever I like, which is just as good.

"Is this like Honest John's bar?"

Again, sort of, although Bill, the bartender, is pretty unscrupulous. He waters down his drinks, adds tobacco to some of them, you name it.

"So why do you come here?"

The atmosphere.

"Right. Can we see what's going on?"

Order shrugged. "Sure, why not? Hey Bill, why don't you turn on the TV?"

As Bill flipped through the channels, Daniel saw thousands upon thousands of different possible universes. His head swam.

"Sorry about that sir! Just spilled your drink on your head. Here's a new one, on the house!"

Daniel dried his hair with a towel and sipped at his bourbon. Then he remembered where bourbon came from. He sighed.

There, there, Mr. Carlson. Don't let Chaos get you down. As Bill-the-not-entirely-truthful found the right station, Daniel saw Chaos ride through the palace at Württemburg on a very confused looking donkey, brandishing an axe and cackling like mad.

"What's with the donkey?"

That's the old King of Württemburg. He wasn't entirely kind to Chaos, and so, well, let's just say that Chaos sometimes takes things a bit too literally.

"Huh?"

The King was an ass, is what I'm trying to say.

Daniel nodded. "That sounds like him."

Let me guess, he's unnecessarily evasive about some of your questions?

"From time to time."

He's like that. He'll never lie to you. Most of the time. Unless he really wants to. Or it's a day ending in 'y'. But about really big questions? It's hard for him to lie about those, and so he tends to dodge the question or change the subject.

"What about you? Do you lie?"

Oh, constantly. Unless, of course, I'm lying about that.

"Er... right."

So, while we wait for Chaos to get bored, anything you want to ask?

"Chaos said neither of you can know what happens when you die."

Order thought for a moment. That one is true. It's Death's job to make sure only the dead know about death. The consequences could be dire. Either death is so wonderful everybody would commit suicide or death is so terrible everybody would go mad and start killing people out of sheer frustration.

"That... kind of makes sense. Is there a God? Some superior being that you, Chaos, and Death answer to?"

Order grunted. I think I see why he's so fond of you. Those are good questions.

Daniel was taken aback. "Chaos likes me?"

Sure he does. That's why he insults you and piles scorn upon you. If he hated you, he'd just kill you over and over again. Or even worse, show you his true form.

"What's so bad about that?"

You know how in some timelines, the dinosaurs were all wiped out?

"Yeah?"

They saw him in his corporeal form.

"Wow. That's pretty bad."

The meteor business was to cover it up; he thinks he got away with it, and I let him continue to think that. At the perfect moment, I'll get something I want out of him.

"What about your true form?"

I don't have one, strictly speaking. Chaos's form is so unique and obscene it drives people mad. Mine is so basic and simple that nobody notices me.

"So you could have been watching me my entire life and I would never know?"

With all due respect, Mr. Carlson, your life is the last thing I'm interested in watching.

Daniel supposed that was fair. "I notice you didn't answer my question."

Order smiled. So I didn't. You may be boring, thin, and quite frankly ugly, but not stupid. I'll try to break this down so you can understand it. There are three PELFs; Chaos, Death, and myself. We are, for all intents and purposes, immortal, omniscient, omnipotent, etc., etc. We are also hyper-dimensional.

"What does that mean?"

The... stuff... that we're made out of is very nearly infinite. So much so that little bits of us are in almost every possible universe. Now, every bit of us is cognizant of every other bit of us.

"So you can be in more than one place at once?"

Precisely, my young friend. There are areas in which none of us technically exist. Other semi-PELFs may rule there, or there may be no life at all. But for the majority of possible universes, you're stuck with the three of us.

"Okay."

Any PELF is empowered to create helpers, with as much or as little power as we care to give them. We cannot give them our own powers or the powers of another PELF, but we can give them anything else.

"That makes sense."

Now, our powers are limited to our particular spheres of influence. Scientists have three concepts that describe us nicely; Entropy, Inertia, and Force. Death, Order, and Chaos.

"Fair enough."

Any change is Chaos' province. Once the change is finished, I stabilize it. However, everything decays over time -- except the PELFs, of course. Three distinct areas, three distinct lifeforms.

"So you don't actually do very much."

Nope. It's good work if you can get it. Chaos is by far the busiest of us three.

"I can see that. What does any of that have to do with my question?"

I dunno, I forgot your question.

Daniel's head crashed into his palm. A waiter replaced the tree sitting next to Daniel with a new one.

While Daniel was unconscious, Order chuckled. The poor boy. He absorbed most of that so well. As he watched Daniel sleep, he picked up a marker and drew something obscene on Daniel's forehead. He chuckled again and signaled Chaos.

Hiya, Or-dork. Danny boy sleeping?

Well, he has a concussion, but that's pretty much the same thing, right?

Both shrugged.

What took him out?

He tried to ask me if there was a God.

So he tried that on you too, eh?

He did.

The kid's persistent, I give him that.

How many did you kill this time?

Directly or indirectly?

Directly.

Only 150.

You're losing your touch!

Well, you won't let me go corporeal again.

No, I won't.

Chaos stuck his tongue out at Order, then scooped up Daniel while simultaneously climbing inside his head.

Honestly, if that's the part of this update that makes your head explode, I haven't been doing my job right.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We're off to Kanem Bornu next! New continent, and by far the largest country I've had thus far (which is kind of pathetic, if you stop and think about it). Daniel can now be anything, living or dead (or inanimate). That's the upside to all of this insanity.

Next update should be early next week, unless I've scared you all off.
 

tamius23

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Lots of puns à la "he put two halves together to make a whole, climbed through the hole, shouted until he was hoarse, and rode off on the horse".

Will we be meeting Death at some point?
 

catman1776

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I've never had a "Boring War" just an uneventful one where I overran the enemy and annexed.OFC im always going for the annex.
 

LordTempest

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Clophiroth

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I have discovered this AAR... And I love it! By far, the best AAR that I have read! n.n Following you!
 

LordTempest

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is this supposed to be some kind of pun based on where he is? :p

Not so much a pun as a reference to another AAR set where he's going. ;)
 
Sep 25, 2010
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"Daniel's head crashed into his palm. A waiter replaced the tree sitting next to Daniel with a new one."

Had me groaning and laughing at the same time... I must say this is entertaining beyond measure, and the regularity with which these updates are made makes it even beter.
 

Brougal

Second Lieutenant
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Sep 12, 2009
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We're off to Kanem Bornu next! New continent, and by far the largest country I've had thus far (which is kind of pathetic, if you stop and think about it). Daniel can now be anything, living or dead (or inanimate).


so, will he be a club ;) ?

edit: someone made that joke allready :sad:
 
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