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People's Commissar of the Navy
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Jan 3, 2010
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I decided for my next AAR that I wanted to do something a little different. Some of the commenters in my Italy AAR have been asking for crazy characters, and I must admit the idea entertains me. So here's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to play a random country every 10 years. I'm going to use a Random Number Generator to generate five three digit numbers from 1 to 338. There are 338 tags in EU 3, and the first non-vassal, non-PUed country will be my choice! (I may accept a vassal or junior PU country if they're large enough to be interesting).

Note: The original method of generating a new country -- 3 numbers from 1 to 26, corresponding to letters -- was simply too inefficient, and was not used for any country but the first one, Assam.

To make things more interesting, I will use a fourth random number to produce a random effect when I start each country, all of them bad (or it wouldn't be much fun :)). This is where you, the ReadAARs can help; I'm just looking for suggestions to add to my random effect table. I've got about a half dozen in mind, but I'm looking for about 20. Nothing catastrophic, mind you, just... interesting.

House Rules
1. All settings on Normal, Lucky Nations off, Inflation off [I've heard this makes the game more interesting!]
2. No reloading unless I'm about to be annexed, since I obviously want the AAR to continue (and I hope you do too!)
3. Nothing too gamey.
4. Minimal save game editing.
5. No cancelling missions, and all missions must be completed (or at least a serious attempt must be made!)
6. I'll set gameplay goals at the beginning of each country.

This will be a Narrative style AAR. There will be two characters, and two characters only, that will be developed, but they share the same body.

Is that crazy enough for you? ;)

The Random Events
NOTE: Must be at least a 2PM for these to occur. If a random event cannot happen (changing religion with no alternative, for example, although losing on purpose would be acceptable), another will be chosen.

1 -- Disband entire army
2 -- Disband entire navy
3 -- Must DOW biggest rival
4 -- Must release largest possible vassal
5 -- Stab hit (Comet event, of course!)
6 -- Ruler dies
7 -- Instant rebellion
8 -- Army maintenance fixed at 50%
9 -- Naval maintenance fixed at 50%
10 -- Must acquire random province, if at all possible
11 -- Treasury slider must be kept at max
12 -- Non-treasury slider must be kept at max [Minting is allowed if bankruptcy is the only alternative]
13 -- Monetary reforms
14 -- Must change government
15 -- Heir is killed
16 -- +10 infamy
17 -- All advisors are fired
18 -- Crusade! (DOW nearest non-religion country)
19 -- Must sell wealthiest non-capital province to biggest rival.
20 -- Must change religion

I'm not going to have an upper limit for now; I've gotten lots of good ideas and look forward to more!

Thanks to Ashantai, Fenrir 1576, arosenberger14, il_loco, and boom for their suggestions!
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Table of contents​


Part 1: 1399-1404
Part 2: 1404-1410

A brief interlude

Switzerland: 1410-1420

Byzantine Empire
Byzantium: 1420-1421

Champa: 1421-1431

Münster: 1431-1439

Brandenburg: 1439-1449

Cologne: 1449-1459

Bourbonnais: 1459-1462

Württemburg: An interlude, 1462-1472

Kanem Bornu
Kanem Bornu: 1472-1482

Mainz: 1482-1492

Armagnac: 1492-1498

Ryukyu: 1498-1502

Oirat Horde
Oirat Horde: 1503-1513

Pomerania: 1513-1521

Mazovia: 1521-1531

Great Britain
Part 1: 1532-1534
Part 2: 1534-1541

Bulgaria: 1542-1548

Bosnia: 1548-1550

Ming: 1550-1560

Bali: 1560-1570

Wallachia: 1570-1580

Kazakh: 1580-1581

Brittany: 1581-1591

Baluchistan: 1591-1600

Najd: 1600-1609

Crimea: 1609-1619

Ethiopia: 1619-1630

Portugal: 1630-1640

Gotland: 1640-1650

Ahmadnagar: 1650-1652

Denmark: 1652-1662

Flanders: 1662-1672

Georgia: 1672-1682

Ethiopia, part 2
Ethiopia: 1682-1693

Great Britain, part 2
Great Britain, part 2, part 1: 1693-1701
Great Britain, part 2, part 2: 1701-1703

Madurai: 1703-1723

Oman: 1723-1743

Nogai (featuring Smolensk)
Nogai/Smolensk: 1743-1750

Bohemia, part 1: 1750-1753
Bohemia, part 2: 1753-1755
Bohemia, part 3: 1755-1763
Bohemia, part 4: 1763-1770

Northumberland (featuring Prussia)
Northumberland (featuring Prussia): 1770-1797

Brazil: 1797-1821
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subbed, if that's all right.
I love it! Great concept!

Here some ideas for events:
- Stab loss
- Ruler dies
- Fear and Loathing (My favourite)
- Rebellions
- Gold Rush

And more. I usually just through the events to find one I like.

Looking forward to this one!
I love it! Great concept!

Here some ideas for events:
- Stab loss
- Ruler dies
- Fear and Loathing (My favourite)
- Rebellions
- Gold Rush

And more. I usually just through the events to find one I like.

Looking forward to this one!

How is Gold Rush a negative event? Also, not familiar with Fear and Loathing, what does that one do?

I'm going to add the list I have to the first page.
For the random province, use random.org to determine which province (only land, no wasteland! if you don't want to exclude those, if you have naval you need 10 ships around the naval province (in one random bordering port province), if wasteland control everything around it.)
Prologue: A meeting with Chaos​

Daniel Carlson (always and only Daniel) was walking home from work. Now, you might call his job boring. I certainly would. Daniel Carlson was not just a CPA; he was a tax accountant. Worse still, he worked for the Internal Revenue Service, which made him not only boring but really unpopular. He had no friends, no children, no wife. He had just enough money to own a house, but not enough to keep it up.

I need to emphasize this: he's the dullest person you can imagine. No, wait. Imagine the dullest person you can imagine, then imagine him being even duller. If this causes an infinite recursion of dullness and makes your head explode, I apologize, but that's about half as dull as he actually is.

Got that? Good. Because his life is about to get very, very undull.

Anyway, back to the story.

On his walk home, Daniel spots a shiny US quarter in the street. Never one to miss a free quarter, he carefully raises his pant legs just so, maintaining the perfect crease, and bends down to pick it up.

At which point he is promptly hit by a bus. Or at least, he would have been.
October 1399

When Daniel Carlson woke up, he found himself wearing something altogether different. No pressed business suit, no briefcase, no cellphone, just a dirty tunic and some pants. He would have blamed it on getting drunk at a party, but he'd never been drunk or at a party. (See? Dull!)

"Oh dear. Where am I now?"

In a ditch.

"Wait a minute! Who said that?"

I did. Hiya.

"Who are you?"


"And who is 'me'?"

You! HA HA HA HA HA HAH! Even after millions of years, that never gets old.

At this point, our intrepid sort-of-hero was completely thunderstruck.

Right. Anyway, I am Chaos.


You know, you shouldn't talk out loud. People might think you're crazy.

"I'm hearing voices in my head; perhaps I am crazy."

I wish. Crazy people are much more fun. Let's start over. Your name is Daniel Carlson, you live at 1234 Main Street, and have had the single most dull life in existence.

"I find that hard to be--"

Believe me, I checked. Anyway, I am here to make your life interesting. I am, quite literally, the personification of Chaos, and I've chosen to inhabit your body for the next 421 years!

"Why me?"

Well, er, I lost a bet. Anyway, I've saved you from certain death and transported you to the year 1399.

Daniel Carlson, to his credit, had been coping quite well with having Chaos in his skull up to that moment. It was time for him to use the most fierce retort in his entire repertoire.

"I beg your pardon?"

1399. You know, one thousand three hundred and ninety-nine years after the purported death of that Jesus fellow you're all so wild about.

Daniel blinked.

All right, Danny boy, it looks like --


Chaos unleashed the most horrendous version of "Danny Boy" that the world had ever heard. I mean, really, really awful. If your head hasn't already exploded from dullness, this song would finish the job.

Daniel coughed, and Chaos stopped.

Look, jerk, I saved your life, made you immortal for at least the next four hundred and twenty-one years, plus or minus a couple of months, and are taking you on the ride of a lifetime, and you're fighting with me. I will call you whatever I damn well please and you'll like it, or else.

Daniel replied, "Immortal?"

Yep. You cannot be killed. See, it would be really inconvenient if you died while I was trapped in this miserable bag of meat. So, I've made you immortal. You cannot possibly be killed.

Daniel brightened. "That means I can finally re-read the tax code!"

You dunce, you're in 1399. There is no tax code.

Those five words were the most horrifying things he'd ever heard in his entire life. Not the first five, the second five.

So, here's the deal, Danny boy. I'm going to give you incredible power; you will get to rule over 40 separate countries. However, it's up to you to get yourself close enough to the king, or queen, or whatever ape is running things. I've made this one easy for you; they'll be walking by in about 20 minutes. Oh, and also, each time you jump to a new country, your body will change to something period and country appropriate. I can't even promise it will be an animal, but it will not be inanimate, so you have that going for you.

Oh, and one last thing. Should you under any circumstances try to shirk your duties, I'll punish you.

"How's that?"

You're immortal. You can still feel pain, humiliation, or discomfort, though, and I can always make you do something unpleasant.

"I see."

I wouldn't test me. I've been alive since the Dawn of Time; I can think of all sorts of pranks.

Daniel had to agree that was fair.

Oh, and one last thing. So people don't think you're nuts and burn you at the stake, you shouldn't talk to me out loud. I'll still put your words in quotes so everybody knows who's talking, but you can just think something and I'll understand it. I've taken the liberty of making everybody you see speak to you in English, so you can understand them, although they will think you're speaking their language.

"That's decent of you. Wait, who is everybody?"

The Readers, of course. Stop wasting time. You have a country to rule!

"Now, good sir Chaos, where might that be?"

We'll save that bit of news for the next update!

"Update of what?"

At that point, Daniel Carlson felt the most absurd thing he'd ever felt.

Something inside his brain was shaking its head.
Future updates will feature screenshots a-plenty, don't you worry. I'll switch countries every ten years, unless it's danger of being annexed.

First proper update should be this weekend. Enjoy!
I'll be following this!
CAARazyness ahoy!

Welcome aboard!

For the random province, use random.org to determine which province (only land, no wasteland! if you don't want to exclude those, if you have naval you need 10 ships around the naval province (in one random bordering port province), if wasteland control everything around it.)

I'll definitely exclude wastelands, but that's a good suggestion.

EDIT: Oh, and if you offer specific crazy events, please give me the event ID. Thanks!
Shame event 11101 isn't a event for EUIII, otherwise you would have to eliminate every country you had because everything was dull to a degree that can kill.
Oh, I have an idea for a possible random event, maybe something like having to keep the treasury slider at maximum for the entire duration of the turn, or activating an event that gives you a bit of inflation until you hit a nice amount gained (10-15 points or so).
That's amazingly funny. Nicely done!

Gold Rush...wasn't the one I meant. I meant Monetary Reforms one we all hate. Sorry. :p
This should be fun! Go Chaos!
10 years is a short time to do something useful though, so I wonder.
-hopes for some weird african or indian tribe to be the first country-