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Talq

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Wives of patricians with count or duke level titles, get called by the male feudal title (so the wife of the lord mayor of Piombio is called 'Count x' & the wife of a patrician duke is called 'duke x'. This is used everywhere, including in correspondence, so appears regularly.

On current practice, they should have no title (like wives of doges, serene doges or lord mayors)

You can see this by starting the 1066 scenario as Pisa and looking at the character screen of the wife of the patrician of d'appiano (who starts as count of Piombio) as soon as he gets married.
 
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fcc56

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[2.3.4]. I have seen this quite a few times. Also, (perhaps related, or maybe not) playing as a female ruler I have had wrong-gender spouse events; e.g., buy a gift for my wife. I didn't capture any of these so I do not have specific examples, but I thought I would mention it—I can't be the only one to have seen this. The two women I have played recently are Matilda di Canossa and Shajar al-Durr.