The Adventures of Ned Stark's Illegitimate Children (AGoT, Large Spoilers)

Part 1: Ned Stark does VERY naughty things

Since Ashara Dayne only lives in Robert's Rebellion, I have to go through that particular war. Right off the bat I do two things: One, I decide that I'm going to book it to Starfall, only diverting from my route to avoid excessive attrition and to help win the war. Second, in order to ensure Tywin does not join on the side of Aerys, I marry Benjen off to Cersei. Yes, that Benjen to that Cersei. They actually don't hate each other all that much.

The war takes about a half a year longer than it did canonically, but for the most part it is hilariously one sided. My forces engage in exactly one conflict on my way down to Dorne. My thirty thousand strong army meets an eleven thousand strong army led by Prince Rhaegar, a few counties out from King's Landing. His army is completely massacred and I continue on my way. I assume one of my allies finishes him off later.

After that encounter, there were only three major battles to speak of. All of them were in the Crownlands, and one of them would have turned the tide of the war if the AI had been smart enough to take advantage of it. The first of the three saw the Vale's troops fight their first major battle, against a coalition of smaller, crown loyalist troops. The Vale outnumbered the loyalists by ten thousand men, and handily slaughtered that army.

However, the next battle did not go so well. Robert's seventeen thousand strong army was ambushed by a twenty five thousand strong army led by Randyll Tarly. Robert lost over two thirds of his forces, and Tarly was free to tear shit up in the Crownlands. Unfortunately for the Targaryens, he turned around and marched back into Reach territory. Maybe chasing me, as I was nearing the Prince's Pass, but I don't know. For all intents and purposes, that army disappeared off the map.

The final battle saw the removal of the last significant loyalist army from the Crownlands. Robert took command of his spare army and crushed the seven thousand strong contingent, leaving King's Landing wide open. His forces then set siege to the city, where they would stay for the next few months.


By this time, I had already come down to Starfall and impregnated Ashara Dayne. It took a few reloads to have her stop drinking moon tea (I hadn't yet changed the moon tea requirements) and to bear a son instead of a daughter, but she finally gave birth to a boy, and an attractive one at that. I named him Robb, and through the vagaries of RNG, he was culturally Dornish and of the Faith. (He's older in this picture since I don't have a birth picture for him)


Now this happened in about mid-285 AL, so the War of the Usurper was finished. Aerys the Mad was beheaded, his son Rhaegar sent off to the Night's Watch, and Rhaegar's son Aegon was left with custody of Lyanna, though that didn't remain the case for long.


Shortly after Aerys' defeat, Mace Tyrell decided he didn't like the new order of things and declared Independence. Unfortunately for him, my eighteen thousand troops were still in the area, and I swiftly marched on Highgarden and imprisoned him. His war never gained any traction.


Now here's where the story takes a turn for the strange. You see, I had managed to get Eddard lustful by event, and somehow Lyanna ended back up in my court instead of Robert's. One thing led to another, and I had a Jaime and Cersei couple on my hands. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Lyanna Stark the Brotherfucker:


I knew Ned was a bit of a hard ass, but I didn't really picture him as being incestuous. In any case, Jaime and Cersei 2.0 had an affair, and in true LanniStark style, they pulled a Joffrey. Or. in other words, a pureblood Stark was passed off as a Baratheon.


While Eddard Stark lay in bed with his sister, he suddenly remembered about Cersei. Being the lustful man he was, he tried to get into her pants. She refused, but Eddard Stark wouldn't be denied. He gave her an offer: he puts her on the Lord Paramountcy of the Westerlands, and she lets Eddard fuck her. She agrees.

Now, the Westerlands are more powerful than the North at this point in time. In order to win, I need more troops... I know! Edmure Tully! He's currently allied with me, and a little gold butters him up to kick some Lannister butt. Funny side note: In this time, Tyrion Lannister is a Formidable Fighter. Yes, you read that right. Tyrion Lannister is considered on par with Ser Arthur Dayne by ranking. Still, his swordplay doesn't save him from fifty thousand Stark and Tully troops, and after being led into a trap on the Gold Road, capitulates to Eddard Stark and his sister. Cersei gets Casterly Rock, and Eddard gets to fulfill his twisted desires.

Now it's around this time that Robb Sand comes of age. Thinking that a North/Dorne alliance would be both impractical and yet hilarious, I marry Robb Sand to Princess Arianne, give him Ice because he's a much better soldier than my legitimate son, and give him the cadet dynasty of Blackstark and Flint Keep. I then switch to play as him, since that was the entire point of this exercise.

When I switch, I see Arianne has a daughter from her previous marriage that I violently terminated, and a son from Robb. The boy is attractive, like his parents, and is named Jon. I quickly arrange for the death of my stepdaughter to ensure that Dorne goes to the Starks and not the Martells.





Now, those of you aware of how the cadet dynasty decision works know that I should not be a bastard, and you would be correct. However, since I am ahead of my brother in the line of succession should I be legitimized, I edited the save game to reset legitimized bastard to normal bastard. Gotta work for the North.

A few years prior to my switch, Robert died in a suspicious accident. I don't know who killed him. What I do know is that a few years prior to his death, he found out about the affair and demanded it to be ended. Being the honorable guy Eddard Stark was, he refused on the spot. Eddard and Lyanna then went and had rage-sex which resulted in a stillborn Stark. Maybe Lyanna was behind his death. In any case, what happens is that Mina Starkratheon takes the throne, and pretty quickly things turn to shit. Cersei Lannister decides she really doesn't want Casterly Rock, and declares a tyranny war on little Mina Baratheon. Unfortunately for her, Eddard Stark is on the case, and very quickly Cersei is defeated. She is stripped of the Westerlands and then released at the behest of Eddard Stark.

Eddard Stark then decides to secure his house's position as the most influential one in Westeros, and marries off his first two trueborn children. The eldest, the daughter, is betrothed to the under age Lord Paramount of the Vale. The younger son, Rickard, is betrothed to his half-sister Mina Baratheon, Queen of the Iron Throne. Ned Stark really likes to keep it in the family, eh?

However, Mina Baratheon is attacked by the Lord Paramount of the Stormlands for some reason, and Eddard Stark goes off to defend the honor of his daughter. He does not return.


Thus ends the life of Eddard Stark the Sisterfucker, going to his grave without understanding what monogamy was. He left behind nine kids, four from Catelyn Tully, three from Ashara Dayne, and two from Lyanna Stark. Unfortunately, the last two kids of Ashara Dayne and Lyanna Stark's second child were all stillborn, leaving Eddard Stark with only six living children, of which only five were publicly acknowledged to be his. A rather good start, wouldn't you say? Oh, and Cersei manages to regain her position as Lady Paramount of the Westerlands, probably via faction.

Part 2: Sand in the North

With Eddard's death, a whole host of options opens up to me. While I've been fabricating claims on the nearby clansmen territories to try and get a high lordship and more troops, I am considering starting a faction to try and get me on the throne of the North. However, no one seems to like the poor Dornishman, and so he remains alone. In the meantime, a few things happen. I have two traitless children, a boy and a girl, named Dareon and Jeyne respectively, and I get knighted via event. So not only am I the only Dornishman in the North, I'm also the only knight in the North. Yay!


My brother Rickard decides to hold a feast to improve vassal relations, and while I am there, I make friends with quite a few people, including the illustrious Howland Reed. If I can off Rickard, taking the North would be incredibly easy.

After the feast, when Rickard heads south to deal with a tiny rebellion against his wife, I ask for legitimization. I am behind Rickard's future kids in the line of succession now, so I am not averse to reverting back to Starkhood and making use of my dynastic ties. Unfortunately, Rickard tells me to screw off.


To spite him, I become ambitious, making my martial skill 23 and my diplomacy 21.


Another war pops up and once again my brother goes off to war, pulling me along with him. I have departure sex with Arianne which results in another traitless daughter I name Larra. After the war, while Rickard is traveling back, he makes a stop at King's Landing to see his wife. I take the opportunity to go over his head and speak with the queen about my bastardy. The queen is absolutely enamored with me, and agrees to legitimize me, while making somewhat overt gestures. I respectfully decline her.


This makes me first in line in succession for the North, at least until Rickard impregnates his half-sister. Currently he is too well-liked to assassinate him, so I lay back and start claim expanding in the North.

Declaring war on the nearby Northern Clansmen to try and expand my territory, I have some more departure sex with Arianne, which once again results in a traitless daughter named Melessa. I should do this more often, despite my chastity. Also, there were some interesting marital shenanigans going on with Robb and Arianne. They would break up, and then get back together a few days later, before breaking up a few months later, repeating ad nauseum for a few years.

A few years later, I name myself High Lord of the Northern Clans, and head south with my brother to deal with a rebellion in the Reach. In the first battle, I head into battle beside my brother. While we outnumber the enemy more than two to one, my brother's cravenness does not work out for him. When he sees the first flight of arrows coming from the enemy, he forgets to raise his shield and turns to flee. An arrow catches him in the neck, though the maester's say it looked more like a dagger. Hey, don't look at me!


Apparently he went mad earlier in his lifetime. Maybe stressed led to lunacy, I don't know and I don't particularly care. In any case, my half-brother is dead. With his death, a few lords ally themselves to my faction, and when I return to the North, I demand the Lord Paramountcy. His regent steps aside for me, and I gain the Lord Paramountcy not three months after my brother's death.


Taking advantage of the queen's new widowhood, I decide to take her up on her previous offer. What's that saying, tasted the Dornishman's wife? Well, in this case, I tasted the Northman's wife. And my half-sister. Can't forget that part.

I should really enable incest for the Starks.


In any case, I decide to revoke Winterfell from my nephew, and being the powerless boy he is, his regent surrenders Winterfell to me as well. I move my capital from Flint Keep to Winterfell, restoring the North, and Ice, to its proper place. I also decide to get rid of my nephew, since a vengeful king with claims on my titles coming into his throne would be a particularly bad event. Luckily, there is no lack of courtiers in the Red Keep who are willing to facilitate his death, and he dies at the age of five, one year after I expel him from Winterfell. (The photo timing is delayed since I took this a few years after the fact.)


Now, as you've seen, Mina Starkratheon kicks the bucket. The reason why is that Waymar Royce decided to pull a Jaime, and promptly slew Queen Mina in cold blood before running back to his family for protection.


In any case, another Baratheon Queen comes into power, this time an actual Baratheon. Aglantine Baratheon is the sole daughter of Renly Baratheon, and she wasn't expecting any major titles until Waymar Royce went ballistic. To celebrate the crowning of a woman I can actually wed because she doesn't have the widowed trait, I promptly marry my son Jon to Queen Aglantine.


And now we reach the present day. Robb 'Sand' Stark has a crapton of traits, and is in an amazing position. The one hiccup is that Jon is not actually his heir, which I assume is tied with the fact that Dorne is currently independent as a result of a mega war, which I assume is the primary problem. One way or another though, Jon Stark will have the North upon Robb's death.


Since Robb is chaste and in love, I won't be going around visiting the chambers of a lot of women. Expect the mass bastardy to pop up in my heir's reign, though it might still appear in Robb's reign. It is at this point that I also made edits to the Moon Tea Events. Only women of learning 8 or above can use it in the first place, and their chances of doing so have been halved from a factor of 30 to a factor of 15.

Ivir Baggins said:

That's one way of paying Ned, to be sure.

Click to expand...

Blackfish said:

Poor Robert can't catch a break.

Click to expand...

Lustful leads to... interesting bed partners, to be sure. I've had two separate queens crawl into their son's beds, which was particularly weird. It also leads to quite a bit of incest.

Part 3: The Calm before the Storm

The years passed peacefully, and slowly. With the coronation of a new ruler, one would assume the realm would face political instability, war even. Such was not the case. Of course, the few little lords with big egos who thought they could spur some Lord Paramounts to action started their suicidal rebellions. But they were all minor, barely worth the effort to squash them. They could not disturb the peace.

Part of that was no doubt a result of the actions of my father and I. Over the course of thirty years, we had bound three Lord Paramountcies to the Iron Throne. Dorne, the North, and the Westerlands were all ruled by the Starks. The King on the Iron Throne was a Stark, and though it was his wife that ruled, not him, it would be a Stark who ruled in the end. The Targaryens had been all but wiped out, with the Lannisters and Tyrells not far behind. Some minor branches of House Lannister existed yes, but for all intents and purposes, those houses were no longer powerful.

Shortly after Aglantine's coronation, she called me to court. I was to be her Master-of-Laws, representing her in those diplomatic meetings she could not attend herself. It was a good choice. While Aglantine herself was anything but the ideal ruler, my position in court and my house's power dissuaded many lords from voicing their discontent. And when one Lord became a bit too belligerent, I simply reminded them of the North's military track record and my father and myself. While I was not yet tested in large-scale warfare, everyone knew of my skill, and the accomplishments of Eddard Stark were sung throughout the realm. A simple threat of thirty thousand northerners showing up at their doorstep dissuaded many fools.

However, the fact that I was at King's Landing, far away from the North, meant that administration would be more difficult. To deal with that problem, I decided to cede control of the High Lordship of the Northern Clans. The question was to who. My son spent all his time at King's Landing, and was loath to leave it for the cold north. Most of the lords in that area despised me from my days as a little lordling. There was only one lord in that area who was agreeable, but when I asked my castellan to look into his lineage, I discovered something. Somehow, this man had come from Beyond the Wall and taken the Lordship of Shadowmoor. How, I did not know, but he was a very intelligent man, and could no doubt hold his own if other lords questioned him. Satisfied, I gave the wildling the High Lordship. While it was certainly an unprecedented action, he was my only choice.


Unfortunately, terrible news reached me a year later. While I had known that my mother had been growing steadily worse throughout the years, her death still caught me off guard. She'd been in Winterfell for the past thirty five years. She had raised me when Father was away fighting, protected me from Catelyn Tully's anger. Losing her felt worse than losing my father.


Months later, a Red Priest arrived from Essos. He sought to convert the people of King's Landing, and spent a great amount of time with the Queen. Speaking with my half-brother Bannon, who was the Master-at-Arms of the Iron Throne, I threw him into a black cell and left him there. Let us see how effectively he can preach then.

After the latest batch of egotistical fools, Aglantine decided to try and increase her regal authority. While I supported that idea, many other lords didn't, and her attempt failed. While Aglantine forgot about it, Willam Tully most certainly did not. Seeking to remove Aglantine from power, he declared for one of her cousins, Alynne Baratheon. While many Lords of the Reach and Stormlands flocked to him, all of the Stark-aligned Lords Paramount, as well as the Arryns of the Vale, declared for Aglantine Baratheon. The stage was set for another War of the Usurper.

Part 4: As the Fish Flies

The Iron Throne's armies were spread throughout the land, cut off from the capital by the rebels. Dozens of Reachman and Crownlander Lords, as well as a few Stormlanders, flocked to the Tully Banner. Almost the entire Reach ended up declaring for Willam Tully. The only Lord Paramountcy that had an unbroken line to the capital was Dorne, but it would take them months to reach King's Landing. The only Lords Paramount that could muster any sort of timely resistance were the Stark-aligned Lannisters, ruling out of Fang Tower and over the entirety of the Westerlands, and the Waynwoods of the Vale, ruling less than half of their designated Lord Paramountcy.

Mustering my troops at Greywater Watch took three months. I was expecting to have to fight the army that the Tullys had no doubt left at the Twins to stem my advance. I was surprised when I crossed into the Riverlands without a fight, but it confirmed my suspicions. Willam Tully did not think me a threat. He was partially right. If he could take King's Landing before I arrived, the war would be over one way or another. It was a race, and from what I heard from my wife and uncle, it would have to be up to me. The Vale had chosen to remain neutral, not having enough troops to affect anything one way or the other. As for the Westerlands, they were engaged with the Reach. Having marched down to Highgarden, they presented a tempting target for the rebels there. Tens of thousands of Reachmen converged on them, led by Samwell Tarly. They never met their target. With a few mercenary vessels and the ships at Lannisterport, they shuttled their army to the other side of the Mander, giving them time to meet up with the Dornishmen and crush the rebels. They met in the Prince's Pass. Benjen Stark led the Lannister host, and he sent the large part of his army ahead to hide in the pass. It fell to the aging Red Viper to maneuver the Dornish army into such a position where the Reachmen could be cut off after running into the pass. Benjen personally stayed as bait, keeping only a few thousand heavy infantry and some of his personal guard with him. The Reachmen weren't expecting the Dornish. Weeks before they had received reports of large amounts of Dornishmen going through the Marches to try and save King's Landing.

They were misinformed.

Forty thousand rebels poured into that pass. Only ten thousand managed to make it back out through the cordon of Dornishmen, and that many only because Tarly had worried about such a move. His rearguard were able to prevent the trap from closing fully, but by then the Lannister host was bearing down on them from all sides. Half of the knights and their retainers escaped, as well as most of the rebels rearguard. The rest were massacred in a crossfire between the Martells and the Lannisters. The remaining ten thousand were chased down over the course of the next week, and all were either killed or captured. However, their maneuvering against the Reachmen had left them little time to come to the rescue of the Queen. Though they tried, they only managed to make it to Bramsfort by the war's end.

While my family was busy massacring the traitors, I sped down to King's Landing. My daughter-in-law had called the banners of the nearest lords and hired a few mercenary bands, to try and muster an army capable of fending off the attacks. Most of the Crownlanders deserted her after they mustered, slaughtering most of the host. My son and my half-brother rescued a few thousand men and brought them back within the safety of the walls to bolster the numbers of the City Watch. The one upside to the situation was that winter had been slowly creeping south, and King's Landing had stocked up on food supplies. It would take the Tullys years to starve out King's Landing. Unfortunately, the thirty thousand strong Riverlander host arrived at the gates a few days later, bringing the number of troops outside of King's Landing to thirty-five thousand, and preparations for an assault started a few days later. I was a few days out of Harrenhal at this point, and sent a raven back to Winterfell. My Castellan was to buy as many mercenary bands as were still available, in great numbers, and that our treasury could afford, put them on a hired sellsail fleet, and send them down to reinforce me. I received a raven back once we had reached Harrenhal. Nine thousand mercenaries were on their way to King's Landing, but it would be a full two months before they arrived.

That was bad. Preparations for an assault would finish in less than two months, and Willam had more troops than me. A direct assault on his encampment might serve me well in the initial confusion, but he would beat me back. I handed command of most of my army to the Greatjon, with orders to surround the Tully force and wait for the reinforcing mercenaries, while I took command of my cavalry and prepared to destroy their siege equipment.

The plan was simple. Light cavalry charge in bearing torches, throwing them everywhere they could, burning as much equipment as possible. The raid would last at most three minutes, before my forces pulled back and my heavier cavalry covered their retreat and trampled the pursuers. After the first few raids, they learned to put their equipment much deeper into their camp. While I could no longer delay them, I had slowed them enough. My mercenaries were due in three days, and they did not have enough siege equipment to reasonably expect their assault to succeed. The mercenaries' orders were simple: meet up with my family in King's Landing, take as many troops from the garrison as could be spared, and launch an attack on the Tully camp from inside the city at the same time as I attacked.

That plan had a problem however. Willam's three camps were within spitting distance of each other, positioned as they were at the Dragon Gate, the Gate of the Gods, and the King's Gate. His troops were spread unevenly throughout all three camps. The King's Gate had the least troops besieging it, seeing as how they expected the Reachmen to reinforce them. A mere eight thousand troops guarded it. The mercenaries would charge out through that gate and push them into the waiting arms of the few Stormlander lords that were in the area to crush them. My army of thirty thousand would hit their strongest camp, consisting as it was of fifteen thousand men. While I do not think Willam expected me to arrive this early, he knew where the bulk of my army was, and has positioned his troops accordingly. My troops could defeat them, regardless of how well they were dug in. A small force of two hundred knights had been assigned to charge out at an opportune moment to scatter the enemy. The third camp, however, had no force to hold it down. If it came to the aid of either of the other camps, the twelve thousand troops stationed outside the Gate of the Gods could stop me. I asked my half-brother by raven to take the Goldcloaks and garrison that part of the wall with solely them, and to lead them in their defense. I needed to provide a tempting enough target to that camp that they would choose to attack. It was also in that army that Alynne Baratheon had to reside in. It could be easily reinforced by the other two camps, and had a near-straight line to the Red Keep.

I only hoped six-to-one odds would be low enough to draw them into attack, yet high enough to hold the wall until I could defeat the other two camps. In any case, it was done. The battle would commence on the morrow.
(Image was deleted by imgur. Just search up King's Landing on the Game of Thrones wiki)

Part 5: The Battle of King's Landing.

The fighting began in the early morning. Last night, under the cover of dark, the garrison repositioned throughout the city. A token defense force, enough to hold the walls against a brief assault, was brought to the Dragon Gate. The rest of the garrison, barring the Gold Cloaks, was brought south, to the King's Gate, to assist the mercenary charge. All two thousand Gold cloaks, under the personal command of Bannen Stark, were brought up to the Gate of the Gods to defend it. Willam Tully struck at first light, moments after he learned of the weak defenses along the north side of King's Landing. He took personal command of his middle camp, leading his twelve thousand troops against the Gate of the Gods. When the assault began, my half-brother sent messengers racing to the other two besieged gates. I don't know precisely when the mercenaries, lead by my son, began their counter-assault, but they managed to catch that rebel camp by surprise.

My troops were already prepared by the time Willam began his assault. While his troops outside the Dragon's Gate mustered for an assault, I organized my troops. Lord Torghren Dustin would take the light infantry and archers and attack the western side of the camp, cutting off the camp at the Dragon's Gate from Willam's main camp at the Gate of the Gods. The Greatjon would take command of the heavy infantry and the small force of pikes and follow me into combat, spreading out into a thin line and massacring any troops I miss. As for myself, I rallied the three thousand cavalry under my command, planning to charge right through the camp and cause general confusion, preventing the troops from making a concerted assault upon the walls.

My cavalry consisted of mostly light horse, which could not survive a protracted combat. To avoid complete destruction, I put my heavy horse at the front of my formation, to break through any formations that might form. The light horse could then proceed to slaughter the split-up remnants.

The Tully troops were tired, just waking up and organizing into companies. The rear of their camp had a palisade and guards, but they were not prepared for three thousand horsemen charging them in the early morning. We made it one hundred paces into the camp, scything through hundreds of men, before resistance first appeared. I split my cavalry into five separate companies and sent them rampaging through the camp, taking only five hundred horse for myself, charging towards the gate. Since the time I first wielded Ice, I practiced how to use it on horseback. It was a greatsword, intended to be used with both hands, which made using the reins of a horse nigh impossible. As a result, I had to learn how to ride a horse using just my legs, but with over twenty years of practice, I was well experienced. Ice cut a bloody swath through that camp, cutting down at least a hundred men. After I made it four hundred paces into the camp, I signaled my men to fall back to the heavy infantry and assist them in destroying the rest of the camp. Only a thousand troops managed to make it to the walls, and the three hundred men stationed at the Dragon Gate were masterfully slaughtering them. It took a total of two hours to cut my way through most of the camp, but my force finally made it to the gate, losing only a few thousand troops in the slaughter.

The force led by Torghren Dustin, as well half of the heavy infantry and the Greatjon, totaling around eighteen thousand troops, were sent to engage the camp at the Gate of the Gods, to hold whatever troops in the central camp that had not yet entered the city. The rest of the heavy infantry, as well as the surviving pikemen and cavalry, I took command of and led into the city.

A messenger arrived as my force was exiting Flea Bottom. Catapults had broken open the Gate of the Gods hours earlier, and thousands of troops had spilled into the city. While the Gold Cloaks were numerous, they were a police force, not suited for military combat, and I was hoping they would fight up on the wall, not down in the streets. As a result, fifteen hundred of them had been slaughtered as the Tully troops poured into the city. My half-brother managed to save the last five hundred, and had blocked off the gate with rubble, delaying the entrance of the remaining troops. However, seven thousand troops were already inside the city, rushing towards the Red Keep, under the personal command of Willam Tully.

Our forces met at Visenya's Hill, outside the Great Sept of Baelor (15 on the map above). My cavalry were essentially useless on that slope, so I ordered my heavy horse to dismount and join the infantry while the light horse harassed the sides of the Tully host. The rest of my force lined up between the Great Sept and the Alchemist's Guildhall (13), intent on stopping the advance before it could get any closer to the Red Keep.

The fighting lasted the better part of the day. Willam tried to break through the Alchemist's Guildhall, to avoid having to fight up a hill. Once the wildfire started being brought out of the Guildhall, he broke off the assault quickly, not wanting to lose any troops to the substance. His assaults gradually went up the slope of Visenya's hill, until we were fighting right outside the Great Sept of Baelor. Willam had the advantage. He could afford to devote all his troops to one assault, whereas my troops had to remain spread out to stop him from breaking through. It was there that I encountered Willam. On the steps of the Great Sept, we fought each other.

He was armed like most lords of the Iron Throne: heavy armor, shield, and longsword, trained in the use of the latter two and capable of moving lithely in the former. I was armored quite differently. My armor had already been dented in the battles of the day, and had long since removed my heavy armor. Instead, I was lightly clad in a thin layer of chainmail, wielding Ice in both hands. Willam had the advantage in durability, but I was a far sight more mobile. My entire strategy was based on evasion, using the superior reach of Ice to slash at Willam's defenses while dancing out of his range.

Dancing was the only word that could describe our battle. At the beginning, I charged forward at Willam, slashing at his neck. When he went to block, I curved my blow down, and was rewarded with a sizable chunk of his shield turning into splinters. Turning the blade upwards, I made to cleave him in twain, but he managed to parry my sword and attempted to strike at me. I dodged to his right, into his blow, and tried to trip him. Unfortunately, Willam Tully stayed stable, and his second strike almost caught me in my ribs.

Following that exchange, I retreated a few paces and started circling. Taking out his shield would be my first task, I decided. Without his shield defending himself would be... a challenge, to say the least. I pulled out one of the daggers I had hidden on my body and threw it at Willam. At the same time I lunged towards him. As I expected, he lifted his shield up to block it, allowing me to strike upwards towards his shield, splitting it in half and cutting a few of his fingers. With one look at his broken shield, Willam threw it at me and backed away at the same time. Elbowing the shield out of the way, I drew the second one of my daggers, intending to throw it. Recognizing the danger, Willam lunged at me, and almost succeeded in cutting me. My chainmail managed to deflect the blow, but the force of it almost doubled me over. I took advantage of his proximity to attack him with my dagger, but he grabbed my hand and made to strike at me. I did the only thing I could; I dropped Ice, leaped over the blow, and plowed right into him. I knocked his sword out with my foot, and managed to push Willam onto his back. His mailed hands beat at me, and he would have defeated me, but I pulled out my last dagger and pressed it against his neck. After a brief moment of contemplation, Willam surrendered. Keeping my dagger at his throat, I looked up at his troops. I was surprised with the sight of my son standing before me.

Apparently, after slaughtering the troops outside the King's Gate, Jon had made his way north, meeting up with Bannen and the remainder of the Gold Cloaks and sealing the Gate of the Gods, before turning towards Visenya's hill and surrounding the Tully troops. The battle was over; the enemy crushed. After basking in the moment, I ordered my troops to escort Willam to the Red Keep. The Queen would decide what happened to him.

(I forgot to take a picture of this fight in the excitement that followed. Sorry!)

@Ivir
I decided to do something different with this war, since most of my previous war recaps have just been "I went here, killed these many, and this happened" with little narrative. I'm also a bit lazy towards playing, so I thought I'd try and expand a relatively short war into multiple parts.

@firelordzuko
Almost every single time I do an AAR, I end up with some sort of incestuous relationship. Considering some of what I've gotten, this brother/sister coupling is pretty tame. Though Robert's reaction upon learning that I was bedding Lyanna was non-existent. You'd think I'd be charged with treason and bedding the queen, but nope.

@Hashasheen
What firelord said. I used the interaction menu and tried like a pick-up artist: rejecting every rejection until she said yes.

Part 6: The Madness Begins

There was no trial. Merely dozens of convictions and revocations. Many lords lost their titles, including Willam Tully, and with the large amount of resulting lordships in the Reach to distribute, the Queen decided to name a Lord Paramount of the Reach. The lord, or rather lady, that received this particular honor was Lady Falia Florent. That was the only announcement I paid any heed to, to be honest. At the start of the proceedings, my son had pulled me aside with grave news. My wife Arianne had died days before my victory at King's Landing. Jon would be leaving soon to govern Dorne, and told me the funeral would take place in Sunspear, a few months from then.

It didn't seem real. While the mercenaries went their separate ways, satisfied with their pay, and the bulk of my troops returned north, I took ship with my son to his new abode. I spent the days locked in my chamber, losing myself in a number of books I had brought from King's Landing. Drinking my sorrows away would be a poor way to honor her, and after her antics in bed, other women just seemed droll. I read books of science, books of faith, books of history, warfare, and countless other subjects. I even managed to procure a copy of The Dance of the Dragons, A True Telling, though it was read in idle fancy instead of any particular desire to learn.


I stayed a few months in Sunspear, watching Jon and just enjoying Dornish culture. The men of the North were a rather dour lot, and while they held a grudging respect towards me, I would always be an outsider to them. But to these Dornish people, the only strangeness that they noticed were my unrefined customs and the amusement of seeing a northern Dornishman. At first I was expecting Jon to have problems with the lords under his command, but my fears were unfounded. When all of the High Lordships under you are held by women, and you are by far the most handsome man in Dorne, it makes it easy to keep the peace. (Case in point)


When I left, I returned to King's Landing, for I was still the Master-of-Laws of the realm. It was then that I discovered that the Queen was great with child, and the midwife's told me that she was due to give birth soon. A few weeks later, she gave birth to a healthy boy, who took more after his mother than his father. In any case, I went back to keeping the peace in the realm, trying to avoid any other major revolts. It was at the tail end of the three hundred and twenty-fifth year after Aegon's Landing that the Queen started acting irrationally. She had Willam Tully castrated, released, and then named him Lord Paramount of the Riverlands. The man had just led a revolt against her, and she released him with even more reason for him to take revenge? It was madness. Absolute madness. Still, she was the Queen, and Willam Tully had already proven himself incapable of unseating the Queen on his own.


It was at this time that I finally married off my second son Daeron to Lady Paramount Falia Florent of the Reach. He had become more and more bitter the longer he stayed at Winterfell. I only hoped the marriage to a powerful woman would help to dilute some of his bitterness. At the same time, I was slowly coming out of the shell I had created after Arianne's death, and began to spend more time with Ashara, one of the Queen's handmaidens. Three years after my wife's death, I went to see Ashara for other "purposes." While that time was blissful, it was interrupted by a rather sordid affair. The Lady Paramount of the Reach decided to declare war on my cousin and son-in-law Benjen Stark, Lord Paramount of the Westerlands, and she sought my support. It was a tough choice. One way or the other I would be going to war against my family. In the end, I sided with the Lady Falia. My son-in-law held a lordship that was rightfully under the dominion of the Reach, and I decided to support her as a result of that, though more so to clear my conscience and give me an excuse.

The war wasn't hard by any means. A child lord has a tough enough time drumming up support, and when attacked by two allied Lords Paramount, Benjen's troops never stood a chance. He surrendered quickly, but didn't hold my choice against me. Though he was young, he understood the bind I was in, and was more than forgiving when he heard what I suggested. I knew his mother was a Tully, and one with a good claim at that. However, Benjen was still too young to muster enough troops to defeat the Wildfish. Instead, I suggested that he help me in placing the Wildfish's unworthy cousin on the Lord Paramountcy of the Riverlands, paving the way for his own claim when he came of age. He agreed, and soon enough, the North and the Riverlands clashed once more.