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Big Byzantine Blob

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Jun 7, 2017
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HEY ANBODY READING THIS!

This is my first AAR (not counting the failed half one from long ago) and would definitely appreciate constructive criticism for how to improve this AAR! Thank you! :D

So anyway, this AAR is one as Georgia where I will write from the viewpoints of the kings depending on their various traits or age. It will be tongue in cheek and definitely isn't one of those serious story-like AARS. However, I hope it will be enjoyable to read non the less.

Here are my rough goals that I want to accomplish, (more might be added during the AAR for various reasons):
Starting goals:
  • Create a Georgian Empire
  • Have 3 Bloodlines
  • Overthrow the Byzantines as the main Orthodox Empire
Added goals:
  • Unite the Bagrationi Kingdoms (Georgia and Armenia)

These will be pasted at the end of every chapter with an update on new goals or goals I've accomplished. Red Italics writing represents my viewpoint of events going on if I feel like it would be interesting to have it.

Mid chapters (Chapter 1.5, Chapter 2.5) are not part of the chronichle but are instead chapters that set the world up, (explaining a character and their situation, showing how the rest of the world is looking and which empires are rising and falling etc.)

Without further ado, lets get to the AAR then! :D

CHAPTER LIST:
Chapter 1 - King Davit II of Georgia - Bag of Rats? - 936 - 943 A.D
Chapter 1.5 - Prelude to King Bagrat II of Georgia
Chapter 2 - King Bagrat II of Georgia - Start of an Empire? - 943 - 963 A.D
Chapter 2.5 - The Legend of Samsam and the Curse of Davit
Chapter 3 - Queen Sanatha of Georgia - Resurgence? - 963 - 1024 A.D - Part 1 - 963 - 976 A.D
Chapter 3 - Part 1.5 - The World in 969
 
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Chapter 1
Chapter 1 - King Davit II of Georgia - Bag of Rats? - 936 - 943 A.D
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King Davit II of Georgia, a man who has apparently no education and whose best attempts at diplomacy surmount to convincing his brother to write this chapter due to his own illiteracy, is somehow able to think hard enough to be paranoid.


Hey, I am King Davit of glorious Persia Georgia and I am delighted to be starting this chronicle of our dynasty's future achievements and conquests. I am descended from the great...eh...bag of...rats?
Damn this illiteracy thing!


'HEY SLAVE!'

'Yes master?'
'What does this say?'
'Bagrat sir, your great ancestor!'
'Bagwha...HEY YOU OVER THERE! STOP WRITING MY CONVERSATION DOWN, ITS NOT MEANT TO BE IN THE CHRONICLES!'

Alright let me try starting that again...
Hello there kind reader, my name is King Davit of Glorious Georgia, descendant of the Great Bag of Rats, and I am royally starting this chronicle to record all of our future achievements and conquests.

So, to begin, if you look at a map of our country, you can see that there are two colours that are not part of OUR colour. From what my advisors have told me that is not good...
To fix this I, in my great and unmatched wisdom, have decided to invade the two bad colours
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According to my generals the first colour surrendered the moment they heard that I, the great Davit, was invading them.
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As for the second colour, well, we will be engaging them in five days but I am sure that we will emerge victorious.

Five days later...

We...did not emerge victorious.
(I actually don't know why. River crossings have never had this big an effect on a battle for me. It hurts man :()



That is however just a small setback. And I have a bunch of ideas that will make sure nothing like this happens ever again!
The first thing I will do is remove my incompetent Marshall from command and assume direct control over my troops (from the comfort of my palace of course).
The second thing I will do is order my troops to move straight to the evil colour's capital and assault it.
That should finish this war quickly and efficiently.
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Ah... the assault is going on right now and soon I will be remembered as the greatest King that Georgia has ever had! Even better than that Bag of Rats everyone is talking about. Stupid Bag of Rats, I could be a Bag of Rats if I wanted to be!

Oh and would you look at that, an update from the front lines!
'SLAVE! READ IT FOR ME!'
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Oh...
(Yes I'm aware! That was a stupid thing to do and entirely my fault. I would say I'm roleplaying as Davit but that was honestly just me being stupid :oops:)

Bag of Rats couldn't have done any better. I mean come on, its not even human!
*sigh*
I guess I'll leave the war to the Marshall then...
I might as well focus on things happening outside the war...
I guess I could open this letter that's been sitting on my royal sofa for a week.
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OH MY GOD, an alliance offer from Bulgaria!

Wait, what's Bulgaria again?
My advisors have informed me that this Bulgaria thing is a super big and nice colour and that an alliance with them will help us become a big colour too. So, of course, I accepted.

One Year Later

Phew!
It's been a long time since I've written in this chronicle but I've come here with great news...
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WE WON THE WAR!

though for some reason people call me 'The Cruel' now.
eh, I'm sure its just the word the new generation use to mean 'Great' nowadays. Its hard to keep up with the kids, you know?
...
Ah, winning gives me this warm feeling in my chest. I need to do this more often.
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AAAAAA IT HURTS!!!!

I don't think that warm feeling was caused by winning.
ARRRGH

This is horrible, I'm going to have to go lie down for a bit...
I have this awesome idea for the future of Georgia thoug..OWWWW
...
Its going to have to wait. I'll have it wrote down the moment I feel better though...
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YUP! So there's Chapter One!
I believe the next King is much more smart so hopefully he knows who Bagrat is, considering he's named after him :p

Here's the checklist as promised:
  • Create a Georgian Empire :(
  • Have 3 Bloodlines :(
  • Overthrow the Byzantines as the main Orthodox Empire :(

Please leave feedback for what you liked and what I can do to make my AARS better if you have any ideas cause I really enjoyed writing this and would like to do it more!
 
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Might I ask which map mod you are using?
 
Chapter 1.5
Chapter 1.5 - Prelude to King Bagrat II of Georgia
Hey guys! This chapter acts as a lead up almost to the next chapter from King Bagrat II's (our next king) view.

Prince Bagrat II was resting in his palace when news reached him of his brothers passing. His first reaction was one of sadness as is often felt in the case of a family member passing. This fleeting sense of mourning was very soon pushed aside however by the ambitious prince's realisation that due to Divit dying without a child, he was next in line to the throne. Within 2 days he had already declared himself the next King of Georgia.

His ascension to the throne was marked with rampant celebration throughout all of Georgia where the people, oppressed under nonsensical and stupid laws under the incompetent King Divit II, danced through the streets and were found drinking and carousing from dusk till dawn. The name 'Divit' had soon become an insult among the Georgians. However, as celebrated as Prince Bagrat was at the start of his reign there was one factor nobody could deny: he was old, nearly 46, and with no living relatives par from his severely sick son and the distantly related rulers of Armenia, whose culture and religion was widely hated in Georgia.
20191012004520_1.jpg
 
Well, I’m signed up, and I like the style and humour. It’s your own and quite different to many, in a good way. ;) Just keep it going and I’m looking forward to the next king and style. More is bound to go wrong - which may be tough to play, but makes good material for the story.
 
Well, I’m signed up, and I like the style and humour. It’s your own and quite different to many, in a good way. ;) Just keep it going and I’m looking forward to the next king and style. More is bound to go wrong - which may be tough to play, but makes good material for the story.
Great to know you're following. And yes, more does go wrong!:D

Also, in light of recent circumstances, I've decided to add a new goal for
Georgia:
  • Unite the Bagrationi Kingdoms (Georgia and Armenia)
 
Chapter 2
Chapter 2 - King Bagrat II of Georgia - Start of an Empire? - 943 - 963 A.D
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Hello wise reader of the future. My name, as you have probably heard before, is Bagrat, named in honor of the first King of Georgia and the man whom I share my blood with. Now that that incompetent Davit has finally passed away, thankfully with no children who could be corrupted by his idiocy, I am the next King of Georgia. I have but one goal... I will bring about a new age for Georgia, an age of prosperity and power.

Firstly however, I must bring stability to the mess I have inherited from my brother. I have decided to send my chancellor into the Kingdom of Armenia with the goal of rebuilding our dynastic claims there. Meanwhile, there is one Duke in my realm who at the moment holds almost half the land under his direct rule. I have decided to betrothe myself to his daughter. Whilst this could make it harder to produce an heir as I will be surely very old by the time she comes of age, my goal is primarily to keep my Kingdom whole and secondly to extend my Dynasty.

By this I mean, my heir was currently the young Bagrationi King of Armenia and if I died heirless, I would be able to unite the two Kingdoms.
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With my Kingdom now stable and my chancellor in the process of convincing the Armenians of our righteousness and valor, I decided to look eastwards at the shy, craven Sunni Satrap to the East. I am of course well aware that a holy war could risk other regional powers such as the Abbasids intervening. To avoid this, I have instead decided to send a demand to the Satrap that he be forced to pay tribute to me.
20191012004915_1.jpg


Of course, he decided to agree to our demands and very soon, my Kingdom will have access from the Black Sea to the Caspian.
20191012005009_1.jpg


Perhaps due to the wars I fought under Davit and the comradery I had with the soldiers under my command, or perhaps due to how good I was at babysitting my child wife whilst her dad was busy, the people of my realm have began thinking of me as a kind person.
20191012005137_1.jpg


I have just realised that the Sunni Yazidid emirate to the South has been cut off from any remaining Sunni nations after my takeover of the Hashimids. Knowing that this is a small window of opportunity and one that could close at any time, I have decided to launch an attack on the Emirate in a month, my troops have already began preparing for the incoming invasion.
20191012005729_1.jpg


20191012005739_1.jpg


I personally led my troops to victory at the Battle of Kabala and I have now ordered them to move to the county of Azerbaijan, to secure it for our Kingdom.
20191012005829_1.jpg


I have received some news: A new era is arriving in Western Europe. A bunch of Muslim Spaniards have took control of a duchy in the south of France. The wise Pope Leo II, had done what all wise men in his position would do, and he has freaked out. He had declared that a new era has come where Christians will work together to destroy the infidels.

Yep, because as we all know, Christians have a long and prosperous history of working together don't they?

In fact, as I am writing this France is in civil war whilst being invaded by two different Catholic Kingdoms. Unsurprisingly this has opened up an opportunity for the same Muslims who have shook Western Europe so much to launch another invasion. Well done Catholics!

*sigh* They're all a bunch of Davits.
20191012005934_1.jpg


OH MY ORTHODOX GOD!

I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF INCOMPETENT RULERS!
THE SO CALLED 'STRONGEST' VASSAL OF MY REALM CANT EVEN CONVERT ONE PROVINCE TO THE TRUE RELIGION!
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Great!
My troops are dying in sieges in the mountains of Azerbaijan whilst my country is being attacked by Tengri Barbarians.

*sigh* Maybe hearing about what's happening elsewhere will cheer me up.
20191012010228_1.jpg

Nope!
The incomperent Catholics are going to fail and the Muslims are going to gain even more power.
As if that isn't enough, there are now MORE Tengri Barbarians. And what do you think is the name of their leader, something badass like Genghis, or Seljuk?
Nope!
His name is SamSam! A name that wouldn't seem out of place in one of the children's books my child wife reads.
20191012010235_1.jpg

Oh the indignity of having to surrender to someone called Samsam Samsamid.

Yes you heard that right, he wanted to create his own dynasty, so he created a last name, but apparently couldn't think of one, so he just got his first name, which in as of itself consists of two first names, and added an -id too it, thus giving us Chief Samsam Samsamid of the Samsamid Chiefdom of Tmutarakan!
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On the bright side! The Yazidid Emirate has finally given up!
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I'm glad too, the stress was giving me a serious cough!
20191012010754_1.jpg

Oh...
This cant be happening, I am too important to my realm to die! I must do something, for the good of the people and for the good of Georgia!
(Basically, the inheritance changed and now If I die, I wont unite the Bagrationi Kingdoms. Instead, I will lose the game. Therefore I really don't want to die)

I have ordered my Court Physician to perform an experimental treatment. He has warned me of its dangers but I must power through regardless.
20191012010810_1.jpg

I no longer have cancer. I also no longer have my right leg. I am also in extreme pain. Please excuse me whilst I take every drug my Court Physician can offer.

...

Okay, this is a few days later and I feel a bit better, good enough to write anyway!
I have heard news that Chief Samsam Samsamid of the Samsamid Chiefdom has been subjucated by the Byzantines. I am not going to lie, I have never been happier about losing my land to a dysfunctional empire.
I have also received a letter detailing some news in Europe. Maybe the Crusade didn't go as badly as I thought?
20191012010827_1.jpg

Wait! They won!
Really?
And instead of giving the land back to France, they created the Kingdom of Aquitaine?

Why would they do that?

The only thing Western Europe needs less of right now is shattered states. Surely the Umayyads will just be able to reconquer it, no?

And what is up with these stupid names. What sadistic parent would name their child Mueric Aberffraw anyway? He sounds like the kind of villain Samsam has to stop to save the world. At this point, I'm beginning to think the world is secretly my wife's book. Talking of which my wife is finally over 16. I have already managed to produce an heir, a beautiful girl named Sanatha.

On another note, I have been thinking about the idea of an elective monarchy for some time, perhaps I should let my vassals choose which one of my relatives should be next on the throne.

(Right, before you see what happens, you need to understand that I clicked on it by accident, I did not intend to make my great Primogeniture into an Elective Monarchy! I'm just a Davit if you know what I mean)
20191012011320_1.jpg

Wait a second!
THOSE ARENT MY RELATIVES YOU'RE VOTING FOR!
Oh God! I have to fix this! But how?




IVE GOT IT! All I have to do is...(choking sounds) (large kingly sounding thump)

May he rest in peace.

Meanwhile:
20191012011704_1.jpg

This is not good!

As usual, my stupidity is my downfall,
I am somehow further away from achieving any of my goals than I was before but I will still put them down here anyway as usual:

Starting goals:

  • Create a Georgian Empire :(
  • Have 3 Bloodlines :(
  • Overthrow the Byzantines as the main Orthodox Empire :(
Added goals:
  • Unite the Bagrationi Kingdoms (Georgia and Armenia) :(
 
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Seems like a Davit curse to me :D
Oh you have no idea! Davit has literally cursed this entire bloodline, you know that one kid that is the future of our entire dynasty right? She has severe chest pains.
 
Ouch, ouch, and triple ouch I think.
 
Oh damn! I'm hoping that your duchy is big enough for you to take your rightful place on the throne. Maybe your Armenian relative might help!
I also look forward to little Sanatha reading Samsam books while she dodges daggers and snakes in growing up
 
Oh dear, a bit of an own goal there - exactly the kind of thing I would do! :D:oops:

I look forward to seeing how you wriggle out of - er, I mean cleverly escape - this fine mess! And converted into a Muslim realm as well! :eek: Will the next voice be that of the young girl’s regent, perhaps, until (if) she comes of age?
 
Chapter 2.5
Chapter 2.5 - The Legend of Samsam and the Curse of Davit
Samsam is cool.
Samsam is good.
Aberffraw is bad
He is still cool though
Davit is stupid
Davit is dead
Davit should be allowed to rest in peace because it says that if he is woken he will unleash a dangerous curse
Aberffraw is bad.
Aberffraw opens it and lies to the ghost of Davit that Samsam opened it.
Davit's ghost cuts off the testicles of Samsam and sends him to China.
Whilst the ghost is travelling to China with the ball-less Samsam in his grasp, Samsam tells him about the stories of him and Aberffraw and how he is good and would never do such a thing.
Davit realises that it was Aberffraw who woke him.
He drops the infertile Samsam off in China and travels to Aquitaine.
He finds Mueric Aberffraw.
He goes to kill the evil Aquitanian but Aberffraw dies of a heart attack before he has a chance to.
Davit is sad that he could not kill Aberffraw so he goes back to sleep in his coffin.
He has forgotten about the neutered Samsam.
The sterile Samsam is stuck in China.
He is the Emperors favourite eunuch though because of his cool stories.
So everybody lived happily ever after.
Apart from Davit, who is dead and sad and stupid.
And Samsam, who is a slave and has no cojones.
And Aberffraw, who is dead.
And Queen Sanatha, who's Kingdom is falling apart.


I don't even know what this AAR is at this point.

And yes, Samsam was actually castrated and sent to China by the goddamn Byzantines.

He did sire one son though that you will meet in the next chapter. As of yet, he is a depressed, stressed Satanist.
 
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Hey guys, without giving too much away, Queen Sanatha has a long and eventful reign. Due to this I was wondering if you guys would prefer for me to split her section of the Chronicle into two separate chapters that will be released separately or as one super long update that will take some time to prepare. I'm fine with both personally.
 
Hmmm
Personally I'd like to see a younger and an older Sanatha tell her story in two different chapters.
It gives some variety and gives you the chance to reminisce on enemies long squashed
 
I agree with @slothinator - two eps or even three is fine, no need to force it into one. Gives you as writer a bit more latitude (and less pressure) to tell her story and will make it easy to read. But in the end it is your choice, depending on what your definition of ‘super long’ is: my average episode length is between 8-10 pages of MS Word doc text plus 35 screenshots! :D And there are authAARs who write longer, wordier chapters than me :eek:;)
 
Well! Sorry for taking so long but I had attempted to write all of the last chapter before I go away next week. Then the forums broken draft system and my inorganization with backing up the chapter came and bit me on the ass. 4 days of writing is all gone now :(.

I will rewrite it if I have any spare time on my week away but chances are I'm going to have to wait until I come back. Sorry guys! :(
 
Well! Sorry for taking so long but I had attempted to write all of the last chapter before I go away next week. Then the forums broken draft system and my inorganization with backing up the chapter came and bit me on the ass. 4 days of writing is all gone now :(.

I will rewrite it if I have any spare time on my week away but chances are I'm going to have to wait until I come back. Sorry guys! :(
That’s no good! :( I must admit I do all my drafting in a text doc first, to help with that kind of pain-in-the-butt occurrence. Hope it’s a good trip and you get back to writing it whenever you can. :)