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Director

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Aug 13, 2002
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Through the Looking Glass

You’ve seen the view onscreen so many times you almost expect to hear the pulsing soundtrack and the announcer’s enraptured voice. But it’s silent on the plane; you don’t have your headphones on and the pilot is being mercifully quiet. And the view through the tiny window steals your breath; overloads your senses with its beauty. You haven’t felt like this since you were a child on Christmas morning, nose pressed to the thick airplane glass until your breath fogs it over. Your anticipation is so sharp your chest hurts; your adult side is already braced for letdown and disappointment.

Below the plane’s wing is the sparkle of the ocean whitecaps, the deep green of coastal vegetation and the slabs of gray mountain that stick up above the jungle canopy. The Park is mostly invisible, even through your pocket binocs and despite its size, but the marina and some of the beach hotel towers can be seen, glass flashing in the bright sunshine. There’s seemingly nothing to show for the billions of dollars that have been poured onto the Mexican coast, but then – you have to smile – they planned it that way.


But you have time, so you settle back into your seat and pick up the glossy brochure that touts more pleasures per acre than anyplace else on earth. You have time for your flight to Mexico City, time for the bullet-train ride, time perhaps for a meal before checking in at your hotel. The train-ride is a necessity, since no aircraft are permitted in the park unless chronistic, a new word which you roll across your tongue.

This is the place where the imagination is set free, where dreams stand up and walk, where your hearts desire is promised – and delivered before dinner.


This is the place that, if your source is correct, is going bankrupt.

This is the place where you hope to make your reputation as a journalist. And if your source is wrong – well, then you’ll be broke, instead. But you push that thought away. You will get this story!

This is the place for an investigative journalist! And you smile: even without an expense account, it beats your other choices - the war in Gambia, or the Canadian Parliament.



This is HistoryPark – Where History Comes Alive!



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OOC: the inevitable setup and rules, rules, rules!

And so, dear readers, we come to the first AAR set at HistoryPark, my very own theme park devoted to the history of all lands and peoples, fictional as well as real.

The game will be Napoleon’s Ambition and, of course, will be played as France. Version is 1.05, game settings will be Hard and Normal.

Thread rules: you are all encouraged - strongly encouraged - to comment and I will answer all questions as fully as possible. If this becomes too distracting I’ll put up a FAQ document. A lot of the Park design and philosophy will be explained as we go, unless demand is such that a FAQ is needed.

Anyone who wants to make a ‘guest appearance’ or contribute material should PM me. That way we keep the inconsistencies down, I hope. :)

The Park design is NOT finished and suggestions are appreciated, whether for hotels, restaurants, souvenirs, rides, exhibits, museums, interactive entertainment or whatever. Please understand that while the Park is NOT politically correct, children will be present… so some things will have to be presented carefully. Now in the adult areas… well, that’s different. :D

Just ask yourself, in a Park like that, where would YOU want to go?

Oh, yes – I almost forgot – people who post get one free admission!
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If that's a rip off of "Who wants to be a Missionary", as seen in my Castille CNN AAR, Regis will sue you!!! :mad:

Seriously, this looks like a great start, and I'm looking forward to the story unfolding. :)
 
Originally posted by Sytass
If that's a rip off of "Who wants to be a Missionary", as seen in my Castille CNN AAR, Regis will sue you!!! :mad:

Seriously, this looks like a great start, and I'm looking forward to the story unfolding. :)
Well, your honor, actually - not really, but kinda sorta maybe. In a strictly non-ripoff way, of course! :D

I've read your hysterical take on CNN, and if they don't sue you, you don't sue me, OK? :D

This gameshow is NOT hosted by Regis. It's hosted by NB himself, sorta-live and somewhat in person. :D Or we could debate whether Regis has a Napoleonic complex... nah, not Reege! :rolleyes:


Want some free passes?:cool:
 
Originally posted by Craig Ashley
I was really hoping you'd pick this one. I'll be watching with great interest. Now where are those free passes?;)
<Stamps hand>

Be sure and have dinner in the Normandie's First Class Dining Room at the Seven Seas Hotel, or lighter fare in the Titanic's Cafe Parisien. Each section of the Seven Seas is a tribute to a famous liner, past - present - and future (architect: Lord Durham).

For dancing, the current hot spots are the twin Siamese Clubs at the Hotel Angkor Wat.

And for your first full day I recommend Blue and Gray Land. There are museums, interactive exhibits and you can camp on the Gettysburg battlefield tomorrow night after watching the full-scale reenactment. Of course, you'll have to stay three days to see the whole battle. :cool:

Got any ideas about what the Park should offer? Don't just watch this - contribute! :)
 
Originally posted by Director

Well, your honor, actually - not really, but kinda sorta maybe. In a strictly non-ripoff way, of course! :D

I've read your hysterical take on CNN, and if they don't sue you, you don't sue me, OK? :D

This gameshow is NOT hosted by Regis. It's hosted by NB himself, sorta-live and somewhat in person. :D Or we could debate whether Regis has a Napoleonic complex... nah, not Reege! :rolleyes:


Want some free passes?:cool:

If you don't tell Regis, I won't either.

And yes, free passes would be great! :D
 
Originally posted by Sytass


If you don't tell Regis, I won't either.

And yes, free passes would be great! :D
<Stamps hand>

Sytass, my lips are sealed (at least where Regis is concerned).

Got any ideas about what attractions the Park should offer?


Hey Valdemar, here's the virtual airfare to Mexico City and the virtual train-fare to the Park. And <stamps hand>, free admission! :cool: It's all in who you know, right? :D
 
And so it begins. But I'm a little bit disappointed. Only one free admission? I had hoped for free lifetime admittance... :D
 
It puts a whole new meaning to that Vicking longship ride at the fair...
 
Good to see you finaly posted this. I'm still working on my contribution to this.:)
 
Originally posted by Sorcerer
And so it begins. But I'm a little bit disappointed. Only one free admission? I had hoped for free lifetime admittance... :D
Well, I did say that the Park areas you contribute will be credited to you wherever possible.

And people who make a major contribution to the Park should receive that lifetime admittance.

I love your writing, Sorcerer - you know I do - but a lifetime admission for 21 words and a smiley! WOW! No wonder the Park is going bankrupt! :D :D :D


Estonianzulu - Viking longship ride, huh? That's a new one to me, but it certainly has potential. Now if we can just add a robot Grendel... I like it!

Let me chew on that a bit - no pun intended. :D

(Edited because I accidentally hit submit)
 
What this place needs is an "Inquisition". Burn stuffed "heretics", put them on the "rack", force them to confess crimes they didn't commit (stuffed heretics actually talk!). Fun for the whole family! Father can run the rack, Mother can set the stake on fire, and the kids can use the thumbscrews (not on themselves, of course)!

Or, if you don't like that idea, how about a rollercoaster where the cars look like horses, and there are Swiss pikemen just off each turn? Just when it looks like you're going to be impaled... the cars turn off!
 
How about "Guillotine Your Favourite Historical Character.' for five bucks American, that's $125.00 Cdn. :)

or

Re-enact your favourite Napoleonic battle, complete with period costumes, weapons, 1/2 hour free weapons training time, and a guaranteed set of 10 glossy photos to take with you to remember, always...
 
GOSH. You guys are BLOODTHIRSTY. :D

Judas Maccabeus - you're closer than you know; check the next installment (up Sunday). Every park needs a roller-coaster, right? :p

Don't know about the Inquisition, but people who annoy the robots can be taken for 'time-outs' in the Bastille. It was the breast of times, it was the wurst of times... is it mealtime already?

Lord Durham - hope you like what I've done with the Seven Seas Hotel. Have cocktails in the Titanic's smoking room - the ice is fresh :)eek: sorry).

Your idea about guillotining your (least) favorite political figure is priceless - even in Canadian currency. :)

Re-enacting battles is what the gaming areas are for; more of that will be featured in coming installments. See prior posts for info on re-enactments of Gettysburg.
 
BLACKADDER: This is a crisis. A large crisis. In fact, if you’ve got a moment, it’s a twelve-story crisis with a magnificent entrance hall, carpeting throughout, twenty-four hour portrage, and an enormous sign on the roof, saying “This Is a Large Crisis.”



The six seated around the conference table sat in awkward, sullen silence, giving the inlaid motto in the center of the table much more attention than it deserved. “From the Past, for the Present, into the Future” sounded good as long as no-one asked you what it meant.

Vince DeLanzo looked at each in turn: Fred Grasse, the financial officer, stared back defiantly – the bearer of bad news, armored in his antique double-breasted suit. Robert Thompkins, the Park Operations Director, fiddling with his memo pad as though he could avoid blame by not looking up. Steven Alcombe, representing ‘the money’ on the west coast, looking bored and faintly disgusted in his velvet jeans and bowtie. The Park’s Chief Engineer, Gregor Kravitz, with anger and incomprehension washing in turn across his face, eager to return to the architectural plans in his office.

And the sole female, Bernadette Hallon. Park Vice-President for Publicity. DeLanzo leveled his gaze on her like a battleship training its guns on a target. “Bernadette, we need some good news. You all know we have another loan payment due in sixty days. How are our attendance figures?”

He’d seen the reports, but his heart sank anyway as she shook her head. “Attendance is down and continuing to decline at a slow but steady rate. Our latest projections show this year’s total gate will be about 3% less than last year. Nelson-Price’s advertising campaign has helped slow the trend, but it isn’t helping enough to reverse it.”

“Fred, can we free up any money to finish the Mongol Coaster?” Grasse’s prim little frown deepened. “I’m using that money for maintenance and payroll, Mr. DeLanzo. As directed by the Board, of course.” Of course, DeLanzo thought – no chance of any blame sticking to you if you can help it.

Grasse concluded, “There’s nothing left in the budget for capital improvements – not for the coaster and not for the Versailles Hotel, either.” Thompkins snorted. “We don’t need hotel rooms right now, we need guests.” DeLanzo nodded; “And we can’t get the casino bill passed, that’s a dead issue with the Mexican legislature.”

Alcombe twitched his hand toward his water glass and every eye jumped to follow. He smiled thinly. “I can offer you one more extension on the loans, but only one. The Park is barely meeting expenses and my bosses tell me they won’t put in any more money. They’re nervous enough because your overhead is so high. You need something to draw the public, to get your attendance figures up. And if things don’t turn around in six months, then… well. There could be consequences.”

He hesitated slightly. “And there have been information leaks. I’ve been contacted by a reporter about the Park’s financial overexposure.”

DeLanzo nodded. “As have I. Security is checking to see who the leak might be, but frankly we’ll probably never track it down. And if it’s in your bosses’ offices, Steven, we’ll certainly never know. I’ve decided to meet with him and give him some information, just acknowledge that attendance is lower than we’d like and that we’re working on increasing it. Give him a couple of day-passes. Spin it if I can.”

He thumped the table softly with a doughy hand, rings clicking on the brilliantly-polished surface. “People! Our fans are devoted fans! Our exit-polls are sky-high. With the bullet-train service from Houston and Mexico City, it’s cheap and easy to get here. We just need more broad-based appeal. Ideas?”

Blank faces stared back at him. Eyes dropped to study the inlaid motto again. DeLanzo looked from face to face around the table. “Well people, it’s time for us to pull out the biggest weapons we’ve got. Bernadette, do you still talk to your old bosses?”

Even Alcombe paled. “Do you mean…” he stuttered.

Kravitz looked up in mute appeal, eyes wide in shock.

Hallon swallowed, hard. “Surely there must be something else we can do,” she said, her voice rising with emotion.

Thompkins’ face twisted in disgust. “Vincent – you can’t mean…THAT.”


DeLanzo nodded decisively. “We all hoped the day would never come. But the only hope we have left is…REALITY TV.”
 
“If past history was all there was to the game, the richest people would be librarians.” – Warren Buffett


“aaaaAnd welcome everyone to WHO WANTS TO BE NAPOLEON, the only show that offers you the chance to be the greatest general of all time, the Emperor himself, nnnnNA-PO-LE-ON BO-NA-PARTE! Tonight’s program is brought to you by our fine sponsors, Citroen, the Finest Lemon on the Road! And HistoryPark, Where History Comes Alive!” The camera pans across a berserk studio audience, many in costume, chanting “B! B! B! B!”


napstudy.jpg
“aaaaAnd now, your host…straight from the Island of Elba and HistoryPark… the Great Man himself… the Emperor of the French, Napoleon Bonaparte!!!”

The crowd goes wild as the familiar little figure steps from behind the curtain and gives a small, jerky bow, holding the awkward cocked hat beneath one arm. Dressed in the famous white pants and blue jacket, his thin hair is immaculately styled. With short, precise steps he paces to the podium and motions – imperiously – for quiet.

“Hallo, hallo. I welcome you all to this, our latest program. Our winner tonight will reign as Emperor of France for one week at HistoryPark while the Empress Josephine and I take our vacations. Even I, n’est ce pas, deserve the vacation, yes? And not at the EuroDisney, but of course…”


Mike Darby poked his wife in the seat beside him. “That voice sounds familiar.” “It should,” she whispered back. “It’s Peter Sellers – you know, Inspector Clouseau. We watched that Pink Panther marathon last week. They used his voice for the robot.”

Onstage, the Napoleon simulacra had finished explaining the simple game rules and the announcer was introducing the three contestants.


“From Iwaki, Japan, an elementary schoolteacher and father of two, Isao Yamamura! From Edinburgh, Scotland, an accountant and single mother, Elizabeth MacAllan! And from Ontario, California, a college student and bachelor, David Gardiner! Welcome to our opening round, where we ask YOU – WHO WANTS TO BE NAPOLEON!!!” ( cue ‘The Marsellaise’ as audience screams and waves ).



(the camera swoops across the faux-Imperial set; we're back from commercials)

The Emperor stands at the podium in familiar three-quarter profile, hand slipped comfortably inside his coat. “Mes amis, we have a game without precedent. We were to have eliminated one contestant, but all three contestants were at that time tied. After what was to be the final round of play, all contestants remain tied. So we will have one final question – for the honor and glory of France!”

“Please to write your answer on your pad. For returning to my service in 1815, Marshal Ney was sentenced to die by firing squad. What were the final words of the Bravest of the Brave?” The seconds ticked by. “Monsieur Announcer, please to display the answers of our brave warriors.”


“Monsieur Yamamura, your answer – ‘See how a Marshal of France dies,' is not correct."

"Madame MacAllan, your answer – ‘Merde!’ – is most humorous, but unfortunately not correct. "

"Monsieur Gardiner, your answer – ‘To the heart’ – is partially correct but incomplete.“


“So there is yet one final question for you, ‘Who gave the order to fire to the Marshal’s firing squad?’”

“My Emperor, the Marshal himself gave the order to fire!”

Slowly, Napoleon draws himself to his fullest height and snaps off a precise salute. “Monsieur, you are correct… I, Napoleon, salute you!”

( Cue ‘The Marsellaise’ and recognize sponsors ).
 
Judas Maccabeus - :) There is no coincidence, only levels of paranoia you have not seen.


Craig Ashley - To quote Groucho Marx, "I soitanly HOPE so."



Since you've been good and made postings, you get another installment! :cool:

Everyone else get the hint? :D